Saving Grace

by Christine Zolendz

  He hovered his lips above mine. "You are mine. I've waited so long to be with you. Selah, I need you." He kept one hand on my throat and reached for the buttons of my shirt with the other. Instead of unbuttoning them though, he tore my shirt open. I heard the scatter of buttons hitting the tiled floor beneath us. He pushed his body harder against mine.

  "What was the gift you gave me the last time I saw you Shane...Shamsiel?" I whispered.

  "I've been trapped in hell for thousands of years. Remind me." His gaze lowered to my mouth. His body tightened and hummed with an electrical power.

  "You wouldn't know the answer to that question, would yo u, Gabriel?" I choked.

  I tried to rip his hands from my throat. I should have never let him get this close to me. Dumb mistake.

  His body rumbled with deep laughter. His hands tightened around my neck. Both hands now. He moved and dragged me with him. My feet slid across the floor as my hands thrashed and clawed at his face. Nothing stopped him.

  He lifted me by my throat; my feet dangled freely kicking at him. His strong arms threw me; flinging me like a crumbled piece of paper. A circus of black and white spots clouded my vision and a rusty taste filled my mouth as my blood slowly dripped from where I bit my lip when I landed. A deep roll of laughter barked from his beautiful face, "How do I look as that boy toy of yours? Do you find me attractive?" His deep laughter echoed through the room.

  Trying to stand, I searched around the room for something, anything to protect myself with.

  "You are so entertaining with your thoughts of surviving against me."

  A flush of rage ignited across my cheeks. "So why don't you just kill m e, instead of talking about it?"

  Shane's image faded. Gabriel's face flashed in front of me placing his tremendous hands on each side of my face and leaned them against the wall. Sharp steel-like feathers spread the width of the room behind him. A raw energy hummed from his entire body. His irises blazed a fiery fury of colors. I could see my reflection in them. My eyes were wide but not with fear. With anger and fury.

  "Choose me and we will take over the heavens together. Choose me or I will break you until you do," he whispered.

  I laughed. "Never. I will never choose you. I'll be his until the end."

  Then he kissed me. He growled and his mouth was on mine. I slammed my lips shut. Gabriel's hands slid around my neck and squeezed. He withdrew his lips from mine. "Wrong answer."

  Chapter 3

  My body felt too heavy. I felt as if gravity was sending my broken body right through the center of the earth. Pulling me with a feral hunger.

  I couldn't take a breath without feeling a sharpness deep within my chest. My butterflies were dead and gone, leaving me cold, broken and alone. They were all I had left.

  I pried my swollen eyes open. An acidic taste covered my tongue and my throat was scorched dry. I couldn't move. Thick metal chains looped tightly around my battered body b ound me to a hard wooden chair . I was too weak even to cry.

  My muscles felt torn and mangled; my skin ablaze with fire. Somewhere a tormented scream ripped through the darkness. I franticly tried to kick my feet out, but only managed to send my chair crashing against the floor. There were more screams, more voices; agonized, tortured and desperate. They were calling my name.

  Jacob's beautiful face emerged from the darknes s; m y brother Jacob. Grace's brother. My heart burst with fear for him if Gabriel found him there. I tried to tell him to run, but the only sound that came from my lips was a muffled cry. I strained to see the brown irises of his eyes. Would Gabriel pretend to be him too?

  Jake pulled at the chains that held me and my body retched from the feeling of being free from them. It quaked and convulsed with pain.

  Just when I thought my soul could take no more, the beautiful image of Shane collapsed to his knees in front of me. His ancient blue eyes looked agonized and stunned. He gently brushed my matted hair from my face and whimpered my name.

  My tongue felt too large for the inside of my mouth, but I still tried to talk. There were tears falling down his perfect face. " S hh , baby, I'm here now."

  I love yo u, Shane.

  If you are really Shane. I love you.

  "What was the gift you gave me?"

  "Shh, Baby, it's okay..."

  "No...I need to know it's you...if after everything...it's you."

  Hovering above us stood the archangel Michael. He glared down at me through his ancient blue eyes. "Shamsiel, are you positive about your decision? Gabriel might still come after the girl."

