Water Under Bridges

by Harper Bliss

  “Does that mean we can be nice to her again?” Jared asked. “It’s been a bit awkward going to the Pink Bean.”

  “Oh, stop it, Jared,” Phil said, while stirring something in a saucepan. “How did this come about?” They were all huddled around the kitchen island together, where Lou had sat many times since coming back from Brisbane. First to lament the breakdown of her relationship, then to vent over the return of Mia Miller in her surroundings, and now to tell them she had asked Mia out.

  Lou could be completely honest with these two. Perhaps even more honest than she was with herself. “We had a pretty grueling chat during which she told me her side of the whole bullying story, but that’s not even really the point, although I’m glad I know about it. It’s just that, ever since then, since she sat in my living room and told me these things, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her. I didn’t want to admit it to myself. Of course, I didn’t. But I’m attracted to her. And not just because she has the looks, which, let’s be honest, she does. But because she dared to look me in the eye, no matter how hard it was, and I saw that she was someone totally different to the bully I knew. And then we got chatting at a party and we hit it off and I was drunk and now I’m sitting here, after a wonderful afternoon in her company. So I asked her out. Again.”

  “So this will be a real date, with all the intentions of any old regular date behind it.” Jared waggled his eyebrows.

  “I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Lou smiled at her friend. Of course, she knew, but if he was giving her a hard time, she was surely allowed to give him one back.

  “You’re not exactly a serial dater, Lou. And you just had a less-than-good experience with that Meredith. And, well…” Phil stopped stirring in his saucepan for a second. “You’re looking for, er, more.”

  “I think you might be getting ahead of yourself a bit there,” Lou said, even though the same thought had crossed her mind. She couldn’t help it. “Yes, it’s a date, but at the same time it’s just a date. What about you guys’ first date? Surely you didn’t turn up with the intention of having Yasmine and Toby one day.”

  “That was a long time ago,” Phil said.

  “Yes, we were still young and beautiful then,” Jared said. “These days we have our lesbian friend over for dinner and we have to live vicariously through your thrilling adventures in love.”

  “Don’t be so dramatic, babe. There’s a time for everything in life. This is our time to be parents. I wouldn’t want to go back to being twenty-five and single. This,” he held up the spoon, “is so much better. By the way, dinner is ready.”

  They sat to eat and, aside from a few stories of what the twins had been up to, and the unwittingly funny things they’d said since Lou had last seen Phil and Jared, the conversation kept gravitating back to Mia, and Lou’s upcoming date with her former nemesis.

  “The hot ones are usually the ones with the most difficult character,” Jared said, “that’s why I had to settle for Phil.” He blew his husband a kiss.

  “And I for you, my dear.”

  “But maybe it’s different for women. I mean, you’re pretty hot, Lou, and you’re the kindest, sweetest person I know. Maybe women can have it all.”

  “Come off it. Looks don’t have that much to do with it in the end. Yes, I think Mia is hot. But that didn’t mean a thing to me when I first saw her.”

  “You come off it,” Jared said. “Looks do matter.”

  “Well, yes, but not as much as you would think. Plus, it’s not because I find Mia good-looking that anyone else would.”

  “We both think she’s very pretty,” Phil said.

  “Okay, fine, she’s pretty. All I was trying to say is that I’ve seen beyond her pretty face now, and that’s what matters to me. I would never have been attracted to her if I hadn’t.”

  “She’s a totally different type than Angie, though,” Jared said.

  “That’s exactly my point,” Lou said. “I don’t believe much in types and instant attraction and all of that, and I wouldn’t want you to think that I’ve decided to go on a date with Mia just because she’s my type or because I find her physically attractive. I asked her out because, despite our past, I really like her. She moves something in me. And I need to find out what it is.”

  “Dear Lou, I would never suspect you of such shallowness,” Phil said. “And you’d better have room for dessert.”

