‘It’s just... I’ve had...the most awful day.’
‘Oh, no...’ Lisa suddenly felt far too far away from the person she loved most in the world. All she wanted to do was hug her sister but all she could do was listen. ‘Tell me what’s happened...’
CHAPTER SIX
WAVE-WATCHING.
The river of churning water between the white waves on either side stretched as far as she could see into the night. How great would it be to be able to gather up any distressing thoughts and throw them overboard to get washed away and simply disappear into that endless sea?
It was an astonishingly therapeutic activity, Lisa decided, having wandered to the stern of the ship when she had finished her call to Abby. It had taken nearly an hour before Abby had started sounding anything like her normal determined and courageous self, but she’d had a real blow to her confidence today when she’d been taking a big step forward to achieving her dream of becoming a specialist hand therapist with her first clinical session.
‘He thought I was there for therapy myself,’ a still tearful Abby had told Lisa. ‘And the look on his face when he found out I was there to treat him... Okay, maybe it might have been justified if I was there to help him learn to walk with a prosthetic leg or how to get down stairs with crutches but I was there to dress and splint his hand, Lise. Why do most people only see my wheelchair? Why can’t they see me?’
It was so unlike Abby to let something knock her like this but, as Lisa had reminded her, she had a lot going on in her life. She was adapting to living independently in a new environment, coping with an intensive regime of postgraduate study towards her new speciality and...the only family member she had might as well be on the other side of the world. When Abby had finished the call by telling Lisa how much she missed her, it had been Lisa who’d had tears rolling down her face—fortunately after she had ended the video call.
She needed to be home but she wasn’t even halfway through this cruise and she couldn’t walk out and leave the medical team shorthanded, especially given that she was learning just how intense this job could be. There was a dead man somewhere on board this ship right now, and a grieving woman whose dream honeymoon had become her worst nightmare.
And she didn’t really need to be home at all. She didn’t need to do what she’d been doing her whole life and fret so much about Abby because she knew that her sister was going to be fine. Abby had already processed why the assumption had been made by her patient by the time she’d finished her conversation with Lisa. She’d forgiven the man for making it and had even laughed about it in the end, polishing up that armour that she’d built as a small child when she’d got stared or laughed at in the playground.
‘I’ll show them,’ she’d say. ‘I can do stuff too, even if my legs don’t work.’
Lisa lifted her gaze from the movement of the churning water so far below her and looked out to sea. They must be close to the Italian coastline now but she couldn’t see it. All she could see was inky-black water below and an equally dark sky above with just the pinpricks of starlight. This massive ship suddenly seemed a tiny thing in the universe and, as a person standing there alone, Lisa felt totally insignificant.
And unbearably lonely. She wasn’t as vital in Abby’s life as she had been up till now and her own life suddenly seemed so much emptier, but she couldn’t just turn away and take herself in a whole new direction either. She had to be very sure that Abby was safe and that meant staying close. Keeping herself safe.
‘Hey...’
The voice behind her made her jump and then spin to see who was greeting her. Not that she needed to see. She’d known who it was as soon as she’d heard his voice.
‘Hugh...what are you doing out here?’ She was pathetically pleased to see him because it meant she wasn’t alone any longer. And because they were friends. She needed a friend right now.
‘Same as you, I expect,’ Hugh said. ‘Clearing my head. It’s been quite a night, hasn’t it?’
He looked exhausted, Lisa thought. He was still wearing his formal uniform but he had the sleeves of his white shirt rolled up and the neck undone, his jacket was hanging over one arm and she could see the tail of his tie that had been stuffed into a pocket of his black trousers. His hair was rumpled as well, as though he’d been combing it with his fingers. He looked more sombre than Lisa had ever seen him look, too, and that melted something in her heart.
She wanted to give him the hug that she hadn’t been able to give Abby but, if she did that, she had the horrible feeling that she might burst into tears and how embarrassing would that be?
‘Something like that doesn’t happen that often,’ Hugh said. ‘And, when it does, it’s usually someone in their eighties or nineties or with an underlying condition that means they’re living on borrowed time. It’s a lot harder to take when it’s someone so much younger and apparently healthy, isn’t it?’
Lisa nodded slowly, dropping her gaze so that Hugh wouldn’t see her eyes fill with tears.
But he put a finger under her chin and she had to lift her face and there was no hiding how she was feeling. Hugh’s gaze was searching. It seemed as if he was absorbing everything she was feeling. That he wanted to understand because then he might be able to fix something and the impression that he cared enough to do that was almost enough to undo Lisa completely in that moment.
‘Come with me,’ was all he said, dropping his arm around her shoulders. ‘Peter and Tim are covering the rest of the night and I have something to show you.’
Lisa was aware of the weight of Hugh’s arm and that her feet were already moving in response to his encouragement. She had no idea what it was he wanted to show her, but the last time she had gone somewhere with him he’d promised that she wouldn’t regret it and he’d given her a memory that she would treasure for ever. It wasn’t hard to trust him now.
