by Holly Renee
The only logical answer I could come up with is that he took her away from me. I had given him the keys to do so, and he took full advantage of it. I should’ve known that he would use it against me from the beginning, but I have been so stuck on hurting him, on making him pay in any way possible, that I completely underestimated his ability not to give a shit.
He just simply didn’t care. There was no other explanation for it.
But part of me rebelled against that thought. Even through everything Lucas had done, even through all the hate I carried for him, he had once been my friend, and I never could have imagined him doing anything like this.
"Besides making her want nothing to do with me, I don’t know."
He seemed to think about what I had just said, and I knew that it didn’t sit well with him either.
Olly and Carson had been friends with Lucas, too, before everything happened, and they were forced to choose between their two friends. Neither of them hesitated when they found out what he had done, but I knew that it still took a toll on them.
"I guess." Olly shook his head. "It still just doesn’t make any sense. After everything he got away with, you would think he’d keep his fucking head down and his nose clean."
"You would think, but I didn’t keep my nose clean either."
"That’s different." Carson chimed in. "You didn’t sexually assault anyone."
Olly and I both winced as he said the words. We all knew what happened to Frankie. It stared us in the face every single day, but I still hated hearing those words out loud.
They were a blaring reminder of how badly I had failed her.
"No. I just made her fall for me then exploited her."
"It’s not the same," Olly echoed Carson’s thoughts. "You were in the fucking wrong, but it’s still not the same."
"Frankie hates what I did."
"Of course, she does." Olly’s words were muffled by the rise and fall of a harsh wave beneath us. "I don’t know how you thought your plan could end in any other way."
He was right. He had told me the same damn thing before I had even gone through with it, but I hadn’t listened.
"But she’ll forgive you. She always has." Olly was right. Frankie did always forgive me, regardless of what fucked-up thing I did.
"We should take Frankie to do something. Cheer her up," Carson said just as he laid down on his stomach on his board.
"Like what?" Frankie hadn’t wanted to do much of anything lately.
"I don’t know. Shopping or something."
"She would hate that. It would just force her to be around more people when she doesn’t have to be." Olly shook his head.
"Then what do you suggest?"
"We could take her up to the cabin like we used to. She used to love that when we were younger."
"Yeah." I nodded. "She did." We had spent so many nights at my parents’ cabin during our summers growing up that it had become a second home. Frankie would never let me go with the boys without her tagging along, but I really didn’t mind.
Not until I found girls and invited them to our trips instead of her.
Guilt lashed at me.
There were so many things that I had pushed her away from. That I had thought I was too damn cool to have my younger sister with me. I wish that party that night had been one of those things.
"Let’s plan something."
"Okay, but first we need some water therapy." Carson looked behind him at the large wave that was headed our way and he started paddling as soon as he caught the swell.
He was right. I needed to get lost in the ocean beneath me, and not think about everything that was going on. I needed just a few minutes where I didn’t have to think about how fucked up everything was.
It was just me, my boys, and the ocean, and the task of riding the waves. Nothing else mattered at that moment. Nothing could reach me.
That was what I told myself as I paddled forward and tried to catch the next swell, but the thoughts of Josie wouldn’t stop. Not even the ocean could chase them away.
Chapter Nine
Josie
"I don’t really care what you want, Josie. Your wants have gotten you into enough trouble already." My father’s voice was stern, and I knew that I didn’t have any room to argue.
But I didn’t want to do this.
I didn’t care if his damn party was for charity or not.
"I don’t want to go." I stomped my foot like a bratty-ass toddler, and I knew that I was being ridiculous.
"It doesn’t matter." My father slammed his hand down on the counter between us, and I flinched at the contact. "You are a part of this family, and as such, you are expected to attend these things. Amelia will buy you a dress, and we will arrive at the gala as a family."
As a family.
He was out of his damn mind.
We weren’t a family, not really, but that wasn’t what mattered to him. It was all about his image, and I had already done enough to tarnish that. He made sure I remembered that fact too.
"After what happened with Beckham, I can’t afford any more bad attention where you’re involved. Everyone will want to know why you aren’t there. You’re coming."
"I did nothing wrong." I could feel my pulse racing. I had heard my dad talking about what happened between me and Beck, about the video, a million times, but he never spoke to me about it.
It was as if my opinion on the subject didn’t matter.
It had never mattered to him.
"Did you see that damn video, Josie?" His eyes that matched mine were filled with so much anger and fury.
Of course, I had seen the video. I had seen it far too many times to count, and I hated, I fucking hated, that he had seen it as well.
I didn’t even know how much he had seen, but even one second was too much.
"Yes. I saw it." I squared my shoulders and waited for whatever he would say next.
"Then you know what everyone who saw that video saw. You know what they think of you."
I felt like he had slapped me. My heart raced so fast that I felt like I would never be able to slow it down. "What exactly do they think of me?"
