The Forbidden Fruit

by S. K Munt

  The sharp inhalation made my head snap up and twist to the right and in the direction that the sound had come from, and when I saw Kohén step out from behind Liberty’s left side with his head bowed and his hand pressed to his chest, every cell in my body pulsed with alarm. I’d not made my confession to the earthly representation of freedom- but to the boy holding me captive!

  ‘Oh God…’ I murmured, panic kicking in before I could sift through any of my thoughts and separate what I’d just said out loud, to what I’d only thought. ‘I-’

  ‘Not another word…’ Kohén rasped before I could form a sentence. ‘I can’t bear it.’

  Alarm was rapping at my brain like a woodpecker against a frosted pine. What couldn’t he bear to hear? Oh no! Had I said Kohl’s name aloud? Had I spoken of my unfaithfulness? ‘Oh... your highness!’ A million questions came to mind, but the most obvious one escaped: ‘What are you doing out here?!’

  ‘Your highness?’ Kohén wheezed the word, bowing slightly more, and curled his fingers into the black silk cloth over his heart. ‘Is that who I am to you now…?’ He shook his head, staring down at his boots. ‘Larkin…’ he bent on one knee and squeezed his eyes shut. ‘You wound me.’

  I stared at him, bewildered, not knowing what I could say without incriminating myself further. And... I wounded HIM? He wasn’t the one talking to a statue because he had nobody else to turn to!

  Keep calm and THINK. What did you say, and what did you only think?

  ‘I come out here every night, hoping that you will find me here…’ he began in a fractured monotone, and I exhaled in relief to realise that he was going to steer this conversation and save me from having to do it blind. ‘After all that transpired in Pacifica, I can’t ethically command you to seek me out, but I have hoped…’ he leaned against Liberty and opened his eyes, staring in the direction of my knees with a glazed, unfocused look. ‘I hoped you’d come. I’d hoped you’d sense me here and be unable to resist doing so. Which was what I thought had happened until you started to talk to your…mother.’ His voice cracked, and he pressed his thumb to his forehead. ‘You have no mother…God. You’re alone, and I left you there- I am a monster.’

  I filled my lungs with a surprised breath, and felt my dormant adoration for my playmate shift and warm. But I remained as I was, waiting for him to scream or storm off or burst into tears or call me a traitor. ‘I… I don’t know what to say,’ I admitted feebly. ‘Or if I should say anything further at all…?’

  Kohén shook his head. ‘There is nothing to say, not now. Nothing I can stand to hear from you. I…’ he cupped his forehead again and shook his head. ‘I will not ask you to forgive me for what you saw in Pacifica, Larkin, because I have not forgiven myself yet so I cannot expect you to...’

  ‘No,’ I said icily, to cover my relief and because well, his reminder of his orgy left me cold. I slowly unwound and straightened. ‘You cannot.’

  ‘I know,’ Kohén’s voice was rough. ‘And, I am still very, very angry with you for sabotaging what I thought was true love with your doubt... But…’

  ‘But…?’ I asked, feeling as though he were speaking in riddles.

  But... who cares? You obviously didn’t confess to your feelings for Kohl out loud, and that’s all that matters! And as a bonus, you now know that Kohén’s been more miserable then he’s let on, so take the moral high ground and get the hell inside with it before he does something to-

  Kohén rushed forward and closed his arms around me, bending to rest his forehead on my shoulder while tightening his arms so much that I could barely breathe, though I desperately wanted to gulp him in the moment I caught his scent. He’d gotten both taller and broader too!

  Oh… this boy makes me so weak! Why? I should be slapping him! I should be screaming! I should be… be...

  ‘I said I’d never look at you with love or lust in my eyes again, so long as you remained a prisoner here,’ my prince whispered, and his hand clawed down the back of my scalp, pressing his fingers into me. He was trembling like mad and glowing so brightly that my white silk was stained Robin’s Egg blue by his emotions. ‘So don’t make me a liar now who has broken another promise to you, by looking into my eyes and seeing what I will never, ever be able to hide from you if you do!’ He twisted as he released me roughly and then strode away, and I hugged myself and watched him go, crying and hating myself for my stupid, foolish heart.

