Breaking Down (The Breaking Series Book 4)

by Juliana Haygert

  Because I was nothing to him, that was why. I might be his wife on paper, but that was it. Just on paper. I bet he hated sharing all of this with me. I bet that if he could, he wouldn’t have told me about his father and the reason he wanted so much money.

  I was halfway through my coffee when my phone vibrated in my pocket, and I rushed to pick it up, thinking that it could be Tyler and he wanted me to go back to the room so he wouldn’t be alone.

  Silly me.

  Kelsey’s name flashed on the screen.

  With a frown, I answered the call. “Hey, Kelsey, I wasn’t expecting your call. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I’m great, actually. I’m at the club right now.”

  “Oh.”

  “I found a third girl.”

  “What? No way!”

  “Yes, way!”

  “Meu Deus, that is great. Who is she? When can I meet her?”

  “Her name is Melissa Page and you can meet her right now. She’s here at the club with me and she wants to meet you too.”

  My heart wilted. “No … I can’t come now. Can’t you schedule something with her later?”

  “She’s from Florida and she needs to go back this evening. According to what she just told me, she’s in negotiations with a club from England. She doesn’t want to leave the United States, but since she has no other options, she’ll take their offer. Unless we can offer something better.”

  I cursed under my breath. Did this really have to happen now? I glanced at the courtyard. This was fate being cruel. As much I wanted to tell her to stay put with her until I got there, I couldn’t just leave Tyler here, not when the nurse looked like the doctor had really bad news for him. He might not want my shoulder, but I suspected he soon would take any shoulder available. And I wanted to be there for him.

  I couldn’t abandon him now, even for my career. For my dreams.

  “I can’t go,” I said, my voice almost breaking.

  “What? You have to come. This is the opportunity we were waiting for.”

  “I know, believe me, I know, but I can’t go.” I took a deep breath. “Tell her I’m so sorry. I want to meet her and play with her and see if we are a good fit, but unfortunately, I’m in the middle of something and I can’t leave.” The line went silent. “Hello?”

  “I’m here. I’m just … I can’t believe you’re letting this go.”

  “I can’t either,” I muttered. “Thanks for letting me know.”

  I turned off the call and gave myself one minute to stare at my phone, wishing things were different. Then, I pulled myself together, ordered two cups of coffee, and since I wasn’t sure what Tyler liked, a huge box with assorted donuts and croissants and scones and other pastries, and marched back upstairs.

  46

  Tyler

  The entire time Gabi was gone, I kept wishing she would come back. I heard footsteps on the other side of the door and stared at it, thinking it was her who would come in at any moment. I was scared and even though I was relieved when she left, I realized I didn’t want to be alone when the doctor came in to talk to me. I had no idea what the hell that meant, and I wouldn’t take the time to think about it now. Right now, I needed to breathe in and out. Breathe in and out. And wait.

  Then, finally, the door opened and Gabi stepped in, balancing a huge box and two cups in her arms. I rushed to her and took the box before she dropped everything on the floor.

  “I thought you might be hungry and since we don’t know how long we’ll be here …” She jerked her chin to the box. I peeked under the flap and saw at least a dozen random pastries. The sweet aroma filled my nostrils and I felt my stomach tightening with hunger.

  “That’s … thank you.” I walked back to the corner of the room and settled the box on a small, round table.

  “Here.” Gabi placed a to-go cup beside the box. “Coffee. Cream, no sugar, right?”

  I almost smiled at her as I sat down. “Right.”

  She took the other chair across the table. “I didn’t know your favorite …” She pointed to the box again. And again, I fought the urge to smile. Why was she being this considerate?

  I picked up what looked like my favorite. “I think this is raspberry muffin.”

  “It is.”

  “This is my favorite. And blueberry muffins too. And raspberry and blueberry donuts too.”

  Her lips stretched into a thin smile. “So, basically anything raspberry or blueberry?”

