by Helen Lacey
“Precisely. But I’m not now.”
She let out a heavy sigh. “Marriage because your kids miss me isn’t enough, David. I want to have a child of my own. I want to be with someone who—”
“We could have a baby,” he said quickly. “If that’s what you want.”
“A sacrificial marriage and a pity baby. Wow...that’s quite the offer. I’m overwhelmed by the sentiment. This is the kind of thing people write sonnets about.”
Her sarcasm wasn’t disguised and he took a moment to reply. “Okay, so maybe this isn’t all about roses and romantic declarations from below a balcony. Frankly, I’m not a sonnet or balcony kind of guy. But it’s real, Annie. It’s about as real as it gets.”
* * *
Annie stared straight ahead, her heart hammering behind her ribs so hard she was sure he could hear it. Although she wouldn’t cave. She wouldn’t allow herself to imagine there was anything more to David’s proposal than wanting to make his kids happy. He was that predictable. And in a way, she understood. She just didn’t agree. She remained silent, thinking she should probably tell him to turn the vehicle around and take her back to the hotel. She wasn’t a coward and could certainly endure an hour or so of his company. It would, at the very least, cement in her mind how crazy his proposal was and that she was right to refuse him.
When they arrived at the restaurant, the parking area was full, so they made do with a spot along the edge. The music was loud and very country, and she made a face once they were out of the vehicle.
“You don’t like country music,” she remarked and grabbed her bag as he came around the car.
“But you do,” he said with a grin and closed the door once she was on her feet. “Let’s go.”
The restaurant was huge and had been built to resemble a saloon, with wraparound porch and shuttered windows. He didn’t touch her as they walked, didn’t speak as they were shown to their table by a waitress dressed in red gingham. There was a band playing and at least a dozen people were boot scooting on the dance floor. It made Annie smile, particularly since she knew how David preferred more mainstream dining and jazz music. Because of that, she was impressed by his effort and said so once they sat down.
“I can do the cowboy thing when I need to,” he said and looked over the menu.
Annie hitched a thumb in the direction of the dance floor. She knew David didn’t dance. “Does that mean line dancing a little later?”
He quickly shook his head. “Ah—not on your life.”
“You mean this isn’t a full-service date?”
He fumbled with the cutlery and stared at her. “What?”
“Dinner and dancing.” She raised one brow suggestively. “Did you think I meant something else?”
He cleared his throat. “Of course not. We’ve already established that you don’t do anything casually—you told me so when you shot me down in flames.”
“Is that what I did?” she asked.
“Absolutely,” he replied. “Callous of you, I thought.”
She laughed at his teasing, her mood lightening a little. “I’m sure your ego is healthy enough to take it.”
The waitress arrived and she ordered a wine spritzer and David opted for a craft beer. When the waitress returned with their drinks, Annie decided against the ribs and ordered the chicken special and David settled on steak and salad.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to say at the christening tomorrow?” she asked, trying to keep the conversation neutral. “Tess did ask us both to say a few words.”
He nodded. “It’s quite the responsibility. Jayne was an atheist so we never got Jasper or Scarlett baptized. I figured they could get it done when they’re older if they wish to.”
“I never knew that about her,” Annie mused, then decided to dip her toe in a bit further. “You know, you don’t talk about her a lot.”
He shrugged. “It’s a bit of a double-edged sword, I suppose. If I say too much, it can upset the kids. If I don’t say enough...well, that can upset them, too. Since Scarlett has no memory of her, it’s difficult for her to understand that Jayne is her mother. The truth is, the only mom my daughter has ever had, Annie, is you.”
In her heart, Annie knew his words were true. “I never planned on loving them so much,” she admitted.
He nodded. “I know. I guess, after Jayne and my mother died, I never planned that I’d find someone who was so easy for them to love. But I did. And it worked. My kids are well-balanced and happy and a real joy. And you are a huge part of that, Annie. I know you think I proposed because it would fix everything—and maybe at first that played into it.” Her expression flared, but he put up a hand, gesturing that she let him finish. “But’s it’s not only that, I assure you. The truth is, I don’t know how my kids can be happy or whole without you. And that terrifies me.”
Annie sat perfectly still, watching him, seeing a vulnerability in his expression she’d never witnessed before. Sure, she’d seen him cheerful and irritated and impatient and amused. But this was different. This was raw and real. This was the David she’d always longed to see. But she couldn’t compromise herself—not even for the children she cared for so deeply. She had to get him to understand. “It’s you they need, David. And you’re such a good father.”
“I don’t think I’m enough,” he admitted.
“Of course you are,” she assured him and touched his arm, feeling the muscles bunch against her palm. “And you said you wanted to spend more time with them? Isn’t that why you hired a part-time nanny?”
“I did that because the idea of replacing you was inconceivable...and frankly, impossible.”
His hand covered hers and the intimacy was excruciating. Annie looked down, noticing his bare ring finger...and for a moment, thinking how easy it would be to say yes. Yes to staying. Yes to marriage.
But she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not without love.
