Tessa rose slowly and extended a hand. She had a fluidity of movement that was beautiful. It’s funny the things you noticed at times like this. The world seemed to be moving in slow motion. “Can I help you up?”
I said nothing. Just stood and started towards Tessa’s car. Gravel bit into my feet, but I didn’t care.
“I’m going to grab your shoes and purse,” Tessa called. I still said nothing. Just slipped into the passenger seat.
Tessa was back in a flash, placing my purse on my lap and easing my feet into a pair of flip flops before circling around and getting in the car herself. We drove in silence, with nothing but the roaring of my blood in my ears to keep me company. Thirty minutes later, Tessa swung her car into a parking space at the hospital. I numbly reached for the door handle, pausing only briefly to get out a strangled “thank you” to Tessa.
She nodded. “Of course.”
We made our way towards the double doors of the emergency room. My steps faltered as the angry red letters shone down on me. I hadn’t been in a hospital since the night my mother died. I gritted my teeth so hard, they made an audible noise, but I forced myself to keep walking.
Tessa led the way to some sort of reception desk. She spoke softly to a woman behind the counter, and I didn’t try to listen. “They’re in a waiting room upstairs.”
We took an elevator up two floors, and Tessa found the room we were looking for. It was full to bursting with people. Just the sight of them all made me nauseous. My breaths came more quickly. Jensen spotted me and flew from her chair, throwing her arms around me as her body was wracked with sobs.
I forced my arms to encircle her. To do the kind thing. I felt like a robot.
“He’s in surgery,” Jensen said between sobs. “It’s really bad. He was shot in the chest. They said they’d tell us more when they know it.”
I tried to coax out words of reassurance, but I had none. Jensen led me towards her parents, who looked ravaged. Completely wrecked. Their only son’s life was hanging in the balance, and there was nothing they could do. Jensen placed me between herself and Sarah. Sarah reached out to grip my hand tightly. She seemed to have no words either.
The room was mostly silent as we waited. Muted conversations started up and then died off. People got up to place or receive phone calls. There were lots of individuals in uniform. Bryce arrived with Ashlee, and Jensen collapsed into his arms, dissolving into sobs as he held her. I gripped the arms of my chair tighter.
A woman in a Sutter Lake PD uniform approached me. “You’re Taylor, right?” I nodded hesitantly. She swallowed roughly. “I was with Walker when it happened.” My entire body tensed. “He, uh, he wanted me to tell you something.”
I shot from my chair, sending it flying back against the wall. “NO!” I shouted. “No! Don’t you tell me what he said, because he is going to tell me. Walker is! Not you.”
Just as I was about to launch at her, Tuck strode through the door, looking disheveled and dirty. “What the hell is going on in here?” He caught me around the waist and moved me back. “What did you say to her?” he accused the officer but didn’t wait for her answer. He kept pushing me towards the door.
By the time we reached the hallway, my entire body was shaking, and I could barely walk. Tuck gave up trying to guide my movements and instead lifted me up in a bridal-style hold. I shoved my face into his neck. The tears came now. Hot and angry and terrified.
Tuck set me down on a bench at the end of a quiet hallway, still keeping one arm curved around me. “He’s a fighter, Taylor. He’s going to make it.” Tuck’s voice was thick with unshed tears.
I said nothing, just clutched the shirt of Walker’s closest friend with a ferocity that scared even me. I had to turn it off. All the emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I had to shut them off. I couldn’t do this again. I ground my teeth together, squeezed my eyes closed, and prayed for a release from the pain. Exhaustion must have overtaken me, because the next thing I knew, my eyes were blinking open at the sound of Tuck’s and Andrew’s hushed voices.
“I went to the scene,” Tuck started, a hardness to his tone now. “Tried to track the bastard, but he’s good. I lost him in the creek.”
Andrew ran a hand through his disheveled hair. “I can’t believe something like this is happening in Sutter Lake.”
I pushed off Tuck and moved into a sitting position. “Is there any word?”
