Stir Until Petrified

by Theda Vallee

  “Don’t go yet. I haven’t finished my beer and you agreed to a drink.” He looked like he meant it.

  “Sorry, we have to get up early tomorrow.” I gave him a half-assed smile while contemplating how to un-perch myself from the bar stool.

  “I don’t want to go. I want to dance more. You want to dance with my sister, right? We can all dance for a little bit. Please. Plus, you promised me pancakes before we went home. Remember when we were in the bathroom; you were looking for hair on your chin, and I said please can we have pancakes this time. I love pancakes after the club. You said fine but we had to go to the place close to home. I’m not so drunk that I forgot. Besides, this guy is hot. Did you know you were really hot?” Nerina ran her fingers down Luc’s face to make sure he understood she was talking about him.

  “OK, fine. Go dance. I’ll finish my water. Then we’ll go.” Anything to get her to shut the hell up; really, she had to bring up my chin hair? It’s a well-known fact that hair grows in bad places as you age. It’s not something that needed to be announced to the hottest guy I’d ever met.

  “Woohoo, dancing time!” Nerina tried to wink at me but ended up looking like she had something in her eye. I watched her stagger away, hoping she didn’t face plant on the dance floor.

  “Does that mean you want to dance with me?” he asked, his eyes lighting up at the possibility.

  “I don’t really dance. It’s not my thing.” It was bad enough I had no idea how to hold a witty conversation. If he saw the travesty I called dancing, he’d run away screaming.

  “You know, I’m noticing a pattern here; there seems to be a lot of things you don’t do. I think it’s because you’ve never done them with the right person. Come on, how about we give it a try for one song? If you hate it, I promise we can come right back to the table.” His perfect teeth captivated my attention. How could someone have such a perfect smile? I felt like I was in a toothpaste commercial every time he flashed that grin at me. I wanted to say no. Dancing with him was a recipe for disaster.

  Yet when he stood up and held his hand out for me I couldn’t say no. My body had a mind of its own. Everything in me wanted to follow him out onto that dance floor. The steady, never take a chance, broken Etta didn’t want to exist tonight. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to dance with him. I wanted to stare into his eyes and lose myself for a few hours. Instead of retreating into my shell, I willingly took his hand. I wanted to see what it felt like to be the kind of girl who said yes.

  Weaving our way in and out of the crowd we found our spot on the dance floor. It was on the fringe of the writhing crowd but had a layer of people between the tables, so we wouldn’t become a spectacle. I had to admire his precise positioning. At least only a few people would have to witness the worst dance moves ever.

  Positioned slightly apart we both began to move to the music. Thankfully he didn’t seem in a rush to move into anything elaborate. We swayed to the beat through the end of one song. It was awkward, but not as terrible as I’d thought it would be. If I wanted to go back to the safety of the table now was the moment. He’d promised one dance would be all he asked for. Looking up, I realized there was no place on earth I’d rather be at this moment then dancing with this sexy man. Tomorrow I could be shy, friendless Etta whose husband abandoned her. Tonight, I wanted to be the sexy, funny woman Luc thought I was.

  The next song started. The club around us echoed as people sang along with the catchy hook, I added my voice to the din. Luc grinned from ear to ear. The music hit in hard. The beat took over every fiber of my being. My hips were rolling. My butt was grinding. I’m sure my breasts were bumping. Everything on me was free to move however it needed to. Touching Luc became a part of my dance moves. A hand on his chest; a slow stroke down his arm; hip to hip; all my body parts needing to have a moment to connect with the golden boy.

  Freedom is a heady thing; once unleashed it was not going back in the bottle so easily. One song became two, then three, and then I lost count. Luc kept pace, not seeming to mind that I’d lost my mind on the dance floor. We were in a bubble. It didn’t matter who was around. All we could do was move with each other. I knew it was probably my imagination, but it felt like our bodies were straining to connect; yearning for the brief moments of contact. If the energy between us had been visible, I could only imagine it would’ve been a laser light show like no other.

