I Need You (Learning to Let Go)

by Hazel St James

  “Where do you work?” Sara asked after leaning back against one of the stainless steel counters in the room, her hands braced against the sides.

  “I’m a litigation attorney in Madison. I come up here on the weekends to help out. My brother is one of the veterinarians here.”

  Now all the pieces of the puzzle were starting to fall into place. “Ah, I see. I saw your car. I thought you were being forced to work here for community service or something.”

  Becca’s bow shaped lips turned up in the corners as she answered, “No, but that’s a good suggestion. Kind of like that show, about reformed convicts and pit bulls.” Her face lit up before she continued, “You like my car? Isn’t that thing fucking awesome? It’s a Lexus ES350. One of the first hybrid sport luxury cars. I just got it last week.”

  A hybrid car, at least, Sara thought as she led them back out to the hallway, and then out the last door at the end of the hall. Becca had brought her outside, right next to a large kiddie pool that was sitting underneath the large awning attached to the side of the building. Inside the pool was a group of fluffy little fuzz balls; four chocolate and two white. Sara had to practically stick her hands in her pocket to keep from reaching in to pick up one of the sleeping bundles.

  “This is Nika’s litter of puppies. They are about four weeks old now. They will be ready to go in about two to three weeks, depending upon how many don’t get adopted right away. The runt will have to stay with his mom for longer, though.”

  Becca reached in to grab the smallest white puppy that was laying on the edge of the group. “This little rascal has had a hard few weeks, haven’t you, baby boy?” she cooed at the puppy before kissing it’s little head and handing it to Sara.

  The puppy gave a couple of squeaks before nestling deep into her arms, yawning, then settling back to sleep again.

  “I am going to guess that we will be able to adopt out most of this litter right away, but if there are any left, we will give you a call to take one home. We also have a few dogs on the vet clinic side that have been with us for a few months now, that we assume their owners are not going to come back for. If all the puppies go, would you be willing to take in an older dog?”

  Sara nodded her head, not wanting to disturb the little bundle in her arms. Offering up silent prayer, she hoped that this little creature would be able to stay with her. Well, if everything worked out with Darrin. There was no way that the shelter would allow her to bring a large breed dog to her small trailer, even if it was just a puppy.

  “Well, great then. Darrin already filled out the section on the living arrangements for the pooch, so all I need is for you to fill out the personal section, references, and all that. I assume you have had pets before?”

  Becca took the runt out of her arms, carefully nestling him back in with his brothers and sisters.

  “Yes, I grew up on a dairy farm. We always had dogs, cats, and horses, as well as the cows. I’m familiar.”

  “We are required to do an on-site inspection of the property once the animal is placed with you, and you need to give us references of any vet clinics that you have used in the past. It’s standard procedure.”

  “I understand.”

  Becca led them up front to the office, pulling out a chair for her to sit in as she grabbed a stack of papers off the counter. “Here are the forms I need filled out. You can drop them off at the office later, or you can fill them out here. I’ll be here for most of the day.”

  Sara proceeded to sit in the chair, then she thought better of it. She was hoping to get away from this woman as soon as possible, and the way things were going, it was likely that she would end up here all day. “I’ll just bring them back later.”

  “Ok, good.” She stuck out her hand, leaving Sara little room to avoid reciprocating. “Nice to meet, you, Sara. Maybe sometime you can tell me how a quiet, little thing like you, snapped up that tall Grecian god you have.”

  Sara pulled her shoulder’s back, releasing the tension that had risen to her neck like a geyser. “You’re right, Becca. Your mouth filter is broken. You don’t know anything about me. Don’t assume.”

  Quick to defend herself, Becca narrowed her eyes before the slight shake of her shoulders gave her laughter away. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I have a tendency to scare off people, including men. I was giving you a compliment in my own way.”

  After a casual wink, Becca turned around and headed to the other side of the office, flipping on the lights to the vet clinic. “Thanks for coming out today, Sara. We’ll call you once we have a creature ready for you and Darrin to take care of,” she yelled.

