by Lynn Jaxon
I take down his number and say the obligatory “thank you” and then hang up the phone, feeling as helpless as ever.
Mitch and Henry are sitting here looking at me with questioning looks on their face from hearing only one side of the conversation.
“Dr. Banks said it won’t be long now. This cancer, this demon growing inside your mother is coming to take her from us. I need you to be stronger than me and spend as much time with her as you can.”
Chapter Fourteen
Emily
I open my eyes and look over at the clock and see that it’s six o’clock in the evening. What am I doing in bed at this hour? And then it hits me. Going to the grocery store and the dull throb starting to take over and then coming home to the horrific sensation of knives stabbing me in my brain. Fuck, I could barely talk or swallow. This can’t be good. I open my mouth and call out to Benson. I am relieved when I can say his name. He comes running into the room still wearing his joggers and sweatshirt from his earlier run with Mitch.
Benson sits beside me on the bed taking my hand in one of his and rubbing his other hand down the side of my face. “How are you feeling, babe?”
I give him a slight smile and say, “The band of elephants with the knives in my brain has been replaced with a baby yielding a rubber mallet.”
“How can you joke at times like this? Only you can bring some humor into your pain.”
“Hey, I’m just happy I was able to say it without slurring my words. Did you call the doctor? What did he say?”
I can tell that he doesn’t want to say what Dr. Banks said, but we promised to always be truthful to each other and to love each other through better or worse, sickness and in health. He just didn’t expect to be honoring that promise this soon.
“He was a little surprised at the speed your symptoms have come on, but not really because of the aggressive nature of this cancer. Unfortunately, he thinks you will begin to experience this at increasing rates and severity.”
I do my best to not let him see the pain and the fear looming in my eyes. “So, what’s next for us?”
“What the hell do you mean ‘what’s next for us?’ We live and love for the time we have left.”
“That’s a given, but I don’t want to be a burden on you and the boys.”
“Stop that shit right here and right now. You have never been, nor will you ever be, a burden on me or the boys. You’re all that is good and right in our lives.” I kiss her gently on her mouth. “By the way, Marley called while you were asleep. She will be arriving on Monday morning at nine. I’ll have the boys go to the airport to pick her up.”
Benson takes off his sweatshirt and says, “I’m going to grab a fast shower. I can’t even stand to smell myself a minute longer.”
I reach up and drag my index finger down his muscular bicep, outlining the large cross tattoo he had done after his mother passed away. “Yes, please do.” I joke, “You’re melting my nose hairs, but I didn’t want to say anything.”
He leans down, acting like he is going to rub his stinky pits on my head and then gives me another kiss. This man, this man is everything.
Saturday night is uneventful. No more headaches or slurred speech. We sit around as a family watching old movies and eating popcorn. I didn’t feel like eating. I hadn’t felt like eating much even before this happened. That’s why I have been losing weight without really trying. The guys were happy to eat some frozen honey BBQ wings and fries, and that was just fine with me. There is no way I could stand long enough to cook a real meal, and I don’t want to put one more thing on Benson. Marley is an amazing cook, so I know they will be well fed once she gets here.
Henry and Mitch decide to call it a night, or should I say morning, around 3:00 a.m., as soon as we finished watching There's Something About Mary. That movie always makes me laugh so hard I almost wet myself.
Benson is still awake, holding my hand and rubbing his thumb in circles over the top of it. I kiss him on the cheek, stand up and pull him towards the bedroom. I want him to make love to me tonight, because who knows if I will be able to again. I give him my best bedroom eyes, and he smiles.
I begin to undress my body while he watches. He seems hesitant, almost afraid he will hurt me. It guts me to see fear in his eyes when it comes to us making love. What will hurt me is if he doesn’t come and make love to me.
I know I am affecting him, I see the front of his pajama pants tent from the pressure of his beautiful cock.
