Never Enough

by Kristina M Sanchez

  For one of the only times in her life, Mina wished she smoked. It was supposed to be calming, wasn’t it? She was frazzled, and she didn’t like it.

  This was growing up, Dante would say.

  Her father, the only father she’d ever had, could be sanctimonious. He wanted what was best for her; she knew that. Whatever he’d done had worked for Carlito, for sure.

  She wanted him to look at her the way he looked at Carlito. Momma Cora too. They were proud of her. She worked hard, and she’d done well in school, but it wasn’t the same. Now, she needed to be successful.

  Yeah. She needed a cigarette. Too bad she hated the taste of smoke.

  Mina cast her eyes restlessly around the room. The house was too quiet, even with the TV on. Her eyes landed on a shelf lined with liquor bottles. She remembered Dante coming home when he had a frustrating day at work and pouring himself a tumbler of something strong. And Momma Cora. Mina always knew when she was worrying about one of her boys because she would take a straight shot of tequila. The years Val was gone, though she never said it outright, she took a shot when missing her eldest hurt too much.

  “Valentin’s always a pain in someone’s ass,” she muttered to herself. She was avoiding him, and that was a pain in the ass too. It took so much energy.

  Mina crossed to the liquor shelf. Old guilt made her look over her shoulder, but she told herself she was being ridiculous. She was twenty-two. If her parents had a problem with her having a drink, well, they could suck an egg. There was nothing wrong with it.

  Resolved, she got a glass, poured some Pepsi, and added a healthy amount of Jack. She settled back down on the couch and took a deep drink. Then another. And another. She set the empty glass on the end table and closed her eyes.

  Nice and mellow.

  The door opened and slammed, making Mina jump. When she opened her eyes, Val was striding toward her. He had a weird smile on his face and a light in his eyes Mina hadn’t seen in a long time. She stood up, startled. Her heart pounded in triple time. He reached out and took her by the shoulders. She sucked in a sharp breath, tilting her head up to look at him.

  “Guess what?” he asked excitedly.

  She blinked, confused. “What?”

  He squeezed her shoulders, his grin blinding. “I’m a chef.”

  She blinked again. Her heart was still pounding, and her face was flushed. “What?”

  “A chef, Mina. Oh, man. You wouldn’t believe it.” His hands slipped down to hers, and he threaded their fingers together, giving them a little shake. “It’s the craziest story.”

  Mina closed her eyes for a couple of seconds, replaying the words he’d just said, catching up. Her eyes flew open. “Wait. What? Go back to the part where you’re a chef. What the hell are you talking about?”

  He sat on the sofa and pulled her down beside him as he babbled on with a crazy story about a BBQ restaurant he went to frequently.

  “The same place you got those ribs?” she asked.

  Though she wouldn’t have thought it was possible, his face lit up even brighter. He was so cute when he was excited. It made her want to smile all goofy, like he was doing now as he talked about the day he’d spent learning to be a chef.

  “Do you know how crazy a kitchen is?” he enthused.

  “Uh, yeah. I watch all those shows. You know, like with Gordon Ramsey? You want to talk about a crazy kitchen…”

  “I don’t know who that is.”

  “Well, his kitchens are crazy intense. He—” Mina cut off when she watched his smile fall. “Sorry. You were telling me about the BBQ kitchen.”

  “I guess I’ve never really thought about it. It takes a while to make a nice meal at home, but I always figured it was just that chefs had it down to an art. And I guess that’s true, but there’s so much more to it. It was like being part of a machine, a little piece of the whole.”

  Mina chuckled. “I don’t know what’s funnier: the fact you’re getting all awed by a kitchen or that someone thought it was a good idea to offer you a chef job. I don’t know, Val. Are you sure you’re not pulling my leg?”

  He reached down, grabbed her ankle, and pulled it across his lap. “See, now I’m pulling your leg.”

  “I like how you think you’re funny.” She smacked at his hand to get him to stop yanking, but when he let her go, she didn’t drop her foot.