I wanted to hear him say the words. I wanted to know exactly what he was thinking, exactly how he felt about me.
"You look like a whore," he roared, and I couldn’t stop the way my vision became foggy with unshed tears.
I had promised myself a long time ago that I was done wasting my tears on a father who didn’t give a shit. I had made myself that promise on the third birthday in a row that he had missed. I was eleven at the time.
But I couldn’t stop them from forming now. It didn’t matter what I told myself or how badly I wanted to be unaffected by him, the truth was that his opinion mattered far more than I should have ever allowed it to.
He mattered regardless of how badly I tried to prove otherwise.
"I…" I stuttered over my words because I had no idea what to say to him. I wasn’t a whore. I wasn’t even close, but I knew that was what he saw when he saw that video. He had seen exactly what Beck had wanted everyone to see.
"So, why do you want your whore daughter at the event then?" I took a small step back from him. "If that’s what everyone thinks, then I want to stay as far away from them as I can."
I knew the kind of people who would be at any kind of event that my father was attending, and I didn’t want to be around any of them. I didn’t care what they thought of me.
They were all as vile as he was, and I had no interest in flaunting myself in front of them and pretending like I was a perfect girl with a perfect life.
I was no such thing.
"You are going to go because I refuse to allow the Clermonts to tarnish our name the way they have. I refuse to cower because some teenage boy got it in his head that he could play God."
"And what about Lucas?"
My father’s gaze snapped to mine.
"What about him?"
"You’re fine with what he did? You ju
st choose to pretend like Beck didn’t have a reason to do what he did to me?"
My father’s rage filled the room, and I knew that if I said another word, I would feel his wrath like I had never felt it before.
But I didn’t care.
He had to know that I knew what Lucas had done, and more importantly, that I knew what he had done to help Lucas get away with it.
"You have no damn clue what you’re talking about." His voice was eerily calm. "I don’t know what Beck Clermont has been telling you, but he doesn’t know shit."
"Beck’s not the one who told me." I shook my head. How he could just sit there and continue to lie for Lucas made me feel sick to my stomach. I couldn’t understand how even a man like my father could be okay with what Lucas did. "It was Cami."
My father was completely still as he assessed me. I could feel him calculating exactly what he would say to me next.
"What happened with Lucas was unfortunate, but I’m not going to damn the boy simply because he made a drunken mistake."
A mistake?
A fucking mistake?
"He didn’t make a mistake. He assaulted her."
"That’s her word against his." His gaze was so damn cold, and I knew that I didn’t know anything about my father. Not really.
He was as much a stranger to me as he was to everyone else.
"So you just take his word? Even though you saw the video? Even though he released a video just like Beck had?"
"And what would you have rather I done, Josephine? Let him go to jail for a mistake? Prosecute him for letting his friends share that video of them?"
"Yes!" I was practically screaming. "He should have been held responsible for what he did."
"And what about Beck?" His knuckles were turning white from his grip on the counter. "Do you want me to press charges against him for what he did?"
My heart lurched into my throat. "No." I shook my head. Of course, that wasn’t what I wanted with Beck. "But Beck didn’t assault me. What I did with him was my choice."
"And it’s a choice you’re going to have to live with. It’s something that will haunt you for years to come."
"Because I’m a teenager who let a guy touch me?"
"Because you let a Clermont touch you. You let him touch you when I told you to stay away from him and look what happened."
Deep down, I knew he was right. I knew that he had warned me to stay away from Beck, and even if his reasoning was shit, he was right. I should have stayed as far away from Beck as I could.
But every part of me screamed to defend him against my father. Even though he had given me absolutely no reason to.
He deserved everything my father thought of him, but I couldn’t make myself truly believe that.
Even if I knew I should have.
"Why should it matter? Why should I listen to what you have to say?" I knew the moment I said the words they would only infuriate him further, but I didn’t care. I had no reason to care about his reputation and how these damn people saw him or me. I saw him exactly for who he was, and it was about time that everyone else did too.
"Because you are my daughter. And as such, I expect you to act a certain way. Regardless of if you don’t want to listen to what anyone else has to say. Their opinions are important to me." His words were low and slow and precise, and I knew that he wasn’t telling me simply what he expected out of me but what he demanded.
"You can continue to act however you want to, Josephine, but there will be consequences for your actions."
"Like what?" My blood ran cold in my veins. Lucas hadn’t had consequences for what he had done, but he would punish me?
"Like your mother’s shitty old house and that measly bit of money she left you."
"You can’t do that." I didn’t care about the money, even if it was the only thing I had once I left this place, but I did care about her house.
I wouldn’t let him take it from me. I couldn’t.
"I can do whatever I want. You are a minor, and I have full legal control over your assets until you turn eighteen." He actually had the nerve to look sympathetic about what he said next. "Your mother didn’t have anything in place like she should have before she passed. I can take everything if I want it."
