by Lynn Jaxon
Benson laughs and says, “You better change your tune when I open EM Fitness. I’ll get my feelings hurt if you don’t join mine.”
Benson opens his arms and pulls her into a side hug. “Thanks for coming,” he says.
Sadness laces her voice when she says, “Don’t ever thank me for being here for my best friend.”
Henry pipes up and says, “Who’s ready for some Awful Waffle? I’m starving.” They call it the Awful Waffle, but it is secretly one of their favorite places to eat.
Chapter Seventeen
Marley
This is the longest flight ever. All I can think about is seeing my best friend and her family in so much pain. The turbulence of this flight matches the turmoil in my mind. When the stewardess comes and asks if she can get me anything, it takes everything I have to not order a Bloody Mary. A drunk Marley would be no good to anyone.
I shut my eyes and think back to the day we met in nursing school. “This math for nurses is going to be the death of me,” says the peppy redhead sitting next to me. “You’re sitting next to me, so that means you’re stuck being my partner. I hope you know more than I do.” I laugh and reply, “This is your lucky day. I just so happen to love math, so I’d be happy to help.” The look of relief on her face was almost comical. She hugged me like we were old friends and stuck out her hand for me to shake. “My name is Emily, but my friends call me Em. I know we are going to be the best of friends, so you will call me Em.” From that moment on we were inseparable.
I’m startled when the stewardess taps me on my shoulder and asks me to sit my chair upright and get ready for landing. I am lucky this flight is not full. I raise the shade to the window and look out to see the CVG Airport coming into view. This airport is way bigger than the Northwest Arkansas Regional Airport. Two stops and just under five hours later, I arrive in Ohio.
I quickly shoot off a text to Em to let her know I am here and to meet me at the baggage carousel. I slide my phone into my purse when the fasten seat belt sign goes off. I stand and stretch before reaching in the overhead bin to get my carry-on bag and laptop.
I can see Mitch and Henry as I ride the escalator down to baggage claim. I can see the sadness they are trying to mask with a smile. I love these boys like they were my own. I will do all I can to help ease their pain. I pull them both into a hug and say, “I love you.”
I hold back a gasp when I see Em. She looks nothing like the Em I saw back in July when she came to visit the boys and me. She has lost so much weight, and her brightness is gone. I fight back my tears and pull her into my arms. In typical Em fashion, she makes a joke and tells me I am squeezing her in two.
Benson is as handsome as ever, but the sadness on his face is undeniable. He loves Em so much. Always making sure she knows she is his one and only. He pulls me into a side hug and thanks me for coming.
Henry, being the sweet boy he is and wanting to make everything better, pipes in and asks who is ready to go to the Awful Waffle.
I quickly raise my hand and say, “Me, me, me! I am starving. Pretzels for breakfast just didn’t do it for me. I could use a waffle and hash browns smothered, covered and chunked.”
Just like I knew she would, Em makes a gagging sound and says, “Do you have to say chunked? It makes me want to blow chunks.”
And just like that, Em brings light into the darkness with her humor.
Benson tells us all to wait, and he will get the car and pull up to the curb. When we see Em’s white Audi A7, I whistle and say, “Damn girl, look at that fine ride.”
Em smirks, “My man is good to me. What can I say?”
“I wish I had a man that was half as good as Benson. I don’t think they exist anymore.”
A weird look passes over her face, but it disappears as quickly as it comes. She then says, “You will find your prince charming. The time will come when you least expect it.”
Mitch carries my bags, and Henry helps his mom to the car. After helping her into the front seat, I climb into the back seat sandwiched between the boys. “Let’s go get our eat on,” I say.
Two miles later, we are pulling in to the restaurant. The waitress asks us how many, in her dull ‘I want to be anywhere but here voice’ and shows us to a large corner booth. Her tone changes completely when she looks up and really sees the three handsome men in front of her. I am not in the mood for this and want to tell her to piss off. I don’t, for fear she will put something extra in my hash browns.
