In It to Win It

by Kelly Jamieson

  I’m here for it.

  I hang out in the locker room with the guys for a bit, catching up on news with those I haven’t seen in a while, shooting the shit. It’s great being with the team again. Last year when Dad bought the team, then hired Uncle Mark as coach, everyone was expecting a lot of changes. Over the summer Dad made a bunch of trades, and our draft picks are here trying to show their stuff and make the team, so we have a lot of new guys. This is going to change the makeup of the team this season, so there’s some uncertainty for everyone.

  When I get home, I crash for a two-hour nap. Not sure if that’s a good idea, because I feel sore and a little grouchy when I wake up. I’m supposed to go over to Théo’s place—he’s going to grill some steaks for us since Lacey’s working tonight—but I feel like texting him that I can’t make it. But I have to go. I’m still trying to make things right between Théo and me, and backing out of this won’t help.

  Traffic is nuts on the 405, so I’m even crankier when I get to Théo’s place. I’ve never been very patient. I’m working on it, but this traffic makes me crazy.

  “Why are there so many fucking stupid drivers?” I ask Théo in his kitchen after he lets me in. “Why is traffic at a fucking standstill on a goddamn six-lane freeway? Why can’t people just drive the speed limit?”

  He eyes me with a raised eyebrow. “You sound a little stressed.” He moves to the counter and starts shaking some kind of seasoning over two steaks. “Grab a beer.”

  “Uh…just one. Training camp.” I rub the back of my neck. “Probably shouldn’t have any.”

  “Here.” He opens the fridge and hands me a beer. “Just one. What’s got your jock in a twist? Just the traffic?”

  “Nothing really. Well. Testing today was brutal.”

  “You passed everything?”

  “Of course.” I sound offended. “We all did. In fact, it was some of the best results they’ve ever seen. Everyone’s in phenomenal shape.”

  Théo laughs, rubbing the seasoning into the meat. “Nice propaganda. Did Dad tell you to say that?”

  “What? No.” I frown. “Jesus. You think I’m here to gather intel about the Condors’ camp?”

  “Better not be.”

  For a moment I can’t even speak. He can’t seriously think that little of me. Can he? “Christ, Théo. We work for different teams, but we’re not enemies.” I hope. Jesus. The last thing I want is for the feud between our dad and uncle and grandpa to spill down into our generation. Of course, I didn’t help that by screwing over Théo.

  “I know, I know. I’m kidding. Sort of. Maybe we should agree not to talk hockey together.”

  “What else would we talk about?” I smile wryly, then tip the beer bottle to my lips.

  “Politics. The economy. What the fuck happened at the wedding last weekend.”

  “Right. Look, I’m sorry. I had no idea he and Taylor were a thing.” She could have fucking told me. “I was just dancing, minding my own business, when that lug nut jumped me.”

  Théo sighs. “I know. I don’t know what got into him.”

  “Apparently he was jealous.” Bitterness rises in my throat and I wash it down with another swig of beer.

  “Yeah, apparently. Let’s go out on the patio.” Théo picks up the tray with the steaks, a couple of foil packets, and some barbecue tools.

  I follow him outside and try to change the subject. “You’ve got a great place here, right on the beach.”

  “Yeah, I really like it. Lacey’s obsessed with the ocean, so if we ever move, it’s going to have to be beachfront.”

  I laugh.

  “What’s funny about that?”

  “You. You’re funny. You’re completely whi—”

  “Don’t say it.” He holds up a hand and gives me a stern look. “That’s offensive to Lacey.”

  I snap my mouth shut. “You’re right,” I admit. “I didn’t mean it that way. I love Lacey.” His frown deepens. “I mean, not love love. I like her a lot. Like…like a sister.”

  Things are still a little sensitive between us because of what happened with Emma.

  He grins. “I know, I know.” He lifts the lid of the barbecue, which has apparently been heating, and carefully lays the steaks on the grill.

  “I actually like it that you’re so in love with her you’ll do whatever she wants,” I continue, a little sheepish about trying to make a joke about it.