  He went on, then, explaining the different stations and the levels of chefs. He looked so damn pleased with himself. This bright, happy Val was foreign to her.

  No. Not completely foreign, she realized. It had just been a really long time since she’d seen him look this happy. This was the grinning Val of her childhood—the one at peace in those hours he spent with her.

  “I don’t know why…” Val ducked his head. His fingers tapped a restless rhythm against her leg. “I’m just a guy, you know? I have no idea why Tuck’s doing this.”

  Mina’s heart cracked at that. He just sounded so incredulous, like the idea someone liked him well enough to do something nice for him was an impossibility.

  Without thinking about it, Mina scooted closer to him, both her legs over his lap, and wound her arms around him. She meant to just hug him, but when she tilted her head up, it was too easy to press her lips to his.

  They both froze, though neither of them moved. That hadn’t been Mina’s intention, but now that she was here, she wanted a drink. She wanted a hit of the intoxicating taste of his breath. She raised a hand, skimming her fingertips over his stubbled cheek, before she threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling him toward her.

  He gave the softest of moans before he gave in. He tilted his head, his lips working with hers. He splayed a hand over the small of her back, stroking her there and sending delicious chills up her spine.

  “Mmm…” He rumbled against her mouth. “You taste like whiskey.” His tongue swept over her lower lip.

  Mina shivered, opening her mouth to him so he could taste the remnants of the alcohol. His kiss was so much more potent than—

  Val broke their kiss with a gasp, pulling back. She opened her eyes to find his tightly shut, his mouth open as he tried to catch his breath. He licked his lips. “Oh, hell,” he muttered under his breath.

  Confused, Mina tried to pull his face back to her. She wasn’t done yet, but he resisted, pulling back even more. “Val—”

  “It’s not that I don’t want to, bonita.” He raised his head, looking her in the eyes. “But you’ve been drinking.”

  She laughed, a low huff under her breath, and grinned at him. “It was one drink. I’m no lightweight. I know what I’m doing.”

  This last part was a lie, but not for the reasons he was thinking. Rather than dwell on that, she tried to close the scant inches between them again.

  Again, he pulled back, shifting a bit so there was more space between them, though her arms were still around him and her legs were still thrown over his lap. He wasn’t looking at her now. “Mina, you can’t… I mean…”

  A cold tendril began to curl in her stomach. “You said you wanted to,” she replied, feeling foolish and trying to push that down.

  He laughed. The sound was wry, and when she pulled away, this time it was him who caught her, holding her still. He looked up again into her eyes. “Have you seen you? You think I don’t want to kiss you senseless?” His lips quirked, and his eyes flicked down over her body. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth. His hungry eyes did things to her body that made it hard to think. “I’m only human, and I want a lot of things I can’t have.”

  It took her a second to parse that out. She was sitting there, all but on his lap. She’d kissed him twice. “Then what the hell’s your problem?”

  He sighed. “You’re my—”

  “I’m not your sister.” Her mind, having kicked into hyperactive mode, had been playing a loop of possibilities. She knew damn well what it would look like to some people.

  “That’s not
what I was going to say.” He brushed her hair back, his eyes inexplicably tender as he searched her face. “You’re my Mia.”

  “And what does that mean?”

  “It means… I don’t know. I feel protective of you. I have since you were a tiny kid.”

  “I’m not a kid anymore, Val.”

  He huffed, his eyes sweeping up and down her body. “Trust me. I know that.”

  “So what does any of that have to do with the fact I want to kiss you?” Her face was flushed. She still felt foolish, and she resented that.

  “I guess I just don’t know why you want to. That’s all.”

  She swung her feet to the ground and got up, running a hand through her hair as she looked down on him. “What do you want from me, Valentin? You want to hear some kind of romantic confession or something?”

  “No. No, that’s not what I meant.” He stood too, though he kept the distance between them. “I need to know I’m doing right by you. I just need to know what this is.” He gestured between them. “What is this to you?”

