No Crone Unturned

by Amanda M. Lee

  Laughter from the second floor of the house assailed my ears when I regained my senses. I rolled and searched the windows until I found the one I was looking for. There, Melody sat and gaily waved. She was clearly having a good time.

  “Good morning, lovebirds,” she called out. “How are you feeling this fine summer day?”

  “Like I want to rip your head off your shoulders,” Gunner muttered as he recovered.

  I slid my eyes to him, assuring myself that he wasn’t seriously injured before focusing on the individual who was quickly becoming my new nemesis. Well, her or the perverted little dude. He was still on my list.

  “What’s with the barrier?” I decided to get to the heart of matters. “Someone might think you’re afraid or something. You can’t be afraid, right? You’re strong ... and brave ... and totally a natural blonde even though your eyebrows are dark.”

  It was hard to make out Melody’s expression, but I could practically feel the hatred wafting off of her from fifty feet away, so I knew my insult hit the mark.

  “We like to think of it as a home protection system,” she explained. “You can never tell when people who don’t have your best interests at heart might show up. I mean ... it’s possible for people to hide in the trees at night and eavesdrop even when it’s none of their freaking business what’s going on.”

  Oh, well, that answered that question. She obviously knew I’d followed them last night. She wasn’t aware at the time, though, which meant someone had informed her after the fact. But who? I decided to play a hunch.

  “I’m guessing your master picked up my scent. You’re already in trouble with him because you’re lazy. That’s why he suggested the wards. That was probably a good idea, but if I was a betting witch I’d put everything on you being in the doghouse. Is he threatening to take your immortality?”

  Melody sounded a feral growl. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do you keep flapping your lips when it’s obvious you’re a moron and have no idea what’s happening? I mean ... what is wrong with you?”

  Gunner moved to my side to help me up. “I don’t think we should stay here,” he said in a low voice. “The longer we sit and engage in her game, the more control she has. We need to take it away from her.”

  I knew he had a point, but there was nothing I loved more than a verbal hair-pulling contest. And, while Melody struck me as a moron, she was good with the insults.

  “And what’s your deal?” Melody pressed, her full attention on Gunner. “Why are you with her? You could do so much better. Do you know she was out at the bar without you last night? She was picking up men and everything. She’s a total whore.”

  “Hey!” I jabbed a finger in her direction. “You can’t lie when playing the insult game.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says anyone who has ever mastered it. You know what? I’m not playing with you today. Until you follow the rules, you’re cut off.” As if to prove I was just as immature as her, I flipped my hair a little as I turned on my heel and stalked back toward my bike. “I mean ... there’s only one rule to the game. Lies aren’t allowed.”

  Melody called to my back: “You’re just upset because your boyfriend is hot for me. Oh, yeah. I saw the way he was looking at me yesterday. He totally wants to upgrade. Don’t you worry, baby. We’re going to get you into the fold before it’s all said and done. You’ve got my word on that.” She blew him a kiss as he rolled his eyes and followed me to the bikes.

  “You have a wonderful way with people,” he deadpanned as he mounted his ride. “Has anyone ever told you that?”

  “I can’t decide if I want to kill her or the minion first. I’m genuinely torn.”

  He shook his head. “You are going to give me an ulcer before this is all said and done.”

  I WAS STILL POUTING AN HOUR LATER when Doc, the newest member of our Spells Angels tribe, hit pay dirt on a computer search. He wasn’t magical — at least not that I was aware of — but his technological abilities were through the roof.

  “I found your woman,” he announced, drawing my attention from my iced tea.

  Only Rooster, Gunner, Doc, and I were in the bar — the others were actually working — and it had been a quiet morning — other than my constant grousing, of course.

  “Which woman?” Rooster, a pool cue in his hand, asked. He and Gunner were shooting a game of eight-ball. They promised to keep an eye on the bar while Whistler ran to the bank, but it wasn’t as if anybody would come in before noon.

