His Christmas Redemption

by Danica Favorite

  Christmas Eve, Lance arrived at the ranch house feeling more nervous than a boy picking up a girl for their first date.

  That was ridiculous, considering this was not a date.

  Leah had invited him to spend the evening with their family, which he’d accepted, but she’d been cagey about how Erin felt. Now he was wondering if he shouldn’t have first gotten Erin’s explicit permission.

  “Sorry I’m late,” he said as Leah ushered him in. “I had to make a stop at the nursing home to see my friend Mary, and it took longer than I thought.”

  “It’s fine,” she said, smiling. “We only just got here, and Nicole and Fernando haven’t arrived yet.”

  Leah hugged him with more warmth than he expected, despite the fact that he was there on her invitation. He handed her the bag of gifts he’d brought, but as he did so, he removed the box for Erin.

  “I don’t know how you want to do presents, but I have a few things for everyone.” He held up the box he’d pulled out. “But I’d like to give this to Erin privately.”

  No sooner had he spoken than Dylan and Ryan ran into the room and wrapped their arms around him.

  “Uncle Lance!” The boys immediately started chattering at him, so fast, he couldn’t keep up.

  Shane stepped into the room. “Boys, give Lance his space. You still have chores to finish. You can catch up with him in a little while.”

  The boys ran back out of the room and Shane shook his head. “They have Christmas fever. But I promised Erin we’d bring in some more firewood, and it’s getting dark.”

  Lance nodded. “She probably says she’s fine to do it, but she still needs help.”

  Shane grinned. “Pretty much.”

  Erin joined them. “Oh, stop. I’m not that bad.”

  He shouldn’t still be so affected by the sight of her. It had only been a week, but it was enough to realize how much he missed—and still loved—her.

  He just prayed it wasn’t too late.

  “Do you think we could speak privately for a moment?” he asked.

  Erin looked over at Leah, who nodded.

  “We can go to my room,” Erin said.

  He followed her, feeling Shane’s and Leah’s eyes on him. He felt like a boy sneaking up to a girl’s room, even though he’d been to Erin’s room before and they’d once been married. But he’d never felt as though so much was at stake before. Even when he’d asked her to marry him, he’d known she was going to say yes.

  But now he was about to bare his heart and he wasn’t sure how she’d receive it. The last time they’d spoken, she had been angry with him, and rightfully so.

  Would she be willing to forgive him?

  When she closed the door behind them, he said, “Thank you for letting me come. I know Leah would’ve gotten your approval before inviting me, but I wasn’t sure how grudging it would be.”

  Erin shrugged. “The boys love you. I can act like an adult for their sakes.”

  “You’re still mad at me?”

  She looked like he’d just asked her a ridiculous question. “After all the hurtful things you said to me after Lily died? And then for you to do the same thing?”

  He watched as she squeezed her eyes shut.

  She stared at him again. “I know Ryan didn’t die. But with Lily, I was pregnant, and with Ryan you were obsessed with work. Again.”

  Her accusation hit him square in the gut. He deserved her words, but he hadn’t expected them to hurt so much.

  “You’re absolutely right. I behaved abominably toward you after Lily died. I’ve been regretting my actions, even more so after learning about the baby. I should have told you that, even before Ryan disappeared, but I kept chickening out about sharing my feelings with you.”

  Her face softened a little, but he knew he was nowhere near close to winning her over.

  “I spent the first night after I left at the pastor’s house, and he and I sat up for a while, talking about all this. I told him a lot of things, and they were all things I should have told you to begin with. So the next day, I got in my car and drove home. I had a few sessions with my counselor to sort things out, but I know that the person I’ve needed to talk to the most was you.”

  Both his counselor and the pastor had warned him that he could open his heart to her and she still might reject him. But he also knew that he owed it to Erin to take that risk. She needed to hear what he had to say.

  “I will never be able to find the words to tell you how deeply sorry I am for all of the horrible things I said to you when Lily died. I was wrong to blame you, and even more wrong not to turn to you for comfort... Our little girl died, and what you needed most was for your husband to come alongside you and love you and figure out a way to move on together. You shouldn’t have been alone when you lost the baby. I should have been there, holding your hand, and together, we would have faced the future.”

  Tears rolled down Erin’s face as she nodded. None of this was news to her. Because it was what she had told him all along. But for the first time, he was confirming it.

  “I can’t go back and do what I should have done. But I can do better in the future. I once told you that I couldn’t be the man you wanted me to be. But I’d like to try.” Tears stung the backs of his eyes and he couldn’t ever remember being this vulnerable to her. Vulnerability made a man weak, according to his father, but he now knew that his father didn’t have the character Lance wanted to emulate.

  Lance held his hand out to Erin. “I miss Lily. Sometimes I think about what she would’ve been like, or I see a little girl playing in the park, and it hurts so much to know that our daughter will never get to do any of that. I wonder about the baby we lost and I mourn what could have been. I should have shared all this with you. But I was too busy trying to make my father proud, when I should have been more focused on loving my wife.”

  The tears running down Erin’s face as she took his hand gave him hope.