  She shook her head, pacing a few steps away before she turned back to look at him. “You know, my life is all kinds of weird right now. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing. School made sense. There was an order to things. You register by this date. Your classes are at this time. Test is on this date. Whatever. But all this?” She threw her hands up. “I don’t know what I’m doing about anything, and you think I know what the hell I’m doing with you?

  “Why do I want to kiss you? Because I do. Because it feels good. And you taste good. Pardon the fuck out of me if I don’t really want to think beyond that right now. Haven’t you ever kissed a girl just because you wanted to?”

  A heavy silence fell between them. Mina’s skin crawled. Her eyes stung. She wrapped her arms around herself, and her head turned to the side just in case she lost her battle against the stupid, stupid tears that wanted to fall.

  Val swallowed audibly, and she heard the sound of his feet as he shuffled forward a step. “You think I taste good?”

  Mina didn’t speak, but when she heard him take another step, she turned her head. She looked up cautiously and found him looking back at her, his eyes dark and somewhat mischievous as he stepped closer. He reached out, so slowly, and cupped her cheek.

  “What else?” he asked, his voice low and scratchy now.

  Her heart had picked up speed again, her excitement piquing in spite of herself. She smirked at him. “What do you wanna hear, huh?” Tentatively, she let her fingertips play at the front of his shirt. She looked at him from under her lashes. “You want me to tell you I think you’re handsome?”

  He quirked a brow, bringing a hand up to hold hers over his chest. A grin crawled up the side of his face. “You think I’m hot?”

  “I said handsome.” She tilted her head up. “You got a nice face.”

  “Uh-huh.” With the hand cupped to her cheek, he stroked his thumb over her lips, his gaze following the movement. “And you want to kiss me.”

  It wasn’t a question, but she answered anyway. “Yeah.”

  He hummed. “You hated me, like, five minutes ago.”

  She scoffed. “I never hated you, asshole.” She pressed up onto the balls of her feet, meeting his lips with hers.

  For minutes, there was no sound in the house, save for the quiet smack of their lips seeking and adjusting, as well as the tiny noises of pleasure they made at the back of their throats—soft sighs and quiet whimpers they each caught in their mouths. She liked that he sucked on her tongue. She liked the feel of his hands moving over her, his fingers twirling a lock of hair behind her back. She wrapped her arms around his neck, letting her body find all the ways it nestled just right against his.

  With his arm around her waist, he drew her backward, never breaking their kiss as he sat with her on the couch. They were side by side, legs on the ground but overlapping as they twisted to face each other.

  Oh, man. It would be so good and so easy to just lie back and bring him down on top of her. She wanted her weight on him, to feel the lines of him pressing into her.

  Before she could act on that thought, though, Val again broke her kiss. He did it gently this time, taking her face between his hands and trailing kisses below her nose and to her chin.

  When he pulled back, he didn’t let go. His fingers stroked along her cheeks, and he looked into her eyes. His own eyes were gentle, tender again. “What do you want from this?” he asked in a whisper. “You have to tell me where to go. I get fun. I get doing things because you like it, but that covers a lot of territory. I need to know what that means to you.”

  What a thing to ask when she’d been… What had he said earlier? Kissed senseless. That was a good term for it. Her brain was pleasantly foggy. She licked her lips, trying to parse what the hell he meant. She wanted to keep kissing him, damn it.

  But he had a point. Just how far did she want this to go?

  She wrinkled her nose, thinking, and then laughed.

  “What?” he asked.

  “Well, you got this fancy new job and all.” She reached up, taking one of his hands from her face and threading her fingers through his. “Maybe you should take me out, show me a good time.”

  He blinked, staring at her for a beat before he laughed. His breath was warm on her face. “You want me to take you on a date?”

  “Could be fun.” She shrugged. “I need that, I think, to go out and have a good time.” She let her eyes flick down to his lips and up again. “Maybe kiss on a pretty boy.”

  He snorted. “If you want to kiss pretty boys, you probably shouldn’t bring me along, huh?”