  “She’ll do anything to make me happy too,” he says quietly, lowering the barbecue lid.

  It’s hard not to make a sarcastic “aw” comment. Clearly, I still have a bit of a chip on my shoulder when it comes to my big brother.

  Okay, I’m a little jealous.

  It’s crazy, because Théo hasn’t had an easy life. He got picked on for being a nerd when he was a kid. He worked his ass off at hockey because he thought that would shut people up. And it did. Then he took that puck in the face and lost a lot of his sight in one eye. He never played pro hockey again, after he’d worked so hard for it.

  Luckily, he had his stats business that he built up into a mega success, and now he’s managing an NHL team at only twenty-eight years old. If something happened to me and I got hurt, I’d end up living on the street, panhandling for change.

  The idea scares the shit out of me, so I don’t think about it. Even though I know I should have some kind of plan for my future. I’m only twenty-six. I have lots of years ahead of me. I should have, anyway. I still don’t feel like I’ve “made it,” like I’ve accomplished everything I want to do. But sometimes we don’t get the choice.

  “I’m glad shit’s going right for you,” I finally say. “You’ve been through a lot. I really admire how you’ve handled your life.”

  Théo nods. “Thanks.”

  “And I know I didn’t help.”

  “I pretty much wanted to kill you.” He takes a seat on one of the comfy chairs with a wry smile.

  My guts twist. “I deserved it.”

  “It wasn’t your fault that you had everything I ever wanted.”

  I stare at him. “I did?”

  “Sure. You have the hockey career I worked my ass off for.”

  Ah, hell. My stomach plummets. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault I got hurt.” He pauses. “It was just…hard. And then you took my girl…”

  “Shit.” I rub my face. “That I’ve apologized for.”

  “I know. You said it was a mistake.”

  “I seem to make a lot of them.” I’m thinking of Taylor now. Maybe it was a mistake, but damn, she was worth it, until I found out what was going on. “Like I want to have another beer right now.”

  Théo gives me a look.

  “But I’m not going to. Not to brag, but I don’t even need alcohol to make bad decisions.”

  Théo shouts out a laugh, shaking his head.

  “How do you do it? Always make the right decisions?”

  “I use careful analysis, logic, and reasoning.”

  “I need to learn that.”

  He snorts. “You know how to use logic and reasoning. But we’re different people.”

  “True.”

  “Remember what you told me?”

  My eyebrows pull down. “What?”

  “About that Kenzimoto.”

  “What?”

  “You know. Being horny makes you impulsive.”

  I start laughing. “Kenjataimu.” The Japanese word for just that.

  “Yeah, yeah. Maybe that’s your problem. Not enough sex.”

  I consider that. “I do think some of my poorest decisions were made at a time I wasn’t getting any.” I rub my chin. Maybe that’s exactly what happened when I slept with Taylor—I was so horny for h
er I was thinking with the stupid little head.

  “You know what impressed me most?”

  “Uh…what?”

  “You never blamed Emma for what happened.”

  I give my head a shake at the abrupt switch from thinking about Taylor to Emma, an even bigger mistake. “Sure, I did.”

  “Well, okay, she did lie to you. But you took responsibility for what happened.”

  Huh. I guess I did, but to me it was pretty obvious I screwed up. “Well, thanks for that. In any case, I don’t think I can blame all my problems on horny hormones. I have to have some kind of self-discipline.”

  “You should talk to Aunt Tori.”

  “I don’t need a shrink.”

  “Come on, you know we all need help. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you. She helps athletes perform better. That’s all.”

  “Well, she’s in Toronto, so I don’t think that’s going to work.”

  “The Eagles have a sports psychologist who works with them.”

  “I know. I’ve talked to him. We all have.”

  “Also, Jackson said at the wedding that his mom is considering moving here.”

  “No shit? Why?”

  “She apparently has some big job offer. He didn’t want to say who. And Riley’s here.”

  “And Uncle Mark.”

