“What does that even mean?” Norah yells. “No secret bro shit. I hate being left out!”
K points at Ames, “This sad sack spent the last 7 months looking for, and pining after, Nalani!”
“7 months? So when did you meet?” Norah looks intrigued.
I chime in, glad to have something to contribute. “At the church in Kailua.”
“During poi pounding? I wondered why you wandered off inside the church.” Norah nudges Ames with her elbow.
“You sure you even noticed my absence with all the eye fucking and finger sucking happening that day? And at a church no less.” Norah flips Ames off, but she’s smiling.
“No!” K yells. “Brah, the mystery girl you’ve been talking about all this time was from poi pounding? Why didn’t you tell me you saw her at the church? Who do you think told them about his cousin who tunes pianos?”
Ames bangs his forehead on the coffee table. “Fuck! Are you serious? If I hadn’t been too embarrassed to tell you I was obsessing over someone I never even spoke to, I could have met Nalani 7 months ago?”
Norah and K find this hilarious. I link my fingers through his, bringing the back of his hand to my lips. “Everything happened exactly the way it should have.” The furrow between his eyebrows relaxes at my touch. I forget my worries. I’m not thinking about the fact that this is supposed to be about convincing them we’re legitimate, I just don’t like seeing him upset.
“I like her,” Norah says. “Can we keep her, but lose you, Cabot?” He flips her off. It seems like that is the majority of their dynamic. They’re funny together. I like seeing this different side of Ames, with his friends.
We finish eating and K and I catch up while Norah and Ames talk about work. Our grandmothers were sisters and we’ve known each other all our lives. We may not be technically close family, but we’re ‘ohana. Our moms are good friends, but we haven’t seen each other as much since his parents moved to the mainland to be closer to their grandkids. I let myself forget how much I like him, and I don’t want to allow that to happen again. I don’t have many people in my life.
“So what happened this weekend? Did your drama go down after Ka‘eo left the jazz club?” Ames asks them. My cousin drops his head, looking upset, and Norah tips his chin up, kissing him gently.
“We’re good, Babe, remember?” She turns back to us. “It started with you, Cabot!”
“What did I do?”
“You told K about our slate coming up and he had a mild, little freak out.” Norah hops up and grabs cupcakes from the kitchen, handing them around the coffee table.
“Nani, don’t cover for me! I had a full-blown panic attack and ran away like a fucking coward!”
“Shit!” Ames exclaims. “I had no idea that would happen. I’m so sorry, ya’ll!”
“It’s okay. We’re good now. K took a few days in nature to sort his shit out, I had my own little mental breakdown and figured out that, ultimately, I love him so much I was more worried about him than I was my own feelings.”
Ka‘eo pulls Norah against him, wrapping her with his giant arms. “I thought it meant something that we hadn’t talked about her next job. Then I realized it didn’t matter where the Navy sends her, I want to be there with her. She said she’d marry me, so it was worth all the shit that led up to that!”
I’m really glad they worked everything out. They are really cute together, though intimidatingly good looking and athletic. I sort of feel like a tiny troll doll next to them.
“There’s one more thing we needed to talk to you about, Ames.” Norah is twisting her gorgeous ring around her finger. “So, we’re getting married…”
“Yeah, the whole proposal story and ring clued me in, Norah-Borealis,” Ames deadpans.
“No, smart ass, I meant we’re getting married next Saturday.”
“So soon?”
She throws a couch pillow at him. “You of all people do not get to make jokes about quick weddings!” Ames laughs and tosses the pillow back. “For real though, if the wedding part was super important to me, I’d do the standard ‘get married at the courthouse for paperwork’s sake and have the special ceremony later.’ But my parents wouldn’t come even if we told them about it, and I’m not really the type of girl that dreamed about her wedding. I really don’t care. It’s easier if we just visit K’s family instead of flying them all out here. We don’t have any reason to wait. If he’s going to be my man, officially, I want it to be now! And I want to have him in the system before our slate. If I end up moving, I don’t want to be under the gun to update my dependents to be able to PCS.” Ames nods along, so I guess all of that made sense to him. I got a little lost at the end with the Navy-speak.