‘We did everything we possibly could, you know,’ Hugh told her when they were alone in the elevator, going down to a lower deck. ‘And you were an important part of that, getting the defibrillator on scene so fast. Even if he’d been in the best-equipped emergency department on land he wouldn’t have survived. I’m guessing he had a catastrophic heart attack or a serious, undiagnosed cardiomyopathy.’
‘He was on his honeymoon,’ Lisa said. ‘How sad is that?’ She walked ahead of Hugh as the elevator doors opened. ‘It should have been the happiest time of his life.’
The huff of sound from Hugh made Lisa turn swiftly and his eyebrows rose at the look she was giving him.
‘Sorry... It’s not funny at all. It’s just that...well, the first time I ever came on a cruise ship, I was on my honeymoon.’
Lisa could feel her jaw dropping. ‘You’re married?’ Oddly, there seemed to be a sinking sensation in her stomach at the same time. Because she was disappointed that a married man would be playing around with so many other women, perhaps?
But Hugh was shaking his head emphatically. ‘Nope. Never been married. Never intend to be either. One honeymoon was enough and I did it solo.’ His mouth tilted on one side. ‘Apart from everyone I met along the way, of course, but I did it without a wife.’
‘What happened?’ The personal question popped out before Lisa could stop it but, as a distraction from her own less than happy thoughts, this was irresistible.
Hugh shrugged. ‘I’d gone to my best friend’s house a couple of days before the wedding to deliver his suit because he was going to be my best man. That was when I found him in bed with my fiancée, Catherine. It was a no-brainer to cancel the wedding but I couldn’t cancel the cruise and I thought, seeing as I’d paid for it all and arranged time off work, I might as well get away for a couple of weeks.’
‘So this was before you started working on ships?’
‘It was why I started working on ships.’
Lisa was so fascinated by this story she simply walked through the doo
r that Hugh had opened but then she stopped and stared.
‘This is someone’s cabin,’ she said.
‘It is indeed,’ Hugh agreed. ‘It’s my cabin.’
It was a lot bigger than Lisa’s cabin. There was a desk with its surface crowded by a laptop computer, scattered medical journals and a collection of empty mugs. The chair in front of it had Hugh’s normal white uniform draped over it. There was a couch and armchairs in front of doors that led out to a generous balcony, a door that obviously led to a bathroom and a double bed that looked rumpled enough to give the impression that Hugh had just climbed out of it.
Lisa’s gaze slid sideways, trying to imagine him in pyjamas. Nope... If ever there was a man who would sleep naked, surely it would be Hugh Patterson. The uninvited thought was enough to make her close her eyes for a moment as she willed her cheeks not to start glowing like Rudolph the reindeer’s nose.
‘Um...’ She cleared her throat. ‘What was it you were saying?’
* * *
Lisa looked about as uncomfortable as she had the first time Hugh had ever seen her, first on the wharf in Barcelona when they both knew she’d been watching him kiss Carlotta and then when he’d met her in the medical centre and she’d known she would be working with him for the next couple of weeks.
But, until she realised he had brought her into his private, personal space, he’d been doing a good job of distracting her from the misery that he assumed was due to their unsuccessful resuscitation efforts this evening. He hadn’t seen her with tears in her eyes like that before and he suspected it would take something huge to make Lisa Phillips cry so it had induced an odd squeezing sensation in his chest that meant he had to try and fix things.
‘Ah...’ Hugh decided to ignore her embarrassment and act like it was no big deal that his cabin was messy and he hadn’t even made his bed properly. He walked towards the sitting room corner to open the balcony doors. That way, Lisa wouldn’t feel like she was trapped and it was a nice enough evening to sit out there if that helped. ‘I was saying that my solo honeymoon was the reason I took a job as a ship’s doctor. I had been about to take up a position in a general practice in the nice outer London suburb I’d grown up in. I was all set to settle down and move back into the family home and raise my two point four children—you know, the whole nine yards.’
Lisa was shaking her head. ‘You were really in love, weren’t you? It must have been absolutely devastating.’
‘Better to happen then than when those two and a bit kids were involved.’ Hugh kept his tone light. He also needed to change the subject because, like his privileged background, it was something he preferred not to talk about. To anyone. He had been devastated. He’d gone on board his first cruise ship feeling totally betrayed and crushed and, for some weird reason, he almost felt like telling Lisa every gruesome detail. Because he knew she would understand? That she would care?
‘Anyway...there was an incident on board. Or rather on shore. One of the passengers was riding a donkey on a Greek island and he fell off and dislocated his shoulder. I managed to get it relocated for him and used his clothes to splint it in place, got him back to the ship and then ended up helping to X-ray him to make sure it was all okay.’
Lisa had followed him towards the balcony but now she sat down on the edge of the couch as she listened to his story.
‘The doctor I was working with told me they were looking for new medical staff and it all came together. I didn’t have to settle in one place or start thinking about real estate or nursery schools. I didn’t need to get bored by turning up to the same place every day to do the same job. I could live and work like I was on a permanent holiday and get an endless variety of medical challenges, some of them as big as anything you’d get on land—like tonight.’