He removed his hand and so did she and when their meals arrived soon after, the tone of the conversation was much less dramatic for the next hour. But underneath the small talk, tension simmered. He looked so effortlessly handsome in his dark jeans, blue shirt and leather jacket. His hair was a little longer than usual and she wondered if he’d forgotten to get it cut. His glasses had slipped down the bridge of his nose and he pushed them up. Annie’s heart rolled at the gesture and she quickly felt herself getting sucked back into his vortex...which was highly impractical since she’d spent the best part of her week talking herself out of having any feelings for David whatsoever. But proximity was a funny thing. And being so close, seeing the tiny crinkles around his eyes and the dimple in his cheek, was enough to set her feelings into overdrive.
She ate quickly, drank the remainder of her spritzer and declined dessert, anxious for the evening to end so she could resume her hibernation at the hotel and stop wishing for the moon.
“Would you like another drink?” he asked.
Annie listened to the slow country song now being played by the band and shook her head, thinking that what she really wanted was to dance with him and feel his strong arms around her. Although David didn’t dance. Not ever.
“Did you dance at your wedding to Jayne?”
He shook his head. “We got married at the courthouse and had a small reception afterward. Jayne wasn’t much of a dancer, thankfully,” he added with a rueful look. “She had two left feet, like me.”
“You can’t be that bad?”
He nodded. “I am. Isn’t there something you’re bad at?”
Falling out of love with you...
She shrugged. “I’m terrible at Scrabble.”
“I know,” he said and grinned. “I beat your pants off every time.” He paused for a moment, his gaze settling on her mouth. “I mean...not literally.”
The moment he said the words, Annie’s skin scorched, because the image
was too hot to contemplate. She managed a smile, despite the way her heart pounded. “I think it’s time to go.”
He nodded. “You’re probably right.”
He signaled to the waitress for the check and within minutes they were outside and walking through the parking lot. It was a cool night and when she shivered David automatically slipped off his jacket and placed it around her shoulders.
“Thank you,” she said and felt warmth seep through to her bones.
She tripped on a pebble and David quickly grasped her hand, steadying her. Her hand remained clasped within his until they reached the car and she waited as he opened the passenger door.
Conscious that he was directly behind her, she turned so she was facing him, tilting her neck to meet his gaze. The tension between them was palpable. The awareness hot and heady. It had been building all evening. No, she corrected...it had been building for weeks. Ever since they’d spent those couple of hours at the cabin by the river. Now here they were, alone, after a...date? It was crazy. Everything that had happened between them in the past few weeks bombarded her thoughts. Her resignation. The kiss. His proposal. It was emotional chaos on a giant scale, because for so long she’d lived emotionally sheltered, not giving any part of herself up, not falling in love, not living in her own present.
“Annie...”
He said her name on a whisper, moving closer, one hand moving around to gently cup her nape, and she shuddered, totally lost. “David...please...”
“Damn it, Annie,” he rasped out, so close she could feel the warmth of his breath against her cheek. “I’ve tried to ignore my feelings for you, honestly I have. But I just can’t do it anymore, and—”
“You’re saying that to get what you want,” she rushed back, swallowing hard, feeling his nearness envelope her like a cloak. “To get me to agree to marry you.”
“I’m not,” he assured her, his thumb drawing tiny patterns on her neck. “I’m saying it because it’s true. I didn’t expect this to happen. I’ve programmed myself to look at and think of you a certain way. Now everything has changed.” He sighed. “Tell me you feel the same.”
What she felt was his body almost touching hers. “I do,” she admitted breathlessly.
“Annie...” he said her name again, almost as though it pained him, and pressed his forehead against hers, the feeling startlingly intimate despite its chasteness. Then he pulled away. “I’ll take you back to the hotel.”
He moved, pulling away, and as their bodies parted Annie experienced an acute and immediate sense of loss. And suddenly, more than anything, she wanted his arms around her. She pressed closer and moved her hands to his shoulders, holding him steady. “David, please. Kiss me.”
David moaned. “Kissing you won’t be enough.”
“I know,” she breathed and clutched his shoulders. “But kiss me anyway.”
Chapter Nine
David looked down into her lovely face, noticing every line, every sweet angle. There was something so incredibly sexy about her and as he took her mouth in a searing kiss, the sensation almost buckled him at the knees. She was pressed against him, her lovely curves soft against the hard angles of his chest. He deepened the kiss, and gently anchored her head with one hand. Leaning closer, he ran one hand down her side, lingered at the underside of her breast, felt her ribcage through the fabric of her dress.
“Annie,” he whispered against her mouth. “Tell me to stop.”
“I can’t,” she said and gripped harder, digging her fingers into his shoulders. “I don’t want you to stop.”
David pressed closer until they were leaning against the car, angling her head so their kiss could have the deepest contact. It had been a long time since he’d been intimate with anyone, but he knew that the feeling of having Annie in his arms was unlike anything he’d experienced before. She was soft and breathtakingly feminine and her breasts were pushed against him, driving him to distraction, turning his need into a desire that coursed through his blood like wildfire.
