by Serena Lyons
The library isn’t quite as old as Westforde’s dining hall, but it smells older; dust, ancient leather-bound books and windows that seem like they’d never open. I trail a finger across the spines of the closest books as my eyes adjust to the darkness. It’s hushed, and I know I came to the right place; I can re-centre myself here while most students are eating lunch. Gossiping about me probably.
At the large worktable, there’s one person, bent over a large textbook. She looks up as I get closer.
It’s Nina, the girl from my staircase. My eyes automatically drop to her too thin wrists; it’s no surprise she’s avoiding lunch.
“Okay if I join you?” I whisper, conditioned to keep my voice down in a library, even though there’s no sign of anyone else around at all.
“Faith.” A wide smile takes over her face, and she is momentarily transformed; pretty, not gaunt or exhausted looking. “I’d love that.”
“Thank God.” I pull out the chair next to her and slump down in it, my breathing just about returning to normal. “I needed a friendly face.”
“What’s wrong?” She’s also whispering.
I laugh bitterly, “Somehow I’ve already managed to secure myself a reputation here. I had an exclusion zone around me in the dining hall yesterday, no one dared come close. I couldn’t face it again today.”
“Now you know why I didn’t want to come here, I had enough of that at boarding school to last me a lifetime.” Her eyes get glassy and I feel a twinge of sympathy for her. “Sorry they’re picking on you. Any idea why?”
“I think I annoyed the wrong person.” I sigh, wondering again how Callum’s opinion of me changed so quickly. It’s almost like he knows what I’m up to, but there’s no way that can be true.
“How?”
I shake my head, this isn’t the time for these sorts of questions. “How about you? Why aren’t you making lifetime friends at lunch? There must be some people who you don’t know from school here?” I try to keep the bitterness out of my voice. I didn’t come here to make friends and get voted ‘most likely to succeed’. I can deal with the judgement.
“I wish. I know most people in college from my school or its social circuit. We met up all the time for tournaments and balls.” Nina sighs. “None of them are going to be my friends for life. I’m trying to have as little as possible to do with this crowd. I’d rather lie low here and maybe make friends with people from some of the less prestigious colleges.”
“Why did you come here then? Why not a different university? Or at least a different college?”
“My family wouldn’t let me. They wanted me where I could be ‘kept an eye on’.” Frustration makes her voice sharp. “They’ve bought a fancy town house that I’m supposed to move into next year, and signed a fat cheque to fund some college renovations, so there’s no way I’ll get thrown out. I’m trapped.”
Staring at Nina’s distraught expression, fragments of quotes about a gilded cage fly into my head. Both of us are trapped.
“Only three more years.” I smile, hoping I look braver than I feel. “We can battle the bastards together.”
“Be careful, Faith, these people will tread on anyone to get what they want.”
That sick feeling returns to my stomach, “What do you—”
“Ladies, please this is a library.” A middle-aged woman has her arms folded across her chest and a brass badge saying ‘Head Librarian’.
“Chat later?” Nina smiles as her head dips back to her textbook.
I nod, warmth flooding my chest. If I make one genuine friend, I can get through anything.
9: Callum
“Cal, you ready?” Axel opens the door to my bedroom and throws a bottle of Belgian beer on to the bed next to me. I gave him and Rafe keys last year, but sometimes I wish I hadn’t.
“Ready for what?”
“The college party.” He leans towards the mirror by my door, smoothing non-existent wrinkles out of his tight black t-shirt. Axel dresses like he’s part of an urban dance collective, rather than a scholar at a fancy university, but it seems to do wonders with the girls.
“Another freshers event?” I raise my eyebrow and make sure the contempt in my voice is obvious.
“God, you sound like a snob. Is a party full of hot new students desperate to bag one of the college gods beneath you after you banged your professor?” He grins mischievously and despite myself I smile back.
If anyone else said something like that to me, I’d kick them out of my house, and do me damndest to get them thrown out of college, but Axel is my man. He’s the only one who can tease me and get away with it.