  “The woman you mentioned when you first came in,” Doc replied blankly. He wasn’t high on the social graces meter, but he was accidentally mildly entertaining regularly.

  “He’s talking about Melody,” Gunner volunteered. “I included her name on the list of people we needed background checks run on, along with that Bixby guy.”

  “Him I haven’t been able to find so far,” Doc volunteered. “I’m guessing that’s not his real name or he’s somehow managed to hide his identity. I haven’t given up finding him yet, but it’s going to take some time. Melody Summers is another story. I found her with a simple Google search.”

  Rooster abandoned the game and moved closer to the booth where Doc sat. “What did you find?”

  “She’s missing.”

  That was the most absurd thing I’d ever heard. “She’s not missing. We know exactly where she is. In fact, she’s probably still sitting in that window taunting our shadows. Oh, and telling lies. She cheats at the insult game and lies.”

  Gunner rolled his eyes and shook his head. “Let it go. It’s not as if I believed her.”

  “That doesn’t matter. You can’t cheat at the insult game. I mean ... if the rules of that game go out the window what can we rely on in this day and age?”

  Rooster’s expression reflected bafflement. “Do I want to know what she’s talking about?”

  “No.” Gunner was firm. “She’s lost her head. I think Melody bewitched her or something. I’ve never heard her rave like this.”

  “It could be PMS,” Doc volunteered. “I’ve heard that makes women irrational.”

  I was close to showing him exactly how irrational a woman could get when I realized that he had no idea that what he’d said was insulting. He was a blank slate when it came to social niceties, which wasn’t necessarily his fault.

  “How is she missing?” I gritted out as I fought to control my temper. When I risked a glance at Gunner, I found him watching me with overt amusement. It made me want to smack him ... or at least pull his hair. Okay, I kind of wanted to kiss him, too. Seriously, what is wrong with me?

  “She’s not from this area,” Doc replied, all business. “She lives in a suburb of Detroit. Some place called Birmingham. I thought that was in Alabama.”

  “I think every state has a Birmingham,” I shot back, my voice sparking with temper. “I know the place. It’s one of the richer cities in the state.”

  “I guess that’s why her husband is offering a million-dollar reward for her safe return,” he mused.

  I was officially dumbfounded. “Wait ... she’s married?”

  “Yeah. He’s been all over the news down there. She disappeared six months ago. He thinks sex traffickers took her or something. He’s desperate to find her.”

  Well, that was a new wrinkle.

  Twelve

  It was a lot to think about. When I have deep thinking to do, I like to pace, so that’s what I did for the following thirty minutes.

  “I think she might’ve blown a gasket,” Rooster noted. He’d gone back to his pool game with Gunner and they were talking in hushed tones.

  “She gets like that.” Gunner sounded more amused than worried. “She has tunnel vision. You should see her do laundry. Everything has to be folded a specific way.”

  “You two are getting close.”

  “Do you have a problem with that?”

  “No. Just remember, I don’t like relationship drama playing out on my team. If you guys are going
to be immature and break up or something, do it away from everybody else.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

  Rooster snorted. “Those are bold words from a guy who refused to go out with a woman a second time because she remembered to shave one leg and not the other.”

  “Hey. That was a legitimate concern. I mean ... how did she not notice? I’m a wolf. I would’ve been fine with two hairy legs. Two shaved legs would’ve been fine. One of each is creepy.”

  “I can’t really argue with that.”

  Finally, after a few moments I was certain my brain might actually start smoking, I moved back to Doc. “Can you bring up the photos with the articles?”

  He nodded, hitting a few buttons and turning his screen to me. Sure enough, Melody stared back at me. She looked somehow more pleasant in the photos.

  “Any kids?” I asked.

  “Not that I can find mention of.”

  “Then there aren’t any kids. The news media would trot out little kids to snag the attention of the public in an effort to find her. I just ... I wonder what they think happened to her.”

