The Forbidden Fruit

by S. K Munt

  I looked up at him, not certain what to say, but certain that he was using his charge against me to heat me from the inside out because I had been too angry at him for too long for the passionate emotions stirring inside me to be for real now. ‘I do,’ I admitted sadly. ‘But I don’t know in what way anymore, Kohén.’

  ‘Like hell you don’t,’ he whispered, looking even more alarmed. ‘Say you’ll marry me still, and mean it!’

  ‘I cannot,’ I said. ‘Even though I am bound to respond to your every request with a yes- that is the one thing that YOU are not permitted to ask of me.’ I smirked. ‘And just try and run off to your mother and father to complain that your whore said ‘no’ to a marriage proposal from you- and see who ends up on the other side of the fence!’

  ‘You think I’d do that?’ he demanded, looking hurt.

  ‘I think you just threatened Kelia with that fate for far less of a betrayal than denying your love,’ I pointed out. ‘So who knows what I’d be in for, if your feelings for me flipped?’

  ‘As yours have for me?’ he asked.

  ‘My feelings for you are like a canoe in a squall,’ I whispered. ‘They’ve flipped about so many times that I don’t know if I’m drowning in them, or surviving by clinging to them alone. And I will not know if I am destined to love you or hate you or be indifferent to you until the storm has passed, and I have been granted the space and the freedom to paddle where my heart urges me to.’

  Kohén’s eyes flashed dangerously as he pulled me into his arms and onto his lap, angling me across it so that my head was on his shoulder and my backside in the cradle of his crossed legs. ‘You’re scaring me Larkin,’ he whispered, but he did not look scared- he looked certain of something illicit. ‘And I don’t like being scared.’ His lips pressed against mine when he whispered: ‘you love me in every way that a woman can love a man, got it? I am your best friend, your lover, and your benefactor: say so now!’

  ‘If you command me to, then I must,’ I whispered, ‘that won’t make it all true though-’ I groaned when he kissed me with angry, lustful lips, forcing mine open so that he could strum my tongue with his and forcing me to admit the truth, at least to myself:

  I wasn’t sure what the word love even meant any more, but I adored him and I wanted him, and I hated myself for it.

  13.

  A thrill shot through me as Kohén’s charge hummed around me, one that was as fearful as it was excited, and I tried to push him off before things could get out of hand, but he pulled back first and whispered:

  ‘You want me!’ he whispered. ‘And you love me, I know you do! You’re just afraid of being trapped and though I’ve always been understanding of that and have tried to do whatever is in my power to put your mind at ease- you’re stopped offering such comfort back and I’m starting to wonder if I’ve held you too far from me to know me anymore.’ He sat taller and rearranged me again so that I was straddling his hips, and wrapped my legs around his waist before holding my face steady with his hands. ‘I gave you space and you took it, and you never infringe on mine- though you must know that I would gladly welcome it. I go to other women and you allow it without showing the faintest hint of jealousy. I tell you that I love you, and you tell me that you must say the same, and I speak of plans for our future and you shut down…’ he pushed my hair out of my eyes. ‘You shut me out, my love, so tell me why I shouldn’t believe that my mother and fathers’ fears are warranted, and that you are just using me to get your way, preparing to discard me after?’

  I stared at him with a racing heart. ‘Because if your love for me is true,’ I whispered, ‘then you would know me well enough to understand that I could never use or discard anybody intentionally.’

  ‘And if your love for me was true,’ he countered, ‘you would not be able to bear this distance between us any better than I have!’

  My eyes welled. ‘Who says that I have been dealing with it well, Kohén?’ I ran my fingers through his shaggy hair, which looked almost black in the moonlight, realising that it was true- I had been dealing, just not well. ‘The more valuable the hand, the more impassive the poker face must be!’ I ran my hands down his neck. ‘My heart has been breaking for over a year now, and if I must accept that you will go to them, as you asked, you must accept that I will withdraw from you or suffocate in my own jealousy and heartbreak!’ I kissed him roughly then whispered. ‘Yes I love you, and yes I desire you, but I am not your everything, Kohén! You must pursue a throne, and your studies, and have your arousal sated and travel often without me, while I must wait patiently and witness the locking of doors and the departure of vessels all alone! I have signed a contract to do that, so I live my life around yours accordingly, and you have offered me more after, and that means so much to me!’ I swallowed. ‘But aside from your word, there is no guarantee that I am safe investing even one of my hopes for the future in you, so it is unfair that you demand every one of them!’