  Sara scoffed before she grabbed the papers and practically ran out of the building. Throwing everything into the passenger seat of her car, she quickly backed out and started to pull away. She made a fleeting glance at the fancy car again, this time her eyes were drawn to the license plate. Sara groaned at the four letters on the license plate, HAWT.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sara kicked off her sandals when she walked through the door of her trailer, practically denting the paneling next to the couch when her shoes smacked the wall. Darrin was hot on her heels, stomping right along with her.

  “Fucking talk to me, Sara. I thought we were past this.”

  Sara had pulled up next to her trailer, not surprised to see that Darrin was waiting there for her. Usually, he avoided confrontations, but she knew that he was going to be royally pissed after she had ignored his phone calls and texts for half the day. Her indignation had grown into full blown childish anger after spending the rest of her morning stewing in town.

  “We didn’t talk about anything! I caved and you screwed me. That’s not working on our issues. That’s a diversion.”

  A pained look crept across Darrin’s face, quickly fading when he clenched his fists at his sides, staring at her grimly. “I wasn’t screwing you, Sara.”

  Sara’s eyebrows pulled together as she hissed, “Call it whatever you want, Darrin! Damn it! I shouldn’t have let you put your damn walls back up. I know that I said I would take you anyway I could get you, but I need you to know that I need reassurance from you every once in a while that I mean something to you.”

  Darrin’s tight facial expression fell as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. Sara could tell that she had struck a nerve with him; making him anxious. He didn’t raise his eyes off the floor as he slowly spun on his heel, and headed for the door. He put his hand on the door knob, but didn’t turn it.

  Seconds passed before he spoke, and when he did, the crack in his voice gave away his pain. “I don’t talk about feelings, Sara, but I show them. It’s the only way I know how. I wasn’t screwing you, I was making love to you. There’s a difference for me,” he said quietly. Without looking back, Darrin pulled the door open and stepped outside.

  The sound of his truck starting and then pulling away were the only sounds that registered, as shock riffled through her body. He doesn’t even give me an iota of emotion for the last few months, and the first feeling he verbalizes in his own way is love?

  Cold tingles washed across her body, making her shiver in the sunbaked trailer. The backs of her eyes burned from the unshed tears that she was trying to hold back. Sara knew that once she let go, the tears would fall and fall until the wells were dry, and she needed to get some answers first. Taking a steadying breath, she picked up her purse that she had discarded on the couch and pulled out her cell phone. After scrolling through her contacts, Sara found the number she was looking for.

  After a half-garbled hello came through the line, Sara responded, “Can I come over? I want to talk with you, Corey.”

  She could hear the ruffle of bed covers as Corey yawned in her ear. “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

  Grabbing her essentials, Sara answered him as she stalked outside to her car, “I have something I want to ask you. In person. I’m coming over.”

  Corey rumbled a deep chuckle. “Sure.”

  Sara could ba
rely keep her hands from trembling as she pulled up in to Corey and Bryn’s parking lot next to their apartment. Bryn was bounding down the long fire-escape style stairs as Sara started her ascent.

  “Hey, my sista! What’s up?” Bryn yelled down before the girls were even on the same landing.

  “Hi, Bryn. I was actually hoping to talk with Corey. I just called him a few minutes ago, and he sounded like he was still in bed. Is he up now?”

  Bryn’s eyebrows pulled together in a scowl. “Yes, he’s finally up. Dumbass was out half the night and some skank brought his ass home at four in the morning. I heard his phone ring a few minutes ago. Didn’t know that was you. Why do you need to talk to Corey?”

  Sara could feel the weight of her sister’s words, carefully deciding how she wanted to answer. The girls never shared much of their personal lives with each other before, and Sara wanted to continue to keep her private life private. The closest they had ever gotten to discussing anything intimate was last weekend when Bryn had teased her about the activities Darrin had promised to provide after their long week apart. Plus, it didn’t feel right talking about her, up until recently, wonderful relationship with Darrin, when Bryn had just lost a really great guy.

