“Ion was right,” Hilda agreed. “He usually is.”
“We have to get rid of those ghosts,” Data said. “We were lucky that I was the one who fell through, so I could convert and save my assets.”
“And very nice assets they are,” Larry said.
Data eyed him saucily. “Are you angling for another kiss?”
“He wouldn’t dare,” Win said. “Squid would know.”
The others laughed, but it was true: Squid already knew. Data was a flirt, and the boys did not know exactly how to handle her. Especially when one grabbed a hip bone that turned out to have flesh on it. Data had probably done that on purpose, to catch Larry also. Even the ghosts seemed to be amused.
“I can take care of this,” Win said. She oriented, then revved up her wind. She could blow at hurricane force if she needed to. It blew the ghosts away, literally, or at least prevented them from manifesting, as they had no vapor to play with.
When the ghosts were gone, their illusions faded. Now the chamber was revealed as largely floorless. It was mostly a cellar hole.
“I can take care of that,” Hilda said. She got to work sewing, and soon had a long band of cloth. She tossed that across the chamber, where the end caught near the far door and stuck. “This is magically strong cloth,” she explained. “Spelled to be easy to hold on to. We can crawl along it to get to the other side without dropping.”
Data tried it. “You’re right,” she said as she hung on the cloth. “It makes my body feel light so that I’m not getting tired.” She handed her way on across the chamber. The cloth really did have magic properties. Hilda didn’t look it and didn’t brag about it, but she really was a Sorceress.
The others followed, one by one, except for Ion, who simply floated across on his carpet. That was, of course, more of Hilda’s handiwork. Soon they were all standing before the door to the next chamber.
This door was not fancily locked. Data pushed it open, and paused.
There before them stood a zombie, marvelously rotten. “Ghoo aawaay” it said through its decayed tooth and rotten lips.
“I don’t like zombies,” Data said. “They’re so icky. Not clean, like skeletons.” She flashed her skeleton form briefly, then had to pull her clothing back into place. She was having a ball, getting away with repeated flashes of flesh. Squid knew she’d be deadly when grown.
“That is their nature,” Larry agreed. Squid was annoyed; he was paying too much attention to Data’s little show.
“We could simply bash through them,” Ion said. “They are not great fighters.”
“And get ick all over us,” Hilda retorted. “When would we ever get to wash it off? Ugh!”
“Good point,” Data said. “Maybe boys don’t much mind getting icky, but girls have higher standards. We like to be clean, at least in our bodies.”
“Amen,” Win said. “Which gives us a three to two majority: no bashing zombies.”
“I may have a way,” Larry said. “I may be able to age one into extinction. That could persuade the others to leave off.”
The girls considered, but didn’t have anything better to offer. “I’ll make a sanitary napkin,” Hilda said. “To clean you off, after.” She produced cloth and started sewing. She seemed to have an inexhaustible supply of cloth, needles, and thread as part of her magic.
Squid smiled. A sanitary napkin to make them sanitary? She had heard that some folk, notably in Mundania, had a rather different use for that kind of napkin.
Larry advanced on the zombie. “I know you don’t have much of a brain left, Zom,” he said. “But maybe you can understand this: I can destroy you in a horrible manner, and will, if you don’t clear out of here. So save yourself; get out of here now and let us pass uncontaminated.”
“Hhaah hhaah, hhaah,” the zombie laughed, hacking forth some spoiled phlegm, and advanced on him.
Larry caught hold of the zombie’s diseased arm, holding it carefully so it didn’t tear off. Squid admired his nerve; he was doing what he had to do. Then he aged them both. Larry was twelve, and the zombie could be any age. But it would change proportionally. Larry turned thirteen, then fourteen, and fifteen. The zombie deteriorated visibly. “Give up?” Larry asked.
“Nneverr!” the zombie rasped, spitting out a decayed tooth, then collapsed into a rotten pile.