  ‘But I love you so much Larkin- I need to know that we are together on this! I cannot focus on rewriting laws over my conviction alone!’

  ‘Well I have no conviction regarding us! I have been trained not to! If that changes, I will adjust accordingly but until then, stop asking me to put my life and body and heart in your hands while you can only throw me crumbs of your own!’

  ‘That statue was not a crumb!’

  ‘That statue is not mine, and you know it!’ I pointed out. ‘Will I be able to take it with me when I leave Eden?’

  Kohén’s eyes widened. ‘Why would you leave Eden?!’

  ‘You want to go to Pacifica!’

  ‘Well I’m not lugging it across the ocean, it’ll fall apart! Regardless, she is positioned somewhere that will always be a home to us.’

  ‘I didn’t say that you had to move her across the Pacific!’

  ‘Then what are you saying?’

  I looked down at his chest, averting my eyes and resting my hands on his warm, taut shoulders. ‘I am saying that Liberty is not liberty at all if it is bound. If you want me to say that my home will be where yours is- whether that be here, Arcadia or who knows- then you must wait until I am free to say that, because they will not be true or certain words until they are spoken by a free woman.’

  ‘That’s nonsense-’

  ‘No, that’s freedom,’ I said quickly, wetting my lips. ‘I love you Kohén, but I won’t be released from a cage with the expectation being for me to flutter about on a golden leash instead.’ My nerves were jangling in alarm for what I was about to say, but it had to be said. ‘I cannot tell you how I truly feel, because I do not know who I am, understand where I have come from, or have the slightest conviction regarding who I will be. So if you love me, you will give me the time and the distance to ponder my options once I am free, and the chance to get to know you- and other men- and options for my future outside of this master/slave dynamic before you make demands of my heart or body or future-’

  ‘You want to see…?’ Kohén’s voice sounded like acid, but I let his words and eyes burn through both of us without correcting them and held his gaze defiantly.

  ‘Other men? Yes, I would like the right to do so.’ And then I cringed and waited for the electric shock to stop my heart as I had clearly just stopped his.

  Kohén’s hands went to his hair and he pulled on it like he was trying to physically remove my words from his brain. It was clear, from his thunderstruck countenance that he could not even CONCEIVE of sharing my affection or attention- not even for a second, and dread chugged through my veins like melted lead.

  Ahh… now we’re getting it, aren’t we? Bit of a stretch to ask that the person you love be given free range, huh?

  ‘Why?!’ he bellowed the word, but I did not jump back, for I had been expecting it.

  ‘Well, it would be very nice to have the situation reversed, for one,’ I pointed out, trying to seem casual even though I was trembling. ‘I have to know that you’ve kissed many sets of lips- and worse- and you want m
e to deal with that as part of nature’s course. That’s fair enough, but I don’t think you understand what you’re asking me to deal with, and will not, until you’ve seen me with another man, and then have made your own peace with it.’

  ‘I’ve seen you with Kohl!’

  ‘Who I thought was you,’ I corrected him, my cheeks growing warm. If he only knew how much more touching Kohl’s fingers meant to me now than our kiss had then! ‘It is not the same thing but once again, you don’t know that, do you? You’ve never been in my shoes- you’ve only fornicated with the women who stole them!’

  ‘You’re not sleeping with anybody else!’ he snapped. ‘If you fucking well do, I’ll kill you, him and myself!’

  My heart fluttered nervously, because it didn’t matter how things progressed with Kohl- I’d already made a deal with the devil that was next in line. I’d done it in a moment of desperation without pausing to contemplate it first, but that had been my choice and now I had to see it through. And wasn’t that why I’d released Kohén from my heart since the day after my birthday, and had turned to Kohl instead? Didn’t I suspect that deep down; only one brother would be able to forgive that? Kohl was besotted with me yes, but he didn’t treat me like a thing he owned, and had sent me those books before he’d known that I might escape his brother’s physical molestation. Besides, he was Given too, so he understood obligations in a way that Kohén never would be able to.