  I was startled when the DJ announced it was last call. We’d been dancing for two hours straight. We were both glistening with sweat. Our breaths coming in short gasps. Too bad it was time for Cinderella to leave the ball. I’d had my fun. It would have to be enough to last me until I was ready to try with someone again. He grabbed the crook of my elbow helping to steer me over towards the table I’d carelessly left behind. Hopefully, everyone’s purses were still there.

  Back at the table, the spell dissipated completely. Nerina had her head in her arms lying across the top of the table; her ass cheeks barely contained by her black mini dress. Gia was drunkenly sloshing water all over her head, trying to get her to drink some. The drive home was going to suck.

  “You know, if dancing isn’t your thing I would love to see you do anything else you lump into that category.” He said grinning at me.

  I blushed again. Two times in one night. That had to be a record for me. God, I wish I could take him home. Living with your traditional Italian grandmother did have its downfalls. “Yeah, well, this was a once in a lifetime phenomenon. Like Halley’s comet; you’re really lucky if you see it twice.”

  Nerina moaned something into her arms from the table. I had a feeling it had to do with still wanting pancakes. If I didn’t take her I’d never hear the end of it. If I did take her I was going to have to deal with a sloppy at best, puking at worst, drunk. Damn it. Time to get back to reality.

  “Looks like I’d better go. My sister’s losing her battle with gravity as we speak. I had fun dancing with you. Thanks for the water.” With that, he was dismissed. I moved over to help Nerina stand, so we could make our way to the car.

  “Etta?” I felt his hand on my elbow. Heat radiated up my arm down and then down through my entire body. My thighs wanted to spring open from a hand on my elbow. It was apparent that my sex drive had kicked into overdrive tonight. “Can I get your number? Maybe we can go out later this week or meet for coffee or something? You could show me the beach.”

  “I don’t give my number out. It’s just, you know, safety first. You could be a serial killer or something. Sorry.” What I really wanted to do was scrawl my phone number across his bare chest.

  “Well, can I give you mine? Maybe you can call me if you feel like going out? You can bring your sister. Safety in numbers.”

  “Sure. That would be good.”

  He neatly printed his number on a napkin and handed it over to me.

  “I had fun tonight. Do you need help getting your sister to the car? She looks like she might not make it on her own.”

  “No, I got it covered. Thanks, though.” Grabbing my purse off the table, I shoved the napkin inside. I needed to put as much distance between us as possible. If I stared at his perfect face for another minute I’d do something a lot dumber than dance like no one was watching.

  “Come on, Nerina. Up you go. You want pancakes, don’t you? Drunk sisters who can’t help get themselves to the car don’t get pancakes.” Nerina let me pull her up to a standing position. “Do you think you can walk?”

  Her hand flew up into a salute. I was going to take that as a yes. “Where’s Gia? Is she getting pancakes too?”

  “Yep, she’s coming too. Come on. One foot in front of the other. Let’s go make you sick by shoveling pancakes on top all that alcohol.” I said as I steadied her on her feet.

  Gia tried to muster up enough coordination to help by taking Nerina’s other arm. We made a drunken daisy chain weaving our way towards the front of the club. Every cell in body screamed for me to look back, to drink in the memory of Luc one more time. I knew b
etter though. If I turned around, I’d send my sister and cousin home in a cab, so I could spend the night with my legs wrapped around that golden man. As much as my body seemed primed and ready for that, I knew the rest of me wasn’t. I kept pace with the drunken mess of my family refusing to even let it look like it was a struggle for me to walk away.

  We made our way out of the club with minimal issues. Nerina walked in a serpentine pattern but she was walking. Gia seemed to be able to walk a straight line if she kept her head down. Her bleary eyes worked to focus on her feet connecting with the ground. The parking lot had emptied out quite a bit in the few minutes it’d taken us to get out the door. My 1964 VW Bug was parked towards the back of the lot. It stood alone in a poorly lit area that already looked like a ghost town. The obnoxious yellow paint job of my beat-up car served as a beacon, guiding us back to reality.

  “Can I take my shoes off? My feet hurt.” Nerina whined.