He would do it too. I had no doubt, and he knew how much that house meant to me. I had fought tooth and nail not to leave it when he was granted custody of me.
And I knew it was just a damn house, but it was the last piece of my mother that was still tangible. It had still smelled like her when I left.
We had spent our entire lives in that house.
"So, what? I have to do what you say or you’re going to continue to hang this over my head?"
"No." He shook his head and straightened from the counter. He picked at an invisible piece of lint from his jacket, and I knew that he was all business now. "This will be the last time we speak of it."
I wanted to rage against him, to tell him that he had no right to do the things he said, but that wouldn’t get me anywhere. Because the truth was that my dad would find a way to take everything from me if that was what he wanted.
He had power and money, and I had neither of those things without him.
"You can either act like you belong to this family, or you cannot. That choice is completely up to you." What he said and what he meant were two different things. To act like I was a part of his family was to obey his every command. And I didn’t know if I could do that, but I couldn’t lose my mother’s house.
He had used this against me before, but I hadn’t believed he was truly capable. But with the way he stared at me now, I knew that he was. He was capable of anything.
The stupid charity gala that he wanted me to attend was this weekend, and I knew that I should just shut my mouth and attend like he wanted me to. It was just an event, just my father proving who he was to these people, and I could handle one night. Even if I had to dress up and let him parade me around like I was his fucking princess daughter, I could handle it for one night if it meant getting him off my back.
"Fine. I’ll go to the gala and wear whatever Amelia deems appropriate for me." I couldn’t stop the sass in my voice. "Can I go to Allie’s now? I haven’t got to see her in days."
And I needed her.
I needed to get so far away from all of these people and just be with my girl.
With both of us being back in school and our new work schedules being only part-time, I felt like I never got to see her. I talked to her every single day, but it wasn’t enough. I needed to see my friend and have her help me straighten out what the hell was going through my head.
She was the only one who could.
"Fine, but I expect you to be back home tonight. Amelia will want to talk to you about your dress."
"Fine." I grabbed the keys off the counter and turned away from him before he could change his mind. "I’ll be back later."
I didn’t wait for him to respond as I headed out the door and climbed into my car. I tried not to think about my father or Lucas or Beck as I rolled down my window and blared music through my speakers.
I let memories of my mom cloud my thoughts as I drove down the street of pretentious houses and headed to the opposite side of town. I let myself remember her hair that was lighter than mine and the way her smile was lined with laugh lines.
Her memory wasn’t fading. I could imagine every part of her as if she was still right in front of me.
I could still smell her soft perfume and feel the softness of her skin.
Those memories crashed into me, and even though I hated thinking about them, I hated thinking about the fact that she was gone, I forced myself to go through the steps of remembering everything about her that I could.
Because I knew that one day those memories would slowly start to fade, and I would regret it. Even if it hurt right now, I knew I would regret it.
By the time I pulled up to Allie’s house, I felt lighter yet heavier at the exact same time. It was something
that I couldn’t explain, the way thinking about my mom made me feel.
Allie ran out as soon as I pulled up and waved me inside. I had never been inside her house before. It had always been a simple pick-up or drop-off, and I found myself anxious to meet her parents.
She wrapped me in her arms as soon as I stepped out of the car. "It took you long enough."
"I know. My dad was riding my ass."
She made a face that told me she understood. She had let me vent about my dad more times than I could count. "About what now?"
"Some dang gala he’s forcing me to go to."
"The Clermont Bay Helping Hands Gala?" She looked back at me as she led me toward her house.
"Yeah. Wait. Are you going?" Hope bloomed in my chest.
"I’ll be serving." She laughed. "I work the event every year."
"Ugh. I wish you could just go with me."
"Me too." She grinned. "The event is so glamorous. You’ll have fun."
"With my dad, stepmom, and Lucas?" I made a face, and she laughed again before pushing through the front door.
"Well, at least you’ll get to eat all the good food."
"That’s true." We walked into her house, and I was instantly bombarded with the smell of home. A real home.
"Mom!" Allie called for her mother, and a pang of jealousy or something that felt a lot like it hit my chest.
"In here."
I followed Allie through the small living room and into the kitchen. Her mom was stirring something on the stove and moving to the sound of music that played from the radio on the counter. Allie was a spitting image of her. From her blonde hair and her eyes to the smile that lit up her entire face.
She looked over and saw me with Allie and immediately dropped her spoon into the pot. "Oh, hi." She turned toward me and wiped her hands down her jeans. "I’m Molly."
"I’m Josie. It’s nice to meet you." I took her hand in mine that she stretched toward me, and it was just as warm as I had expected.
"It’s nice to meet you too, Josie. Allie has told me a lot about you." She smiled, and I prayed that Allie hadn’t told her everything.
"I hope it was all good." I laughed, and I could have sworn her eyes twinkled.