  “They’re divorced.”

  “Yeah, but…I always had this feeling they never really got over each other.”

  “Well, aren’t you Mr. Perceptive.”

  I shrug. “I do pick up on things like that.”

  The scent of charbroiling meat drifts from the barbecue, teasing my hungry belly. Théo gets up and turns the steaks and checks the foil packets that I guess are veggies. “Medium rare, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Almost done.”

  “I’m starving. I think I burned a million calories today.”

  “Here. Have some nuts.” He pushes a bowl across the low table toward me. “Healthy fat.”

  I grab a handful to stave off my hunger.

  Théo grills a great steak, I have to say…the spice rub he put on is excellent and the veggies are crisp, with a nice grilled taste. We’ve just started eating when the front door of the condo opens and Lacey’s voice floats through to us, calling, “I’m home!”

  The look on Théo’s face is…I don’t even know. He lights up like a thousand-watt lightbulb. “Out here, babe,” he calls.

  Lacey appears in the patio doors, smiling. “Hi, guys.”

  Then I see who’s behind her.

  Taylor.

  Chapter 6

  Taylor

  I stop behind Lacey, smiling, ready to greet Théo. I haven’t seen either of them since the wedding. And my gaze lands on JP.

  I freeze, my smile falling away.

  Crap. What is he doing here?

  Our eyes lock and his face tightens. Clearly, he’s as thrilled to see me as I am to see him.

  I grip Byron’s leash, holding him back as he tries to dash out onto the patio, but he half drags me out and leaps toward Théo, one of his favorite people.

  “Hey! Byron!” Théo greets him with ear rubs and back pats. “Hi, Taylor.”

  “I saw Taylor on the beach when I got home, so I invited her over,” Lacey says.

  “Hey, Théo.” I lift my chin and turn to JP, my voice going icy. “Hello, JP. Last time I saw you, you were bleeding.”

  His jaw tightens. “Last time I saw you, it was your back as you cut and run.” His voice has an edge.

  I shrug. “Testosterone-fueled brawls aren’t my thing. I hope you’ve apologized to Lacey and Théo.”

  Lacey’s jaw drops and she blinks, her gaze darting back and forth between me and JP. “Uh, he did,” she mumbles.

  Byron trots over to JP, who holds out a hand for him to sniff. “Hi, doggo.” Byron sniffs and eagerly greets at JP, who then rubs his head gently. “You’re a handsome boy.”

  Byron submits to the caresses, the canine traitor. I want to tell JP to keep his hands off my dog, but when JP stops rubbing him, Byron sets his paws on JP’s knees to beg for more attention.

  “Down, Byron.” My voice is sharp as I tug the leash, displeased with Byron’s affection for this jerk. “You guys are eating dinner, sorry—we’ll take off.”

  “No, stay and keep me company!” Lacey says. “I’ve already eaten. How about you?”

  “Yeah, I have.”

  “Let’s have a glass of wine while they eat, then.” She turns back into the house.

  “Byron, sit.” He obeys my command, his nose twitching at the scent of the meat on the guys’ plates.

  “Have a seat, Taylor.” Théo waves to the patio furniture grouped near the glass dining table they’re seated at.

  “Thanks.” I perch on the edge of a chair, wishing I could make a getaway. I don’t want to hang around with JP.

  Even though he looks so damn good…tanned and healthy, his dark hair thick and shiny, dressed in a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt that hugs his shoulders and chest. I remember what his hair felt like when I slid my fingers into it, how that big, hard body felt against mine as he thrust into me…

  Heat washes over me and I resist the urge to fan myself, instead reaching down to pat Byron, letting my hair fall forward to hide my burning cheeks.

  I haven’t told Lacey about what happened the night before her wedding. And the night of her wedding. Not the fight—obviously she knows about that—but why Manny went nutso and jumped JP while we were dancing.

  Or maybe she already knows. Manny certainly figured out what happened.