  “Okay, you need to come over here and talk to us.” Gunner took me by surprise when he grabbed my elbow and directed me toward the pool table. “You just ignored a perfectly good conversation that mentioned a woman having one shaved leg and one hairy. You didn’t comment. Are you sick?” He pressed his hand to my forehead.

  Annoyance rolled over me and I slapped his hand away. “I’m not sick. Stop it.”

  “Whew. You are in there.” He stared directly into my eyes and smiled. “I wasn’t sure. I was starting to worry that your body had been taken over by aliens.”

  “Why must you always assume it’ll be aliens taking over bodies when the time comes?” I challenged. “It’s far more likely to be parasitic worms. They go in through the ear canal — like that really old Star Trek movie — and then a master controls the worms.”

  Gunner worked his jaw. “I am never going to forgive you for putting that image in my head. Now I’m going to think there are worms crawling into my ears whenever your hair brushes against me in sleep.” As if to prove it, he stuck his index finger into his ear canal and jostled it. “You’re mean when you want to be.”

  That was enough to get me to smile. “I’m sorry. I can build a spell to keep the worms out if you want.”

  “Really?” Hope etched his features. “That would be great.”

  “If you two are done verbally copulating, I think we should focus on the problem at hand,” Rooster challenged. “How did this woman end up here if she went missing in the southeastern portion of the state?”

  “Obviously the vampire enticed her,” I replied. “Immortality is hard to say no to.” I gave Gunner a pointed look. “Even people who know better think it’s a great idea.”

  “Oh, don’t give me that,” he complained. “I didn’t say that the notion was without problems. I simply said it could be romantic to be with the same person for eternity. You’re the one who brought up nuclear war facial growths and starving to death.”

  “It sounds like you two are having some deep conversations,” Rooster muttered, shaking his head. “I’m guessing you told her the romantic thing because you were hoping to get some.”

  Gunner pinned our boss with a dark look. “That’s not very respectful. As her boyfriend, I feel the need to pound you. As your employee, I’m guessing that won’t go over well.”

  Rooster snickered. “I’ll try to be more respectful.” He turned to me. “As for you, it would be helpful if I knew what you were thinking. You’re all over the place. What do you believe we’re dealing with here?”

  “A vampire.”

  He gave me a “Well, duh” look. “I never would’ve considered that, what with the half-vampires and everything. Of course we’re dealing with a vampire. There has to be more to it than that.”

  “Okay. Chill out.” I held up my hand and made a face. “There’s no reason to get excited.”

  “Obviously there is,” he argued. “That woman you’ve been fighting with either voluntarily left her husband and ended up in our neck of the woods or somebody took her. I’m of a mind that she left on her own ... but that’s still going to rain down a tsunami of crap if anyone figures out who she is.”

  “She’s using her real name,” Gunner pointed out. “It’s only a matter of time before someone tracks her down. She claimed to own the house on the bluff. That’s easy enough to check, right?” He turned to Doc for an answer.

  “I’m on it,” the computer genius offered perfunctorily. “Just give me a second.”

  “What we really need is the inside scoop on her disappearance,” I supplied. “Maybe there’s a backstory nobody knows about ... like the husband was abusive or he’s a suspect in her death. There’s always more than what’s printed in the newspaper.”

  “How do you suggest we get that information?” Rooster asked.

  I hesitated before answering, which gave Gunner the time he needed to figure it out ... and groan. “Oh, man. You’re going to call that cop who is hot for you?”

  “He’s our best shot,” I replied reasonably. “And ... he’s not hot for me. He flirts with everybody.”

  Gunner muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like “I’ll show him hot when I set him on fire” but I couldn’t be one hundred percent certain.

  “I think it’s worth a try,” Rooster volunteered. “Any information we can get at this point is welcome.”

