Give Me Redemption (Give Me Series Book 4)

by Paige P. Horne

  “Glad to see you’re alive,” she says. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?”

  I think for a moment. She did try to call; they all did. Where is my phone?

  And then I remember shattering it last night when I wanted to call Mich…Har…Dalton, whatever the fuck her name is.

  “Broke it,” I say. “Gotta get a new one.”

  She exhales and looks over the room, looking a little out of place.

  Probably because Bryce isn’t here.

  I fucked up. I let Dalton in all of our lives, only for her to destroy us.

  I hate her for it, but I hate myself more. I was blind. I was such a fool.

  And I don’t hate her.

  I pray for that to come. I want the hate, because it would be so much easier to hate that woman.

  But then my mind does something stupid. It remembers the sweet moments I had with her. The way she felt underneath me and the way she looked at me as she sank down on top of me.

  I know that was real.

  Wasn’t it?

  My mind and heart are fighting. I don’t know what’s wrong and right anymore.

  “Bryce’s hearing is in an hour.”

  Oh. This is news to me. I look around. Shit, I need to get this place cleaned. I talk over my smoke. “I’ll clean up and wash the sheets.”

  “You think he’ll come home?” she asks.

  “I don’t see why not. He isn’t a flight risk. He got into some shit as a kid, but Pops helped with all that.”

  She nods as her eyes go over to the bottle of bourbon on the counter. “Can I have a drink?”

  I run a hand over the back of my neck, lifting a brow. She wants a drink?

  Why the hell not?

  “Yeah,” I say, walking over to the counter. I pour both of us a glass before handing hers over. Harrison looks down at the brown liquid, and I wonder what she is thinking.

  How did I get mixed up with this crazy-ass family? My boyfriend’s in prison, it’s his brother’s fault, who’s a complete screw-up, and I’m standing here, having a shot of liquor with him.

  We’re something else.

  “To life,” I say, holding up my glass. “May it fuck you less than it’s fucked me.”

  She smirks. “You obviously don’t know anything about mine.” We toss back the drink, and she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand before looking over at me.

  Really looking at me.

  I’m sure I’m a sight.

  Hungover. High.

  I’m what heartbroken looks like.

  But she doesn’t look great either. Dark circles underline her eyes. She’s lost weight and looks like she’s carrying a ton of bricks.

  “You all right?” I ask.

  “I should be asking you that,” she says.

  I take a drag from my smoke, thinking back on the last week. It went from ecstasy to pure hell. I’m not proud of myself for how I treated Dalton. Even though she deserved it.

  It hurt me to treat her like that, and after I walked out of her apartment, I heard something shatter against the door. I stood there for a moment, leaning back against the hall wall. My chest hurt. Not a hurt I can describe, really. It just hurt.

  “It hasn’t been a good few days,” I tell Harrison.

  Her eyes bounce back to the cocaine. “This all you been doing?”

  I shrug, sniffing as I sit down on the arm of the sofa, propping my bare feet up onto the coffee table. Coasters go unused and ashes are sprinkled over the top. The rotating fan above feathers them across the table. This place is a mess.

  “I’m not judging you. I haven’t been doing much better,” she says.

  I lift a brow and rub under my nose before taking another hit.

  “We were in a good place, ya know?” She shakes her head, bunching her brows together as she stares at the table. “I’d never been there. Never stepped foot in the basement. He was excited for me to see it. And even though I knew what he was doing was illegal, I just let it be.”

  “Because you love him,” I say. And that’s exactly why I’m having such a hard time.

  Because I love Dalton.

  Hopelessly love her.

  Harrison’s eyes go back to me. She rolls them as she leans her head back and exhales, scanning them over the ceiling. “Yeah. I’m sick in love,” she spits.

  I want to laugh, because damn, if that isn’t exactly how I feel.

  I’m sick.

  Love is ignoring all the signs you shouldn’t. It was right in front of my face this whole time. Dalton told me without telling me over and over. But I shook it all off.

