Chloe Babineaux Private Investigator

by Lisa Clancey

  ####

  I asked for a plate and dreaded to go back inside with him. I wanted to go home. On the pro side, he kissed me even before bringing up my slip up. On the con side, he said he wanted to talk about it. I noticed he said, ‘Love you,’ and not, ‘I love you.’

  Okay, I could go home now or stay and eat. I was starving. I stayed to eat.

  Rick held the door open for me, and we entered with the burgers. Brandon looked from the burgers to Rick several times.

  “Talking to Chloe was that distracting, bro?” The burgers did look sort of well done.

  “Leave them alone, Brandon. You remember new love.” Tyler grinned at Rick.

  “Are you saying our love is old?” Cassidy asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “No, sweet thing, our love is forever young.” Tyler leaned over to kiss Cassidy.

  “Oh, yuck. Get a room,” Travis mumbled. His parents laughed. I was trying to blend in with the curtains that covered the sliding door. My red sweater did not blend in with light blue and beige flowered curtains.

  Condiments, onions, pickles, lettuce, and tomatoes were placed on the breakfast bar. The kids went first, followed by their fathers and then the rest of us.

  I sat next to Rick and listened to them good-naturedly harass each other. Cassidy and Kenzie didn’t let up; they gave as well as they got. The two teenagers sat at the breakfast bar and ate fast. I wasn’t sure if they chewed or just swallowed. There was a knock on the door, and Travis flew for the door. Mia jumped up to grab her purse. Now I knew why they ate so fast. They were leaving.

  “Be careful and don’t speed. Wear your seatbelts,” Cassidy called out to them.

  “Yeah, we will,” they called out as they were walking out the door. Yeah, they’d speed, but hopefully, they’d wear seatbelts. Their parents rolled their eyes, while everyone else laughed.

  “They’re going to a movie with friends,” Cassidy said shaking her head and making a face.

  “Ah, scary,” I said.

  “You have no idea,” Tyler said with a grimace.

  We were quiet for a while. I was thinking about when I was sixteen. God help those kids. My blunder fests weren’t a recent addition to my life. It had been an ongoing quest. Like the time I side-swiped a post. I told my parents someone must have hit me in a parking lot. I was going to have to remember all these lies so when I have kids I’d know when they were lying.

  “So tell me, Rick, how did you two meet? I asked Brandon, but he said to ask you.” Tyler asked between bites.

  “Chloe’s brother, Cody, is my partner,” Rick said matter of factly.

  “Isn’t that a no-no to date your partner’s sister?” Kenzie asked.

  “We aren’t…” I stopped and jerked my head to Rick. Oh, no, no, no. This wasn’t happening. “We’re dating, aren’t we?” I mumbled.

  “Honey, we’ve been dating for a while. You’re just now admitting it to yourself,” he said with a sexy half grin.

  I looked at him wide eyed and then narrowed my eyes and said, “It’s all your fault. If you hadn't brought Chinese to my apartment after the explosion, I wouldn’t be in this situation right now.”

  “Don’t forget the beer.” He winked.

  “What situation are you in?” Tyler asked. His eyes were narrowed, and he was looking hard at Rick. I wanted to laugh. He thought I was preggers.

  “I’m dating my partner’s sister, situation. Haven’t you been paying attention to the conversation?” Rick asked him with an ‘Are you serious?’ look.

  “Oh, that situation. I thought you meant…oh, never mind,” Tyler mumbled.

  “Oh God no. I don’t even know…I mean I’m pretty sure I can. It might take a while though. I only have one ovary that for sure works.” I was rambling. Tyler thinking we were talking about me being pregnant blew my mind. I was embarrassed. Why was I so embarrassed? Because this is Rick’s family and I didn’t know them. They could tell his mother. That was all I needed. His mother to call me and tell me to stay away from her son.

  “What is she talking about?” Brandon asked Rick, but he was looking at me. Brandon had his cop face on. Confused and not afraid to admit it, he was also talking to me in the third person.

  “I was shot.” Oh, no. I just told these people I was shot. Why did I do that? I don’t tell people I was shot. Nona is the one that tells people we were shot. She was so proud of the fact we survived a gunshot wound.