He ran a hand down her back, over her hip, and he bunched the dress in his hand, finding the skin soft beneath the fabric. He groaned, kissing her deeper, bringing his palm around the full curve of her bottom and drawing her closer. For a few crazy moments he didn’t have enough air in his lungs or enough ground beneath his feet. All he could feel was Annie, the smooth skin beneath his palm, the erotic tease of her underwear against his fingertips. Never in his life had he felt such intense sexual desire. He wanted to touch her all over, to strip her bare and witness the flush across every inch of her lovely skin, to worship her breasts with his hands and mouth, to taste every dip and curve and find oblivion within the sweet depths of her body.
She groaned against his mouth and David trailed kisses along her jaw, then found a sensitive spot at the base of her throat. Her hands were in his hair, kneading his scalp, and she pushed her hips forward, coming into direct contact with his unmistakable arousal. More turned on than he ever had been in his life, David moved lower and touched her intimately, and the sensation made him ache with a kind of need he didn’t know he possessed. She moaned, saying his name, pushing against his hand as he stroked her and he could feel her climax building when he heard a sound in the distance—a car door slamming, and a shot of laughter. Sanity returned and he realized where they were and what they were doing—making out, practically having sex, in the parking lot of a busy restaurant.
He pulled back quickly and removed his hand from beneath her dress, immediately straightening the fabric. She was breathing hard, staring at him with a mixture of shock and disbelief, her lips reddened from his kisses, her cheeks flushed, her breasts heaving, her hands shaking.
The inevitable groping at the end of the evening by some oversexed Neanderthal...
His sister’s words came rushing back to him with appalling clarity and shame pressed down on his shoulders. He wasn’t that guy. He’d never been that guy. He respected women. Okay, he’d slept with a few girlfriends over the years but ultimately married the only woman he’d ever loved. He definitely wasn’t the guy who made out in a parking lot like a horny teenager.
Except, that up until about thirty seconds ago, he had been that guy.
“I’ll take you back to the hotel,” he said quietly, fueled by a stab of self-loathing. He would never disrespect Annie...he cared about her too much. But he had. Big time.
She was silent on the drive back to Cedar River and David was shamefully glad for the temporary reprieve. But he knew they needed to clear the air.
“Annie,” he said as they pulled into the hotel parking area, “I think we should—”
“Good night, David,” she said and grabbed the door handle.
“Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow?” he asked. “We could go to the christening together.”
She shook her head. “I’m riding Star tomorrow, so I’ll be at the Triple C early. I’ll see you at the chapel.”
“Annie,” he said quickly, “can’t we at least talk about—”
“No,” she said tautly. “I don’t want to talk about it. I want to forget this whole evening ever happened.”
“How can we?” he asked, his chest so tight he could barely breath. “This is real, Annie. It’s not just going to go away.”
“Yes, it will,” she said and took a long breath. “I can’t believe you, David. I never imagined you would be the kind of man to toy with someone’s feelings. Especially mine.”
He went to touch her arm, to comfort her, but she pulled away. “I’m not, I promise you.”
“You are,” she said and shuddered. “You just don’t know it.”
She got out quickly and shut the door. He watched as she strode toward the hotel, then disappeared into the foyer. David remained where he was for a few minutes and then drove home. Once he was back at the ranch he checked on the kids, saw a note from Leah saying they’d gone to be
d early and she was bunking in the spare room.
He took a shower, as cold as he could stand, and spent the next couple of hours staring at the ceiling. When he finally drifted off to sleep he was plagued by dreams of Annie and woke up late, groggy and feeling as though he needed to hibernate for a couple of days to set his mind straight. But he had things to do and a family who needed him, so he worked out for half an hour, then showered and at eight o’clock he got dressed and made his way to the kitchen. Stopping by to check on the kids, he found both of them up, still dressed in their pajamas and playing in their rooms. He chatted with each of them for a few minutes and then followed the scent of freshly brewed coffee down the hall.
Mittie was behind the countertop, scraping out leftover oatmeal from the kids’ plates and Leah was perched on a stool, reading something on her cell phone.
His sister’s brows rose curiously when she spotted him. “Rough night?”
He raised a dismissive hand. “I’m really not in the mood.”
“Did you make things worse?” Leah asked, relentless.
Mitie tutted. “Can you two stop squabbling? Your brother hasn’t even had any caffeine yet.”
David grabbed a coffee mug. “Where’s Dad?” he asked, noting that Ivan wasn’t sitting at his usual spot at the table. “I thought he was coming over this morning?”
“He’s not feeling well,” Leah replied. “He texted me earlier and said he was going back to bed.”
David frowned. “He’s never sick.”
She nodded. “I know. But he said he’s been battling a headache for a few days and feels dizzy. You know Dad—he doesn’t like to make a fuss. I’ll stop by his place later and check on him. So, how was your date?”
“Fine,” he replied. “Thanks for watching the kids last night. I’m going to take them to see their mom this morning.”
Mittie’s expression narrowed. “You haven’t done that for a while.”
“I know,” he said soberly. “I don’t want them to forget who their mother is.”