The Cul-de-Sac War
Page 27
Bree pushed a couple of stacks of papers aside and took a seat on Cassie’s desk.
Cassie huffed and waved a hand around the room. “All right, guys. There are, like, five other chairs here if you haven’t noticed.”
Nobody moved.
“So, what happened with the guy?” Bree said. “Besides, of course, trying to get me fired after you left.”
Cassie’s brows shot up, both shoulders and knees pinched together from being compressed between the group and wall. “He talked with Louis?”
Bree gave a flippant wave. “Oh, you know how he is. Louis fiddled with his whistle while your guy rambled on. But then your guy turned on me and started to get in my face about it, and you should’ve seen Louis. Went all Hulk on the guy. I ended up pulling him back and calming him down.” She smiled as if at a fond memory. “Good ol’ Louis.”
Cassie grimaced. Bree’s supervisor, Louis, was not the kind of man who’d spent his prime years scuba diving in Bermuda and off the coast of Peru, in much more adventurous places than Ripley’s Aquarium. He was not the type who’d purposefully shaved his head to achieve a Bruce Willis look. No, Louis, poor Louis, was a kindly middle-aged man ten years Bree’s senior. He was fond of whistles—some would say oddly so. He liked the twelve African black-footed penguins that made their residence there. Rumor had it he sang to them with squid-and-fish cake on their birthdays. Last, but certainly not least, Louis was head over off-brand Keds for the woman with enough spice to flavor a ten-gallon pot of chili.
Bree.
Louis’s happiness was a crucial piece of the perfect escape plan.
“Don’t worry, Cass. I took him to the café to cool off. He practically passed out when I let him pay for my chili cheese fries.” Bree picked up one of the many misplaced fidget spinners from Cassie’s desk and began spinning.
Cassie stared at her cup for one long moment, then looked to Bree, the girls, the computer.
It was time to call it.
“Well, on the bright side, I don’t think we have to worry about this happening again. I think I just had my last blind date.”
Bree halted the spinning spinner. “That bad?”
“Somewhere between the guy who shoplifted the stuffed dolphin and the one who ate through a pack of gum in five minutes and stuck every piece on the walls—”
Bree’s eyes widened. “No, Cass. Not Gum Man.”
“He was married.” Cassie set her cup down on the only available inch of table space in front of her. “The charming youth volunteer who stated loyalty was the biggest characteristic he was looking for . . . was married.” She shrugged. “So, I’m done. I think we can all agree I gave online dating more than a decent shot.”
Star and the others looked to Bree, who gave them a resolute, don’t-worry-I-got-this nod. “Let me see for myself. I’m hearing you, Cass, but let’s take a look before we try to cut the one cord that’s been sending men your way—mad as a March hare or otherwise.”
Cassie pushed the keyboard her way. “Be my guest. Username is ‘Cass0312.’”
Bree started typing.
“Password is ‘mrjeeves.’ No caps.”
Bree’s fingers typed the letters and then froze. She removed one hand from the keyboard and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Cass. Please don’t tell me you created a password out of your cat. Please tell me I misheard you.”
But sure enough, the pop-up disappeared, and a dozen male faces filled the screen. Cassie pushed herself up and slid over the desk, mulberry skirt and all. If she was going to be humiliated, she might as well get a little distance. While the girls scrolled, she moved to the window, taking her coffee cup with her. Across the street a fireman in full gear stood with his back to one of the trucks, talking to a group of kids.
“This guy seems nice.”
Cassie flicked her head back to see Star pointing to a message titled “READY FOR LOVE WITH SOMEONE LIKE YOU.”
“It’s spam.”
Star read aloud anyway:
HEY LADY,
READ ABOUT YOU LAST NIGHT. CAN’T STOP THNKNG ABOUT YOU. WANDERING IF THERE KOULD BE SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT US, SPARKS TURNING TO FIRE. MSGE ME BACK. CAN’T WAIT.
Cassie returned her attention to the fireman, now holding up his ax in demonstration. “Told you.”
Star pointed to the screen. “What about that one? He likes cats too.”
“Yes,” Bree began in an instructive voice, “but let us all remember there is a line between having a cat and wearing a cat on your head in your profile picture. Not a big line.” Bree threw Cassie a hard look. “But still, a line. And the goal here is to keep our girl from wandering entirely over to the other side.”
Five more minutes with no leads, and the girls began to sink back in their chairs.
“You can say it: there’s no hope.” Cassie took a sip of her lukewarm coffee. Across the street, the fireman was now lifting a toddler into the driver’s side of the fire truck, the child looking as though he was on the best rollercoaster of his life.