Andrew gave me a gentle smile. “I was just coming to tell you. He’s out of surgery. He’s in rough shape, but they expect him to make a full recovery.” The tears wanted to come again, but I refused to let them. Andrew pulled me to my feet and into a tight hug. “He’s going to be just fine. We can go in and see him once they’ve settled him in a room.”
I nodded against Walker’s father’s shoulder and then pulled back. “What happened? Do you have any details?”
Andrew’s jaw went hard. “He was shot in the chest, right above his heart. An inch lower, and I don’t think he would’ve survived.” I shuddered violently. “Amazingly, the bullet missed all the important stuff. His heart, any arteries, his clavicle, all fine. He does have a collapsed lung, but that should be fine with some rest.”
An inch. One single inch was all that had come between me and total devastation for the second time. I forced those thoughts from my mind. “When can we see him?”
“They’re moving him to a room now. He’ll be out of it for several hours, though. Jensen and Sarah are going home so they can check on my mom and Noah. Hopefully, they’ll get a couple hours of sleep. You should do the same. Come back after you’ve had some rest.”
I shook my head fiercely. “No. I’m staying. I know I might not be able to see him right away, but I’m staying.”
Andrew patted my hand. “We’ll make sure you can see him.”
Andrew, Tuck, and I followed a maze of hallways until we found the correct nurses’ station. A portly woman with a kind face showed us to Walker’s room. “He’s all settled in. Now, he looks a little battered, but I assure you, he’s going to pull through just fine. Just push the call button and buzz us if you need anything.”
The beating of my heart quickened as we approached the doorway. When I crossed the threshold, that horrible burning in my chest came back. The fire that threatened to take me to my knees. I sucked in an audible breath, trying to force air into my lungs.
There were tubes and machines everywhere. And that damned sound of a heart monitor beeping away. I reminded myself I should be glad I could hear the beeps. Walker’s heart was doing its job. It was strong, and he was going to be just fine. I let Andrew and Tuck approach him first. I was the interloper, after all. The new addition to Walker’s life. They’d been with him practically since he’d breathed his first breath.
Tears tracked down Andrew’s face as he bent to press a kiss to his son’s head. The gesture was so tender, it had me taking a step back and staring at the pattern on the linoleum floor. When he was done, Tuck took his turn. Taking the time to whisper what looked like a vehement promise in Walker’s ear before backing away.
I was up. My eyes locked on the rhythmic rise and fall of Walker’s chest as my feet brought me closer and closer. Suddenly, it wasn’t Walker I saw lying there, but my mother. Her weak heart slowly giving out as the rise and fall of her chest grew shallower and shallower. I squeezed my eyes closed and shook my head to clear the image. Walker was alive. He was alive. I repeated it over and over in my head. He was alive, and that was the only thing that mattered right now.
I let myself sit in the chair next to his bed because I didn’t trust my legs not to give out on me. I scooted it as close as possible. Carefully, oh so gently, I lifted his limp hand, the one that was free of tubes and wires. I traced the rough tips of his fingers, soaking in their familiar sandpapered feel.
Emotions warred within me. Half of me wanted to crawl into the bed with him and get as close as possible. Force his heart to keep beating. The other half of me wanted to run. Run fast
and far and never stop. I hated myself for that second piece.
I focused on the feel of Walker’s hand in mine, the beeping of the heart monitor. I forced myself to be strong. I stayed. I didn’t run. Even though I was scared spitless.
Minutes turned to hours, and still, I didn’t move from my spot. Finally, fatigue began to war with my eyelids, and I laid my head down on the side of Walker’s bed, not losing my gentle grip on his hand. Sleep claimed me within seconds.
A feather-light sensation on my head woke me. My eyes fluttered open, taking a moment to adjust to the light. A hand brushed along the side of my face. I shot up. “Walker!”
There he was, eyes fully open though ringed in dark circles. He looked as though he’d been through a war, and I guess in a way, he had. He was still the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen. “Hey, Short-stack,” he said, his voice even rougher than usual.