“I’m not sure I saw any hot new students,” I grumble, but my heart isn’t in it anymore.
“Hmm,” his dark eyes flash. “You seemed pretty taken with that platinum blonde with the banging body the other night.”
“She’s nothing.” I snap, not sure whether I’m trying to convince Axel or myself that I haven’t thought of her every time I’ve closed my eyes since she came home with me. Haven’t woken up, my heart thumping and body sweaty from dreams about how good it would have been if she hadn’t run off on me. If I’d ripped off that silly dress and taken every inch of her.
“Hmm, maybe I’ll have a go then…” Axel’s lips twist.
I know he’s deliberately trying to get a reaction, but still I bite. “You will leave her alone.” I order him. “She’s too… nice for the likes of us.”
“Really? Too nice? There’s all these rumours about what you said to her in your tutorial. Didn’t sound like what you’d say about a nice girl.”
Fuck, I don’t know what I was thinking saying that in front of everyone yesterday. I wash horribly hungover, regretting going to Jess’s room when I’d much rather have been with Faith and I lashed out. Funny thing was, she didn’t seem surprised.
Rafe comes into the room, swigging from a nearly empty bottle of beer. His wobbly footsteps suggest it isn’t his first drink. “What filly are you two arguing over?”
“That hot first year with the white and blue hair.” Axel answers first.
“Oh, she looked like filth. I—”
I’m on my feet and slamming him against the wall before I can think about what I’m doing. “Don’t talk about her like that.”
The whites of Rafe’s eyes bulge out. “Calm down, I was just making an observation. You—”
“Boys, calm down.” Axel uses his body to come between us, arms raised like a bouncer trying to defuse the situation. “Let’s go to the party and have some fun.”
We’re quieter than usual as we cross the city centre to college. My mind keeps returning to Faith, how much I wish I’d punched Rafe for calling her filth. I don’t understand why I’m reacting so much. She’s nothing. I don’t need any girl.
“Cal!” Jess wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body hard against me. Last year I’d have immediately kissed her, but right now I just want her off me. She doesn’t smell right, too flowery instead of the muskier scent I want.
“Not now.” I twist out of her grasp. Fuck, just behind her on the edge of the crowd is Faith, her mind clearly answering the question about Jess that I wouldn’t. I step further back from Jess, watching for Faith’s reaction.
“Is something going on between you two?” Jess follows my gaze.
“Who two?” I pretend I don’t know who Jess is talking about, even though I can’t keep my eyes off Faith. She somehow looks even sexier than she did in her cheerleading outfit earlier today. I want to stomp over there and drag her into my arms.
“You and Faith.” She spits out Faith’s name.
“Oh, your new teammate?” I feign nonchalance.
“As if you didn’t know it. All of college knows about what happened in your tutorial with her. And at the Fresher’s Fling.”
“Christ Jess, I went home with you after the Fresher’s Fling. Don’t believe everything you hear.
“You didn’t take her home first then?” She pouts an
d stares up at me with enormous doe-like eyes.
Frustration gnaws at me. “So what if I did? We’re only friends with benefits, I don’t go questioning you when you make out with someone else.”
Jess’s eyes flicker with something close to pain. “You can be a complete twat sometimes; do you know that?”
I wince. “Sorry, you know we have fun together. But that’s all it is, fun.”
“All it is?” Jess steps closer, her body rubbing up against me.
It’s clear she wants to kiss me, and if Faith wasn’t watching, I’d probably kiss her back. Which means I should do it anyway, stop these weird emotions Faith is stirring up inside of me. I focus back on Jess, the eager hopefulness on her face and start leaning down to her.
At the last moment, my eyes shift to Faith’s. She’s clutching a drink and staring straight at Jess and I, seemingly oblivious to the people dancing and chatting around her. Her usually smiling lips are a tight line of dismay. I hate the feeling that I’m letting her down. But allowing something happen between us again is what would let her down. She’s too fragile for someone like me. I’d just break her. Exactly like I broke Millie.