  Harrison stands, walking over to pour another glass of bourbon, and I wonder if that’s all she’s been doing.

  “Bones came by to visit Bryce,” she tells me.

  “Really?” I’m surprised. I thought for sure after everything that went down, Bryce wouldn’t be communicating with Danny “Bones” O’Brien anymore. Especially since Harrison has said she wanted Bryce to stay away from him.

  Bones is this dark motherfucker. Bryce met him one night gambling in the basement. Harrison’s best friend, Claire, had a psycho for an ex-boyfriend. His name was Cain. He held the girls hostage at Claire’s place of work one night a while back. I was with Bryce when it all went down. My crazy-ass brother had paid Bones to get rid of Cain, but somehow he survived a slit throat.

  Anyway, Bones showed up at the restaurant a little after we did. Bryce was fighting Cain. Bones walked in and shot Cain in the head like it was nothing, and that was that.

  None of us have talked about it since.

  It was fucking insane.

  “What was that about?” I ask.

  “He wants to buy Red and Bryce’s contacts.”

  “You’re kidding? In exchange?” I ask, wondering what the deal is here.

  There’s always a catch when you’re dealing with people like Bones. Bad men don’t become bad men for being nice and thinking of others. No. They always have an ulterior motive.

  “For Bryce’s freedom,” she says. Bones wants to buy Red and Bryce’s contacts in exchange for getting Bryce out of this shit. It seems like Bryce is in more trouble than I thought. Man, I would have liked to have been there for that conversation. I know my brother. I know his anger issues. I can’t imagine that went down smoothly.

  I look off for a moment, but then back at Harrison, scanning my eyes over her. I know how much Red means to him, how hard he worked to build that place up. It’s his life, and from the way she’s talking, I know what he’s thinking of doing.

  “He won’t do it, will he?” I say.

  She brings her glass to her mouth, her silence giving me the answer I already know.

  “Damn, Harrison.” I exhale, rubbing my chin. This is rough. My brother loves that girl, but he’s devoted his life to Red. I can’t imagine this would be an easy choice for him.

  Hell, I’m not sure what I would do if I was in his position.

  And then it hits me again. I’m the reason he’s in this situation.

  “Yeah,” she agrees. “Damn.” She takes a sip of her drink. “Your mom is at the apartment.”

  I bring my cigarette to my lips. “The fuck she doing there?” I haven’t really talked to the woman since she got out of the hospital. She’s called, but she’s also given me my space. She knows how I feel about her. I can’t say I hate her. She did give birth to me, but I’d never go out of my way for the woman.

  “Lee called her.”

  “What?” I ask, surprised. Pops would never go out of his way for her either, but it looks like she’s working her way into everyone’s good graces.

  “Yeah. She’s been trying to feed me and shit.”

  I scoff but don’t say anything. Leaning up, I flick my ashes into an empty beer bottle before getting off the arm of the couch and lifting the ash-filled bottle along with a few others from the table.

  “You heard anything from Michelle?” she asks. I stop over the trash.

  I lov
e how she just slid that in. Like we would just casually talk about Dalton. I’ve never talked about Dalton with her, or anyone for that matter. My family has no idea how far back she and I go. To them, this is a newish relationship. To them, this should be easy for me.

  Never talk to Dalton again and move on with my life.

  But they don’t know how much I care about the girl.

  “You mean Harlow?” I answer.

  “Harlow?” she questions.

  “Yeah.” I drop the bottle. It clashes with the others before settling in the bottom of the trash.

  “She was using a fake name. Go figure. Her real name is Harlow Dalton.” I continue cleaning up with the smoke resting between my lips.

  “So, you have spoken to her?” She crosses her arms, holding on to the glass with her fingers. I don’t care for her tone of voice, but I don’t feel like fighting with my brother’s girlfriend.

  “You thought I wouldn’t?” I ask, dropping takeout boxes into the bin.

  “What she did was unforgivable. I get you had some feelings for her, but there are other women out there you can catch feelings for.”