  “I am going to recommend you keep them on. The ground is probably a cesspool of disease. You’ll thank me for it tomorrow.” It’s not like we just walked twenty blocks in our heels. It was across a parking lot for Pete’s sake.

  “Do I have shoes on?” Gia blinked at her feet trying to decide whether she was indeed still wearing shoes. She was.

  We made it to the car with no one falling. That was a small miracle. I moved to open the doors letting Nerina hold on to the roof for stability. She could barely reach. Even in her platform stilettos, she stood a smidgen shy of five and a half feet. Sometimes I wondered if we both had the same parents. How did I come out so damn giant next to her?

  Gia took her sweet time crawling into the backseat. As much as I loved my little junker car, it was not the best vehicle for group outings in barely there spandex getups. I stood blocking the view as she lurched into the back seat, as un-ladylike as possible. My cousin had a penchant for never wearing underwear. She said panty lines ruined a perfectly good outfit. Hopefully, she appreciated my effort to block whoever was left in the parking lot from seeing her commando glory.

  Next, I turned my attention to getting Nerina into the front seat. She was able to slide in on her own, but the seatbelt proved to be a demon puzzle from hell for her. Reaching around her, I buckled her in like a toddler. She was so going to owe me tomorrow. Of course, I’d danced the night away with one of the most gorgeous men I’d ever seen. Maybe she wouldn’t owe me. I had ended up having fun for once.

  I turned around cursing to the heavens that I was going to have to get them in and out of the car again once we got to the diner. Maybe a few cups of coffee would sober them up enough to make it a little easier. I pulled the keys out my purse, lifting my head up in panic as my vision became blinded by Hawaiian print. I moved back startled. Where had he come from?

  “Hi. I saw you and your friend checking me out earlier. I was gonna come buy you a drink, but some big guy got in my way. Can I buy you something else? We could go get breakfast? My treat; I got a good job.” Hawaii five-oh-so-harry reeked of alcohol. He’d imbibed enough to have it ooze out of his pores like an alcoholic cologne.

  “As tempting as that sounds, I really need to get my friends home; some other time.” I put my hands up in the small amount of space he’d left in between our bodies. He wasn’t as tall as me allowing my eyes to survey the empty parking lot behind him. So very empty.

  “What’s your name? My name’s Cancer. Wait, that’s my sign. My name is Bob. Bob the Cancer. I bet you’re an Aquarius. Your eyes are pretty like water.” He leaned in closer, breaching my bubble of personal space.

  “Bob the Cancer, you need to step back. I need to go and you’re in my way.” He just stood there. A hairy disgusting wall of impenetrable mass. “Please move so I can go.”

  I was angry at the fear in my voice. This was nothing. Just an overzealous, drunken asshole in the parking lot. It was one of the many reasons I hated going to clubs. Men felt like they had a right to force their company on you simply because you walked through the door.

  Nerina finally noticed I hadn’t made it into the car yet. She rolled her window down allowing my butt to slip into her window. If worse came to worse maybe I could try to climb ass first in through the window and over Nerina.

  “What the hell are you doing? Why are you cleaning the window with your butt? I’m starving. Are we at the pancake place?” She grilled me, her words tinged with the haze of alcohol.

  “Pancakes, pancakes, pancakes.” Gia started chanting for pancakes from the back of the car. Clearly, neither of them was cognizant of the fact that I was being blocked from leaving by this asshole.

  “I’ll take you for pancakes. Come on, my cars over there. I’m a nice guy I swear.” He grabbed my hand pulling me out of the window towards him. His grip was hard. Digging into the soft flesh of my wrist. I looked into his eyes realizing this was not just a drunken sleaze ball. There was anger and entitlement glaring back at me. For some reason, Bob thought I owed him the time of day.

  “Alright, enough. I’m leaving. You need to let go of my hand and get the hell out of my way. I don’t want to go anywhere with you. If you don’t let go my girls are going to call the cops. Got it?” I was proud of how strong I sounded.

  Bob didn’t like my answer. He grabbed my hair yanking my head back. His face contorted with rage. “Look you little slut, you don’t come to a club dressed like that to go home alone. We’re going to have a little fun together before you leave tonight, understood?”