I don’t know how Em keeps from slapping her hand off of Benson’s shoulder. The waitress, whose name tag says Poppy, is taking every opportunity to touch Benson. He ignores her and wraps his arm around Em and kisses her on her temple. He isn’t even my man, and I am pissed. That’s the thing about these two. They have unwavering trust and love like no other.
Em and Benson hardly touch a thing on their plates. She thinks she is being smooth by moving the food around.
Mitch and Henry tell me how their finals were and talk about the classes they are taking next semester. Everyone is careful to dance around the black cloud in the room.
Benson insists on paying for breakfast, no matter how hard I protest.
Em is emphatic when she says, “You will pay for nothing while you are here. There will be no arguments from you. You’re helping us, and we will pay you.”
“The hell you will, Em. I am here because I love you and want to be here with you. Please don’t fight me on this.”
She rolls her eyes, “We will discuss this more when we get to the house.”
The ride to the house is quiet. I don’t think Em is even aware that she is rubbing her temples. Benson doesn’t miss it. He keeps cutting his eyes to the side to check on her. It tears me up inside to see Em suffering so much. How am I going to be able to watch my friend dying right before my eyes? It is all I can do to hold back my sobs of grief.
Their house is as beautiful as I remember it. I have always loved their wrap around porch with the rocking chairs and porch swing. We have spent so many hours rocking and swinging on that porch, drinking wine and giggling like school girls. It makes me sad to think that we will never have that opportunity again. It is way too cold to be sitting outside.
I am snapped out of my thoughts when Mitch reaches in to help me out of the car. Henry has my luggage and says, “I’ll put this in your room. We put you in the room you were in the last time you were here. I hope that’s okay.”
“Thank you, Henry. That is perfect. It is next to your parents, so I will be closer to your mom if she needs me.”
Chapter Eighteen
Emily
I’m so grateful Marley is here. I know she will make all the difference in how my men handle losing me. She is a rock and can keep them strong. My head is hurting so bad. It’s like I can feel this cancer growing minute by minute, as though a big black monster is taking over my brain and sucking the life out of me. I can feel it deep within me that my time is drawing near. I just hope I can hang on until after Christmas. Just seven more days. Please God just give this to me.
“Em, Em,” Benson’s deep voice pulls me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay, baby? You seem far away. Is your head still hurting?”
I can’t lie to him, so I give him a soft smile and nod my head.
Benson’s face is so full of compassion and love, as well as pain and sorrow. He kisses my forehead, rubs his strong hands up and down my back, and tells me, “You can have another pill in thirty minutes. Can you hold on that long?”
“I will be fine for a little while longer. I want to visit with Marley for a bit before I take the medication and fall asleep.”
We both look up and see Marley coming down the hallway. “Hi guys,” she says. “Your house is even more beautiful than I remember it. Did y’all paint the walls?”
Benson laughs and says, “Y’all? There was no y’all. Only me.”
I swat him, smirk and say, “I helped. I picked out the colors and pointed out the spots you missed. It takes an eagle eye
to find them.” I stick my tongue out at him playfully. It feels good to be silly. It’s freeing from the weight that is crushing us all.
“You two are almost more than I can handle,” Marley laughs. “Regardless, I absolutely love the gray, red, and robin's egg blue. It makes your home so bright and welcoming. Just like your personality.”
“Thank you. Benson just finished painting the kitchen three weeks ago. I love the robin’s egg blue with red accents. Benson almost refused to paint it this color, saying it would be too bright, but I was right. It looks amazing with our polished concrete counters.”
A chuckle comes from Benson before he says in a joking manner, “Oh, how could I have ever doubted you, my perfect wife?”
“You should never-” but before I can finish my sentence, the room starts to spin and my world goes black.