  I take a drag from my smoke but choose to keep quiet. She thinks I can just shut this shit off.

  There are other women I can catch feelings for. Like this is a goddamn choice.

  “Do you agree?” she asks.

  I give her a sideways glance. “You say it like it’s that easy.” Like I can snap my fingers and that’s it.

  “What the hell do you mean? She put Bryce in jail. He may be going to prison. How much easier could it be?”

  “She was doing her job,” I say, and I can’t believe I’m taking up for her, but fuck.

  I can say things about Dalton all day. I can go over there and treat her like shit, but no one else is allowed to do that. They don’t know her like I do.

  She’s messed up. She lost her sister when she was just a kid. Hell, the woman is still looking for her.

  God, I want to pull my hair out. Why am I thinking like this? She lied to me.

  Harrison cough laughs, anger clear in her voice. “You’re kidding me, right? Are you not mad?”

  I turn my full attention to her. “Oh, I’m mad,” I say severely. “I’m so goddamn mad I can’t see straight.” Harrison has no idea what I’m going through. She has no idea what this feels like.

  One minute, I want to go over to Dalton’s house and fall to my knees, telling her I’ll forget everything, just be with me.

  The next, I want to go over there and punish her so she’ll never even think about doing what she did to me to another person.

  It’s exhausting.

  My heart is bruised, like she reached inside my chest and squeezed the muscle herself.

  “And yet you’re defending her?” she asks coldly.

  “Don’t do that,” I say, shaking my head, removing the smoke between my lips. “Don’t stand there and fucking judge me when you and my brother can’t get your shit straight to save both of you.” I don’t want to be mean to Harrison, but she has no right to criticize me. She and Bryce have had their fair share of problems, and I’ve always butted out.

  Even when my brother beat the shit out of a guy at Red one night because he touched Harrison. When he was a dick to her at the hospital, I helped the fucking situation by going and talking to her for him. I helped find Bryce in that party house and got him home so they could work on their crap.

  I helped.

  I didn’t condemn them and demand they stay away from each other.

  But then again, how can I be mad at them for not knowing how serious this all is?

  Once again, it’s my fault.

  Before I can blink, Harrison has tossed the glass into the brick wall. Liquor rivers down, puddling on the floor. I don’t move.

  Her anger is justified.

  Just like mine is.

  She loves Bryce, and he’s probably going to prison because of my girl and me.

  I love Dalton, and there’s nothing I can do about it—just like there’s nothing Harrison can do about the fact her man might choose Red over his freedom.

  And essentially her.

  “Fuck you.” She points toward me. “What Bryce and I do… The shit that’s between him and me, it doesn’t hurt other people. This relationship of yours did.”

  That fuck you comment doesn’t sit right with me. She’s pissing me off. I lift my chin. “Harrison, I don’t give a shit if you’re the girl who stole my brother’s heart. You don’t get to tell me how to live my life. You’re standing by a felon,” I say calmer than I feel.

  “That felon is your brother!” she yells.

  “Yeah. Fuckery, ain’t it?” I narrow my eyes. “My brother is sitting in jail with a possible prison sentence, and I’m in love with the woman who took him down.” I walk over to the fridge and grab two beers.

  She shakes her head, looking at me with pity.

  I ignore it, sliding a beer across the counter for her before twisting the top off mine. My eyes go down to the counter, and anger decimates.

  That familiar ache I’ve become accustomed to settles in. “I’ll hurt no matter what I do. So, what the fuck do I do?”

  She twists the cap off her bottle, chugging it before slamming it down onto the counter. She wipes her mouth and grabs her keys from her pocket.

  “I guess you’ve got some thinking to do, huh? I’ve got to get to the courthouse,” she says.

  I lean back on the fridge as she walks out, exhaling slowly through the pain.

  Chapter Forty-Nine

  Harlow

  I step out of the shower and swipe my hand across the mirror, looking over my reflection.

  Brown eyelashes fan over my pale skin, my freckles stand out, and my eyes are tired and black-rimmed. I keep looking at my phone, hoping he’ll call me again. Praying he’ll call me again.