“We’re going to do it at our spot, by Kahana Bay. Nate is going to officiate and my Nani asked Issa to be her matron of honor.” Ka‘eo explains. “Would you be my best man, Ames?”
He whoops loudly and jumps up. K does the same and they hug it out with exuberant back slapping.
“Of course I will! This is awesome! I’m really happy for ya’ll!”
They move off to the lanai, talking about who knows what, and Norah sits on the couch, patting the spot next to her.
“I’m sorry I missed your whole big weekend and wedding. I imagine it was nice, though, just the two of you. And I obviously was not in a fit state for supporting other people at the time. I was a basket case while K was gone. Was it magical? Or am I just picking up on the standard level of Cabot enthusiasm?”
“It was pretty magical, actually. Ames called it our bubble.” I sigh. “We talked the whole weekend long, about everything. We stayed in the hotel like we were a couple of tourists on vacation: swimming in the pool, going on a hike, shopping, he even took me to the zoo!”
“And the wedding?”
“It should have been quick, maybe even a sad excuse for a wedding ceremony, as fast as we threw everything together. But it was perfect. Ames took care of all of the details and made it really special.”
Norah nods. “Cabot does excel at that — excellent planning and attention to details. He notices things and acts on them. He’s a good guy. A good friend.” She sends a smile out to the lanai where our guys are talking animatedly.
“We have pictures, if you’d like to see.” I grab Ames’ phone off of the coffee table and unlock it. Norah raises her eyebrows. I could tell her he needed me to control the music while he was driving, but I’ll let her infer a level of trust and intimacy that isn’t real. Gotta stay focused on appearances, so I don’t let Ames down. I start to go to the wedding photos, but she grabs the phone from me.
“I want to see everything! There are ‘bubble’ photos, right?”
“Oh, I’m not sure.” There are, though. I experience them all, in real time, with Norah. It makes me feel a little emotional seeing it all through her eyes.
The photos make it look real.
Intimate.
Genuine.
She laughs at the zoo pictures, exclaiming that of course Ames would make friends with a random family on vacation from his home state. There are a lot more pictures of me than I realized he was taking. There are the couple selfies, of course, and the photos he charmingly convinced strangers to take for us —including the sweetest photo with Earl and Mabel. But there are a good number that are a surprise to me. Me on Waikiki beach, watching the sunrise on Diamond Head, lying in a puddle of sheets looking pretty damn sexy, if I do say so myself. It’s like I’m seeing myself through his eyes. I like what he sees in me. He documented our whole weekend, like a boyfriend would.
She gets to the wedding, and I feel like I’m seeing it for the first time. Ames looks so handsome and in every single photo, his blue eyes are on mine, full of something. Affection? Caring? It looks like more than mere attraction or friendliness.
“You look fantastic, Nalani! I’m not sure how you make a simple blue dress look like a wedding dress. And the way Cabot looks at you? Total swoon. I consider him one of my closest friends
now, we shared a room for fuck’s sake, and I’ve never seen him look at anyone like this before!” She stops on the kiss. “Look at you two! Could there be a more perfect man-and-wife-kiss? Ugh. K better give me a kiss that good on Saturday or I’m going to punch him in the crotch. Was it as good as it looks?” I nod and blush, my face heating up. She turns to me. “I’m not very good at the mushy stuff, but I’m over the moon that he found you. Finding my own happily ever after makes me want the same for the people I care about. And now I get to have one more!” That makes me feel warm and guilty all at once. I want her to like me, and I don’t want to be lying to her.
We admire each other’s rings, and she tells me about begrudgingly falling for my cousin. Their love story is uniquely theirs and so funny and sexy. I love it and I love hearing her tell it. I should have recognized her immediately from my cousin’s lovey-dovey Instagram posts, but I was too anxious when we first came in. K brings in a chair from the lanai and Norah climbs into his lap, leaving us the couch. They rarely stop touching. It’s kind of awesome seeing my burly, good-times-loving cousin completely wrapped up in a woman. And it’s even better seeing that she feels the same way. I’m really happy for them both.