  But I also saw that I’d have to confess my promise to Karol to Kohl as well to be fair to everyone. If neither boy could live with it, then neither boy could be with me, and realising as much would set me free, as much as counting on them both to forgive it would surely see me burned.

  Or maybe, one would get so angry that they’d fly to Eden and slit his sleazy big brother’s throat, sparing me...

  ‘I didn’t say that I would want to have sex with anyone,’ I conceded. ‘But I want the freedom to decide for myself, and I’ve earned the right for you to tolerate my doing so with a forgiving heart. I know that you love me, but I don’t know how strong that love is until the foundation it has grown upon shifts, much like the plate beneath this part of the ocean did-’

  ‘Then let’s shift in my way, so you understand how I am going to MAKE you forgive me, my love,’ Kohén whispered, grasping my hips and pulling them against his, as his mouth came down hard on mine again. He groaned, fluttering his tongue teasingly inside my mouth like butterfly wings and I overheated in a heartbeat when I felt the bulge in his leather pants press into the apex of my legs. He gripped my hair and pulled my head back and began to molest my neck with his teeth, lips and tongue, biting, suckling and panting against my skin, and I began to sweat under the heat of my responding desire.

  ‘Kohén…!’ I couldn’t move- he was pulling too hard on my hair for me to upright myself, and when his hand cupped my breast through my bikini, every muscle in my body locked up in fear, except for my breasts which burned sweetly at his touch. ‘Please…’ but my plea was weak. I was dizzy and aroused already and scared and too overcome to think clearly.

  ‘I’m not going to take your virginity tonight,’ he suckled hard on my neck, making me gasp, and held the pressure there. ‘But I think I’m going to have to start making you wish that I would…’ his fingers peeled the crochet away from my breast and tucked it under my breast, hoisting it higher, and then he bent his head and took my nipple in his hot mouth and I cried out as a thrill shot through me.

  Oh my GOD!

  ‘Fuck, yes…’ he whispered, his mouth coming back to mine while his fingers tickled and tweaked my nipple, working it over until it was so stiff that it hurt. ‘You think another man is going to be able to do this to you?’ he lowered his mouth to my chest again and I went limp as his erection stiffened more between us and pressed into me deliciously. ‘You’re wrong! You’re asking for the freedom to discover what I already know…. that we belong together.’ He held my face back so that I could see how dilated his pupils had become, and how his fingers were crackling where they touched my skin again. ‘I am going to waive the contract for exactly ten seconds, Larkin,’ he whispered. ‘And I am going to ask you to let me make love to you with my mouth...’ he lowered one hand to rock my backside into him again, forcing me to gulp down air so that I wouldn’t faint for the strength of the pulsations. ‘Here.’ He slipped his hand between us and pushed the fabric of my string underwear aside, then gently pressed his fingertips into me. My abdomen contracted and my hips rocked back. ‘Yes…’ he breathed. ‘Feel how wet you are Larkin? That’s your free will. That’s what you feel for me.’ He eased a finger inside me and grunted and I felt myself squeezing him- not pushing him out but holding him there, and we were both so hot and breathing so haggardly that I could have sworn that a sweet mist had descended upon us. I was out of my mind with lust and when he began to slide his finger gently in and out of me, I knew that I wasn’t going to have the chance to say yes, because I was going to orgasm within a matter of seconds.

  ‘Ask me to serve you, my sweet, sexy little slave girl,’ he whispered, pressing his thumb into my clit as he massaged my wet sex at a more rapid rate. ‘Command me to pleasure you! There will be no repercussions- no debts owed to me after, just bliss. Just…’ he pressed his mouth against mine and whispered: ‘My tongue in this perfect pussy, and my conviction in your very soul.’

  I opened my mouth to cry out yes, but there was a sudden boom and then a moment later, ice cold rain was falling in a thin sheet, saturating us both in a matter of seconds.

  Kohl.