  She rolled her eyes and kissed him again, a playful kiss. “Take me out, Valentin.”

  “Fine. Fine.” He kissed her back. “Bossy.” He kissed her again, slow and serious. “I can do that.”

  Chapter 13

  So… Dating.

  It wasn’t that Val hadn’t dated, just that it rarely worked out like that, especially in the last seven years. There’d been women—of course there had been—but never because he’d gone looking for them. It was just hanging out with buddies at the bar and catching a woman’s eye, just like with Johana.

  Johana.

  Johana made it hard to have anything serious with a woman for exactly the reason Val couldn’t really date. He’d never had any money in Texas. He was always behind on child support and, for that matter, always behind on paying his lawyer for the endless legal battles Johana dragged him into.

  Hell, the few times he’d tried to date had always been the worst possible times he could. Johana would invariably find out, and she’d rail against him that he hadn’t had the money for the art stuff she’d asked him to buy for Emile but he could take a woman out for a weekend. He always did the wrong thing.

  Here was the other thing about dating: to plan a first date—then hopefully a second, a third, and so on—implied there was some kind of end game, and that was an interesting thing to think about.

  What the hell was his end game with Mina? His Mina?

  Well, whatever. Val had never been good with looking that far in the future. Mina wanted a good time and maybe to kiss him a little bit. That was all he needed to know for now.

  Val parked his car around the corner from the house and drummed the steering wheel with excited and nervous energy.

  His mother had always told him that there was a moment before any decision when, if you just thought it through for five seconds, you’d know without a doubt if there were a right or wrong thing to do. The only thing Val knew without a doubt was that this was that moment and that his mother was also full of crap.

  Yeah, the whole reason he was parked around the corner, as though he and Mina were ashamed, was that if the rest of the family knew what they were doing, there’d be no small amount of drama. It could be bad. Very bad.

  On the other hand, this should really only be about him and Mina. Whatever else i
t was, he just wanted to show her a good time, to kiss her, and… Well, if Mina wanted that too, it seemed rude to tell her he knew better than she did what she should want.

  Either way, the moment came and went as Mina appeared. Val stifled a groan. Fuck if she wasn’t wearing the sexiest little dress. It was a casual thing that kind of flared a bit right above her knees. And damn if it wasn’t tied in a huge bow so that there was a patch of skin below it, showing off the small of her back. Her hair was straight, sleek, and shiny. She’d dressed up for him, and for a second, that drove him straight out of his mind.

  Luckily, his brain kicked back into gear. He got out of the car and went to greet her. He took her hand, tugging it up above her head to get her to spin around. The look on her face was strangely shy when she turned back around to face him. “You don’t even like dresses,” he blurted.

  A blush tinged her cheeks, but she twined their fingers together. “Yeah, but I look damn cute in a dress. And that’s what you do on a date. You get all dressed up and cute.”

  “Cute.” Val grunted, spreading his hand over the bare patch of skin at the small of her back and bringing her close to him. He smoothed his hand up and down, letting his eyes wander over her. “Cute isn’t the word for this. You’re sexy as hell.”

  She fought it, but he could see the grin that threatened to spread over her too-kissable lips. How had he gone so long without kissing her?

  He leaned in, kissing her gently. She pulled back. “Getting ahead of yourself, aren’t you? You’re supposed to earn that kiss.”

  “Don’t worry.” He kissed her again, a teasing nip. “I’m good for it.”

  ~0~

  They spent the drive bantering, Mina constantly changing his music and Val changing it back. “This isn’t good first-date decorum,” she scolded.

  “So I’m supposed to put up with your crappy taste in music in the interest of getting some?”

  She pretended to gasp, putting a hand to her hips. “I see how you are. That’s all you’re after, huh?”

  Val had to fight the frown that threatened. That had slipped out. Of course it was on his mind. The possibility of having Mina that way… It wasn’t as if he wasn’t interested. “Getting some doesn’t have to mean sex. I mean getting some thing. A kiss. A second date.”