Hugh turned away, towards the small fridge tucked behind one of the armchairs. That had been more than two years ago now. It didn’t feel so much like a permanent holiday any longer. He was, in fact, turning up to the same place every day to do the same job, wasn’t he? And, yes, he was living the dream with all the fabulous places he got to visit and the glamour of being a ship’s officer but...sometimes it all felt a bit transitory, with nothing solid to hang onto. Even friends that you made along the way—like Lisa—didn’t necessarily stay in your life.
This living the dream felt pretty darned lonely sometimes, in fact...
Empty, even?
‘Right.’ He opened the fridge. ‘This is what I wanted to show you.’
‘You’re kidding.’ Lisa looked shocked. ‘Champagne? Tonight—after how awful it’s been?’
Her voice wobbled a little on the last few words and Hugh felt that squeeze in his chest again. He opened the freezer compartment of the fridge to pick out the frosty glasses that lived there and then went to sit beside Lisa, putting the glasses on the coffee table in front of her.
‘Have you heard of Napoleon Bonaparte?’ he asked casually.
‘Of course. I loved history at school.’ Lisa looked surprised at the random question but there was a hint of a smile on her face as she played along. ‘Short guy, born in Corsica, married Josephine and crowned himself emperor of France. He was famous for saying that an army marches on its stomach, I believe.’
Hugh nodded. He was removing the foil and twisting the wire around the cork on the bottle. ‘He had something to say about champagne, too.’
‘Oh?’
‘Yep. He said that in victory you deserve champagne but in defeat you need it.’ As if to applaud the statement, the cork shot towards the ceiling with a satisfyingly loud popping sound. The sound of Lisa’s laughter was even more satisfying.
‘You’re incorrigible, Hugh, you know that?’
‘I’d agree if I knew what that meant.’ Hugh suppressed a smile as he filled a glass to hand to Lisa. ‘But it’s a good thing, yes?’ He touched his glass to hers. ‘Santé,’ he murmured.
‘You know perfectly well what it means.’ But there was genuine amusement in her eyes before she closed them as she took an appreciative sip of her sparkling wine.
‘It’s just as good as the first time,’ she said. ‘Maybe even better. That doesn’t often happen, does it?’
‘Some things actually get better the more often you do them,’ he said, ‘And some things you never want to do for a second time. Once burnt, forever shy.’
‘Mmm...’
He could feel Lisa’s gaze on him and, as soon as he turned towards her, he knew she was thinking about the spectacular crash and burn of his wedding plans. He could feel the moment her thoughts changed from sympathy to something else, though. She was thinking about the kinds of things he had done often enough to become expert in. Like kissing... Any second now, she was going to go back to that assumption she’d made that he fell into bed with every willing woman who tried to attract his attention.
He held her gaze steadily, making a silent statement that she was completely wrong in that assumption. That there were actually very few women he had fallen—or wanted to fall—into bed with.
But... He didn’t need that spear of sensation in his body to confirm what he suddenly realised. Lisa Phillips was definitely one of those women and, at this moment in time, it felt like she was the only one.
Stunned by the realisation, Hugh put his glass carefully down on the table as an excuse to break the eye contact but he was a fraction of a second too late. He’d seen the way her pupils were dilating. She not only knew what he was thinking, she was responding to it.
Hugh pulled in a slow breath but he wasn’t about to shake off the detour his brain, and his body, were determined to take. He wanted her. He wanted to see that flicker of desire in her eyes get kindled into a flame. Maybe he wanted to tease her in a completely different way from any he would have considered before now—to create enough frustration to be able to make getting tipped into paradise all the more intense. Would the expr
ession in her eyes be anything like the first time she had tasted real champagne?
Would he be making a terrible mistake if he tried to find out? Just proving that Lisa’s assumptions about his lifestyle were not wrong? Or was he right in suspecting that she might want this as much as he did?
He turned back to meet her gaze again, knowing that she would see that last question in his eyes. Maybe he didn’t really have a choice here, given the way his desire was exploding now that it had been acknowledged. But Lisa did have a choice and he would totally respect that. A cold shower might well be in the cards in his very near future.
* * *
Oh...my... That look...
Lisa had to swallow her mouthful of champagne in a hurry. Nobody had ever looked at her like that. Ever. As if she was the most desirable thing in the entire world. As if he wanted to do a whole lot more than simply kiss her. And every single cell in Lisa’s body was not only reminding her of what it was like to be kissed by this man but making a plea to find out what doing more than kissing would be like.
This was, she realised, the first time in her life that she actually, desperately wanted to get really intimate with someone. Oh, she’d had the usual teenage curiosity about sex but that had been mixed with doubt that the experience might not live up to expectations that had been set by some of the books she’d read and she’d been so right. Early attempts had been fumbling and embarrassing. With her more recent choices of boyfriends it had been a lot better. Enjoyable, even, but still nothing like having fireworks going off or the earth spinning on its axis or a herd of unicorns galloping off into the sunset.
She had, with the help of one of those boyfriends, come to the conclusion that the fault lay completely on her side, and in a way that had been a relief because perhaps there was a part of her that had decided long ago that she really didn’t deserve that kind of pleasure. Whatever the cause, Lisa had given up believing in any of that hype about how good sex could be—as far as she was concerned, anyway.
Awakening the Shy Nurse Page 9