Larry let go and youthened back to his normal age. He faced the next zombie. “Your turn.”
The zombie’s sick eyeballs gazed at the pile of garbage that was the first one. Then it backed off. It had gotten the message. Even a spoiled brain understood destruction.
Then the other zombies backed off. They might be rotting, but they didn’t want to perish sooner than they had to. They had been bluffed out. It might not have worked had their minds been less rotten, but that was a liability of the condition.
Hilda handed Larry her napkin. He took it and wiped himself off. It was marvelously effective: not only did it clean him, it eliminated the smell. “Thanks. I needed that.”
Hilda blushed with pleasure. Squid nodded; they were learning how to get along.
The third chamber contained walking skeletons. “Well, now,” Data said. “I’ll distract them while the rest of you pass by.” She paused, considering. “Um, Larry, this might work better if you could age me to nubility, at least for this scene. Can you do it when I’m in skeletal form?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Okay, then, do it flesh form, and then I’ll change.”
“I will have to be very close to you to do it safely. It doesn’t matter if a zombie goes wrong, but I wouldn’t want to risk hurting you.”
“Be close,” she agreed. She stepped into him and put her arms about him, holding him close.
Larry concentrated and aged them both. They were both twelve; in less than half a moment they were thirteen, then fourteen, and fifteen. Both became young adults, physically, and Data was a voluptuously pretty girl.
Larry abruptly let her go and stepped away, “Hey, I’d like a couple more years,” she protested.
“I can’t risk it,” he said. “I’d violate the—never mind.”
“Violate what?” Data asked with assumed innocence.
“The Adult Conspiracy. We’re children, even if our bodies mature temporarily.”
“But that’s the idea. Skeletons are just as distractable as flesh folk, when they see nice bones. I need nice bones to be sure of getting their attention. Two more years should do it. It’s not as if we are actually going to do anything; I’ll be turning skeleton.”
“She’s got a point,” Hilda said.
Larry reluctantly returned, and Data embraced him. They aged to sixteen, then seventeen. He didn’t change much more, but she continued to fill out impressively, plastered against him
“That should do it,” Data said. She disengaged, then removed her ill-fitting clothing and stood bare. Both Larry and Ion were staring, unable to remove their gaze. If she’d been wearing panties they would have freaked out. As it was, Larry was dangerously near a freak.
The girls, too, were impressed. “I hope I grow up to look like that,” Win murmured. “I’d blow men away, and not with my wind.”
“Me too,” Hilda said. “But I don’t think I’ll look like that. Even when I’m of age.”
“I wonder. Suppose you sew a dress of fascination, like that panty? Your exact proportions wouldn’t matter. You could be as impressive as you ever want to be.”
“Maybe I could,” Hilda agreed thoughtfully. Squid was sure she would succeed in fashioning truly seductive outfits for herself, in due course. Clothing did tend to make the woman.
Data danced about, luxuriously stretching her age-enhanced body. Now Larry and Ion did freak out. “Oops, sorry,” Data said insincerely. What a flirt!
“Get on into skeleton form,” Win said, not much amused.
<
br /> Data changed, becoming a dancing skeleton. Her bones were extremely shapely, but no longer as compelling for flesh folk.
Myst snapped her fingers, and the two boys recovered. Neither commented.
Data’s skull eyelessly eyed the skeletons. “Do you like my dance?” she asked, and went into one of the ones they had practiced. Squid had not realized how sexy some of their dances were when considered for that. The hip and chest bones might be bare of flesh, but were quite suggestive of it, especially the way she was moving them.
Three male skeletons converged on her. “Oh, we’d love to knock you up,” one said.