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  “What’s with the smirk?” Jo asked her when Mia arrived at the Pink Bean on Monday morning, a full ten minutes before their shift started.

  “What smirk?” Mia tried to paint as innocent a look on her face as she could muster.

  “The insufferable one plastered across your face,” Jo said.

  “Josephine, I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’m just happy to be spending the morning with you, my fellow barista and dear friend. That’s all there is to it.”

  “You can say what you want, but you haven’t fooled me for one second. I might not have been able to make it to Robin’s birthday party but Caitlin told me all about how you and Lou have suddenly become inseparable.”

  Mia turned her grin into a triumphant smirk. She didn’t even know where she got the energy to wind Jo up like this. She’d been up half the night, trying to divine more meaning behind Lou asking her out than there perhaps was. She’d also been reading the two Jane Quinn books. She didn’t have any trouble shoving Jane and Annie from her mind during the juicy parts, but easily replaced the two romantic leads with her and Lou in the story line.

  “Okay, I’ll tell you, but don’t go telling anyone else, okay?”

  “Not even Caitlin?”

  “I just don’t want everyone around here talking about it and giving us funny looks.”

  “And by us you mean you and Lou?”

  “We’re going on a date. She’s invited me to her house for dinner. Nothing has happened. It’s just a date.”

  “Oh, I’m sure it is just a date.” Jo stopped what she was doing for a second. “So you managed to set aside your differences from the past?”

  Good question, she thought. Had they? Could they ever? All she knew was that she had allowed Lou to stare straight into her soul for a brief minute the previous afternoon. A peek into her inner world that she hadn’t afforded anyone else ever before. And then Lou had asked her out. “We’re trying to,” she said and headed for the door to turn over the Open/Closed sign. “Time to open up shop. Are you ready for the grumpy Monday morning crowd?”

  For the first time since she’d started working in the Pink Bean, Mia was truly looking forward to Lou coming in for her daily dose of caffeine. She was curious about how Lou would act—and perhaps a bit scared that she might have come to her senses and would revoke the invitation to dinner.

  When she and Amber walked in the door, Josephine said, “Go on, take five. Have a chat with your upcoming date.”

  Mia shot her a shut-up look, even though she was happy for Jo’s generosity.

  “Do you have a minute?” Mia asked Lou after she’d ordered. She felt suddenly much shyer, an altogether different emotion from the ones she’d felt every previous time Lou had walked in. She was feeling insecure as well. Perhaps even questioning of Lou’s motives, now that an actual date had been set.

  “Morning,” Lou said, and the smile she gave Mia was so wide and sunny and doubt-erasing, that Mia felt compelled to do what she’d done the night before when Lou was about to leave. She put her hands gently on her shoulders and kissed her on the cheek, not caring or even wondering whether that was appropriate. Besides, from what Sheryl had told her about the Pink Bean, many romances had sprouted here, so Mia figured a chaste kiss on the cheek might even be encouraged.

  Lou took a step back and regarded her funnily, her eyes slightly narrowed. Perhaps the cheek kiss had surprised her.

  “Do come to yoga tonight,” she said. “Even though I’m not supposed to focus more on one student, I’ll pay special attention to
your posture.”

  Mia had brought her workout gear, but now she was definitely going. Still, she had to ask. “Are we still on for Wednesday?”

  “Of course. I’m looking forward to it, although I may have slightly overestimated my cooking skills.”

  “Take out is fine with me,” Mia said.

  “No, take out won’t do.” Lou stepped closer again. “Is there anything you don’t eat?”

  Mia shook her head, sank her teeth into her bottom lip, and just looked at Lou. It was liberating to do so, to feel this chemistry crackle in the air between them, to be aware of the promise of what could be—a sentiment she had become a bit jaded about the last few years. Because she always knew it would be gone soon.

  “Bring a bottle of wine of your choosing then.”

  “Psst,” Jo whispered from the counter. “Here’s your coffee, Lou.”