  Even after he did what he did, I can’t stop thinking about him.

  I should hate him for the way he used me, but, how can I?

  I did the same thing.

  But worse.

  Today’s court day. I have to go in and confront the pain I’ve caused this family. I only wanted to be a part of it. I only wanted to be in another life so I could love Jace freely.

  I wanted him to know who I am and still be proud to take me around his family.

  Now I get nothing.

  It’s over for me.

  It’s done.

  My glimpse of heaven has passed, and after today, I can get back to my normal life.

  Being alone and focusing on finding my sister.

  Which is great.

  I roll my eyes. “Just fucking great.”

  _____________

  I sit anxiously in the courtroom. I’ve always been cool at these things. Confident that I did my job and took down the bad guy, but part of me thinks that maybe I’m pointing fingers at the wrong bad guy.

  Maybe I should be pointing at myself.

  I mean, what Bryce was doing was illegal, but it just doesn’t seem to matter after you look at the bigger picture.

  Hearts were broken; pain was caused. Sometimes a turned cheek is the only way.

  Fuck, my thoughts are so messed up.

  I am the law.

  He was breaking it.

  I did what I was supposed to do.

  I look up when Monroe hits my arm. “You bitch,” Kat says slowly.

  I blanch. “Kat.” I look around, wondering if Jace is here, too.

  “How could you?” My attention turns back to Kat and my eyes dart down to her white knuckles caused by the firm grip she has on the bench. “How fucking could you?” It’s clear she wants to hit me.

  I don’t blame her. Not really.

  Of course, I’m not going to let her, though. I like the girl, I really do, and I get she’s taking up for her guy, but that’ll be crossing the line.

  I hold up my chin. “It’s my job,” I say, and that’s really the only reason why I did it.

  Becaus
e, trust me, if at any moment I could have changed things, I would have.

  And then I feel it. Thick tension pointed right at me.

  He’s in here.

  I know it. I want to look away from Kat. I want everyone is this courtroom to disappear and let me talk to him alone.

  Kat scoffs. “Who are you trying to persuade? You or me?”

  My eyes jump up to hers. She’s figured it out. She knows I love him, and she knows I’m suffering.

  She smirks, leaning in. “You fucked up.” She’s being a bitch.

  I tilt my head. “Do I need to remind you that

  I’m a cop and you’re causing a disturbance?”

  She looks at me with disgust and my jaw clenches, but I’m not mad at her. I’m mad at the situation. Hell, I hope she never gets put in the position I was in, because she would die just like I am.

  I don’t wish that on anyone.

  “Harrison.” Kat’s head jerks back at the sound of

  Jace’s voice and I risk a glance.

  God, he still makes my knees shake. He looks like he’s been through hell. In jeans and a plain T-shirt, his skin looks paler than normal, his eyes tired. His five o’clock shadow has grown, and his hair is unruly. I want to go to him so badly.

  Look at me, baby.

  “Come on.” His eyes dart down to me, but only for a moment, and then he looks back at Kat.

  I narrow my eyes at him. He’s trying to act like seeing me doesn’t affect him, but it’s as clear as the stretched pupils in his eyes.

  He’s high.

  “Stay away from us,” Kat says to me. “Don’t come near my family again. Whatever your little heart is feeling toward Jace, let it burn out. He’s dead to you.” She pushes off the bench and walks toward my heartbeat.

  I look down at the papers in my hand.

  He’s high? Why is he doing drugs? I mean, I knew he messed around with cocaine a little. I’ve heard that from the guys, and I know he sold it in the Army and that’s why he got kicked out. He didn’t tell me this information, but I am an FBI agent. I know more about Jace than he thinks. And I know that’s not fair. Because he knows only what I’ve shared with him.

  I exhale, wishing I could go talk to him. Bryce Grant walks into the courtroom, his eyes searching for his family, I’m sure. I watch him walk over to his lawyer and turn around.