  Everyone at the table stared at me with very wide eyes and open mouths. Good thing there weren’t any flies the room. But then again if there were they would have been caught. Thank God, no one had food in their mouth. Not everyone looked at me with wide eyes. Brandon’s eyes narrowed and his lips puckered. Damn, he looked an awful lot like Rick.

  “Shot? You were shot?” Brandon asked. “Why were you shot?”

  I looked at Rick, but he just grinned.

  I narrowed my eyes and said, “Thanks a lot. You know I hate you.”

  “You started it. I thought you’d want to explain.”

  I looked at Brandon and said, “It was all a misunderstanding.”

  “Yeah. It usually is. Continue.” Cop face and cop voice. The atmosphere in the room was starting to get chilly.

  I glanced at Kenzie and said, “He is such a cop. Continue, like I’m being interrogated. Like I don’t get enough of this at home.” I turned my stare on Brandon. “It was a big-ass gun for your information.”

  Rick gave a snort. “It’s not funny,” I said, giving him a sidelong glance. He was grinning so big all he could do was nod.

  “My friends and I went to my friend Tammy’s ex-boy-toy, I mean, boyfriend’s house to discuss his seeing someone else while we were on vacation,” I said, looking at everyone except Brandon and Rick. “The woman he was cheating with was in the yard, and when we confronted her, she pulled out a gun. My friend Nona had her hand on my stomach pushing me back when the girlfriend fired the gun. It went through her hand and into me.” I looked at Brandon and said, “The End. No one pressed charges because it was our fault as well as hers. Turns out she’s a really nice woman.”

  By the time I was through with my story, Rick was laughing so hard he was wiping tears from his face. No one else at the table was laughing. In fact, they were looking at him like he was laughing at a kid whose kitten just died.

  “Tell them what kind of weapon it was,” Rick finally managed.

  “In this case, size does not matter. It could have been a .45. The point is, we survived a gunshot wound.” That’s what Nona always said. Yeah. It didn't make much sense when she said it either.

  “Five women jumped on a six-foot, a two-inch braless woman wearing a white tank top and daisy dukes in the rain. Oh, and she’s a weight lifter.” The people around the table started grinning. “The gun she pulls out is between her breasts and is a...Derringer. A Derringer. Her three friends said it was the biggest gun they had ever seen in their lives. It was terrifying.” He was laughing so hard he was barely getting the words out. Everyone else was laughing as well. Obviously, they have never been shot with a Derringer before.

  “The barrel of the gun started out this size.” I curled my middle finger and thumb together to make a small circle, “and it grew to be about this size.” I held my middle fingers together on both hands together and both thumbs to make a bigger circle.

  They were still laughing, but I asked anyway, “Have any of ya’ll ever have a gun trained on you before? Trust me it’s bizarre the way the gun barrel grows.”

  “Tyler was in the Army, and Brandon was in the Air Force. So yeah, they have had guns trained on them,” Cassidy said and laughed.

  “Oh, yeah…Well,” I stammered, “then you know how bizarre it is watching gun barrels grow.”

  “Yeah, it is bizarre,” Tyler laughed, “but I have to tell you. If I had to watch a firearm grow, I’d much rather watch a Derringer grow than an AK47.”

  “Well yeah, if you put it that way.” I laughed and added, “Let’s just say
it hurts when you get shot. A lot.”

  “That, I can attest to. Bullet wounds hurt,” Rick said, grinning and raising his beer in a salute. “Oh, by the way, guess who I ran into at Wal-Mart today?” He looked at me and winked. No one made a comment about his bullet wound remark.

  I wasn’t a mind reader. Especially a man’s mind; it gets so cluttered with useless information about cars, sports or women’s boobs. Actually, when I see women, I think a lot about their boobs. You know, are they real? No. They’re too rounded, and they don’t bounce.

  “Who?” I shrugged. I hate guessing games. Just tell me what you want me to know.

  He looked at me and gave me a goofy grin. I laughed and said, “No. You did not.” I hesitated and then asked, “Did you give him a goofy grin?”

  “Yep. I made sure he saw me with a goofy grin so I could tell him how tired I was. I also told him I enjoyed our long talk and you were quite animated on so many topics.”

  “Something about that sounds dirty.” Brandon grinned.

  “You have a dirty mind,” Rick said.