When I come to, I’m in my bed, and Marley is at my side holding my hand. I haven’t opened my eyes, but I can tell by the trembling in her hand and the vibration of the bed that she is crying. I hear Benson on the phone with Dr. Banks. He sounds frantic when he says, “This is happening too fast. You said three months.” There is a pause, and he whisper shouts, “I can’t lose my wife! Not yet. You’ve got to do something.” Another pause, “I know she chose no chemotherapy but isn’t there another way?” Benson is pulling at his hair and has tears running down his cheeks into his beard. “I’m sorry, Dr. Banks, I just don’t know how to do this! Yes, I understand.”
Benson comes to my side, sits down on the edge of our bed, lays his head on my chest and releases all the pain and sorrow he’s holding inside. I keep my eyes closed, not wanting him to know I am a witness to his suffering. That would hurt him even more because he wants to be strong for me.
After several agonizing minutes, he sits up and speaks to Marley. “Dr. Banks doesn’t think she has much time left. He is sending over all the medical equipment we will need for her. He wants you to start an IV of fluids when they arrive. He is also sending over his orders for you. He also asked me if you are licensed and insured to practice in Ohio.”
Marley nods her head, “I have kept my license active in both Ohio and Arkansas, so I am good to go.”
I open my eyes and try to speak, but just like the time before, my words are slurred. Marley and Benson each hold my hand trying and failing to fight back their tears.
“Shhh baby, don’t try to talk. Give yourself a few minutes,” Benson says in a shaky voice. I can see the fear in his eyes.
Marley is in agreement with Benson, so I close my eyes and pray this will soon pass.
I hear the bedroom door open and see Mitch and Henry in the opening. They have matching faces full of fear. Mitch is the first to ask, “What happened to Mom? When we went outside to shoot some hoops, she was doing just fine.”
“Yeah,” Henry says with such anguish. “Why is this happening to her?”
Marley stands and says to the boys, “Let’s step out and leave your parents alone for a few minutes. I’ll try and answer as many of your questions as I can.”
I try to reassure them with my eyes that I’m okay.
“Mom? Why can’t Mom talk?” asks Mitch.
Benson squeezes his shoulder and says, “Your mom is just having a hard time forming her words. Give her some time. This isn’t the first time that this has happened.”
“What the hell, Dad!” Mitch looks like he is about to explode. His face is red and he has a deep crease between his eyes. He practically yells, “Why are we just sitting here? Why aren’t we on our way to the hospital?”
It takes everything I have to form the word “No.”
“What do you mean ‘no’? They can help you.”
Marley puts a loving hand on Mitch’s arm and guides him out of the room saying, “Let’s talk in the kitchen over a cup of coffee. You can show me how to use that fancy new espresso machine.”
I turn my head and look into Benson’s beautiful blue eyes. I try to convey without words my love for him. He climbs into bed with me and just holds me. He wishes he could take all my pain away and I want to take his. Soon I will be gone and will no longer be in pain, but Benson, Mitch, Henry, and Marley will have to live with losing me.
Benson’s arm is wrapped around me, and my head is on his chest. He is rubbing small circles on my shoulder with his thumb. This is something he does that I don’t think he’s even aware of. He sniffs and then tells me, “Dr. Banks thinks we better start preparing for the worst. He is sending over the equipment and medications you will need along with his orders for Marley to follow. He wanted to send over a hospital bed too, but I don’t think it is necessary. You will be much more comfortable in your own.”
I reach for the glass of water he placed on the bedside table earlier, and take a drink. I struggle a little bit swallowing it down. I had to cough a couple times to protect my airway. “Benson,” I attempt to speak again, and I am successful this time. “I haven’t wanted to say anything to you, but I have felt my body declining at a rapid rate.”
Benson sits upright on the bed, clenching his jaw and rubbing his hand on his neck. In a wavering voice, he asks, “Why, Em? Why haven’t you said anything to me?”
I open and close my mouth trying to find the right words to say. “I just didn’t want you to stress every minute of the day waiting for the ball to drop. I want you to be present here with me and not jumping ahead into what is happening next. Does that make sense?” The more I think about everything, the more nauseous I feel. I can see what I am doing to him.
