by Serena Lyons
What the hell just happened in there? I’m supposed to be completely in control of this situation; I’ve changed myself into a sex-kitten that Callum wouldn’t be able to resist and successfully seduced him. If everything had gone to plan, all I’d need to do now is look for evidence about what he did to Millie.
Nothing has gone to plan though. It’s like he’s the one playing me. He’s like a different man from last night. A man who hates me.
Enough. I’m not going to let him get into my head like he got into Millie’s, I’m going to cheerleading trials, and I’m going to wow them.
I pull my hair into a bun as I walk to the sports centre—I don’t need it flopping in front of my face and distracting me during try-outs. It has the advantage of hiding my bright blue tips, and I move easier knowing I blend in better.
The receptionist directs me to a side room, but as I’m ridiculously early, I head for a bathroom instead. That scene at lunch unsettled me, and I want to make sure that if anyone from Westforde is on the cheer squad, they won’t immediately recognise me. I use toilet paper and an old looking bar of soap to remove my eye make-up. It takes a good twenty minutes to remove all the traces of black from around my eyes, but I breathe easier as my reflection gets closer to the old Faith, the one I’m used to seeing in the mirror.
It’s nearly two, so I go the try-outs, five glossy girls turn around as I burst through the door.
“Is this the cheerleading try-outs?” My voice shakes more than I’d like it to. They’re only looking because I just walked in, it’s not like lunch.
“Yes, I’m Jess, the captain.” A tall girl with glossy dark hair stands up and a clipboard in her hand. “Have you cheered before?” There is a slightly bored tone to her voice that suggests she’s sick of people turning up with zero experience.
“Yes,” I hesitate, wondering whether to mention that I cheered professionally. I don’t want to sound like I’m boasting.
“You’re the first fresher to make it, so you can show us what you’ve got right now if you want?” Jess tells me, then gestures to the others to clear the centre of the room.
“Anything in particular you want me to do?”
“Just show us your best.” She leans against the gym wall, the clipboard in front of her.
I nod and close my eyes.
Here goes.
Taking a big breath, I run through my favourite routine in my head, and pick some adjustments to allow for the fact I won’t have anyone else to do tricks with. In the distance a few whispers imply my audience is worried I’ve chickened out. Time to start.
I open my eyes, smile broadly at the watching team and bounce into my first cartwheel. I follow it with a set of tumbles, flips and rolls.
The gym and the women watching me become a blur. For the first time since I ran out on Callum last night, I feel at peace. I know how to do this, know I’m damn good at it and it’s a joy to perform.
The thought of Callum distracts me, the confusion in his blue eyes as I ran out on him last night. This isn’t the time to be thinking of him.
“Damn,” I curse as I stumble slightly landing my final flip.
The five girls are all staring at me, expressionless. Frustration makes me want to swear, this is not a good sign. I’m not going to make the grade.
“Sorry, I’m a bit hungover, I know I messed up on the land. I—” I babble. I need to make this team.
“This is you hungover?” Jess interrupts.
I nod.
“Shit, you’re going to put the rest of us to shame. Where did you learn those moves?”
For a second, I think she’s teasing me, then I see the genuine admiration in her face. “I, er, well I used to cheer professionally for a football team back home.” I can’t quite meet their eyes, now I feel like an idiot for not mentioning it earlier, like I was trying to fool them or something.
“Shit, I might be in danger of losing my captaincy.” Jess smiles easily. “Welcome to the squad,. First practice is same time tomorrow, you can meet the rest of the new girls. Hopefully they’ll be as good as you.”
“Thanks, I can’t wait.” I’m glad I’m not in my bad-girl make-up because I can’t keep the grin from my face. I walk to the door of the gym then hesitate. I’m on the team now, shouldn’t I stay? But they didn’t tell me to, and I don’t want to intrude. I look back over my shoulder, feeling stupid.
Jess catches me looking. “You can stay and watch the rest of the try-outs if you want?” She smiles kindly, as if my discomfort was obvious.
At least I don’t have to pay play a part here. Thank God I made the squad, this will keep me sane.
Another fresher comes in to try out, this one with no previous cheerleading experience. I wince when she says that, expecting the worst, but she has gymnastics experience and does an amazing routine. If I was the captain, I’d want her on the squad.
I glance over as Jess and the four other team members whisper to each other, it doesn’t feel right intruding on their decision-making, so I go over to the slightly pale looking, blonde auditionee.
“Hi,” I smile trying to put her at ease. “I thought you did great, but sadly my opinion doesn’t count, I just tried out too.”
“Thanks, I hope I make it.” She chews down on her lip. “Are you a fresher?”
“Yeah, I just started at Westforde. You?”
“I’m at Balliol.” The blonde answers, looking nervously past me.
I turn around and the five existing members of the squad are walking towards us.
Jess stares straight at me. “You’re at Westforde as well?” She raises an eyebrow and seems to look at me a bit harder. “You’re a bit different from our usual style.”