I walk up and pull the white t-shirt, which fits him like a glove, off his torso. It lands on top of the pile of my clothes. I pepper kisses on his chest and lick around his hardened nipples. His deep baritone moan spurs me on. I firmly grasp his cock through his pants, and he lets out an even louder moan. There is a wet spot on the soft cotton where the pre-cum leaks and begs for my mouth. He is commando, so when I slide down his body, pulling down his sleep pants, I am greeted with his enormous cock in my face. He’s the only man I’ve been with, but I am pretty sure that this eight-inch beauty is not average. There is nothing average about my husband. I take him in my mouth, swirling my tongue around the head. I then take him deep, relaxing my throat and swallowing him until the sound that comes from his mouth is almost animalistic. After a few minutes, I can feel him growing larger in my mouth. He pants heavily and says, “I don’t want to come in your mouth. I want to pour myself into your sweet, hot, cunt that is all mine.” I almost come at the sound of desperation and pure desire in his voice. It’s a heady feeling, knowing I do this to him. Benson scoops me up and carries me reverently to the bed. This man is such a mixed bag of animal, and tender and I love it all. I know that tonight I am going to get tender.
Benson licks and sucks on my neck, down to my breasts, paying each equal attention. He then comes up to my mouth and places both hands on my cheeks, cupping them as he looks in my eyes and pulls the breath right out of me as he kisses me and fills me with his cock at the same time. Benson rocks and grinds hitting me in just the right spot. In no time I am coming hard. “That’s it,” he says, “come for me, baby. Let me feel your hot, sweet pussy grip my dick.” That’s all it takes for him to fill me with his love.
We fall asleep wrapped in each other’s arms, not even caring that we are a mess. There will be time for a bath when we get up.
Chapter Fifteen
Benson
Em is still asleep when I wake up. I need to go for a run to help clear my head. I quietly climb out of bed and throw on my joggers and sweatshirt. I can still smell the lingering scent of Em on my body. I brush my teeth and head down the hallway to the kitchen. Mitch is up, drinking a cup of coffee. “When did you start drinking coffee?”
“It’s like a requirement when you’re in law school, Dad. It’s my go-go juice. Like mother like son. Do you want a cup?”
It makes me smile when he says ‘Like mother, like son.’ “I’m heading out for a run to clear my head. Will you look in on your mother for me while I am gone? I am only going to run 5 miles, so I should be back in thirty minutes or so. Call me immediately if anything happens with Mom. I love you son.”
“I love you, too, dad.”
I slip on my shoes at the door and take off like the devil himself is chasing me. No matter how hard or how fast I run I can’t turn off my mind. My mind wanders to the day that Mitch was born. Em was just glowing when we arrived at the hospital. You would never know that her contractions were coming less than five minutes apart. She was a trooper. She didn’t want to take any pain medication or get an epidural. She labored at home for as long as we felt safe, with her friend Marley who just so happened to be on her OB rotation in her nursing clinicals. Our little apartment was just a five-minute drive to the hospital, so she wasn’t worried at all. I, on the other hand, was a nervous wreck. When we arrived, Marley started spouting to the triage nurse that Em was dilated to an eight and needed to be admitted stat. One hour later, I was holding my eight pounds, two-ounce baby boy in my arms. I have never seen anyth
ing more perfect in my life. He had my dark hair, ten fingers, and ten perfect toes. All baby’s eyes are blue when they are born, but I made a wish that they would be the brilliant green of his mother’s. I also prayed that he would have a heart of gold like his mom’s. I couldn’t believe that we made the tiny human in my arms.
A horn honks, startling me out of my memory. Shit, I just ran right into the intersection without even realizing it. One would think I had a death wish. I raise my hand in apology and sprint back home.
I stop at the door to try and even out my breathing before I go inside. I can’t believe I almost got hit by a car. I need to really get my shit together.
When I open the door, Em is sitting on the couch. She looks tired still and has a pained expression on her face that she tries to hide with a smile that doesn’t quite reach her beautiful eyes.
I lean into her and give her a kiss on the head. “I smell like a hot kid on a summer day. I need to get a quick shower. How are you feeling this morning?”