At least she’d have Bree to depend on the rest of her life. Bree, the free-spirited tropical fish without a care in the world. Bree never worried when she didn’t have a boyfriend. In fact, whenever she did have one, she tended to forget him.
Cassie flicked a new cobweb off the windowsill.
“What is this?” Bree pointed to the line halfway down her profile. “What do you mean you don’t want kids?”
Ah. Bree had found it.
Star unscrewed the cap of the large jar of pretzels on Cassie’s desk and dug a hand in. “You don’t like kids? Miss C, hate to break it to you, but you got the wrong job.”
“No, of course I want kids. I just can’t have them. Physically, I mean.” Cassie smiled, her tone upbeat though she kept her eyes on the world outside. “A few years ago, I was in an accident. As it turns out, sometimes you make things worse when you try to fix them.”
She trained her eyes on the firefighter settling another kid into the driver’s seat, trying hard not to think about the scar tissue presently sitting like a bowling ball in her uterus or the lines across her stomach from the surgeries she’d endured in attempts to repair it.
A loud honk erupted from the fire truck, and the fireman laughed while pulling the toddler’s hand away from an overhead cord. Cassie allowed herself a whisper of a smile.
“By that she means she should’ve sued the socks off the doctor. Then she could’ve bought herself a husband and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Bree paused, giving the memory the moment of silence it deserved. After all, she, too, had been there amid everything Cassie lost those years ago. She’d watched Cassie learn the hard way that not all scars were physical.
Suddenly, Bree stood and dropped her hold on the mouse and, along with it, the moment. She waved an accusing hand at the computer. “Well, that’s your problem, Cass. You’re attracting jerks because you put yourself in the jerk category. All the nice guys are on the other side. You need to get out of the ‘I love traveling, gourmet food, and myself’ world and move into the ‘Athletic man seeking companion to whisper sweet nothings to as he coaches beloved children’s little league.’ Now, of course you know I don’t want to be tied down to little life suckers, baking pies in floral aprons, but you, now . . .”
Several of the girls shot her a dirty look. Bree pressed her hand to her chest and amended herself. “Unless they came out fourteen and potty-trained, of course. But babe, aprons and kids are all you. All you have to do is change your preference in your bio.”
“Were it that simple, I would jump on the opportunity. But I had to check one way or the other: do or don’t want children. And I have no intention of leading someone into the wrong impression on a first date. Wanting kids is a big deal. Monumental.”
“And you do want kids.”
“And ‘by adoption’ wasn’t one of the options, was it?” Cassie shot Bree a meaningful look, the kind that warned her friend she was putting her hand too close to the
fire. The kind that said, “Yes, but from personal experience, you and I both know that I know exactly what it feels like to be dropped—brutally—right when the man you thought was your soul mate finds out you can’t have biological kids. I won’t dare go that route again.”
“You know who I need?” Cassie turned her head again and this time pointed to the window. The firefighter was now lifting what must’ve been the fifteenth toddler into the driver’s seat. “That guy. Right there.”
They all watched him put a helmet on the little girl. The girl giggled as the protective gear wobbled on her petite head.
“That kind of guy wouldn’t be caught dead on a dating site. That guy, I just know, is making someone the luckiest girl in the world.”
About the Author
Taylor Meo Photography
Melissa Ferguson lives in Bristol, Tennessee, where she enjoys chasing her children and writing romantic comedies full of humor and heart. Her favorite hobby is taking friends and acquaintances and turning them into characters in her books without their knowledge. She is confident you should read all her novels, starting with this one. Connect with her (and prepare for the possibility of becoming her next character) at:
Instagram: @melissafergusonwrites
TikTok: @melissafergusonlife
Website: www.melissaferguson.com
Facebook: @MelissaLeighFerguson
Acclaim for Melissa Ferguson
“Melissa delivered a book that is filled with both humor and heart!”
—Debbie Macomber, #1 New York Times bestselling author, on The Cul-de-Sac War
“Melissa Ferguson delights with a grand sense of humor and a captivating story to boot! With vivid detail that brings the story roaring to life, The Cul-de-Sac War brings us closer to the truth of love, family, and home. Bree’s and Chip’s pranks and adventures turn into something they never expected as Melissa Ferguson delivers another heartwarming, hilarious, and deeply felt story.”
—Patti Callahan, New York Times bestselling author of Becoming Mrs. Lewis
“Melissa Ferguson’s The Cul-de-Sac War is sweet, zany, and surprisingly tender. Bree and Chip will have you laughing and rooting for them until the very end.”