The way she says ‘our’ makes it clear she’s at Westforde too. I don’t remember seeing her at the party last night, but something tells me she’s important in college. I need to answer carefully. I freeze looking from her to the four glossy girls behind her, is this another set of people who think I don’t belong? “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
The squad bursts out laughing. “Thank God you had the moves, we need some more girls who don’t take themselves too seriously.” A Scottish redhead says and the rest of the group exchanges loaded glances behind Jess, who is the only one not smiling.
“What did you say your name was?” Jess’s voice is a sharp contrast to the giggles.
I swallow deeply, it’s too much to hope that the rumours about Callum and I have passed her by. “I’m Faith.”
“Frigid Faith.” She quickly says as I die a little inside. So much for my cheerleading oasis.
“Jess!” The redhead squeals. “You can’t—”
“Sorry,” Jess says sounding anything but sorry. She fixes me with an even icier stare. “My mind just jumped straight to all the gossip about you. You know how to make an impression.” The contempt in her eyes makes it clear she’s another one of Callum’s devoted cronies. Just my fucking luck.
“I’m sure you know better than to believe every rumour you hear.” I smile sweetly, but Jess simply glares at me.
“You look totally different.” Her hand lifts towards my head. “Your hair.”
Two thoughts hit me: she’s already seen me and if she’d recognised me, I never would have made the squad, no matter how well I performed in my trial. I lift my hands up to my bun and slowly shake out my hair.
Jess’s pretty face hardens as she sees my turquoise tips. There is no way she’d have let me on the team is she’d recognised me as ‘Frigid Faith’. Well too bad, I’m on the squad now, and I’m staying here. However much Jess seems to regret her decision.
8: Faith
Twenty hours later I’m leaving the gym again after our first squad training session. Two other first-years made the team as well as me, but once we got into our moves, it was hard to remember who was new. You have to become indistinguishable from the old-timers, in a few weeks we’ll be moving like a single mass.
That said, I caught Jess look
ing at me oddly a few times. Her eyes narrowing, when she thought she was unobserved. I need to google her when I get home.
“Is it true you cheered professionally?” One of the other new girls falls into step beside me.
“Yeah,” I keep my voice deliberately neutral. I don’t want to sound like I’m boasting.
“That’s so cool.”
“It was a pretty awesome Saturday job. I—.”
A male voice interrupts me, “Faith?”
I spin around, it’s Callum. Casually dressed in shorts and a tight grey t-shirt that shows off his abs. Something stutters inside my chest. I’m vaguely aware of the girl next to me looking between the two of us and know I should introduce her to Callum, but I’m not sure I trust my voice.
“I better run,” she says finally, a flicker of interest making her eyes shine brighter. “See you next practice.”
I nod, not able to tear my eyes from Callum to answer her properly.
He casts a long, slow look up from my bare legs across the flouncy ruffles of my cheerleading skirt over the curves of my torso then finally rests on my face. My cheeks burn. It’s like he woke up my body through just his gaze. It’s the first time we’ve been alone since I ran out on him.
“You got into the squad?” A smile erupts on his face making him handsome. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” He does a great impression of appearing genuinely nice at times. No wonder Millie fell for his act. “What brings you down here?”
“A bollocking from our rugby coach.” There’s something stilted about Callum’s voice, like he’s trying to keep a check on frustration.
“What did you do wrong?”
“Why do you think I’d be the one misbehaving?” He asks.
“Instinct.” My voice is sharper than I mean to make it, but I can’t help thinking of Millie.
Cal’s cheek tightens. “What does that mean?” His eyes darken, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think I’d hurt him.
“Cal!” Jess’s raised scream means we stop staring at each other and watch her bound towards us. She jumps as she reaches Callum, enveloping him in a huge hug.
He holds her up effortlessly and something close to jealousy sears my insides. They’re very familiar with each other, too familiar. His hands rest comfortably on the curve of her hips and she seems to sniff his hair as she nuzzles into his neck. Is something going on between them? Her stony stares from earlier start to make more sense.
I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. I don’t like this, cheerleading was my oasis from Westforde College, Callum Carter-Wright and all my plans of revenge. That’s what’s making my stomach burn in a way that’s making it hard to breathe. Nothing more.
It’s not that I want to be the girl in his arms. That was all pretending, I—
“Faith?”
“Yeah?” I blink and turn to look at them.
Jess is standing by Callum now, gazing up at him adoringly.
“I was asking Jess if she thought having you on board would be enough to help the squad get to the national uni finals this year.” Callum smiles benignly at us both, like he’s giving a compliment, but Jess scowls at me.
“I don’t think we need her on board to have a shot at winning.” She snaps.
Callum looks at me, as if he’s really thinking about what she said. His eyes trail across my body. I know I shouldn’t respond, but despite my best efforts I urge every muscle in my body to instinctively preen and tighten for him. I want him to approve of me. His smile widens. “I don’t know her moves the other night were spectacular.”
Jess’s jaw drops in a way that forces Callum and I to jerk our heads to stare at her. A muscles ticks stressfully in her cheek. “I thought you didn’t see her the other night.” She barks out in a staccato manner.
I squirm as Jess glares at me. The fact she asked about me the ‘other night’ does not seem to work in my favour.