Squid remembered the lore. Skeletons did not signal for babies the way flesh folk did, whatever that was. Instead when a couple was ready, the male would kick the female in the tail bone so hard she flew apart, her bones scattering wide and far. That was called knocking her up. Then he would pick up a number of the smaller ones and assemble them into an animated bone baby. Then he would help the adult skeleton reassemble herself from her remaining bones. She would be only slightly the worse for wear, and soon enough would grow new bones to replace the missing ones. She would also take care of the baby skeleton. It was very romantic, though for some reason flesh girls did not especially like getting knocked up. Their tailbones weren’t set up for it.
Data went into her act. “Yes, but only one of you,” she said. “You must choose who gets to kick my butt. Which of you is it to be?”
That set the skeletons back. They had expected to scare off the intruders, but instead Data was coming on to them, and she was surely provocative as Hades. A discussion broke out, which escalated into a quarrel, which in turn became a fight. They all wanted desperately to kick her butt. Soon bones were flying, as the skeletons broke each other apart.
But not all the skeletons were involved. Half of them were female, and they did not much like having their males distracted by an alluring visitor. They advanced on the children, blocking their way so that they could not get by during the distraction.
This was mischief. What to do? Piton, similarly aged, could have distracted the females, at least long enough for the others to get past. But Piton was in the other group. Could one of them emulate him? Ion was out, as he could not dance. That left only one male. It would have to do.
Larry! Squid thought.
“I hear you,” Larry murmured. “Do you have an answer?”
I may have. But you may not like it.
“Those lady skeletons need to be stopped, or we’ll wash out of this challenge. What’s your idea?”
You must emulate Piton, and attract the ladies.
“But I’m solidly flesh!”
Ask Hilda to make you an outfit that will cause you to resemble a skeleton. Then do a strip tease dance. They should love it.
He pondered briefly. “I will try.” He went to Hilda. “Can you make me an outfit that makes me resemble a skeleton?”
“Oho!” she said, appreciating the ploy. “Coming right up.”
In a moment and a half she had sewn him tights. He looked at them dubiously. “Will these fit me?”
“Yes. They stretch.”
He looked around. “There’s nowhere to change.”
“We can’t hang up on that,” Hilda snapped. “Those bone girls are almost upon us. Here, I’ll do it.” She started stripping away his clothing.
“But—”
“I change my brother all the time, because he can’t do it himself. I know what you males have. I don’t know how it works, or why the Conspiracy wants to hide it, but it’s no news to me.”
Let her do it, Squid thought.
Outvoted, Larry stood and let Hilda change him. Soon he was in the tights.
“Now put your clothes back on, so you can do the strip tease,” Hilda said.
He quickly did so. “But I don’t look different.”
Hilda laughed. She produced a compact mirror sewn from shiny cloth and held it up to his face.
Larry stared, and Squid appreciated why: his head was now a hollow skull. His whole body looked skeletal; Squid had seen it when the briefs got on. His natural flesh had disappeared, replaced by his bones. The tights made his flesh invisible, but his clothing covered it up. Only his bony hands showed beyond the sleeves.
Squid suffered an imaginative chain of thought: suppose a girl thought she was donning hot pants to freak out boys in the way Myst’s panty did, only it was skeletal tights? What an impression she would make!
Hilda retreated, giving him the stage, such as it was. She had done her part. Squid made another mental note: this girl really was worthwhile. She was not only a Sorceress, she could handle people when she needed to.
Now dance! Squid thought. Arrogant male mode.
Larry nodded. Some of their dances had exaggerated male and female roles, the males being like grandiose princes, the females like haughty princesses. All exaggerated posturing, but always fun. The role was easy to assume, because it was part of the dance.
The three lady skeletons were right there. “Back off, ladies,” Larry said arrogantly. “Give me dancing room.”
Caught by surprise, they backed off. Larry began the elegant little dance, “The Taming of the Skew,” wherein several ladies sought to out-dance a proficient male.
The skeletons eyelessly stared as Larry strutted, as well they might; he had the dance down pat, and his seventeen year old body was impressive, whether fleshly or skeletal.
Then the three materialized bone-flour dresses and started dancing themselves, mirroring his motions. They knew the dance!