  My guilty conscience pokes at me again. When Manny and I made eye contact on the patio and then I left with JP, I wanted him to know what was happening. I wanted him to be jealous, to see what he was missing out on after dumping me without a word.

  I feel like I was using JP for that, except…ugh. I kind of was. But really…I was so attracted to JP, I wasn’t going to say no to sneaking away with him to his room even if Manny hadn’t been there. After what happened the night before? Maybe my vagina was taking over for my good sense, but I wanted more of that. I definitely wasn’t thinking about Manny when I was with JP. JP completely seduced me and pulled me under his magnetic spell. I was only thinking of him…and I’ve only been thinking of him ever since. Dammit.

  Maybe JP told Théo all about it, and he told Lacey. Maybe JP told them I spent the night before the wedding in his hotel room, where we did dirty things to each other.

  I was the reason for that whole shit show. I should have resisted the temptation of JP and his sexy smile and hard body and bad-boy charm. And now, I don’t even want to face him.

  Awkwardness holds me in a tense grip as Lacey hands me a glass of wine. “Thanks.” Even my voice is stiff. I’m on alert, jumpy, waiting for someone to say something.

  Lacey sits too. “Look at poor Byron. He’s dying for some steak.” She relaxes into the chair cushions, clearly not feeling the same discomfort I am.

  “Can he have some?” JP asks.

  “Oh. Um.” I’m tongue-tied and self-conscious. I swipe at my hair. “Not until you’re all done. Otherwise he’ll learn to beg at the table.”

  “He’s very well trained,” Lacey says approvingly. “I’ve almost got Théo convinced to get a dog. I’ll need tips from you on how to train her.”

  My lips tick up into a smile, my unease lessening slightly. “Her?”

  “I want a girl dog.” She nods. “I don’t know what kind yet.”

  “I haven’t agreed to a dog,” Théo says mildly.

  Clearly, it’s a done deal. Pretty sure Théo would do anything for Lacey.

  I swallow a sigh. I’m only twenty-four. Too youn
g to give up on love. But I’m definitely discouraged. What Lacey and Théo have is so beautiful. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it also makes me feel a pang of…yearning. And that has nothing to do with JP. Nothing.

  I take a gulp of my wine. “I’d love to help train a puppy.”

  “Get a Great Dane,” JP suggests.

  I shoot him a wide-eyed, what-the-fuck look, but Lacey bursts out laughing.

  “Maybe a bloodhound,” he adds. “Those are cute.”

  “Those dogs are ugly!” Lacey keeps laughing.

  Why is she laughing at his stupid comments? Annoyed, I drink more wine.

  “Mastiff,” he says. “Remember, Théo here needs a big dog to…compensate.”

  “Fuck you,” Théo says. “Besides, isn’t that what your Jag is for? Compensation?”

  “The bigger the car, the smaller the penis,” I comment.

  JP narrows his eyes at me. “My Jag’s not big.”

  I wave a hand. “A small penis car doesn’t have to be big. It can be any fancy sports car–type vehicle. Usually driven fast, with loud music blaring.”

  “Hmm.” Théo cocks his head, clearly trying not to laugh. “If the car fits…”

  “Boys, boys.” Lacey waves a hand.

  JP gives me a pointed, fulminating look, and I know just what he’s thinking—I’m very aware that he has no need to compensate.

  “Get a Chihuahua,” Théo says to Lacey.

  Lacey claps her hands. “Yay! So you’re saying we can get a dog.”

  “No! That’s not what I…” Théo sighs. “Fine.”

  My eyes meet JP’s in a mutual look of “we knew it.” I have to fight back a smile and I tip my glass to my lips again to hide it. Shit. I don’t like him. I don’t want to share amused looks with him. Or any looks with him. Except the stabbing kind.

  I don’t know exactly why I feel so angry with him.

  The guys are finished eating, so Théo stands and picks up his plate.

  JP stands too. “Can I give Byron some steak now?”

  I want to say no, but I love Byron, and he loves steak, and depriving him of a treat just seems mean, so…“Okay. A little.”