  MIKE FOLEY WAS A FRIENDLY GUY. We’d gotten to know one another during my stint with the Detroit branch of the Spells Angels. He was one of the few cops I didn’t avoid like tetanus. There were some members of the department who were aware of the paranormal issue and others who were in the dark. Thankfully, Mike was aware. He suffered post-traumatic stress issues from a previous incident and chose to seclude himself away in a dark office and work via computer all day so he rarely had to deal with people.

  I didn’t like to judge, but his self-isolation seemed a waste because he was one of the good ones.

  “Scout Randall, as I live and breathe,” he said as he picked up the video call.

  I flashed him a smile. He wore a loud shirt that said something about bytes, and he seemed relatively relaxed ... at least for him. He was one of the few people I could say without hesitation was always glad to see me. “Hey, Mike. How’s it going?”

  “It could be worse. I’ve been thinking about starting online dating now that you’re gone and I have no hope of enticing you. I was looking at the offerings last night. They’re ... not good.”

  It took everything I had not to laugh. “Well ... you need to be patient. I’m sure there’s someone out there just looking for a guy who spends all of his time looking at porn on the internet.”

  “Ha, ha, ha.” He shook his head. “What’s going on with you? Do you need something?”

  I only contacted him when I needed something, which was enough to make me feel guilty ... even as I barreled forward to get more information. “I need information on Melody Summers.”

  He sat there a moment and blinked. “That name sounds familiar.”

  “She went missing out of Birmingham six months ago.”

  “Ah.” He bobbed his head. “Now I remember. Housewife. Husband is loaded. She disappeared after he left for work one day and absolutely nobody has any idea what happened to her. There are whispers the husband might’ve done it.”

  That was exactly the sort of information I was looking for. “Who is spreading the whispers about the husband?”

  “The usual suspects.” Mike shrugged and popped a berry into his mouth. “Listen, you know as well as anybody that the husband is always the primary suspect. These two had been married for a few years — three or four I think — and most everyone in their circle said they had a good marriage. But friends always say that until evidence starts stacking up, and then they start changing their tune.”

  “Yeah, w
ell, she’s not dead.”

  He stilled. “How do you know that?”

  “I met her yesterday.”

  “One second.” Gunner interjected, lifting a finger. He’d been sitting next to me, off screen, and made a series of faces whenever Mike made an attempt at flirting. He wasn’t a fan of our relationship, even though I’d admonished him several times that he had nothing to worry about. He hit the mute button on the computer so Mike couldn’t hear us. “Do you think it’s a good idea to tell a cop that a missing person is up here?”

  “Why not?”

  “We could end up with a contingent of Birmingham police detectives on our doorstep, and that’ll make taking down your vampire difficult. They’ll be watching the house.”

  He had a point. “It will be fine.” I reached around his hand and unmuted the computer. “There’s absolutely nothing to worry about. Mike doesn’t care about the missing woman. She’s not in his jurisdiction.”

  “That’s true.” Mike flashed a smile and focused on Gunner. “I see you’re still around.”

  Gunner’s expression was dark. “Yes, and I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Oh, geez,” Rooster groused, moving in at my other side. “Why do you turn into a posturing moron whenever this guy is on the screen? It’s ridiculous. Grow up.”

  “Yeah.” Mike winked at me as Gunner growled.

  “You grow up, too,” Rooster warned, wagging a finger at Mike. “We need information on this woman. She’s definitely up here and we’re unsure how to proceed.”

  “Well, I don’t know what to tell you.” Mike turned serious as he started tapping on his keyboard. “All I know is what’s in the official file. I can try to sniff around with the Birmingham detectives, but I won’t lie, Scout. You remember what Birmingham people are like. You haven’t been gone that long.”

  Rooster focused on me. “What is that supposed to mean?”

  “They’re hoity-toity,” I explained. “Most of them are rich. The entire town is a bit ... affected. It’s affluent. The kids are entitled jerks. The parents all drive expensive SUVs and BMWs. There’s nothing gritty about the city, which means the cops are just as entitled as the residents. We definitely don’t want them coming here.”