Ames keeps me close all night: his hand in mine, his arm around me, absently playing with my hair while talking, caressing my arm. It feels good, but after spending the evening in the presence of real, hot, committed love, there’s the voice in the back of my mind, wondering if any of this is real or if it’s only for show. Norah and Ames walk over to the house they shared, next door. He needs to get something he left behind. My cousin walks me down to the car.
“You guys are cute together,” K starts, “but what’s going on, Cuz?”
“What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb, Nalani. This isn’t like you. You’re not the elope-with-a-stranger-over-the-weekend type, even if the stranger is as good looking and charming as my man Ames. Something feels off with you. Are you okay? Really?”
“Nothing is going on, K. I’ve been thinking about him since we met 7 months ago, and he felt the same way.” My voice sounds petulant, like a whiny child. I hate it, but dig my heels in. “We spent the entire weekend together at the hotel. We had a perfect weekend that ended with our perfect wedding. I’m not going to justify my decisions for you or anyone else.” I clench my jaw, worry settling in my stomach like a heavy stone. God, I hate feeling defensive.
“Ok. I don’t want to upset you. But I’m here for you. You know that, ya? I’ve got your back, no matter what.” He hugs me and I climb in the car, waiting for Ames so we can go home. Swirling around, the little voice with the negative thoughts has new material.
Protect yourself in case everything with Ames is for show.
And now: Ka‘eo doesn’t believe this is real.
23
Ames
Thank fuck tonight went well! I did not expect those twists—Nalani and K are cousins? And K proposed to Norah after a super drama-filled weekend? Whoa. Still, I feel like a weight has been lifted now that they met Nalani as my wife and everyone got along. She was relaxed and comfortable, and being there, as part of a foursome, was awesome. I’m looking forward to getting together like that more often. Norah and Ka‘eo rock, but it wasn’t always fun being the third wheel. I popped over to my old room to get my guitar before we drove home. Nalani has seemed a little distracted, but it’s probably the weirdness of finding out my friend K is actually her cousin Ka‘eo. That would throw anyone off. Plus, there’s still that hesitant vibe, the distance she’s keeping between us. It’s taking genuine, active work, but I’m not letting it hurt my feelings. I keep telling myself that she’s getting her bearings, that it was easier being intimate in the hotel before we came back to real life. It still sucks though. I always want more with Nalani.
We stayed pretty late, by the time we get home we’re both tired. We get ready for bed together, but when I slide in next to her, she turns on her side away from me. I roll over, being the big spoon, but she stays stiff. I drape my arm over her side, pulling her close. She still feels resistant. I hope she’s ok. I’m definitely too tired to coax her down if she’s not. I’m already dozing, and likely misreading things anyway. I kiss the back of her neck, breathing in her sweet smell, my lips still pressed to her soft skin as I fall asleep.
When I wake up, Nalani is already up. It’s our first Saturday at home. I was looking forward to morning snuggles, maybe getting in some kissing with my hot wife. I can’t really get a feel for how comfortable she is yet but fuck, I want to touch her. Waking up to an empty bed is disappointing. I pad out, not bothering to pull on shorts, but she’s not in the apartment. Coffee is made though. I find a sticky note by a mug she left out for me, saying she went out. Vague. I drink a cup of coffee looking out over Kaneohe Bay, trying not to be concerned.
I’m still trying to get a hang of married life. I didn’t think it would be that different from what I was used to. I shared a house with three other people. Hell, I shared a room with a woman! I figured it would be easier. It’s not hard to live with Nalani, at all, but it’s also different from what I was anticipating. I’m not sure how much of my time is my own. I don’t know if I should be checking in all the time, if she cares about what I’m doing, if she wants to spend time with me. She’s not very vocal or demonstrative. I know what I want. I want to be with her constantly. I want to talk to her throughout the day, I want to be touching her whenever we’re together. I want to hold her at night. I’d prefer the chance to get to do it naked, but I’ll take what I can get right now.