Callum raises his hands as if in apology. “Ha you caught me.” He laughs without a hint of remorse in his voice. “You know better than to trust me.” His gaze moves to me, his bright blue eyes shining with something I can’t quite decipher, something dangerously close to admiration. “You should as well, Feisty, I’m trouble.”
My cheeks redden and I squirm even more. Jess is looking like she wants to punch me, while I’m glowing from Callum’s attention.
“I didn’t need you to tell me you’re trouble.” I drawl, arching my eyebrow even though I’m shaking inside.
Callum bursts out laughing. “Feisty by name.” He whistles out admiringly, his eyes fixing on mine.
I almost stop breathing from the intensity of his stare. “I—” I start, but Jess interrupts me.
“I need to leave,” Jess snaps, almost stamping her foot as she jerks her hands impatiently. “See you at practice tomorrow.” She tells me, her face rapidly brightening as she turns back to Callum. “And see you later.” She arches her eyebrow and her eyes shine with desire as she waits for his answer.
He looks at me before answering. “Maybe.” His tone is neutral, but still Jess’s smile falters.
“Walk back to college with me?” She smiles, but her lips pull tight. I’m not even sure if she’s talking to me or Callum, but he looks over his shoulder towards the empty hall, leaving me to answer her.
I hesitate before answering. I should go with her, protect the tiny bit of sanctuary that I’ve found since coming to Oxford, but at the same time the opportunity to find out more from Callum is too good to give up. I can’t let Millie down. “Thanks, but I wanted to check out the gym. Might as well while I’m down this way.”
There’s a moment when none of us speaks, or moves, and I might have to move away from Callum anyway, out of sheer awkwardness.
Jess opens her lips, then closes them like she’s annoyed but can’t say it out loud. “Well, see you tomorrow.” She spins around quickly, like she’s pulling off a bandage and Callum and I watch in silence as she moves down the corridor.
“Is something going on between you two?” The words fly out of my mouth as soon as she turns the corner.
“Would you care if it was?” A half-smile makes his plump lips even juicier, and despite myself a heat builds up low in my stomach.
“Yes, seeing as though she’s my captain and we…” My cheeks burn as his lips curl even higher. “You know, the other night.”
“You know?” Callum’s tone is mocking and my cheeks flush even more.
“I went back to yours.” I cross my arms firmly over my chest. “It mightn’t bode well for our squad spirit if you and Jess have a thing.”
“Why do you think we have a thing?”
“Why are you answering a question with a question?” My voice gets shriller.
“Calm down,” Callum’s full on smirking now, looking smug at what he probably thinks is my jealousy.
I want to yell at him that I don’t care because I’m picturing some rosy future between us and worried Jess will get in the way. As if. I just want to be able to get close enough to him to find about more about what he did to Millie.
Millie. I take a big breath and centre myself. “I am calm.” I have to shift the conversation on to lighter ground. “I can’t fail to be calm after a good cheer session… all that stretching and unwinding.” I do a tricep stretch as I talk, knowing it will push my chest out in a way that’s bound to get his attention.
Bingo. Callum’s gaze drops to my chest and his tongue flicks across his plump lower lip. Instantly I get a flashback to the other night and the look on his face before he ate me out. Heat builds up inside me.
“Trying to tease me?” The desire evaporates from his face and he steps away from me, a mocking expression taking over.
My cheeks burn. His second reaction doesn’t make any sense. “No, I just always enjoy a good session…” Oh fuck, that sounds like even more of a pathetic come-on. “I mean, it’s good to be on the team. It makes me feel like I could belong here.”
“Why wouldn
’t you belong?”
I laugh bitterly. “Westforde isn’t exactly full of people like me.”
His expression softens as I tell him the truth. Fuck, I didn’t mean to say what I was actually thinking. A homesick pauper isn’t the impression I want to leave him with.
“It would probably be a better place if it was.” His eyes turn glassy for a second, and I think I see real pain in them. Then he breaks our connection, looking back as he pulls his bag on to his shoulder. “We’re all rotten, you should stay well away. It’s safer.”
Rotten? Safer? I gulp, is he talking about Millie?
“Got to go.” He practically runs down the corridor before I can say anything else to him. Like he can’t wait to be away from me. Dammit. Why aren’t my best attempts at flirting with him working anymore?
I trundle over to the gym, just in case Jess or him are still in the sports centre. I don’t want either of them to realise I stayed just to have a few seconds alone with Callum.
The room is pokey and smells of stale sweat, the stomach-turning odour somehow made worse by the cheap air freshener not quite masking it. At least I can truthfully say there was no way I’d work out in that grim room if either of them ask. I’d much rather be running outside, even in the rain.
Callum’s warning has me unsettled. On one hand he almost admitted that he’s done something bad, but I’m no closer to finding out any proof about what he did. And his sudden fit of conscience about being close to him not being safe isn’t going to make it any easier for me to find these things out.
It’s lunch time, but I can’t face the stares in the hall again. I need to go somewhere quiet, where I can think. Make a plan. The library. I rush across town back to college to find my sanctuary. I’ve only been in it twice, but I already know it’s the place I feel calmest in Westforde. The old wooden door clatters behind me as I scarper inside.