  I loved him still, and I always would, and as hard as I’d tried to hide it from myself, I could not any longer. I was Miguel now, except instead of sharing my body, I was sharing my heart and that was worse and meant, I knew, that I couldn’t truly be in love with either twin. Sobbing, I slipped the ring off my left hand and back onto my right.

  I am wicked, and the only way to stop being wicked, is to stop doing wicked things… like leading boys on with hopes of a future that cannot be banked on...

  It was decided. I couldn’t betray Kohén for Kohl, or give in to my feelings for Kohén for my sake or Kohl’s- so I would have to find a way to be friends with both again, and enemy and lover to neither. Maybe if I could pull that off, both boys would have what they truly needed by the end of the year: a brother who supported them, and a female best friend that they could share, who’d earned herself a handful of white feathers to counteract her darkness and very possibly her freedom.

  When I got back to my room, I collected all of my letters from Kohl and stuffed them into the shoebox with my deflated soccer ball, and the letter from my brother.

  That was where all of my dreams belonged- in a coffin until liberty could resurrect them.

  24.

  AUGUST 16th AA644

  The week of Karol’s thirtieth celebrations came upon us quickly and though my heart soared at the sight of watching Kohl disembark The Tempest beneath us on the dock, I kept my word to myself to end our romance before it could ruin him, and did not attempt to get him alone, knowing it would be harder to disentangle myself if I felt his arms around me first.

  But he looked incredible enough to make my hormones sizzle for him, and when our eyes met across the throne room the first night he arrived, I saw the longing in my heart reflected in his eyes. He kissed his necklace to express his affection, but I touched my ring and bit my lip without kissing it, making the fact that I was distressed over our bond clear. He looked confused as his gaze swept from my left hand to my right, but the staff came out to seat us for dinner then and his uncle, Ewan, came over to talk to him while I was led to my seat, so there was no chance to get into it any further than that, for which I was grateful- and then again when he was seated a few chairs away from me and across the table. I could look at him, but because there were so many people around us, we would be forced to keep those looks furtive.

  And we did- all five hundred looks we shot each other were brief, but every time the breeze blew his scent my way, my heart constricted in my chest. Coconuts, salt, vanilla and warmth. How was I going to eat a bite, while I was already engorged with his delicious scent?

  It’s just hormones… it’s lust, not love. Affection, not devotion. You’re a confused, lonely teenage girl, and he’s a lonely teenage boy. If what you have is real, then acting on your urges will ruin it, and resisting them cannot do anything but strengthen your bond! True love cannot be lost! And it cannot exist within a conflicted heart like yours either, so remember that and rise above!

  ‘How are you this evening, Larkin?’ Kohén asked at one point, without looking up at me from his steak. It had been only a few days since we’d spoken last and since he’d made the fact that he still cared for me clear, but we hadn’t interacted since, so having all of the other Companions and Kohl present now, made it feel like Caldera, and his betrayal, had only just happened,

  ‘I am very good, your highness,’ I said softly, taking a sip of my champagne to soothe my nerves. ‘Thank you for asking.’

  He wiped his mouth with a napkin. ‘I have been meaning to ask something else …’ he swallowe
d and then glanced at my wrist- not my eyes. ‘Would you like to play a game of Basket-Racket with me sometime this week?’

  Basket-Racket? Where had that come from? I struggled to keep my expression flat. ‘You have a very busy week ahead of you, your highness,’ I reminded him. ‘We all do. I imagine that you’ll find it difficult, trying to fit a game of Basket-Racket into your schedule, along with the parade, the flower show, the ball, the sunset sail the-’ his hand came down on mine, and his charge made my nerve endings shiver.

  ‘I’ll make time,’ he said softly, and I did not doubt it. ‘I want something to feel… normal, again.’

  Normal. Oh God, how I miss when playing with Kohén was normal and not dangerous or painful!

  I turned my face and smiled gently. ‘Then I would like that very much,’ I said, though my stomach was already knotting up at the idea of being alone with him. But when Kohén’s head dipped and his lashes lowered in a clear show of relief, my heart warmed so I added: ‘Thank you.’