She’s not always easy to read. I find myself being more cautious, more careful than I normally would be. This has more pressure than dating. I don’t want to make a wrong move and screw things up badly when there’s not the chance to go our separate ways, cool off, then talk again on our next date. What happens if I overstep, she’s uncomfortable and we’re supposed to go to bed next to each other? Even sleeping on the couch doesn’t really give her any space from me, it’s basically all in one big room. How do married couples deal with it? I feel like there should have been on online course or something. If there was a book I could study, information I could memorize, I’d feel more in control. I need to move slowly, hopefully that will help me figure out what she’s thinking and feeling. I don’t want to mess this up. Her health is on the line. We live together. And I really, really like her.
I’m still mulling things over, wondering the best way to gauge her interest in me and feelings about our relationship, when Nalani trudges up the stairs, sweating and flushed, thirty minutes later.
“You went for a run?”
“Yes.” She doesn’t elaborate. Maybe she’s winded?
“I could have gone with you. Why didn’t you wake me?”
“I didn’t think about it. I’m used to running alone.” Is she being short with me? Or am I being overly sensitive?
“Oh. If you ever want to run together, I’m game. I usually run a few times a week.”
She nods noncommittally. “I’m going to shower.”
Hmmm. At a loss for what else I should do, I go for a run on my own. I feel weird. Out of sorts. I want to be with Nalani, normally I find her presence soothing, but in this case that won’t help. When I get back, she’s playing piano. It’s something moody in a minor key. I want to sit next to her, to touch her, but I don’t think she’d welcome that, least of all because I’m sweaty and smell. Her vibe is off. I settle for listening to her play while I shower.
Like an impatient idiot, I didn’t give myself time to cool down before I showered. I end up going out in my towel and standing by the open lanai door, hoping to avoid sweating more. I can feel water dripping down my chest and onto my stomach. I wish the breeze was a bit more steady. Or that we had a powerful fan I could stand in front of. It takes forever to cool down after exercising here. Nalani’s hazel eyes are drinking me in and I’m struggling to think of anything but holding her against me and kissing her, taking her back to
our bed, reminding her how good we are together. It gets easier when she clenches her jaw and turns back to play something loud and angry-sounding. I don’t think I’m imagining that she’s annoyed with me. I just don’t know why.
I cool down enough to get dressed and sit on the bed, playing the guitar I brought back last night quietly, not wanting to bother Nalani. Feeling like I’ve upset or disappointed her is eating at me as much as feeling isolated is. I just need to figure out what I can do to fix this. Around lunch time she comes over to me, addressing me for the first time all day while not actually looking at me.
“We said we’d go tell my parents today. Are we still doing that?”
“Of course. Would you like to go now?”
“I’ll drive.”
On the drive over I’m numb. I can’t let my worry and hurt ruin things. Nalani needs me to be on, to be convincing to her parents. I can’t let her down. I’m the only thing I can control in this situation, so I need to do it to the absolute best of my ability.
I swallow down my anxiety and ask her, “Do you want me to back you up or take the lead with your parents?”
She doesn’t answer for a few minutes, watching the road as we drive to Kailua. “My dad is pretty traditional. My mom is more…free, but she lets my dad think he’s in charge. You should take charge. They’ll respect that. And they’re less likely to question you or treat you like you’ve made a mistake.”
Fuck. Does she think we’ve made a mistake? It hasn’t even been a week; how can things be spiraling away from me so quickly?
“I can do that.” I swallow thickly, trying not to choke on my worry.
We pull up to a cute bungalow with lush and obviously well-loved landscaping. I open my door, shaking out my limbs and trying to get my brain to focus on the task at hand. Come on social mask, don’t fail me now. I take Nalani’s hand in my right hand, making sure her rings are facing out to be more visible. She opens the front door but knocks on the frame while we kick off our shoes.
Like a Good Wife (Oahu Naval Officers Book 2) Page 11