Em winces and says, “Not too bad. My head is hurting a little, but the pain medication is kicking in, and I’m feeling better. Go get your shower, before I get sick from the smell. I’d say you’re smelling more like a hot dog than a hot kid though.” Em’s smile is brighter after she says this.
Em swats my ass as I walk past her on my way to our room. I strip out of my damp clothes and take a fast shower, wishing Em was in here with me. I close my eyes and imagine her soft hands on my body slowly rubbing up and down. I can’t help myself as I reach and grab my throbbing cock. With each stroke I imagine pounding deep inside her, giving her everything I am. I cry out as I chase my pleasure to release my pain.
I feel guilty when I climb out of the shower. I only want pleasure from her.
I get dressed and go back to my world, pasting a smile on my face that I hope hides my pain.
A whistle greets me as I come down the hallway. Em reaches out to me and then pats the cushion on the couch for me to sit down next to her.
She is so beautiful, but looks so tired. I don’t want her feeling like we are walking on eggshells, so I ask her, “What do you want to do today? I am here at your disposal, my lady.”
Em smiles at me and asks, “Can we just stay home and hang out with Mitch and Henry?”
“That sounds perfect to me. Where are the boys?” I am immediately on edge with worry that she is feeling worse than she wants us to know.
“Mitch jumped in the shower when he heard you turn the shower off in our room. Henry insisted on going to Starbucks to get me a piece of lemon loaf cake and a peppermint mocha, even though I told him it wasn’t necessary. If I’m being honest, I think Henry just needed to get out of the house and clear his head. He is so much like you. Speaking of clearing heads, did your run help you?”
“Oh, my sweet wife, you know me so well. It helped some, but this is all like a loop running on repeat, and it won’t turn off. I keep thinking that it is a bad dream and we will wake up and things will be like they should be.”
She leans over and lays her head on my shoulder. I kiss her head and pull her closer, and we just hold each other. A few minutes later, Henry comes home with four coffees in hand and several pieces of lemon loaf. Em stands up and hugs him as she ruffles his hair. “My hero,” she says.
So, we spend our day playing cards, being lazy, laughing, loving, drinking coffee and eating lemon loaf. It turns out that Mitch has become quite the card shark since starting at the University of Arkansas. As hard as Henry tries, he just doesn’t have it in him. He is like his mother, he doesn’t like to play cards but will play if everyone else is. So to be fair, we never put Henry and Em together if we can help it.
I stand up and stretch and offer my hand to Em. “Let’s go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day with Marley arriving.”
“Do you want us to pick up Marley?” asks Henry.
“I thought it would be nice if we all go together and then go pick up something for breakfast, maybe IHOP or the Awful Waffle.” Em chuckles.
I would say yes to anything to hear that chuckle come out of her mouth every day. “You heard your mom, boys. Plan on being up and ready by eight. Marley’s plane should be arriving at nine in the morning.”
Both boys salute me, kiss their mother and then head to their rooms.
As soon as they leave the room, you can see just how tired Em is, and it’s also very apparent that she is hurting, too. It pains me to see her this way so much, but I am glad she is not trying to shield me. I need to know when she needs me.
Em puts up no argument when I sweep her up in my arms and carry her to our room. I lay her gently on the soft silky sheets, reach into the drawer and pull out her favorite lavender and vanilla lotion. I pull her shirt over her head and ever so slowly pull down her sweatpants to expose her dainty lace panties and bra. She is the picture of beauty and perfection as her thick auburn hair fans over her pillow. I squirt the lotion in my hands and start at her feet working my way up her legs. She then rolls to her stomach and moans as I rub her beautiful ass, back, and shoulders. It’s not long before I hear the rhythmic cadence of her breathing as she falls into a deep sleep. I crawl into the bed and pull her sleeping body into my arms. I wish I could fall asleep, but sleep eludes me. Leaving only my tortured thoughts of what’s to come to keep me company.