  ‘No, thank you,’ he patted my hand and lifted his eyes to mine, and I felt my tummy tighten. ‘Wow, that was more nerve-wracking than facing down Regan with-’

  ‘Hey Kohén…?’ Kelia leaned around him and smiled scornfully at me, and I felt my own dissolve. ‘Have I thanked you yet for my new bracelet?’ she held up her tiny wrist and jangled charms in front of Emmerly’s nose, and I swore that I could hear Kohén groan under his breath. ‘It’s so beautiful! Do you know that Amelia-Rose Choir has one just like it? That Janelian countess told me so herself!’

  My eyes swept back to my plate and I moved my hand from Kohén’s, and it was odd, but I actually felt a shift in the energy between us, as though Kelia’s blatant reminder of his wrong-doings had thrown up an invisible wall between us again- not one of charge, but of static. Shame on his side, anger on mine.

  Ugh… his smile melts me, but his actions make my blood boil! How am I ever going to feel ‘normal’ around this guy again, while Kelia’s around, reminding me of why I should despise him and while Kohl’s sitting there, looking all perfect and pure and sexy?

  ‘Which she’ll take off as soon as she learn that a Companion has one similar,’ Emmerly muttered from across from me, ‘stuck up bitch that she is…’ She looked up at Karol. ‘Where is she, anyway? I thought she was going to be a VIP this week?’

  ‘She and her father were delayed by the rain down south… we can still expect them by Thursday but, I think…’ Karol said, sounding unenthusiastic, and I wondered if either of his parents were pushing for him to marry young Amelia-Rose, who both he and Kohén despised. According to both men, the Choir girl managed to be both a prude and a terrible flirt.

  ‘Batten the hatches,’ Adeline muttered. ‘Cyclone pious is about to strike!’

  I looked up at Adeline and smirked- I’d heard many things about Amelia-Rose Choir, and none of them were good. But I wasn’t dreading her arrival, like the others. In fact, I was kind of excited for it. Not so much because of her though, but because her father, Shepherd Choir, was one of the most celebrated men in Arcadian history, and I was looking forward to that Thursday night, when he was slotted to host a special service in Karol’s honour. He’d risen from the Blue Collars to nobility and then to Sheperdom, and he’d adopted to boot after his wife had passed before giving him a child of his own, so that was inspirational to me. The world has said to him: ‘You can’t be a father’ but he’d come up with a rebuttal. So if a man could do that, was it such a stretch to hope that a woman could do the same?

  ‘You girls don’t have to worry about her giving you a hard time,’ Kohén said, nudging his fingertip against mine again. ‘There are too many of you here in Eden- she won’t launch into one of her sexual ethics sermons among such diverse company, or bother with approaching any of you to minister her useless advice.’ He hooked his pinkie around mine and whispered: ‘You she’ll avoid especially, given your lack of adornments…’

  My lack of adornments doesn’t count for anything good, so long as the other four have them, and don’t YOU forget that...

  ‘Huh.’ I tossed my champagne back hard and closed my eyes, wondering how we were going to make it through a game of Basket-Racket when just sitting beside him for a meal was making me more of a basket case than sitting next to Karol, who was at the head of the table to my right- was.

  It was a strange seating arrangement but as I gazed around the faces of the important guests, I realised that the Companions had been arranged like white, nubile, flirtatious roses in a VIP vase; purposefully placed near the more liberal-minded nobles and away from the married types up the furthest end. We weren’t dining- we were being showcased and it was beyond creepy. Poor Lette was stuck on the other side of Elbert Yael, which was even worse than being stuck next to Karol like I was.

  Adeline and I had been sat to flank the crowned prince on either side, with Kohén next to me, and Kohl next to Adeline. Emmerly was to Kohén’s left, and Kelia beside her, and though she was clearly annoyed to be seated one seat away from him, she continued to steer the conversation back towards her, and her jewels, by holding out everything to Kohén to remind him of how much she adored them. Obviously, this was done to remind me of how much he adored her as well, and to make sure that Emmerly didn’t escape the fact that she would soon be eclipsed as Kohén’s ‘favourite,’ Kelia made it a point to thrust her scrawny little arm between Emmerly and her meal every single time she brought everyone’s attention back to her adornments.