  Shane gently pulled me into his arms and I trembled in the warmth from his body. He softly ran the tips of his fingers along my jaw as grief and pain darkened his features. "Absolutely, Michae l, she's worth it."

  "So be it."

  Shane held me closer, placing his lips against my temple. "No matter what happens from here, know that I have always, I will always love you and I will always protect you."

  I could feel the last piece of my heart crush to dust under the weight of his words. My breath came out in rough gasps. "What did you do?" I pleaded.

  He inhaled deeply and an eternity seemed to pass between us. His jaw tightened. "If it weren't for me, you'd be where you're supposed to be. So this is my chance to let you start over. It's over, baby. Your punishment is over."

  At first, I didn't get what he meant. I just let him hold me in his arms while I stared into the eyes that I've searched thousands of years for. It didn't click until he stood up carrying me and handed me to Michael.

  I tore myself away from the angel and landed on my knees; shattered. The screams roared through my lips, "NO! No! It doesn't end this way! You can't leave me!"

  My heart broke a thousand times more as I watched my angel turn his back and walk away.

  Things became hazy and thick. A dark blackness enveloped around me, tucking me in warm and tight. I heard hushed voices floating from somewhere above me but my eyes were too heavy to open, so I pulled myself in tightly and waited in the shadowy corners of the dark room.

  At times, I could distantly feel warm fingers sending trails of heat along my skin and hushed whispers begged me to open my eyes. But I was too broken to comply. I wanted to stay in the darkness, to let it take over and consume me.

  Eventuall y, the darkness of the small room slowly faded into the bright sterile walls of a stark white hospital room. A room drenched in the pungent smells of ammonia and vomit where Grace's body had been healing. My body. I was Grace now and no longer a lost soul.

  The only physical pain I could feel was the achy stiffness from laying still. Oh yeah, and the freaking pain of the gaping hole where my heart was ripped from my chest. No, let's not forget that.

  Chapter 4

  Crisp white blankets were tucked tightly under my body and my hospital gown lay limply off my shoulders. The way the bones of my shoulders jutted out of my skin was surreal to me. How long have I been here?

  A small television screen, hanging by a flexible metal arm, played an old black and white movie. Cream-colored curtains stretched across the ceiling blocking my view of the hallway. Curled into a ball on one of the chairs was Lea's sleeping form. My best friend's head leaned awkwardly to the side and through her open lips, low snores could be heard. A Cosmopolitan magazine was tented like a hat on the top of her sleeping head. In spite of my situation, I barked out a laugh.

  Lea jumped at the sound and the magazine fell, glossy perfumed pages flew everywhere.

  "Holy shit! Hoo...leee shit! You're awake. You're awak e, right? Holy shit! Gra y , is it really you? Holy, holy...please tell me it's you and not somebody else in there! Holy shit!" She just kept repeating the same thing over and over as tears streamed down her face. "Holy shit! Stay right there! I gotta get the nurse. Don't go anywhere!"

  Where in the world did she think I'd be going?

  Lea was jumping around like a high school cheerleader on crack when the doctors came in. "Miss, you are going to need to calm yourself do
wn while I give my patient a small examination," the doctor snapped.

  Lea's eyes were as wide as our salad plates. "Calm down? Holy shit! Holy shit! She's awake! How am I supposed to calm down?" Lea pointed her hand at me.

  "Um, Lea you look like you're about to have a heart attac k. Maybe you need this hospital bed more than I do," I croaked.

  "Holy shit!" she bawled. "And she's freaking cracking her wise-ass jokes!"

  Two nurses gently shoved L ea out of the room . At first, she got all snarky and defensive. But one of the nurses was upwards of three hundred pounds and looked like a linebacker. Lea seemed to calculate her chances of tackling her and thought better of it. See, miracles do exist.

  As the doctors asked me questions and examined me, I could hear Lea in the hallway ranting and screaming that I was finally awake. I pictured her getting a hold of the hospital PA system to alert the entire building. Crap, if given a chance, she'd probably announce it over the National Broadcasting System.