Snapping my eyes shut, I try to lose myself in Jess. I lean harder against Jess’s lips. She moans beneath me, but it’s not her reaction I care about, I’m only going through the motions I want to see how Faith’s taking this.
I open my eyes to find Faith, her eyes still fixed on Jess and I. Good, she’s got the message. Then I catch the expression on her face: a weird mix of revulsion and envy. I want to go over there and pull her into my arms instead of Jess. She looks goddamn sexy in a flouncy skirt similar to the one I explored beneath when I took her to mine. My cock stirs remembering.
It takes me a second to realise that Jess is no longer kissing me. Her hands clasp my face and she follows the arc of my gaze. “What… are you…?” She stutters.
I force myself to concentrate on Jess instead of Faith. “Let’s grab a drink, I’m thirsty.” I place my hand in the small of Jess’s back and move her towards Rafe and Axel at the bar.
“Boys.” I leave Jess to order a drink and slap both of them on the back. “What does the new class look like? Anyone interesting.”
“I think you’ve already found the most interesting one.” Axel raises his glass and points towards Faith.
“She’s off-limits.” I snap, not knowing why I say it when I’ve just spent the last five minutes kissing Jess to send Faith a message.
“Who’s off-limits?” Jess’s voice is half an octave too high, like she’s deliberately trying to sound casual, fake being one of the guys.
“Nothing.” I glare at the guys, making my message clear. “Look we need to talk about something private here… Maybe you can go find your friends?”
“Fine.” Jess blinks too quickly and storms off into the crowd. Damn, now I need to make it up to her later.
“You know she likes you Cal,” Rafe drawls as he watches Jess slink off. Her head is held high, but all of us saw the glossiness in her eyes when I snapped at her. “You don’t have to be quite so cruel to her.”
“She knows it’s not serious. I’ve told her a million times, and she’s fine with it..” I down my whiskey and slam the glass on the bar. “I’m going outside to see if there’s anyone more fun out there.”
10: Faith
I couldn’t tear my eyes away from Callum while he was kissing Jess. Jess my cheer captain, who I thought might provide a sanctuary from the craziness of Westforde College. Just my goddamn luck.
What’s worse, is that he kept looking right at me as he pawed her. His blue eyes were open, and his stare was fixed on me. I shouldn’t have kept on looking, shouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of seeing that I care, but I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him.
I can justify it as being research for my revenge plan, but somewhere shameful inside me I know that I wanted to be the girl he’s kissing. Watching him kiss Jess made me burn up, remembering the feel of his body pressed up against mine. The fire that burned between us as we ravaged each other in his house. The way he made my body disintegrate.
Then Jess caught me staring, and I had to stumble to away. I curse my unfamiliar heels as I look around for a friendly face. I wish I’d convinced Nina to come to this party. No one looks as welcoming as she would be, but then the polished wood of the bar gleams in a strobe.
Alcohol. Always friendly.
I elbow my way to the front of the bar, the patrons drunk enough not to care.
A rainbow-haired bar girl raises an eyebrow at me.
“A shot of tequila.” I say.
“Two,” a deep male voice adds.
For one glorious half second, I think it’s Callum. But even as I start turning I know it can’t be, the voice is reedier than his. It’s someone nearly as useful though; his best friend, Rafe.
“You’re paying then.” I tell him as the barmaid goes to get our drinks.
“Naturally,” his smile is smug. “A gentleman always pays. Although something tells me you haven’t always been around gentleman.”
Is he insulting Callum? I glance up at him in surprise, but his expression is mocking as he stares down at me. He’s just reacting to my Northern accent, another posh fool who thinks a person’s worth is related to their bank balance and aristocratic lineage.
“Define a gentleman.” I say, not wanting to play into his hands by responding like the ‘angry northerner with a chip on her shoulder’.