  I yelped and Kohén laughed and helped me to my feet. ‘Here!’ he moved the picnic things aside, swept the blanket up off the ground and slung it above us, holding me close while I shivered and shook for a million different reasons. Champagne had spilled, strawberries were everywhere and we were both drenched, but when Kohén turned to me and took me into his arms, he was still hot and his grin was brighter than lightning ever had been.

  ‘I guess they argued, huh?’ he asked me, kissing me quickly.

  I doubted that an argument with Kelia was the source for Kohl’s sudden anguish, and was fairly certain that if I lifted the picnic blanket, I would spy him not far away watching us or rather, watching over me. I felt awful about it all, but not on just one of their behalves, but both. I was so confused!

  ‘Ten seconds is up,’ I panted, and Kohén smiled at me.

  ‘That’s okay. I got my answer.’ His eyes were sparkling. ‘And look at you… all hot and bothered. I’m not going to lie, it’s fucking thrilling to see, and to know that you’re going to sleep with as much difficulty tonight as I have for the last year.’ He touched my neck, staring at it. ‘And this looks even better than gold- I’m certain my father will agree.’

  I pursed my lips at him. ‘You marked me?’

  ‘I marked you well,’ he said proudly, then pointed to the sky. ‘And we have a good excuse for why I didn’t get to finish what I started.’

  ‘You’re so…’ I didn’t know whether to be amused or dismayed. Kohl would see the bruise and... and..

  And assume what? The truth?

  ‘I know,’ Kohén said, then lifted his finger to his lips and suckled on it, making my face flame when he closed his eyes. ‘And you’re as heavenly as I thought you would be.’

  I narrowed my eyes at him, even though I felt that strange fluttering in my lower stomach again at the sight of him doing something so salacious. ‘Be careful, your highness,’ I said. ‘You’re starting to look a little hot and bothered yourself.’

  ‘I am,’ he whispered. ‘But that is nothing new.’

  I stepped into him and whispered huskily: ‘Can I assist you in cooling down?’ I tugged gently on his belt buckle. ‘Perhaps with my hands?’

  His eyes popped open, and almost blinded me with the light within them. ‘You would do that?!’

  ‘Of course,’ I lowered my lashes. ‘It is my duty to make sure that you do not overheat, remember? I’d hate for somebody to get
hurt because I left you simmering as you have left me.’ I reached up and kissed his chin sweetly. ‘Besides, I really, really want to…’

  Kohén’s breathing was enough to steam us alive under there. ‘Yes…’ he rested his forehead against my temple, swaying into me as I caressed his bobbing Adam’s apple with my mouth slowly and sensually. ‘God yes… have your way with me.’

  ‘As you wish, master.’ And then I grinned, reached up and pulled the picnic blanket out of his arms. ‘Voila! One COLD shower to put out your fire!’

  The rain was still falling hard and we were instantly inundated. Kohén let out a bellow and reached for me but I squealed and jumped back. ‘You misleading, defiant little tease!’ he exclaimed, lunging after me.

  ‘I only behave such a way, because I know that you have the grace and humour to bear it, your grace!’ I taunted, and then dropped the blanket and ran. ‘Mahalo for the picnic, master! We should do it again in another four years!’

  And to prove my athletic scores to be accurate- only his laughter could keep up with me, so when I returned to my room I was wet, puffed and alone.

  But not miserable. Not like Kelia. Without saying a word, I opened my arms to her, and she ran to me and sobbed.

  ‘I thought Kohl could save me from this life,’ she whispered. ‘But he confessed that he is in love with someone else-some native no doubt! And then he tried to say that I announced my own feelings on the dock earlier while Kohén was listening and I just feel…’ she clung to me, crying. ‘They’re both awful!’

  ‘I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt,’ I kissed the top of her head. ‘But you need to save yourself, Kelia, don’t you get it?’

  She pulled back and regarded me with red eyes, then pointed to my throat. ‘How can I, if you cannot?’

  I pressed my hand to the place on my skin, which felt tender but warm, thinking that allowing that much had saved me, but Kelia did not wait for a reply. Sighing in defeat, she turned and went back into her room and locked it between us too, so I sighed and went to sit in front of the fire.