  “I’d best get back to work,” Mia said. “See you soon.” As she made her way back behind the counter, she made a mental note to ask if she could stay over at Kristin and Sheryl’s on Wednesday night.

  “I can keep a secret, Mia,” Jo said. “But sparks were flying all over the place, so you’re lucky it was just Amber and me in here and not Micky with her big mouth otherwise the entire population of Darlinghurst would know about your date within the next twenty-four hours.”

  Mia ran a hand through her hair, then rang the bell. It was odd that she’d actually been to Lou’s house before.

  The door flew open, then there she stood. Her hair was loose and even though it was no longer out of the ordinary to see Lou out of her yoga gear, Mia still did a double take, because Lou was wearing the sort of dressy tank top that was designed for one purpose only: seduction.

  They kissed on the cheeks, but Mia couldn’t resist keeping her hands on Lou’s bare shoulders for a fraction of a second longer than necessary.

  “Smells nice in here,” Mia said when Lou escorted her into the kitchen. She remembered how her stomach had growled that day she had come here with Lou, and how Lou had offered to make her a sandwich. She’d never thought she’d come here for an actual dinner—just the two of them—one day.

  “It’s only pasta,” Lou said. “Tell you the truth, I haven’t done a lot of cooking since I moved back home. Both my mother and father love to cook, and they also very much love to feed me. This is one of my dad’s recipes. Very easy to make and, hopefully, equally yummy when made by his daughter.” Lou sounded as though she was blabbering a bit.

  “I look forward to it.” Mia’s nerves were making themselves known in her stomach, so she wasn’t very hungry. She handed Lou the bottle of Pinot Gris she had brought. “I hope this goes with your dish.”

  “Perfect, and cold as well. The glasses are in that cupboard over there.”

  Lou had set two places at the dining table and they sat with their glasses of wine.

  “I don’t know about you,” Lou said, “but I’m feeling a little awkward. How shall we get past this initial awkwardness then?” She held up her glass. “Do you think this will do the trick?”

  “It might be a little awkward, but it doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy it. I’d like to guess that the reason why it’s a little unnatural is because we both very much want to be here.” She held up her glass as well. “I hope you haven’t had second thoughts.”

  Lou shook her head and clinked her glass against Mia’s.

  “Good, because you were the one who started flirting with me on Sunday afternoon, despite first telling me not to flirt with you.”

  Lou just gave a small smile. “I’m truly sorry I had to rush off like that. Especially because of the nature of our conversation. I’ve thought about it a lot since then.”

  “You mean my inability to keep women?” Mia smiled. “It was very strange to be asked on a date after admitting to that. As if you were trying to prove a point.”

  “Is that what you think?” Lou shook her head. “I didn’t ask you out to prove a point, Mia. I swear to you. I asked you out because we had such a good time and…”

  “Yes?”

  “I don’t quite know how to put it into words,” Lou said. “I just knew I wanted to spend more time with you. Because of how I feel when I’m with you now that the dread has gone and the shock of seeing you again has worn off.” Lou cocked her head. “Is that enough of a reason?”

  “What was I thinking asking for a reason in the first place?” Mia hoped the smile she gave Lou was convincing enough. Because she wanted to be here, despite her insecurities, and all the events that had led them to sitting opposite each other at this table. The air between them was rich with something intangible but exciting already. And Mia wondered if it would be there as well if they hadn’t known each other as teenagers.

  “Any news on Annie’s?” Lou asked, changing the subject expertly.

  They talked about the Pink Bean and bookshop merger for a while, how they were ironing out the kinks in their agreement and trying to come to terms that every party could be happy with, even though compromises would have to be made on both sides. It was a safe topic, but also the very thing that had instigated their increasing closeness.

  After they finished their first glass of wine, Lou served dinner, which smelled and looked great. In spite of the wine, nerves were still getting the better of Mia’s stomach. Why did dates have to include eating anyway? Was it to closely scrutinize a potential love interest’s table manners and base future decisions on them? It seemed ridiculous to Mia as Lou set a plate of food in front of her.