  A cacophony of screams echoed through the parking lot as Nerina and Gia finally realized what was going on. From the twisted angle of my head, I could see Nerina desperately trying to figure out the door, drunken coordination slowing her every movement. Time halted as my brain refused to pony up an escape. He held my hair in a grip that seemed to disable my entire body. If I moved too hard in either direction my scalp felt like it would dislodge. Adrenaline started coursing through me. I had to figure out how to end this before that adrenaline peaked.

  As if he read my mind and decided he had a death wish, Bob pressed his lips into my neck. His tongue tracing a trail from my jaw line before moving down further. Waves of revulsion coursed through me. There was nothing I could do at this point but give myself over to the chemical reaction that raced through my cells. I closed my eyes, allowing the fear to take over. I needed to feed on it. Breathing deeply, I let my rage at this man layer on top of my fear. The rage that he would dare insinuate I wanted to be used because of my outfit. Rage that he would think he could touch me against my will. Fear and rage competed for space inside my body. My blood began to tingle. I felt the zaps of electricity under my skin. Goosebumps scattered across my body as the cool night air met the boiling heat of my body.

  I let the electricity release. All my emotions came to life as if they’d become a living breathing entity. The force of it hit him square in the chest, flinging Bob the Cancer into the air. He hovered above me for a few moments. A satisfying look of terror frozen on his face. I don’t know if he realized I’d just done this to him or if he thought some bizarre act of mother nature had assaulted him alone. Freed from his grip, I stepped back, waiting for him to fall back to earth. He was a big man, so he picked up a lot of momentum on the way back down. His face smashed into the pavement first, followed by the rest of his body. For a few moments, he didn’t move. I held my breath praying he wasn’t dead. He was an asshole, but I didn’t want to be a murderer.

  With the tip of my toe, I nudged his limp body. No movement. I knelt next to him, pushing his body to roll him onto his back. My heart started beating again when I saw the steady rise of his chest. He was alive, but he didn’t look pretty. His nose was probably broken. At least in my non-professional opinion, it didn’t look right. Blood streamed down his face from multiple sources. His right arm had settled in a horrific off-kilter manner. That was not normal for sure.

  “Holy shit, Etta. What did you do?” Nerina’s horrified scream echoed across the empty parking lot. “SHIT, SHIT, SHIT! Is he dead?
”

  “He attacked me. Should I’ve just let him do what he wanted to do?” Tears started to stream down my face. With just a few seconds of brutality, this man had managed to ruin everything.

  Gia grabbed me in a fierce hug. The reality of what had just happened quickly sobering both her and Nerina. “It’s OK. You did what you had to. Come on, we need to go.”

  “Are we going to just leave him here?” Nerina gulped for air in between sobs. “Etta, he could be hurt. We can’t just leave him here.”

  “What do you want me to do? Call the police. Tell them we found him like this? If he wakes up, he’s going to tell them it was me. When they start questioning me, how do I explain this? There’s an indent in the pavement. Leaving is the only option. Please let’s get in the car.” I said firmly. I kept my voice steady trying to focus on what needed to be done. Terror threatened to swallow me whole, if I dared to think past this moment.

  Bob opened his eyes as we stood there arguing about his fate. “You did this. I know you. I know what you are. Get away from me, devil.”

  Gladly. I grabbed Nerina by the arm, steering her back towards the car. She didn’t protest. Gia grabbed my purse up off the ground.

  “Check around, make sure nothing fell out.” I said, looking around.

  We couldn’t leave anything behind that could be traced back to us. I should be sorry. I’d committed a crime. It’d been in self-defense but with what I’d done, I was afraid to take the chance that the police would believe me.

  Gia cleared the area. She scrambled into the back of the car. Nerina got in, able to buckle her own seatbelt this time. As I rounded the back of the car, heading for the driver’s seat I could hear Bob’s labored breathing as he struggled to sit up.

  “Devil! Bitch! Strega!” Bob screamed at me as I closed the car door. Strega: witch. At least he had finally got something right. I wasn’t a devil, but I most certainly was a witch.

  Chapter

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