  I zoned out as the doctors droned on and on about extensive tests, medical induced coma, brain activity, blood transfusions, life support, memory loss, confused thoughts, blah, blah, blah. I wanted Lea to come back in to see what the hell happened when I was gone. Or, just what happened period.

  She bolted in when the doctors left. "How long have I been here?"

  She hesitated for a brief moment and started fumbling with the sleeves of her shirt, "A little over four weeks."

  I hung my face in my hands. The IV needle that was in my right hand pulled tightly against my skin as I moved. Nausea wr acked my insides and my head was spinning . "What happened?" There were long dark holes in my life where I thought memories should have been. What the hell?

  She sat still, staring at me. Just stared at me and chewed on her bottom lip. It felt like an hour had passed when she finally whispered, "Gray, you should just rest now and we'll talk about all that stuff when you're one hundred percent better and home. Okay?" She inhaled quickly and let out a long low sigh when she exhaled. "You also, um, need to talk to the detectives when you are ready. If you remember anything, the doctors say you may not." Remember anything?

  The only thing I remembered was the back of my angel as he walked away from me, abandoning me in my Hell on earth. It's over, my ass! I'm still here.

  My eyes stung and welled with tears. I tried to hold them back. I tried to stop them from falling past the edge of my lashes, but one quickly slipped away. It tumbled down my cheek escaping from the deep sorrow that I was filled with. "Where is Shane?" As his name slipped past my lips, they trembled and the dam that held my tears was broken. Nothing could console me.

  Lea's shoulders slumped forward and her lips turned down. "I don't know. He, um, hasn't been here."

  He really was gone. If Shamsiel's soul was still in Shane's body, he'd be here with me. He really left me here, when all I ever did was count the breaths until I'd see him again. I swea r, my soul, my spirit, whatever it is that a human is made of, that part of me just folded up and drowned itself beneath my tears. I didn't have to strain to hear the shattered pieces of what was left of my heart as they scattered across the cold hard hospital floor.

  Chapter 5

  I leaned heavily against the wall. He slowly slid his body against mine.

  "Shane," I breathed.

  He rested his forehead against mine, his hands slid over my shoulders and down to my waist; slow and gentle. Oh, my God, I'm on fire.

  Brushing his lips across my cheek, he buried his face in my hair, "Grace, all I want to do is kiss you right now," he whispered. Softly, he pushed my hair back and grazed his lips along my neck. His lips were warm and soft; I wanted them all over me. I wanted him.

  "Shane, please," I whispered.

  His hands subtly slid to my waist, one finger hooked itself under the lace trim of my panties.

  " O h, my God!" I woke with a start. Sweat drenched my body and a maddening ache pulled between my thighs. Panting, I tossed my damp sheets to the floor and stomped out of bed.

  I should have been used to the damn dreams already. The damn memories. I've had them every night I've been back home. It's always Shane and I'm always left wanting. But they were the only thoughts in my brain that felt real, everything else was covered in a thick suffocating fog.

  Striping out of my sweaty clothes, I rummaged through my draws and threw on the first things I grabbed, an old vintage Hendrix shirt and a pair of ripped yoga pants. I leaned against my dresser and slowly slid my body down the front of it until I was sitting on the floor. The antique metal knobs of the drawer scratched lines through my skin as I traveled down. The burn was only a secondary pain to my broken heart.

  The only furniture that occupied my room was the dresser and a mattress that lay right on the floor without a bed frame. If I breathed in deep, I could still smell the bitter odor of burnt wood from the fire from a few weeks before. But honestly, it didn't bother me because I was barely breathing.

  On the floor next to my dresser laid a half bottle of Jack Daniels. I wondered how it got there, but only for a brief second before my fingers encased the bottle and I twisted off the cap.

  My guitar stood next to the window, I hadn't touched it. Although my fingers ached to play my instrument, I had no energy to pick it up. Even though I was awarded Grace's body, her beautiful precious human life, I felt lifeless. My mind was too cloudy, too ragged; as if I was looking out of someone else's eyes. What was the point in living when all that I've been living for was taken away?