  “That he does,” Kenzie agreed. “But that did sound sort of…naughty.”

  “Chloe’s ex-fiancé has a habit of showing up at her apartment. I explained to him why he should stay away and was just proving a point.”

  “All you did was make him more enthralled. Now I’ll never get rid of him.” I rolled my eyes. “You know how when you feed a stray cat you can’t get rid of it? That’s Johnny. I’ll have to shoot him. And now that my gun’s been cleaned, I can shoot him without blowing myself up.” I nodded, pursed my lips and looked off into the distance. “Yeah, I’ll ask him to take me fishing as soon as he gets back from Afghanistan. Yeah, that’ll work. No body.” I grinned. “No. That won’t work the lakes around here are too shallow. Oh, yeah, wait a minute; we’ll go to the beach. It’s a bit cold, but that’s okay. This may work. We’ll go deep sea fishing. Yeah, he’ll get drunk. He likes to drink. He’ll trip and fall over a high rail, but hey, he’s drunk. I’ll be drunk too, but not really. I’ll pour my beers overboard when no one’s looking.” I nodded and grinned.

  It was quiet a few minutes, and then Cassidy asked me. “Are you seriously considering…?”

  I looked at her, cocked my head and said, “No. I’m not going to jail to be anybody’s bitch.” I started laughing. “Had you going, though, didn’t I?”

  Everyone chuckled, but Rick laughed. I had already told him I wasn’t going to jail to be any one’s bitch, so he knew I was joking. He also met Johnny and was probably considering killing him as well. Man, I hope Johnny doesn’t get himself killed. I had too many witnesses saying I wanted to kill him.

  Kenzie rose from the table and said, “On that note, we have to clean this mess up.”

  We all rose from the table. Cassidy and I helped her put things away. It didn’t take long because we had paper plates, so we just put all the silverware, burger plate and the fry’s platter in the dishwasher. This was Rick’s house I didn’t know why he wasn’t doing it. He and his brothers sat in the living room.

  When everything was put away, we went into the living room. Cassidy sat in an old fashion wooden rocker and Kenzie brought in a kitchen table chair to sit on. Brandon was sitting in the recliner and Tyler, and Rick was sitting on the sofa. Obviously, the women thought I should sit next to Rick, and I planned to, but first I had to check out the photo on the mantle.

  “Day-am,” I mumbled.

  “Mama, what’s day-am?” Travis, Brandon’s six-year-old, was everywhere I didn’t need him to be.

  The people in the room looked at him and then at me grinning.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was standing near me.” I wasn’t in the habit of looking down when I talked.

  “It’s okay, no worries,” Kenzie said. “He doesn’t know what that word means.” She looked at Travis and said, “It’s a word you shouldn’t say.” He shrugged his shoulders and walked away. Can he teach my mother to do that?

  “She’s looking at Rick’s dress whites picture,” Cassidy grinned. “There’s something about a man in a uniform.”

  “I don’t understand that,” Brandon said. “I was around men all the time in uniform and didn’t get anything out of it. Wait a minute; I see police officers every day.” He shook his head and added, “Nope. Nothin’.” Of course, everyone laughed at that.

  I sat between Tyler and Rick, and I winked at Rick. “I’ll say it again. Day-am.” He grinned and winked back while interlacing my fingers through his. Does this mean we were really dating? Was he so comfortable with me he didn’t mind showing his brothers that he liked me? Who knew? I just knew holding his hand felt right. I listened to the conversations around me and relaxed.

  My cell phone rang, it was Cheri, and I excused myself to answer it. I walked to the kitchen table to talk.

  “Hey, Cheri. What’s up?”

  “Where are you? You aren’t at your apartment, I called.” She sounded distressed.

  “I’m…uh…at Rick’s. I wanted…” She already knew about him, so I didn’t think it was a problem for her to know where I was. But she cut me off and talked right over me before I could say more.

  “Good. Tell him there’s a silver Silverado parked in the parking lot near your apartment,” she said relieved.

  “What are you doing slumming on my side of the apartment complex?”

  “I swung by your apartment to see if your truck was in the parking lot before I called you to invite you over.”

  Okay, that sounded logical. She invites me over to eat with her when Brent wasn’t eating with her.