  This time I did smile. “Basically.”

  “Good to know.” She picked up a butter croissant from the box.

  “Is that your favorite?”

  “Hm, my favorite is anything pumpkin, but since it isn’t fall yet.” She shrugged.

  “Good to know,” I repeated her words.

  We ate in silence for five minutes—time in which I ate two muffins and one donut. I guess I was hungrier than I thought. Or it was because it was so normal to stay by her side, that it made me uncomfortable. And, before I spewed some blasphemy from my mouth, I filled it up with food instead.

  She sipped from her cup and glanced at my sleeping father. A pain cut through my chest. She looked at him with so much interest, as if she really cared about him. And she barely knew him.

  I opened my mouth to say something—I didn’t even know what—when the sound of a knock startled me and the door opened.

  I stood as Dr. Hansen walked in.

  “Mr. Reid.” The doctor took my hand. “How is it going?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, my voice harsher than I intended. “I want to know about him.” I gestured to my father.

  The doctor nodded once. “Well, he’s … doing okay, for now.”

  I crossed my arms. “What does that mean?”

  “We always talked about this, Mr. Reid. Unfortunately, there’s nothing we can do for your father but try to delay the inevitable. However, I concluded the last few sessions of chemo haven’t been effective, and in fact, have made your father weaker and more ill. He can’t keep food down and he won’t unless we stop chemo.”

  My stomach dropped. “You’re suggesting we …” I couldn’t say it.

  “It’s your choice. I’m just giving you the options.”

  I closed my eyes. How could I choose? I couldn’t even say it out loud.

  I felt Gabi’s body pressing to my side, her hand on mine, her fingers entwining with mine. “What are the options?” she asked, her voice firmer than usual. She was trying. She was putting on a brave face for me.

  “You should talk to your father when he’s awake, but the options are to still take a few sessions of chemo and maybe radio and hope it’ll make a difference, enough to delay the outcome a little more, or … you can stop it now and just make him comfortable until the end.”

  “Until the end,” she repeated as if she too needed him to confirm what that meant.

  “Yes, until he passes away,” the doctor finally said.

  I squeezed Gabi’s hand.

  “When do we need to decide?” she asked.

  The doctor shook his head. “Whenever you want. Until then, we’ll keep with the original plan. Chemo treatment every other day.”

  “All right,” Gabi said. She had taken charge of this situation. “Thanks, doctor. We’ll talk about it and let you know as soon as we can.”

  “I’m sorry,” the doctor said.

  “Thanks,” she whispered.

  The doctor left the room and my knees wobbled. I retreated to my father’s bed, knelt on the floor, and rested my forehead on the mattress. No, no, no, this couldn’t be happening. When the cancer came back a third time, the doctor had warned us it would take a miracle to save my father, but until now, I believed in miracles.

  Gabi’s hand weighed on my shoulder. “I’m so sorry …”

  I jerked away from her sympathetic touch. Anger and despair boiled in my veins. I stood up and went to the window on the other side of the room. I placed an open hand on the cool glass, trying to contain my rage, bec
ause all I wanted to do was to punch the damn glass.

  “Ty,” she whispered from somewhere behind me. “Talk to me.”

  “Talk?” I turned to her. I suddenly wanted to yell at her. At the world. “Talk? My father is dying and there is nothing I can do and you want to talk?”

  She flinched. “I …” She swallowed hard. “I want to help you, but I don’t know what I can do. Please, tell me what I can do.”

  “For starters, you can stop pretending to care and just leave.”

  She flinched again. Her eyes glistened, and I averted my gaze because I couldn’t deal if she started to cry right now.

  “I don’t think you mean that,” she said, her voice breaking.

  “Please, go away. Go home. Whatever. Just … leave me alone.”

  She opened her mouth, then closed it again. Slowly, she retreated to the chair where she had left her purse, picked up, and after a kind glance at my sleeping father, she left the room.