  “Linguini marinara,” Lou said. “Enjoy.”

  “It’s really good,” Mia said after swallowing a bite. “You should cook more often.”

  “Next time it’ll be your turn, obviously.” Lou grinned at her.

  “Next time, huh? Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?”

  Lou shrugged. “Story of my life, really. In my mind, I’m always a couple of steps ahead. It’s how I’m wired. How I survive in this world.”

  “That sounded a bit grim toward the end.” Mia loaded her fork but didn’t put it in her mouth. She regarded Lou instead. She could come out with the weirdest phrases at times, which was fascinating as well as puzzling.

  “Well, for example, I can’t put all the blame of my failed relationship onto my ex.”

  “Any more phone calls, by the way?” Mia asked.

  Lou shook her head. “In the end, I as good as thought our relationship to death, if that makes any sense. As soon as Angie started deviating from the plans I had for our future, the clouds of doom started gathering above our relationship. Clouds only I could see and had to make her aware of. Even though it goes against everything I’ve been taught as a yoga teacher. You know, live in the moment and all that.”

  Mia tried to follow Lou’s train of thought, but couldn’t. “I’m not sure I fully understand.”

  “You may notice I sometimes have a really hard time translating what I think and feel into words. Especially when I’m nervous.” She grabbed her glass of wine. “This helps.”

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to explain.”

  “I want to. Let me try again.” Lou took a deep breath, put her glass down, and said, “Let me give you another example. From the very beginning of our relationship, which started when we were both still quite young, Angie and I decided we wanted to have children. We talked about it a lot. I even started seriously researching it, right around the time we started to grow apart. Because I thought that if I took some resolute steps in the direction of our future, she would follow suit, but it had the opposite effect. She only started working more. I started pushing more. She pushed back. In the end, you can’t tell a grown-up what to do. And I wasn’t being very subtle about it, either. She kept saying we had time, that women have their children much later these days, and that it would be better to wait until we were more financially stable and so on. Until I woke up one day and realized we didn’t share the same dream anymore. I guess that was the hardest part.”
/>
  Mia wasn’t quite sure what to say to that, or how the conversation had suddenly drifted toward Lou’s failures and dreams. Was she meant to share hers? Would it make her come across as shallow if she didn’t have any tales like this to tell—because she didn’t. “Not that I’m the expert, but relationships fail for so many reasons and they’re often much more complex than we can see at first sight.”

  “She was good to me. Angie, was.” Lou refilled their glasses. “She got me, you know? Not a lot of people do. We were good together for a long time. Until we weren’t, I guess. But I should really stop going on about myself, can I ask you a question?”

  “Isn’t that what tonight is all about?” Mia threw in a crooked smile.

  “How do you recover from relationship after relationship ending? And often not on your terms? What does it do to your self-esteem?”

  Mia drank to take some time to think. Lou had stopped eating, so she left her fork untouched as well. “First of all, I learned not to let my self-esteem depend on my relationships. Second, I haven’t had that many affairs that deserve the term relationship. And when those relationships ended, it was often more a relief than it was painful for me.”

  “Because you felt more comfortable hiding?”

  Mia shook her head. “I don’t know. But I’m hardly the exception. I know a lot of people my age who are single and happy, who have short-lived affairs, casual sexual encounters, who live a more unattached life. This is not the fifties anymore.”

  “And thank goodness for that.” Lou narrowed her eyes. “I have so many questions for you, Mia. I’m beginning to think our talks might be somehow therapeutic for me, or at least cathartic.”

  “Shoot.” Maybe that was what they were to each other more than anything else; a means to put the past behind them once and for all.

  “Does your father know, er, you’re a lesbian? From what you told me, he didn’t do very well with anything that didn’t fit the norm.”