Larry got into the swing of it. His legs pumped as he tapped the floor, facing the three. They tapped the floor in time, making a staccato. Their bodies, covered by the dresses, looked almost human.
Squid found this fascinating. She had never imagined skeletons doing it, but why not? The dance had male and female roles, and they were male and females. The bodies might differ, but the roles did not.
Larry whirled, and removed his jacket, baring his skeletal ribs and backbone.
The three females twirled and threw off their blouses. On flesh folk this could have been highly impressive, because men noticed women’s bare chests. Actually it was impressive in a different way, as the bare ribs were exposed.
Larry continued dancing, next removing his trousers, exposing his gyrating hip bones. The skeletons removed their dresses, showing similar bones.
Squid realized that not only was she fascinated, so were the others in that castle chamber. The dance had become real. Win, Ion and Hilda had sidled by and were at the chamber’s far door, but were facing back to watch.
Finally Larry was all bare bones. So were the ladies. The dance required that he select a female to be his romantic partner, but of course he couldn’t take it beyond that. What was he to do at this point?
Data had finished her dance, leaving a pile of male bones behind. “Mine,” she said, taking Larry’s arm possessively. The three skeletons looked disappointed, but did not protest. Data had demonstrated her worthiness. Data led him to join the others at the far door. “Get on through,” she hissed. “Before they catch on.”
Squid’s respect for Data grew. The girl was a flirt, but she had done what was needed, when it was needed. She had a sensible head, or skull.
They hustled through the doorway, and came up against a sign:
HERE THERE BE DRAGONS.
“Uh-oh,” Win said. “They won’t want to dance.”
“I will handle this,” Ion said. He produced a small bottle and opened it. Vapor puffed out. “Stay behind the mist. It won’t affect us.”
The dragons charged, revving up their fires. They plowed into the vapor. They inhaled it. And fell to the floor, sound asleep.
“That was fast,” Data murmured appreciatively as she shifted back to flesh form, then glided evocatively to Larr
y. “Youthen us.”
He did, and soon they were age twelve again, and back in their normal clothing. Larry stuffed the folded briefs into a pocket. “But you know,” Data murmured, “If you ever break up with Squid, look me up. I like the way you handle yourself, not to mention getting to be seventeen.”
Squid kept her thoughts to herself, suppressing her momentary fury, knowing that she and Larry were not about to break up. She was coming to appreciate Larry even more: he was coming through for them, and not responding to Data’s overtures.
The fifth room had a sign HERE THERE BE TIGERS. Sure enough, there were several of them sleeping on the floor. One step into the room would rouse them.
“Do you have tiger snooze potion, Ion?” Data asked.
“No. It didn’t occur to me that I would ever encounter tigers. They’re more of a Mundane threat.”
“Maybe I can handle them,” Hilda said. “Let me sew a cape.”
“A cape?” Data asked.
“A special one, a limbo cape.” Hilda quickly sewed more cloth, forming a brightly colored swatch. The others were silent, having seen what her sewing could do.
Hilda stepped into the chamber. Immediately the tigers roused. One charged.
Hilda held the cape out before her, like a Mundane matador. The idea that this flimsy material could stop a tiger seemed ludicrous, but there was no time to warn her away.
The tiger leaped into the cape. And disappeared.
The others stared. What had happened?
“Limbo,” Hilda explained. “A sort of nowhere. It will take them long enough to get out of it so that we can safely reach the next room.”
Oh.
Another tiger charged, and disappeared. After that the other tigers hesitated. They weren’t stupid. They didn’t like being disappeared.
“I will lead you across, one by one,” Hilda said.
She did so. She started with Ion, on his carpet. When a tiger threatened, she brandished the cape, and it backed off, snarling.
Larry was next. This time a tiger did charge. Hilda swept the cape before it, and it disappeared. After that the remaining tigers stayed clear. They were safely through the challenge.
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