  And I punched the wall right beside the window.

  47

  Gabi

  I didn’t want to, but I left because Tyler asked me to. Wiping my tears, I walked down the corridor to the elevator and spotted Dr. Hansen talking to a nurse close by. I veered from my original destination and marched to him. I halted a safe distance from them, so I couldn’t eavesdrop on their conversation, but close enough for them to know I was waiting to talk to one of them.

  The doctor saw me, said something else to the nurse, she wrote something down in a chart, then left.

  “Ms. …?” he started.

  “Gabi Fernandes.” I extended my hand to him. “I’m engaged to Tyler.”

  He took my hand and shook it. “Yes, I’ve seen you around a few times.”

  “Doctor, I know some kind of cancers are too aggressive and there isn’t much to be done, but … if money wasn’t the question, was there something we could do for Charlie?”

  “Ms. Fernandes, there are always experimental drugs and treatments on testing, but that’s what it is, experimental. You never know how and if they will actually work.”

  “Do you know of any new, testing treatments around?”

  He frowned, examining me as if I was one of his patients. “I do.”

  “Do I need to schedule an appointment, or can you send me all the info through email?”

  His frown deepened. “I can ask my assistant to send you an email with the packet.”

  I picked up the small notebook on my purse, scribbled my email on a blank page, ripped the page, and gave it to him. “Please, do so.”

  “I will, but … Ms. Fernandes, just so you know, even if these treatments are revolutionary and prove to be efficient at some level, I’m afraid they won’t cure Mr. Reid. Unfortunately, his cancer is too advanced. All you’ll do is delay the inevitable.”

  My heart squeezed. “I understand. Even so, I would like to have the information.”

  He nodded. “Yes, Ms. Fernandes. My assistant should send it to you tomorrow.”

  “Thanks.”

  New threads of hope coursed through me, though I pushed them away. This was the first step of three hundred. Maybe Tyler wouldn’t want to hear about it, maybe his father wouldn’t be eligible … there were so many variables.

  As I exited the building, I picked up my phone and called Kelsey.

  “Is she gone?”

  “Oh, yes, she left over an hour ago.” A pause. “Are you going to tell me why you couldn’t make it? I thought this was all that mattered to you.”

  It was.

  Until now.

  I couldn’t be so blind to it anymore. Tyler and his welfare and the welfare of his loved ones mattered to me, which could only mean one thing. I liked him more than I should.

  “Unfortunately, things don’t always go according to plan,” I said, referring to more than one thing in my life.

  “You sound like you could use a drink. Want to come over?”

  I sighed. “No, I just need a good night sleep. Thanks, though.”

  “Call me if you need anything, okay?”

  I smiled to the phone. “Thanks.”

  I turned off the call, halted beside my car, and glanced back at the hospital, looking up as if I could see Tyler standing by a window. He was hurting and I wished, I hoped, that was something I could do to help him. But right now, all I could do was give him space, time to process it all.

  Tomorrow though, tomorrow I would take care of him.

  I didn’t sleep well and I woke up early, waiting for a miracle. Tyler could come home or the doctor could have sent me the information packet already, but at six in the morning? I was dreaming.

  Since it was too early to do anything, I put on some workout clothes and went running around the neighborhood—it would be good to pass the time and clear my mind.

  I ran for over an hour, then came back home and took a long shower.

  I put on a long T-shirt, and with my hairbrush in hand, I walked out of the bathroom. I lifted my arms high to brush my hair when I heard something crashing. I yelped and turned around, seeing my bedroom door wide open and Tyler, with a small box at his feet. However, his intense gaze was on my legs.

  Ah, droga. I quickly lowered my arms as heat spread through my cheeks. “Are you all right?”

  His gaze slid up my body until it locked on mine. “It’s fine.” He finally unglued his eyes from me and crouched down to pick up the box.

  I tried to swallow the question, but I couldn’t. “How are you?”