  “I miss them, too,” she said. “And I felt all alone in my pain.”

  “You’re not alone. I’m sorry for not sharing it with you. I haven’t shared a lot of things with you, and I can see where I’ve let you down as a husband.”

  As she nodded, the ache in his heart grew. Maybe it was too much to expect that a simple conversation could fix everything between them, but surely it was a start.

  He handed her the box. “I wanted to give this to you privately because it’s a symbol of my commitment to listening to you and working on meeting your needs.”

  She opened the box and he saw the tears that sprang to her eyes as she scanned the documents within. “It’s an offer on our house.”

  He nodded. “Maybe I should have asked you before putting it on the market. But you’d been asking me to sell for so long, I figured it would be okay. So, take a look at the offer and, if you like it, we’ll sign. The house will be sold and we can start our next chapter.”

  Then he took a deep breath. “What that chapter looks like is up to you. When I was taking care of you, you asked if we could start again. But in my pride and anger, and lack of understanding, I didn’t give you the answer you were hoping for... I hope it’s not too late. I never stopped loving you, and I think that’s why I was so angry with you at times. I didn’t want to love you, but I couldn’t help myself. And unlike the offer on this house, you can have all the time you want to think about it.”

  “Do you have a pen?”

  It wasn’t the response he’d expected, but at this point he’d take what he could get. “In the box.”

  She signed the papers on all the lines indicated then she noticed the final sheet.

  “What’s this transfer of an extra ten thousand dollars to me after closing? That wasn’t part of our divorce.”

  He shrugged. “You wanted the money from the sale of the house to put back into the ranch. My carelessnes
s caused damage to your hay. Even though Shane says that we won’t know until the spring how much was damaged, I want to pay for it. It’s a sign of my commitment to your success on Three Sisters Ranch. I want to help you and your sisters build it to be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”

  She looked incredulous and he didn’t blame her. “I haven’t done much in the way of supporting you in your dreams. I’ve always been too focused on building my business to listen to you and what you want. I know this doesn’t fix everything that’s wrong between us, but I hope it’s a start.”

  She picked up the papers and clutched them to her chest. “This means a lot. You’re right, it doesn’t fix everything. But you’ve shared more with me about your feelings in these past few minutes we’ve been talking than I think you did in our entire marriage. I don’t know if we have a future. But this is a good beginning.”

  Though he hadn’t been expecting her to jump up and down and ask him to marry her right away, the fact that she was open to giving him a chance filled him with hope.

  “You should also know that Chad and I decided to sell the business. As we were looking at the company and seeing the direction it was taking for the future, we both realized that we were building it for dreams that would be impossible to reach if we kept up the pace we’ve been going at. I thought I was providing for my family. But I lost that family because I was too focused on my business. Chad wanted to travel and do more extreme sports, but he couldn’t because he was always stuck in the office.”

  Erin nodded slowly, like she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to respond, so Lance continued.

  “When I took my leave of absence, Chad spoke to a number of companies to find out what he could get for my share in case he needed to buy me out. One of them was dishonest, and tried to undermine us, which is what I was working on uncovering when Ryan went missing. It doesn’t excuse my actions in putting business before family, but I did save a number of jobs and I kept a lot of Christmases from being ruined.” He grinned at her. “Kind of like that Scrooge cartoon character in that movie based on A Christmas Carol you and Ryan like to watch, except I wasn’t the one who ruined their Christmas. But it feels good to know I made it right. Anyway, one of the other companies heard about what was going on, and they came in with a fair offer that would give Chad and me the opportunity to do the things we wanted with our lives.”

  Erin looked confused. “So what is the next chapter of your life?”

  Lance shrugged. “I still need to talk to Ricky. I’ll get him preferred pricing before the deal closes, so that should make him happy. And then, if you won’t mind having me around, I’ll see what he has in mind for having someone take his guests up into the mountains. I just figured it might be easier to win you back if I lived locally. Besides, I’m going to start going to church here, too.”

  He knew it was a lot for her to take in. Lance was making a huge life change, and he’d done it all without consulting her. Even though one of the problems in their marriage had been them not talking about things, he also knew that the decisions he’d made were ones he’d needed to make on his own, to know what he wanted out of life, before he could ask Erin to share it with him again.

  He just prayed that she could see the effort he’d made and his honest desire to make things right for both of them. And, if he’d hurt her too badly for her to move forward with him, he’d have the strength to do so alone.

  * * *

  It was all so overwhelming, hearing about the progress Lance had made. He wasn’t just paying lip service to the longings of her heart, he was showing her that he was fully committed to doing things right this time.

  “You’re really selling the company?” she asked, not sure she could believe the words.

  “I didn’t think to print everything out for you, but if you want, I can pull up the email on my phone with the details. Being here, I’ve realized that I can build the biggest, most successful outdoor gear company in the world, but what does it matter if I spend the rest of my life alone?”

  She set the house papers down on her bed and held her arms out to him. “I told Leah the other day that I thought I’d ruined Christmas. She reminded me that we were all together, so despite everything that has gone wrong, we can still have the best Christmas ever. I know we have things to work out, but I am willing to give us another chance.”