  “I have a question to ask him about Darrin.” Sniffing quickly to keep her tears at bay, she added, “It won’t take long, and then I will go with you to get groceries. Okay?”

  Bryn’s eyes darted back and forth, scanning Sara’s face before she finally relented, “Sure. I’ll wait down here.”

  Stepping closer to her sister, she leaned in to peck her on the cheek. “Thanks, Bryn. I’ll be quick.”

  Sara found Corey sitting at the breakfast bar, his head in his hands, sitting over the top of a steaming cup of coffee. Wearing only his boxers, she could see an intricate tribal tattoo on his back, reaching either side of his shoulder blades and scrolling down. Sara was half-tempted to trace it with her finger, to see if it was a treasure trail of sorts. Instead, she opted to pinch the skin under Corey’s forearm, making him jump a good foot off the barstool.

  “Jesus Christ, Sara!” he spit out as he lifted his arm to see the mark she had left with her fingernails. “That fucking hurt!”

  Sara patted his shoulder before she walked around the other side of the breakfast bar. “I’m sorry, Corey. I couldn’t resist. Have fun last night?”

  Corey groaned before he picked up the cup of coffee, almost drinking all of it in one long slug. “I wouldn’t call it fun. More like, it was informational.”

  Sara reached over to the coffee maker, pulling the carafe out and refilling Corey’s cup. She grabbed the creamer out of the refrigerator, sitting it down next to the cup. “Not sure I want to know what that means, I guess.”

  “No, you don’t. What did you want to talk to me about, Sara?”

  Nervously, she shifted from foot to foot, trying to keep her nerves under control. Sara had spent a lot more time with Corey growing up than she did with Darrin, and she knew that neither one of them liked to talk about their past. Between Darrin and Corey, Corey would be considered more vocal, but not by much. However, Corey was always lavishing his affection on Bryn, it seemed. It was too bad that Corey was gay, otherwise he and Bryn would have made the perfect match for each other.

  Taking a deep breath, she answered, “What happened to Darrin that he refuses to express any feelings? I know that you both had a horrific childhood, but how did you fare so well, and Darrin ended up an emotionless robot.”

  Corey’s blood streaked eyes peered over the cup of coffee he was holding in his hands, studying her for a long time, before he finally set the cup back down. Smiling, he reached across the counter, grabbing both of Sara’s hands in his, “I wouldn’t say that he refuses to express any feelings. He sure as shit has anger down pat.” Tense laughter bubbled out of her chest, quickly fading away.

  Corey’s expression sobered. “It’s his story, Sara. If he wants to share it, he will. But know that he cares about you a lot, more than any other girlfriend he has ever had. Shit, I don’t remember him even keeping a girl long enough to call them an official ‘girlfriend.’ You’ve gotten through more barriers than anyone else. Just give him time.”

  The pain on Sara’s face must have been obvious, because Corey leaned across the breakfast bar to kiss the furrowed line between her eyebrows. “He’s a good man, Sara. It’s gonna take a hell of a woman to put up with his shit.” Winking at her, he finished, “You thick-headed Lonneman women are sure gluttons for punishment. That’s all I gotta say.”

  Sara pulled her hands out of his grasp, patting his knuckles before she meandered back to the front door. “Thanks, Corey. I think,” she laughed. “Maybe you should go back to bed and get some more sleep. You look like death warmed over.”

  Corey slapped her ass before she could make it all the way out the front door. “Your smart mouth is about as bad as your sister’s. Maybe it isn’t such a good idea for you to spend more time together.” He had to practically yell the last of his words as the door shut behind her.

  Laughing, she kept hopping down the stairs, almost bouncing until she reached the bottom. Bryn was patiently waiting, sitting on an old cooler that had been tipped over. “Everything okay now?” she asked as she stood up from her perch, brushing off the backside of her jean shorts before she headed towards the car.

  Sara smiled at her sister, a big wide happy grin. “Yup. Let’s go eat. I’m starving. Plus, I gotta tell you about the crazy woman that I met this morning.”