I stood. “Are you okay? Do you need the nurse? Some water? Anything?”
Walker let out a low chuckle that turned into a wheezing cough. “I’m fine,” he said, his face laced with pain.
My brows pulled together tightly. “You don’t sound it. Let me get a nurse.”
He grabbed my hand, his hold strong. “They’ve already been in to look me over while you were asleep.”
My eyes widened. “And I didn’t wake up?”
A grin pulled at Walker’s lips. “You were out like a light. You even let out a couple adorable snores.”
My hands flew to my mouth. “I didn’t.”
His grin widened. “You did.” He grasped the edge of my shirt and tugged me closer to the bed.
I bent down and, with the gentlest touch I could manage, I brushed my lips against his. “Are you in much pain?”
Walker’s eyes bore into mine with an intensity that stole a beat of my heart. “It’s manageable.” He traced circles on the back of my hand with his finger. “I won’t lie, there were a few moments there where I wasn’t sure I would see your pretty face again.” The burning sensation was back again, and I bit the inside of my cheek. “There are some things I want to tell you—”
“Not now,” I interrupted, my heart giving a painful squeeze. “When you’re feeling better, we’ll talk about anything you want to, but right now, you need to rest.”
Walker’s eyes roamed my face, peering into my soul like always. I worried that he would call me on my brush-off, but he didn’t, he merely tugged me down into another lip touch. “You’re mine.”
“I’m yours.” The words sliced through my throat as though they were made of razor blades. I was his. But I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want him to own my heart and soul. Because I knew now that if I lost him—I’d never survive.
37
Walker
I pushed up to a seated position on the couch so that I could get a better view of Taylor in my kitchen. The injury to my chest barely hurt. Weeks had passed, and there was now only a slight pulling sensation when my muscles bunched and flexed. I’d have to log a few sessions with a local physical therapist to make sure everything was as it should be, but then it would be back to work. I’d be confined to a desk at first, but I’d be back in the field before long.
Each day, I got stronger. Each day, I healed. And each day, Taylor pulled away a little more. She made excuses not to share my bed, saying that she was afraid she’d bump my wound in the night. Every time I tried to deepen a kiss, she retreated. Today, she’d taken me to my latest doctor’s appointment, and I’d gotten the all-clear to return to the majority of my activities, including sex. I’d been thrilled, mentally planning all the ways I was going to take her when we got home.
Taylor had immediately rushed into the kitchen, saying she needed to make me lunch. I watched her staccato movements as she put together sandwiches, one of the few things even she with her cooking curse could prepare. It was as though she were on alert for a possible attack from any direction.
I got it. I really did. Taylor had lost so much, and just when she let her walls down, and began to really let me in, I’d almost died on her. It would take time for her to see that I wasn’t going anywhere. But I had all the time in the world.
My front doorbell rang. “I’ll get it,” I called before Taylor could stop what she was doing. A frown pulled at her mouth, but she didn’t argue. I made my way to the door, pulling it open to find Ashlee standing there with a plate of cookies in her hands. “Hey, Ashlee.”
Pink tinged the woman’s cheeks. “Hi, Walker. I just wanted to check on you, see if you needed anything, and bring you some cookies.”
I gave her a gentle smile. “That’s very kind of you. Come on inside.” I stepped back to allow Ashlee to enter and closed the door behind her. “We can put these in the kitchen, Taylor’s in there making a couple sandwiches.” I led Ashlee down the hall towards the kitchen. “Short-stack, Ashlee’s here, and she brought cookies.”
There was a look on Taylor’s face that I couldn’t quite decipher. Some cross between pain and frustration that made no sense, but she greeted Ashlee warmly. “Hey, Ashlee. That’s so sweet of you.”
Ashlee ducked her head. “It’s no problem. I don’t want to interrupt, I just wanted to check in. Walker, do you need help with anything? Need me to bring you anything from the office or anywhere else? Or I could bring over some home-cooked meals? I’d be happy to help out in any way I can.”