  “Thanks for calling. I’ll come home and call Cody in the plate number.”

  “Oh, you don’t need to do that,” she said sounding excited. “I’ll walk over there and get the number.”

  “No!” I said raising my voice. “Don’t do that. Stay in your apartment. Don’t go near the windows and lock your door. In fact, shove a chair under the door knob. And don’t answer it for anyone. Ask who it is first. Don’t even look out the peephole until I call you.” I lowered my voice and added, “And besides there are hundreds of light-colored Silverados in Alexandria. You know…” I hesitated. “…it could be someone new to the apartment complex or just visiting, and we’re throwing this all out of proportion.” Those who knew me knew how I could easily make mountains out of molehills. Whatever a molehill is; I’ve never seen one. I don’t think central Louisiana has too many if any.

  “Chloe, you’re scaring me. Is everything alright? Are you not telling me something?” She was starting to sound annoyed.

  “No. Nothing happened. Everything’s fine. I promise.” I took a deep breath to calm down. “I don’t want you to be mistaken for me.”

  “Yes, because we look so much alike,” she said dryly.

  “From a distance, we could be mistaken. We both have long brown hair, and our body shapes are close.” I laughed and added. “From a distance our body shape is close.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out loudly. “Don’t go poking around that truck…honey bunny, darlin’, sweetie, please stay in your apartment. I love you, and I can’t have anything happen to you. Brent, the boy-toy, would really be pissed at me.”

  “Oh, well, we can’t have Brent pissed at you,” she said dryly. She then took a deep breath. “Okay, okay, I’ll stay in my apartment. But you have to promise you’ll let Rick or Cody check out the truck and your apartment before you get out of your truck.”

  “Aw, come on, where’s the fun in that? You know how much I like risking my life.” I laughed and then said seriously, “Hey, should I dress in a disguise? I can dress up like a…I don’t know maybe a…no, I’ve already done the nun thing. Maybe I’ll dress like a slut. No. Your clothes won’t fit because you’re a leprechaun.” I laughed.

  “And you’re an Amazon, and I don’t dress like a slut.” She laughed and added, “It only looks slutty when you borrow them because they’re too small.”

  “Yeah
, but I look damn sexy. Wait a minute, does that mean I’m a queen? You know, as in Amazon Queen. Wait, that’s it. I’ll dress like a drag queen. I wonder if Rick has a slutty dress I could borrow. Nah, that wouldn’t work either. He’s too damn big. His clothes wouldn’t fit.”

  She was laughing hard and asked, “Is he listening? I would love to see his expression.”

  I turned toward the living room. The women were smiling. The men, not so much. “No, you really don’t want to see his expression right now.” Rick’s eyes were glaring, and his mouth was very tight. I turned my back toward him so I wouldn’t get hurt by a flying dagger.

  “Bye, Cheri, and thanks for calling.”

  “Bye, Chloe. I love you too and be careful.”

  I disconnected and slowly turned back toward the living room. I smiled and said, “Well, I gotta go.”

  “Cheri said there’s a silver Silverado in the parking lot near your apartment?” Rick asked. He still didn’t look happy, but at least he was able to unglue his lips to talk.

  “Yeah, she might’ve mentioned that,” I said casually. I don’t sweat the small stuff. Someone stalking me? Pshaw. Nothing to it.

  “Brandon and I will be checking your parking lot and your apartment,” he said, walking toward me. He picked up my purse from a bar stool and held it away from me. “You have two choices. You can either stay here with me tonight, or I’m staying at your place. Either way, you won’t be alone.” His face was still red, but he was breathing a little less deeply.

  “Shouldn’t you ask Brandon if he wants to go with you?” I asked, narrowing my eyes.

  “We’ll both check it out,” Brandon said, and then looked at Rick and said, “I don’t have a weapon. And I need to know what’s going on.”

  Rick smiled humorlessly and asked me, “Do you have your.22?”

  “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you don’t have something he can borrow.”

  “Of course I do, but if he borrows yours, he can give it back when he goes home.” He smiled sweetly.

  That didn’t make any sense. If he borrowed Rick’s, he could still give it back. But then again that would mean Rick would have two guns. He could always keep the extra in his duffle bag.