—Denise Hunter, bestselling author of Carolina Breeze
“With her sophomore novel, Melissa Ferguson delivers hilarity and heart in equal measure. The Cul-de-Sac War’s Bree Leake and Chip McBride prove that sometimes it isn’t the first impression you have to worry about—it’s the second one that gets you. What follows is a delightful deluge of pranks, sabotage, and witty repartee tied together by heartstrings that connect to turn a house into a home worth fighting for. I was thoroughly charmed from beginning to end.”
—Bethany Turner, award-winning author of The Secret Life of Sarah Hollenbeck
“Witty, wise and with just the right amount of wacky, Melissa’s second novel is as charming as her debut. Competition and chemistry battle to win the day in this hilarious rom-com about two people who can't stand to be near each other—or too far apart.”
—Betsy St. Amant, author of The Key to Love, on The Cul-de-Sac War
“Ferguson’s delightful debut follows a first date that turns quickly into a childcare quagmire . . . Ferguson’s humorous and chaotic tale will please rom-com fans.”
—Publishers Weekly on The Dating Charade
“The Dating Charade will keep you smiling the entire read. Ferguson not only delights us with new love, with all its attendant mishaps and misunderstandings, but she takes us deeper in the hearts and minds of vulnerable children as Cassie and Jett work out their families—then their dating lives. An absolute treat!”
—Katherine Reay, bestselling author of The Printed Letter Bookshop
“The Dating Charade is hilarious and heartwarming with characters you truly care about, super fun plot twists and turns, snappy prose, and a sweet romance you’re rooting for. Anyone who has children in their lives will particularly relate to Ferguson’s laugh-out-loud take on the wild ride that is parenting. I thoroughly enjoyed this story!”
—Rachel Linden, bestselling author of The Enlightenment of Bees
“A heartwarming charmer.”
—Sheila Roberts, USA TODAY bestselling author of the Moonlight Harbor series, on The Dating Charade
“Melissa Ferguson is a sparkling new voice in contemporary rom-com. Though her novel tackles meaningful struggles—social work, child abandonment, adoption—it’s also fresh, flirty, and laugh-out-loud funny. Ferguson is going to win fans with this one!”
—Lauren Denton, bestselling author of The Hideaway and Glory Road, on The Dating Charade
“A jolt of energy featuring one of the most unique romantic hooks I have ever read. Personality and zest shine through Ferguson’s evident enjoyment at crafting high jinks and misadventures as two people slowly make way for love in the midst of major life upheaval. A marvelous treatise on unexpected grace and its life-changing chaos, Cassie and Jett find beautiful vulnerability in redefining what it means to live happily ever after.”
—Rachel McMillan, author of the The London Restoration, on The Dating Charade
“Ferguson delivers a stellar debut. The Dating Charade is a fun, romantic albeit challenging look at just what it takes to fall in love and be a family. You’ll think of these characters long after the final page.”
—Rachel Hauck, New York Times bestselling author of The Wedding Dress
Also by Melissa Ferguson
The Dating Charade
Copyright
The Cul-de-Sac War
© 2020 Melissa Ferguson
All rights reserved. No portion of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, scanning, or other—except for brief quotations in critical reviews or articles, without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Published in Nashville, Tennessee, by Thomas Nelson. Thomas Nelson is a registered trademark of HarperCollins Christian Publishing, Inc.
Published in association with Hartline Literary Agency, Pittsburgh, PA 15235.
Thomas Nelson titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, fund-raising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email SpecialMarkets@ThomasNelson.com.
Publisher’s Note: This novel is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. All characters are fictional, and any similarity to people living or dead is purely coincidental.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Ferguson, Melissa (Assistant professor), author.
Title: The cul-de-sac war : a novel / Melissa Ferguson.
Description: Nashville, Tennessee : Thomas Nelson, [2020] | Summary: "Melissa Ferguson's new novel proves that good fences make good neighbors-and that sometimes love and hate share a backyard"-- Provided by publisher.
Identifiers: LCCN 2020024520 (print) | LCCN 2020024521 (ebook) | ISBN 9780785231042 (paperback) | ISBN 9780785231059 (epub) | ISBN 9780785231066 (downloadable audio)
Subjects: GSAFD: Love stories.
Classification: LCC PS3606.E7263 C85 2020 (print) | LCC PS3606.E7263 (ebook) | DDC 813/.6--dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020024520
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2020024521
Printed in the United States of America
20 21 22 23 24 LSC 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
ethis-inline-share-buttons">share