  He glanced at me again, his eyes pained. “I’m … fine.” He turned his back to me and I took that as a dismissal. Fighting tears, I closed my bedroom’s door and changed from that oversized T-shirt into a tee and jeans shorts. If I had known he would be home so early, I wouldn’t have even thought about putting on something so comfy. So intimate.

  I was kinda glad I did, though, because now there was no denying. Even if he never admitted anything or never acted on it, I knew he liked what he saw. And that was enough for now.

  I finished dressing and brushing my hair then left my bedroom.

  I made into the kitchen and put the kettle on the range to heat up water for my chimarrão. A minute later, Tyler joined me. He started the coffee machine, but when he reached for the mug, his hand slapped it instead, and it tumbling to the ground.

  He cursed out loud.

  “Careful.” I raised my hands. “Stay where you are.” Barefooted, I jumped out of the range of the broken mug pieces—there weren’t many and most were big pieces—grabbed the broom behind the pantry door, and pushed them aside. I glanced over Tyler, who closed and opened his hand, looking ready to punch someone. “Are you okay?”

  He let out a long breath between his teeth and rolled his shoulder. “Define okay.”

  It pained me to see him like this. Even with the money from our deal, his biggest problem could never be solved. I couldn’t heal his father because I had money. There wasn’t anything any of us could do.

  I did the only thing I knew. I let go of the broom, stepped into him, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. I pulled a frozen Tyler into me and patted his back.

  Slowly, he relaxed into my arms, and wound his arms around my waist, holding me tight.

  After a long time, he whispered, “Sorry if I’m always a jerk.”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “You’ve been on your own for so long, you don’t know how to share your feelings and worries with me, but I do care. I’ll bother you until you do.”

  He snorted, but only held on to me tighter. “I would like that.”

  I would really like that too.

  I spent the next morning practicing with Kelsey and the guys. I was amazed about how well Kelsey still played after so long, and how well we played together. After practice, even tio João Pedro said so.

  In the afternoon, I went to check on Branca and was surprised to find Tyler there. He had taken her out to the arena and was walking with her. At some point, she stopped and nickered, tugging on t
he reins. With a half-grin, Tyler turned to her, and smoothed his hand down her long neck. He said something, then stepped into her and embraced her. She lowered his head on his shoulders, as if embracing him back.

  My heart squeezed.

  When they turned around and Tyler spotted me, I approached them.

  “Hey,” he said. His expression was neutral, if not almost happy, with the corner of his lips tugged up. I preferred him this way.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here,” I said, stopping right beside them. I leaned into Branca and smoothed my hand down her side. “Hi, pretty girl.”

  “Dr. Bohm asked me to check on her, so I took advantage of that to work on her some more.” He tapped her head. “She’s doing well. Soon, she’ll be able to gallop.”

  “If another squirrel doesn’t scare her, you mean,” I said in a low voice.

  Tyler’s brow curled down. “I was thinking about that. I know Hannah is working on Branca’s fear, but I was wondering if you would let me work with her too. Probably alongside Hannah. I think we can help each other and make progress faster.”

  Warmth spread through my chest. “I would like that.”

  Branca tugged on her reins and shook her head, pulling Tyler off-balance. He had to take a step forward so as not to fall, and I instantly reached for him, to try and keep him from kissing the ground. Chances were, I would have gone with him, but it had been instinct.

  Then we straightened, my hands on his forearms, and the toes of our feet touching, our gazes meeting, and only a foot between us. His eyes searched mine, as if looking for a secret or something even I didn’t know what it was, but that wreaked havoc inside me.

  “Branca is lucky to have found you,” he said, his voice hoarse.

  “I was the lucky one,” I said, my voice low.

  “No.” Tyler shook his head, but his eyes never left mine. “She is. And I am too.” He paused, then pulled his arm back so my hand slid down to his hand. He held on to me. “I am lucky to have found you,” he whispered.