  “Ooohh, gossip. Let’s go eat Pad Thai over by the mall, and then we can take a peek at the new shoe store. I was supposed to be riding tonight with Corey, but I don’t see that happening. Wanna go see a movie later on?” Bryn animatedly spoke as she pulled Corey’s beat up old pick-up truck down the broken down driveway.

  “No, I gotta get back to Darrin’s before supper time. I really hurt him this morning. I better get back there to make it up to him.” Sara was envisioning showing up at his house in her black and pink matching bra and panty set, with a pair of high heels on. Of course, she would wear her long trench coat over to his house, in case something happened on the way. She didn’t need anyone to see her trying to be a seductress.

  Bryn just answered with a smirk plastered across her face. “At least one of us is getting some.”

  Sara didn’t respond; she just rolled her eyes. But, inside she was thinking, yes, and that is how he shows me that he loves me.

  Chapter Fourteen

  It was early evening on Sunday when she decided to head over to her sister’s apartment with a huge laundry basket full of clothes. Even though Bryn had gone to Sturgis for the weekend and into the week, it had become a Sunday ritual the girls had shared. Plus, her sister had a collection of bra washing balls, and the dryer at the apartment had a steam dryer for her new collection of intimate apparel.

  Most of her new pieces were gifts from her lug of a boyfriend. After last weekend’s fisticuffs with Darrin, and then Corey’s abbreviated version of his brother’s psyche, Sara knew that she had to try to meet Darrin half-way. Not every relationship had to be full of gooey, gushy emotions; at least not one that she wanted to be in. Emotional intimacy was important to her, but if it was something Darrin literally could not do, then she would have to show him that they could find ways to work around that.

  When she first stepped foot into Darrin’s shop last weekend, she apologized for being a spoiled brat and ignoring him. Then she showed him her barely there undergarments with the pink ribbons that darted through the lacey material. After worshipping her body while she was still in a state of semi-dress, Darrin practically ripped the flimsy material from her body with a quick pull in both directions. He simply growled that he would buy her more while he used his own body to convey as many emotions as he could.

  Even though they had somewhat tackled that obstacle, Sara had still asked Darrin that they try to give each other some space. They spent almost all day together now that Sara wasn’t worki
ng at the pharmacy, and she hadn’t found another part-time job that was worth her time. At least, that Darrin said was worth her time. Plus, Sara was exhausting herself running from Darrin’s farm, to her trailer, to her sister’s, and round and round. She needed to decompress at the end of the day, and it was hard to do; she was used to having some solitude in her life.

  Things this past week had been wonderful, maybe even peaceful would be a great way to describe the emotional serenity that Sara had found in her life.

  Sara let herself into the apartment with her spare key, and made quick work of sorting her clothes onto the floor in the bathroom where the washer and dryer sat. After starting her first load, Sara decided to walk the three blocks down to the lake while she waited. It was a beautiful August day, and she could maybe even venture down the boardwalk and enjoy the sunshine. Her phone chirped in her jean shorts pocket. You coming over tonight?

  Her reply was short and to the point. Yes, Darrin.

  It didn’t take Sara long to walk down to the water and then along the boardwalk, until she was all the way on the other end of town, next to the old historic train station. Sara watched as a fairly well-built man, dressed in all black and wearing a bandana around his head, as he sat on a motorcycle with his shoulders slumped down, fiddling with a piece of paper in his hand.

  Sara was sure that the person on the bike was Brett, one of the twins that had accompanied Bryn and their friends to Sturgis. Maybe he’d had to come back before everyone else for something? she pondered. Walking up to him, Sara called out softly, “Hi, Brett. I’m Sara Lonneman, Bryn’s little sister. Can I ask how she did on the ride out to Sturgis?”

  There was no way that Sara could have prepared herself for what she saw next. The man lifted his head, turning to face her in the same motion. It was certainly not Brett. Sara could feel the air rush out of her lungs when she recognized the gorgeous grey eyes and chiseled features.