  He stood in front of me with his arms crossed while holding my purse in his hand. I don’t think he wanted me to have a gun while he checked out the parking lot. Why? Did he think I was going to sneak out of the truck? Yes, I was. Dang.

  “Fine. You can use mine.” I turned to Brandon and said, “I don’t know why you’d want to. It’s just a .22. You know, a pea shooter. Don’t you want something that would do some damage?”

  “No. A .22’s fine. Do you have a permit?”

  “Of course,” I glared at Rick and said through clenched teeth, “I would show you, but I don’t seem to have my purse near me.”

  “She does, I’ve seen it.” Rick gave a crooked grin.

  “So glad you trust me. Couldn’t you have taken my word on it?” I was talking to Brandon, but I was glaring at Rick. I didn’t like the way he wasn’t letting me get near my purse.

  “I trust you. But you know what they say, seeing is believing,” Brandon smiled. I rolled my eyes.

  Rick then proceeded to explain the situation to Brandon and the others were quietly listening, but no one made a comment. I mean, it was just a missing painting. No big deal, right?

  Great. They couldn't go. I was the one the jerk was after, not them. I couldn’t be the reason…

  “Ya’ll can’t go. I’ll go alone. I won’t even get out of my truck. I’ll just call in the plate number to Cody,” I said to Rick and shook my head and pounded my hand on my chest. “Rick, this jerk is after me. I’m not going to let him shoot someone else. I can’t do that. If something should happen…” I took a deep breath. “No. You’re not going.”

  “I didn’t ask you if I could go. I asked you to decide where you were staying tonight.” He glared. I glared. There was a lot of glaring going on.

  “Did she say shoot someone else?” Tyler asked.

  “Yeah, there was a shooting at a resident’s house the other day while Chloe was there and she thinks it was because she was there wanting to talk to the homeowner.” He said all this while never taking his eyes off me.

  Kenzie cleared her throat and then asked, “Was anyone hurt?”

  “The homeowner was shot, but he’ll be fine.” He didn’t tell them that I was shot as well. I guess he didn’t want to worry them. Okay, I wasn’t going to enlighten them. “Chloe was shot as well.” Oh, well there goes that theory.

  “Oh my God!” Kenzie and Cassidy said together.

  There was a pause, and then Kenzie said softly, “Brandon?”

  “I’ll be fine, baby,” Brandon said sweetly. He was probably smiling at her, but I couldn’t tell because I didn’t turn my eyes away from Rick.

   “I’m not staying here,” I said through clenched teeth. My jaw muscles were really going to be sore in the morning from the work out they were getting tonight.

  “Fine,” he said muscles bulging in his jaw. I wonder if his jaw was going to be sore in the morning. He walked toward Tyler and handed him my purse. “Hold this and don’t give it back to her.” He walked down the hall to his bedroom and added, “Sit on her if you have to, just make sure she doesn’t leave.”

  “I hate you,” I yelled down the hall.

  “I know,” he answered.

  “I hate you. Is that another way of saying I love you?” Cassidy asked.

  “Love? I can barely tolerate him,” I said raising my voice.

  “Yeah. We could tell by the way ya’ll hold hands and were talking to each other earlier this evening,” Kenzie said with a smile.

  No. No. No. This was not happening. I just admitted we were dating. I was not in love. Oh man, I was in love. I haven’t felt like this before. Wrong. I thought I loved Johnny. No. I did love Johnny. I didn’t know why. He was an idiot. Maybe it was because I was young and Johnny was very good looking. But not like the way I felt about Rick. Rick was rugged and very sexy. Yeah, yeah, maybe it wasn’t love. Maybe it was just infatuation. Yeah, that was it, it was infatuation. I sat on a bar stool and put my head in my hands. I was in lust.

  My cell phone rang. It was Felicia. “Oh, no,” I groaned. I really didn’t have time to talk to anyone right now. All I wanted to do was scream and run for the hills. This was Louisiana; we didn’t have hills. Well, we had hills, but we are below sea level, so they weren’t very high hills. I had to answer the damn phone.

  “What Felicia,” I said way too harshly.

  “Damn. Who ate the last cookie?”