Chapter Sixteen
Emily
The buzzing of the alarm clock is like an ice pick slamming into my brain. My head is hurting so bad I can barely lift it off my pillow to reach the alarm. Benson curses softly and hurries to turn it off. When he turns his body to face me, his beautiful face falls, and I know that I haven’t been able to mask the discomfort on my face. Why can’t I do a better job protecting him from my pain?
Benson’s anguish and helplessness are evident when he says, “Em, baby. You’re white as a ghost and are covered in sweat. What can I do?” He quickly jumps out of bed and goes into the bathroom, turning on the water to get a damp rag for my head. I manage to scoot up to a semi-sitting position and allow him to place the cool cloth on my head.
“Please get me a pain killer. I want no arguments from you, Benson. I am going to the airport with you to pick up Marley. Just give me some time, the medication will kick in, and I will feel better.”
Benson starts to argue with me, but I put my finger on his lips to shush him. “Please, baby. I need you to just get the medicine and not argue with me.”
Benson lets out a pained breath and goes to get me some water and my prescription pain killer. I am not driving so it doesn’t matter that it will make me a little sleepy. Marley, of all people, will understand if I’m not myself. I just pray a seizure doesn’t hit me while we are gone. I am afraid it’s just a matter of time before I have another episode where I can’t swallow and my speech is slurred, or God knows, something worse.
Thankfully, the medication kicks in fast, and we are able to get on the road in plenty of time to reach the CVG Airport in Cincinnati.
We take my white Audi A7 to go pick up Marley. I figured it would be a much smoother ride than Benson’s big truck. Marley won’t care if she’s sandwiched between the boys. Mitch and Henry talk the entire time to the airport. Neither one of the boys like silence. It makes them uncomfortable, so they tend to make jokes and be silly to fill it. Several times I see Benson start to tell them to be quiet, because of my headache, but I squeeze his knee and shake my head.
Benson drops the boys and me off at the front of the airport and then goes to park the car. I loop one of my arms into each of the boy’s arms, and we go inside to get out of the cold. It is freezing, but at least it isn’t snowing. We sit on a bench, and people watch until Benson makes his way inside. We are like magnets pulled together. He found me without even looking. It’s twenty minutes before nine, and her flight isn’t due to arrive until nine a.m. We do a quick scan of the arrivals and departures on the monitors and see that her plane is still set to arrive on time. With time to kill, I pull Benson towards
the Starbucks down in baggage claim and order us all a coffee. I resist the urge to get my lemon loaf since we are stopping for breakfast.
I am feeling a little unsteady on my feet. Benson senses it almost as soon as I do. He takes me by the hand and leads me to a table to sit down. He looks at me with worry and says, “I knew you should have stayed home. The boys are perfectly capable of picking up Marley without us.”
“Mom,” says Henry. “You and dad can go home, and Mitch and I can get an Uber to bring Marley home with us.”
“Nonsense, I am fine. Just let me sit for a few minutes. We can take the elevator up to the second floor. I promise I will sit on a bench until she gets here.”
Benson scowls, mumbling under his breath, “You beautiful, stubborn, headstrong woman.”
At five minutes after nine, the monitor indicates that her flight has arrived. My phone beeps with a text from Marley who wants to meet us at baggage claim. She knows me too well. Marley knew we would stop here for a peppermint mocha as soon as we arrived. Benson helps me up, and we make our way to the baggage carousel.
A few minutes later, I see Marley coming towards us. She sees Mitch and Henry first because they are standing in front of me. You can see the love in her eyes when she gives them both a hug. She spots me next and pulls me into her arms and squeezes the life out of me. There is love in her eyes that can almost mask the sadness and worry that is also there.
“Girl, you’re about to squeeze me in two. Have you upped your workout routine? You better not get too attached to your gym, because Benson is about to open an EM Fitness in Fayetteville.”
Marley loosens her hold on me and says, “You know good and well I don’t belong to a gym. Running is my jam.”