“You didn’t want me stressed? Sweetheart, ever since I received the call from Dr. Davenport, I have done nothing but stress, but that’s okay. That is my job. My job is to be here to carry the burden for you. You’re my love and my reason for living. Don’t you know that? Let me do this, please.”
I can feel the anxiety building inside as I twist my wedding ring around my finger. “Please forgive me.”
Benson pulls in and then slowly releases a deep breath and says, “There is never, and will never be, anything to forgive.”
Chapter Nineteen
Benson
I kiss Em on the cheek and stand up from the bed. “If it’s okay with you, I need to go into my office and call Alan and check in on things at EM Fitness. I’ll have Marley come in here with you.”
Em just nods her head.
I feel like shit for overreacting like that. Marley is sitting on her bed as I pass her room. “Do you mind going in and spending time with Em? I need to check in on things at work. I will just be in my office.”
“Do I mind going in and spending time with Em? Why would you even ask me that? Of course I will go in and spend time with her. Let me run to the kitchen and get her pain medication. It’s been long enough between doses.”
“Thanks, Marley. I really appreciate it,” I say as I rub my hand on the back of my neck, uncertain if I should leave her.
My office is dark. It is gloomy, just like my mood. Brooding in my comfortable, tall back, soft leather chair I contemplate what I’m going to do. Spying the bottle of Crown on the bar, I feel a warmth invading my chest at the thought of an escape from these never-ending negative thoughts. Standing up, I slap my hands on my desk and then stalk over to the bar. Opening the ice maker, I pick up the tongs and drop a few pieces of ice into my crystal tumbler. I pour myself a double shot and throw it back in one gulp.
I make myself call Alan before the whiskey takes effect and renders me useless. When the phone is answered I hear the overly seductive voice of Bambi, Barbie, or whatever the hell her name is say, “EM Fitness, how may I direct your call?”
“This is Benson, put Alan on the phone.” I don’t even make an attempt to be polite or make conversation, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to talk to me.
“Oh, hi Ben, how have you been? I haven’t seen you around here lately.”
I want to crawl through the phone and slap her. “That’s because I haven’t been around. Now, please put Alan on the phone.”
I let out a frustrated breath and say, “My name is Benson or Mr. Davis. Whichever one you choose, but please don’t call me Ben.”
She doesn’t respond and places me on hold. A minute later I hear, “Hey, man. How’s it going? How is Em feeling?”
“How’s it going? Do you want me to tell you the truth or blow smoke up your ass?”
“Wow, man. This is not like you at all. I am going to assume that things are getting progressively worse with Em. I am so sorry, man. You know I would give anything to make it better for you both.”
I let out a long breath, my knee bouncing up and down like a kid with ADHD, and I apologize to Alan for being such an ass. “I’m sorry, brother. It has just been really hard. Em is getting worse. As a matter of fact, she has been keeping from me just how bad she’s been feeling. Today she had another episode where she had an excruciating headache and then passed out. When she came to, she couldn’t talk and had a hard time swallowing. I am just beside myself with worry for her.”
Alan stutters when he says, “I, I just don’t know what to say.”
“There is nothing to say. My wife is dying, and I will be lucky if she makes it to Christmas. I don’t know when I will be back. I am going to the bank tomorrow to fill out the forms to allow you to be able to sign the checks without my signature. You’re in charge. Do as you see fit, but please for the love of all that is good, get rid of that airhead Barbie! She is more than I can handle and I don’t think she is a good representation of EM Fitness.”
Alan chuckles, “She’s not as bad as you think she is. She is just awestruck by you. I promise she doesn’t act like that around the members.” Alan pauses and says, “Take all the time you need. I will take care of everything. I leave for Hawaii on December twenty-fourth. The gym is closed that week, so all is good. I will get the papers signed, check out the building and make sure everything is as we discussed. I will train the staff and then I will be back on December thirtieth in time to cover the madness of New Year’s resolutions. You need to worry about nothing but taking care of Emily.”