  ‘I have almost as many pieces of gold as you already,’ Kelia purred at one point when Kohén got up to use the bathroom. ‘Nine to your ten! Isn’t that something?’

  Emmerly held up her golden fork and said: ‘Put your elbow in my food one more time, Kelia, and you will have a tenth imbedded in your arm and be on par with me,’ which made everybody laugh and Kelia roll her eyes.

  ‘Jealousy’s a curse…’ she whispered in a singsong way.

  ‘Noble girls have more manners than jewels,’ Emmerly sang back. ‘Once upon a time you knew that…’ she moved her napkin to her lips and whispered: ‘Before you were fucked senseless- and classless- that is...’

  I almost spat out my wine and across from her, Elfin (the only other person to have heard it) got up to use the bathroom as well with a hand clapped over her mouth.

  At least she’s got a work ethic… nine times in five weeks! Ouch! Um.. I think… ugh, don’t think about it, little bird!

  Kelia’s antics were aggravating and sitting beside Kohén and across from Kohl was nerve-wracking, but it was oddly the guest of honour who kept me the most distracted during the meal. Karol had been in a quiet mood all week and though he’d tried to hide it, it was pretty clear that he was nervous about something, and when I saw him reading a very wrinkled piece of paper under the table, I leaned over to get a better look at it and saw the words: ‘Salutations, people of Arcadia, it is with great honour and a humbled heart that I…’ I realised what had him so flummoxed.

  ‘Is that your speech for tomorrow afternoon?’ I asked him, needing to talk to someone so I wouldn’t have to listen to Kelia and Emmerly’s attempts to out-flirt one another for a red-faced Kohén’s pleasure. Okay so Karol and I weren’t exactly on great terms, but he seemed nervous and that pleased me, so I pried.

  Karol glanced up at me with two bright splashes of colour in his cheeks, and folded in quickly and pocketed it. ‘Yes, erm… just going over…’

  ‘It looks like you have gone over it often,’ I said with a knowing smile as I placed my desert spoon into the clean bowl and pushed it away from me, before resting my hands on top of my crossed knees. While dining, Companions were expected to sit tall and when we were finished eating, had to create a little bowl out of our upturned palms precisely halfway down our thigh. Once upon a time it had felt completely unnatural but now, I did it without thinking in mixed company and hated myself for it. ‘Surely you can take a break from it to enjoy your own party?’

  Karol nodded with a half
-smile and then turned to answer something that Adeline had asked of him, and I realised that they were discussing Bastien Birch because evidently, Karol had taken the book I’d thrown at him in the courtyard to his ‘fencing’ match with Adeline after, and she’d taken an interest and had read it since- proving that her mind was as active as her niece’s had been, even though her nails and hair were as highly maintained as Emmerly’s. Right then, Adeline and Karol and a few others seemed to be debating whether or not Birch had been a dark Nephilim, who had seduced his young companion against her will, and whether or not he was still out there, more than eighty years later.

  ‘The girl never said that he did it against her will- she said that she loved him,’ Karol said, though without his usual enthusiasm for a good debate. ‘And I remember how amorous you were at thirteen, Miss Adeline… were I as handsome as Bastien you probably would have broken the rules and jumped me pre-emptively-’

  ‘You are twice as handsome as the paintings that I have seen of Bastien Birch!’ Adeline scoffed.

  ‘Really?’ I couldn’t help but take the bait. ‘I read he was angelic looking, and there’s nothing even remotely angelic about Karol.’

  ‘Gee… thanks…’ Karol deadpanned, but shot me a quick sideways smile as though agreeing that yes, he was a scoundrel- and damn proud of it!

  ‘No, Karol’s definitely the dark-prince sort,’ Adeline mused. ‘But I much prefer brunet men to the northern ones.’ She squeezed his hand on the tabletop and smiled. ‘Still, I managed to restrain myself until we were sixteen, didn’t I?’

  ‘Sixteen and one hour,’ he muttered, and she giggled while my champagne threatened to repeat on me.

  ‘Still, I say that he was a Nephilim,’ she insisted, and I smiled wryly to think of how Martya, her blood-kin, would have stood up and pounded on the table in her need to make a counter-point about how the dark Nephilim were probably extinct.