  The soft red glow of my alarm clock red 9:30.

  10:30

  12:30

  2:30

  At 3:00, I found myself at the kitchen table hugging a gallon of ice cream. There was one spoonful left and the bottle of Jack sat empty in front of me. I had no fucking clue how I got there.

  " O h, my God, Grace! What the hell are you doing?" Clad in plaid pajamas, Lea stood at the kitchen door, eyes wide, raking her teeth against her bottom lip over and over. When had she started that habit?

  I shrugged my shoulders and shoved the last spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. I couldn't even tell you the flavor if you put a gun to my head.

  "I just bought that ice cream today," she said. Her eyes opened even wider, "You just ate a whole freaking gallon of ice cream and drank a bottle of Jack Daniels?"

  "WhatcanIsay?" I slurred. "Seems like Ben, Jerry and Jack are the only guys that are trustworthy around here. At least I know exactly what I'm getting into when I put my lips to them." I tried to crack a smile, but I realized just then, I was too drunk. And, my tongue was way too thick for my mouth.

  She slid her tiny frame into the chair across the kitchen table from me. She pulled her long wavy blonde hair away from the front of her eyes. "Yeah, Grace. One hell of a killer headache and a fat ass, that's what you're gonna end up with." She leaned across the table and grabbed the empty ice cream container and spoon from my hands. "You need to talk to me. You've been hiding in that room for three days. You haven't talked about anything since you woke up. I'm really freaking out about what to do for you and the detectives keep calling to set up a formal interview with you."

  She dumped the container in the garbage and tossed the spoon into the sink. It made a sharp metallic sound as it landed against the basin, echoing through my head. She pulled her chair closer to me and sat down grabbing my hands. "Please tell me what's going on. Please?"

  "Psf. For centuries I believed I was taking the advice of the beautiful angel that was sitting on my shoulder." I choked out a laugh. "But, the truth was, the freaking devil on my other shoulder was just one hell of a ventriloquist." There was a small drop of the dark bitter liquid left in the bottom of the liquor bottle, and I reached my hand for it. My body craved the numbness.

  Lea yanked it away quicker than I could grab it. Her eyebrows pulled together and she offered me a strained smile. "Is that a quote from somewhere? I don't understand." Her big brown eyes pleaded with me for an explanation.

 
; I offered her none.

  "Grace! Snap out of it! You almost died! Again! He tried to kill you. The doctors said you probably wouldn't make it, but YOU'RE HERE! Okay, so Blake wasn't the person you've been looking for. So what? After all this time, you're going to give up? That's not the Grace I know." She slammed her palms against the tabletop. "I don't even know the person who is sitting in front of me right now, and Grace, really, I'm the only person who knows who you really are!"

  My vision of her blurred. When I stood up it became worse. Then there were three to four Leas floating and circling past my eyes. I didn't know which one to focus on, so I just walked past her and held onto the door frame of the kitchen. "Nope. You're right, wasn't Blake. Turns out my angel is gone, he chose something else, something much better than me. But at least my punishment is over. This will be my last life. He gets to go back to heaven, and I get all this," I waved my arms in the air franticly almost making myself fall over. "I hope they staple his fucking wings back on."

  I tried to stumble my way back towards my bedroo m, but I passed out somewhere along the way.

  Chapter 6

  Somebody who was about to get a smack in the face, was shaking me awake. "Hey, Grace, come on, you have to get up and return to the land of the living," Lea's voice whispered. She pulled me forward, "Come on, Gray, I have a cup of mint tea for you here."

  My mattress spun under me. Sharp painful throbs pulsed in my temples and my stomach muscles convulsed. I forced my eyes to open, fully expecting to see my liver crying in agony on the pillow next to me. Nope, just Lea sitting next to me with a cup of something that smelled a hell of a lot stronger than mint tea.

  I slowly pulled myself up and groaned.

  "Grace, we need to talk. You can't keep this up," she said handing me the cup.

  Carefully I took the cup from her, placed it to my lips, and sipped. Oh, holy horror, the woman spiked it with Jack Daniels! I cringed and swallowed. "Ugh, that's nasty."