Taylor gripped the counter, her knuckles turning white. The pieces clicked into place. She was jealous. I had to fight the chuckle that wanted to escape my throat. “I’m good, Ashlee, but thanks for the offer. I’ll be back to work in a couple days for desk duty.”
Surprise and relief shone in Ashlee’s eyes. “Oh, that’s wonderful. I’m so glad. I’ll just leave you to your lunch and see you in a few days.”
“I’ll see you out.” I ushered her out the door, waving as she hopped into her car. Heading back to the kitchen, I let the smile I’d been fighting take over my face.
Taylor looked up as I entered. “What’s with the dopey smile?”
I crossed to her, pulling her into my arms. “You were jealous.”
Taylor’s face scrunched up adorably. “I was not.”
“You were, too. And it was fucking cute.”
She tried to extricate herself from my arms, but I held firm. “I was not jealous. Now, will you please let me go? I’m trying to finish lunch.”
I dropped my arms. “What is going on with you? I’ve tried to be patient, to let you work through this on your own, but I think it’s time we talk.”
Taylor’s shoulders stiffened. “I don’t really think there’s anything to talk about.”
“How about the fact that you’ll barely let me touch you? How about that?”
Her head snapped up, and I saw fire in her eyes. “I haven’t wanted you to hurt yourself.”
“Well, the doctor cleared me, what’s your excuse going to be now?” I asked, throwing my arms wide.
Taylor flinched at my movement. “I just need some time.”
“Time for what?” I was not going to let her use this as an excuse to push me away. I refused.
“To think. I need some space to figure out what I want.”
“Well, which is it, Taylor? Time or space?” My temper teased the surface, and I knew I needed to keep it in check.
She twirled the ring on her finger. “I don’t know, maybe both.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“I’m no good for you, Walker.” Her words were soft and filled with such grief, they broke my heart.
“What are you talking about?”
Tears pooled in her eyes. “I’m a mess. Can’t you see that?” She swiped at her face, and I fought back the urge to pull her into my arms. “You got hurt, and all I want to do is run away. Do you know how fucked up that is? I think I might love you, and yet all I want to do is get as far away from you as possible at the time when you need me the most.”
My heart stuttered at her confession, warmth filling my chest. �
�Taylor, baby, that is totally understandable given what you’ve been through recently.” I reached for her, but she stepped out of my grasp, shaking her head back and forth.
“No, it’s not! You deserve better. Someone like Ashlee, who’d love nothing more than to be by your side through it all.”
“What the fuck? Seriously, Taylor, what the fuck? I do not want, nor have I ever wanted Ashlee. I want you. You’re mine, remember?”
“I’m broken, Walker.”
“Well, then all your beautifully broken pieces are mine.”
Taylor’s body visibly shuddered at my words. “I think I’m going to go back to LA for a while.”
My spine went ramrod straight. “No. You go, and I’ll follow your ass.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Please.” There were tears in her voice. “Please, Walker, I need to get my head straight.”
My teeth ground together with such force, I thought I might crack a molar. “I’ll give you space to get your head straight, if you promise me you won’t leave.”
Taylor blew out a slow breath. “All right.” Her eyes, full of tears, met mine. “I’m going to go now…if you’re okay on your own.”
I wanted to scream at her that I wasn’t fucking okay on my own, but I resisted the urge and nodded instead. She disappeared into the guest room she’d been staying in, I assumed to get her stuff, and I just stared at the two sandwiches assembled and placed on plates. Footsteps sounded, drawing my attention.
There she stood, duffle over one shoulder, so eager to walk right out of my life. “I’ll call you when I figure things out.” I nodded, and she headed for the door.
“You know I love you, right?”
She froze. “I know.” The words sounded so unbelievably tortured.
“To the depths of my soul. I’ll give you time, but don’t think I’m letting you walk out of my life so easily.”
Beautifully Broken Pieces Page 21