  I took a deep breath and let it out. I knew the audience in the living room was listening to my every word. They were so quiet in there if I would have farted they would have all moved farther away from me, and I was in a whole different room. Not that I had to fart. I used to fart in class and blame it on the boys around me. But I digress. Let’s just say there was no farting being done.

  “Is there a reason you called? I really didn’t have time to talk.” Get to the point Felicia.

  “Yeah, there is a reason. Are you and Rick or you and Cody or you and your parents or you and…well the list could go on and on, fighting?”

  “No.”

  “Ah, well, in that case, I have a question. Do you think Rick’s friends thought we were going to sleep with them the other night?” Really? Was she really asking me this question? Do I care?

  I heard talking in the background and knew why she had called. “Is Tammy and Nona with you?”

  “Yes, and we were hoping we didn’t come across as…you know…slutty.”

  “No. You aren’t slutty,” I held the bridge of my nose between my fingers and shook my head avoiding the living room. “And yes, they probably did think you might sleep with them.” I took another deep breath and let it out. “They’re not only Navy but special ops. They probably think all women want to skewer them.” I raised my voice and was almost yelling by the t
ime I had finished my sentence. I heard Rick coming down the hall and added, “I gotta go. Quit dwelling. There’s nothing you can do about it now anyway. Bye.” I heard her say “Wait,” but I disconnected. I’d call back later; right then I had other things to do.

  That conversation brought a little more animation from the living room. I heard the word skewer and special ops a few times. I had assumed Rick told them about his friends being here for a short time, but I didn’t know for sure.

  Rick walked down the hall carrying a duffle bag. “Did you say skewer? Who were you talking to?”

  I shook my head and waved my hand away as if to say nobody and said, “You can’t go. I’ll stay here. See? You don’t have to check out my apartment.”

  “Fine, stay here. But we still have to go to your apartment,” he said with a tight smile.

  “Ahhh! You are unbelievable! Fine! Okay! I’m staying in my apartment! And I don’t care if you get shot because I-don’t-love-you!” I yelled while beating on his chest with my fists.

  “Okay, you don’t love me.” He dropped his bag and grabbed my wrists, looked me in the eyes and said loudly and slowly, “I love you!”

  “No, you don’t. It’s infatuation. Lust. That’s all it is to it. It’s not love. And I don’t care if the other night was the most incredible, mind blowing sex I have ever had. You are not stepping foot near my bed, you sonofabitch!”

  He grinned and said, “Do you realize you just insulted my brothers’ mother?”

  I flinched, dropped my jaw and widened my eyes. Rick laughed and asked, “Forgot they were here didn’t you?”

  I didn’t say anything, just stared at him while he leaned toward me and said sotto voce in my ear, letting go of my wrists, “It’s okay, babe. They know I’m not a virgin.”

  “Wow, Cassidy, you’ve never said anything like that to me.”

  “That’s because I don’t have anyone to compare you to,” Cassidy said dryly.

  “Touché.” Tyler laughed. “Touché.”

  “Are you ready to go?” Rick asked still grinning.

  “I need my purse,” I mumbled.

  “Go get it,” Rick said with a mischievous grin.

  “Jackass. I will.” I walked over to Tyler with my head up but sweating. “Tyler, I need my purse.” He glanced at Rick for confirmation and held it out to me. I took it, looked at the others and said, “It was nice meeting ya’ll. Who knows if I’ll ever see ya’ll again. I would also like to apologize. I did not mean to insult anyone’s mother or mother-in-law. I should’ve called him a jerk or jackass or louse or asshole. The names are unlimited.”

  “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen someone turn so many colors of red, Chloe,” Kenzie said and they all laughed. Obviously, I do turn red under the right circumstances.

  Brandon rose from his chair and put his arm around my shoulders and said, “Don’t sweat the name calling. We knew what you meant. As for the names you call him,” he said jerking his head toward Rick, “we can help with those.” He laughed, removed his arm, then walked over to Kenzie and kissed her and said, “I won’t be long.” She grabbed him and kissed him harder.

  We walked outside to our trucks. Brandon actually had to walk around to the back of the house to get to his truck. I stopped by my truck and said to Rick, “Follow my dust, and I shall make dust for you to follow.”

  Brandon stopped, looked at Rick and asked, “What does that mean?”

  “I have no idea,” Rick said shaking his head.