  As Lance embraced her, she breathed in his warmth and felt comfort in his arms. This was all she had wanted when Lily had died. When she’d lost Noel. And, yes, even when Ryan had gone missing. Together they were stronger and maybe now they could finally come to a place of healing.

  She gave him a final squeeze then stepped away. “I’m sure the boys are eager to open presents. But after they leave, I’d like to continue this conversation. I never stopped loving you, either, but there were definitely moments when I was so upset with you that I wanted to. But now I finally believe that we have a chance after all.”

  Lance’s smile warmed her heart and when he stepped in toward her, she knew he intended to kiss her.

  It was a soft, tender kiss. One that spoke of the promise of a future where they would both share each other’s hearts.

  As Lance pulled away, he looked almost like an embarrassed schoolboy. “I hope I didn’t get too carried away,” he said.

  She smiled and reached for his hand. “I think it was just right. Now let’s go join my family.”

  When they entered the family room, Erin was surprised at the pile of packages surrounding the tree. “You were supposed to be on a honeymoon, not a shopping spree,” she said, looking at Leah.

  Leah and Shane glanced at each other and then laughed. “We didn’t exactly have a lot of time for shopping on our honeymoon. A lot of these are things from the boys. They made everyone a gift this year.”

  Erin nodded. She’d seen their industry while their parents had been gone.

  Nicole and Fernando joined the group and Erin introduced Lance to Fernando.

  Nicole gave Lance a bit of a side eye. “I thought you were mad at him. He’s holding you a little too tightly for someone you hate.”

  Erin took a deep breath as she looked at her sisters and their husbands, who all seemed so happy together. “Lance and I had a chance to talk and, while we definitely need to sit down and sort through things, we decided to give our relationship another try.”

  Though Nicole looked a bit surprised, Leah smiled knowingly. Erin had had a feeling that her sister hadn’t just invited Lance for the boys’ sake, but because she’d known that, deep down, Erin’s broken heart was just another sign of her love for Lance.

  “Is it present time yet?” Dylan asked. “Because I’ve been waiting to give out mine for a long time.”

  Shane grinned. “All right, then. Why don’t you go ahead and start?”

  Dylan struggled with one of the larger boxes that he brought over to Lance.

  “This is a real important gift. It is a sign of my respect and love for you as a fellow cowboy.”

  Tears filled Erin’s eyes. Even before Lance opened it, Dylan’s speech told her exactly what it was. Leah had told her Shane had given Dylan a speech about being a cowboy when he’d given Dylan his cowboy hat.

  As Lance pulled the hat out of the box, he looked over at Dylan. “Thank you. It’s a real honor. I’ll wear it with pride.” He set it on his head then turned his attention back to Dylan. “How were you able to afford such a nice gift?”

  Dylan squared his shoulders and stood proudly. “When Mom and Dad got back from their honeymoon, I told them what I wanted to give you, and that I needed to earn the money for it. So Dad gave me some extra chores, and I did them, because a real cowboy earns his keep.”

  Lance held his arms out to Dylan. “I hope cowboys hug, because an extra-special gift deserves an extra-special big hug.”

  Could her heart melt any more? Dylan ran into his arms and Lance ga
ve him a tight squeeze.

  As everyone continued opening gifts, Erin noticed Lance withdrawing slightly.

  “Are you okay? Is this too much?”

  He shook his head. “No. I was just thinking how much I once hated Christmas. But I think it just may be my favorite holiday now.”

  His voice cracked slightly and she knew that later tonight they’d sit by the fire and he’d share more of his heart. And, hopefully, a few more kisses.

  Finally it was Erin’s turn to give Lance his gift. With the emotion that had been running rampant, she was little nervous, but she’d been planning it for too long.

  When she handed it to him, she said, “This present is going to make you emotional. So if you would prefer to wait and open it in private, we would all understand.”

  “It’s okay,” Lance said. “I can handle it.”

  He’d barely gotten the box open when tears sprang to his eyes. She’d folded it specifically so that the quilt square with Lily’s Daddy’s Girl shirt was on top. He pulled the quilt out of the box and held it close.

  “After Lily died, I had quilt squares made of all her special clothes,” she said. “But I’ve never been able to bring myself to put the quilt together and use it. When I saw all the pain you were feeling, especially over Lily bear, I knew I had to do this for you. I needed to give you something of hers to treasure.”

  He reached his arms out to her and Erin gladly went into them. He held her close, still clutching the blanket.

  “I didn’t think you could ever get me anything to top any of the gifts you’ve already given me. But this means everything to me.”

  As he kissed her, she felt all the love and emotion she’d always wanted from him. He might say that she’d given him the best gift, but she believed she was on the winning end of the deal.

  Knowing they had an audience, Erin pulled away and sat next to him. “She’ll always be part of us.”

  Then she reached for a corner and showed it to him. The square read “Big Sister.”

  “I bought this for her to wear for when I told you about the baby. So there’s even a little piece of Noel in this quilt.”