“That’s easy,” he leans over the bar to give the waitress a twenty-pound note. “I’m a gentleman.”
Ugh of course he said that. How gross. He’s like a caricature of an eighties investment banker. Would the students at any other university be as pathetic?
“And you are?” I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that I already know his name.
He blinks, then his gaze narrows. “I’m Rafe Greaves, Lord and Lady Arlingham’s son, in line to inherit the title.”
I don’t succeed in not rolling my eyes. Growing up around Millie and her family means I’m not as impressed by a bit of blue-blood as I would be otherwise. I heard the way her parents fought, knew how alone she felt. A fancy title isn’t necessarily the hallmark of a good person.
“And I’m Faith Davies, first of her name.” I lift up my shot and wink at him.
“Not mother of dragons or breaker of chains?” Rafe clinks his glass against mine.
Despite myself I return his cheeky smile, then down the tequila. I swallow the sharp alcohol as quickly as I can, my lips twisting up with disgust at the bitterness. I search for lemon on the bar but there isn’t any. Instead my gaze lands on Callum, stalking towards us, a dark expression on his face. He gives me the perfect answer to Rafe’s tease. “Actually, I’m an avenger of broken souls.”
Rafe’s head jerks towards me, his eyes paling, but before I can question his reaction, Callum is between us.
“Isn’t this cosy?” His tone is anything but cosy as he glares at Rafe then me. I smile into my vodka tonic as I see how Rafe flinches when Callum arrives, it’s easy to see who the boss is here.
“Rafe was just introducing himself to me.” I smile at Callum like butter wouldn’t melt.
“Well now you’re introduced.” He jerks his head at Rafe and like a dutiful servant, Rafe turns away into the crowd.
“So, there is something going on with you and Jess?” Damn, why did I say that. I take another mouthful of alcohol to stop myself saying anything even more embarrassing.
“Jealous?” Callum arches his eyebrow then lets his gaze fall to my lips.
Heat bubbles inside of me. Why has one stupid night with him—not even a night, hour—conditioned me respond to him so strongly? Because no one’s ever made my body sing like that before. “You wish. I just want to make sure it’s not going to cause any problems on the team. I don’t want to have helped my captain’s boyfriend cheat on her.”
“Jess isn’t my girlfriend. I don’t do g
irlfriends.”
My desire instantly turns to anger. This is how he hurt Millie, playing with her, making her want to more than he was willing to give. And he’s still doing it. “Does she know that?”
Callum’s brow furrows before he answers me. “Of course, I—”
“Because I’ve seen a lot of losers play with a needy girl, promise her everything and then treat her like shit. Are you that type of guy?”
He surprises me by sighing and running a hand through his golden hair before he answers me. “Maybe I was, I’ve hurt girls before.” His eyes close slowly and when he opens them, I’m surprised to see them cloudy with what looks like pain. “That’s why I don’t do anything serious these days. Jess and I just have some fun occasionally.”
“Who’ve you hurt before?” I can’t resist going straight for the kill.
“Too many people to name.” He steps closer, his gaze returning to me, his eyes bottomless pits of despair. “I’m not a nice guy, Faith. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I swallow hard, it’s like he wants to confess what he did. “What do you—”
“Fancy seeing you two together again,” Jess sashays between us, placing a slim hand on Callum’s chest. “Do you want a drink, babe?” Her hand snakes up to stroke his face.
She knows it’s nothing serious, my arse. I raise an eyebrow at Callum, whose cheek is twitching impatiently.
“Jess, we were having a conversation.” He grabs her hand and pulls it away from him. “Maybe catch you later.”
Her cheeks instantly flush and I avert my eyes, pretending I want to order another drink, but really not wanting her to blame me for her embarrassment. Fat chance.
There’s some angry whispering behind me as I order another two shots, but I deliberately keep staring at the bar. How do I get Callum back on to the subject of exes he’s hurt? Damn Jess for arriving when she did. The barman delivers the tequila just as a hand grazes my hip.