From Dream to Destiny

by Caddy Rowland

  She kissed him then, in plain daylight, for all the neighbors to see.

  Gastien wished he could pull away, but found he could not. He relaxed and kissed back. When they finally stopped, he looked down at her, breathless.

  “Damn you, woman, you are as stubborn as they come! You want me? Fine! You have me, as much as I can give you.”

  Then he pulled her off her feet and kissed her deeper.

  Odette watched from the window, her throat thick with emotion. They were crazy about each other, that much was obvious. But she also knew this was not going to be an easy relationship.

  She had tried so hard to protect her Sophie! How could she choose someone like him? What did he have? She grudgingly smiled. Well, he was handsome, all right. She would give him that. He was sure to have used that weapon on women many times.

  Poor Sophie. Odette hoped the heartbreak when he left her would not kill all of the joy inside of her. For Odette knew one thing: bohemians were not known for security and happy ever after. This relationship had been doomed from day one.

  When Sophie came back in, Odette moved toward her.

  “Sophie, please don’t be angry. I want you to be taken care of and safe. I don’t want to see you hurt! That is all. I am so worried about you!” She opened her arms. Sophie ran to her and put her arms around her aunt.

  “I know. I know you mean well. And, truly, you are so good to me. But, Auntie O, I love him! I have loved him for some time now. Can’t you be happy for me?” she pleaded.

  “I find that hard, Sophie. You are naïve; you don’t understand. But I will try to stop haranguing you about it. And I will try not to say ‘I told you so’ if he leaves. But, please, don’t ask me to have him here. Please.”

  “I will tell him not to come here. Maybe in time you will feel differently.”

  Odette did not answer. In her opinion, Sophie had a lot to learn about men.

  XXV

  Gastien decided to walk home. He had not spent any time fencing the last three days and could use the exercise. Although, he thought fondly, we did exert quite a bit of energy in my bed the last few days!

  He immediately sobered up. Odette’s worry was understandable. Although he did not feel he was being selfish to live his life in the only way that gave him happiness, it was an extremely difficult type of life for any woman to accept. He was sure Odette was concerned for Sophie.

  Well, she would just have to be concerned! He would be civil to her when he needed to be, but he was not about to give up seeing Sophie. He knew she deserved better, but she wanted him; and Lord knew he wanted her! They were both adults, so it was no one else’s business, he thought stubbornly.

  But what if she does get pregnant, he thought. Damn. He did not want babies around his studio! There was no way in the world that would work. Just the smells from the turpentine would not be good for any child. Gastien had windows open most of the time when working, but it was still breathed in. Even in the winter he opened windows, keeping the coal stove burning. The solvent could also be swallowed or gotten in a child’s eyes.

  Also, Sophie would not want to be around those fumes all of the time. He painted close to a window, but someone living in other parts of the room would not find it pleasant. The paints, with their bright colors, would be another hazard that a child would be eager to explore. And what about trying to paint people with a baby around? Non, that would not work.

  Plus, if he was honest, he did not want to give up all of his painting hours. He loved Sophie, but he loved his art more. For him, painting was life. He needed the freedom to paint as often as he pleased for as many hours as he pleased.

  His mind returned to the issue. What if she got pregnant? He would have Cassie talk to her. There were herbs some women used to try to prevent it. They did not always work, though.

  He himself had tried condoms, which were worthless. The ones that had to be custom fitted for the head of your bite either fell off (so what was the point?) or got so tight when you were hard you practically needed an amputation. Then there were the ones with seams. Those hurt the woman. Oh, and the ones you had to soak in water first. Now, that was handy! Nothing like carrying a condom around in a container of water, just in case! Plus, he did not get pregnant. Women did. It was their issue. That was just a hard fact. One would think someone could come up with products that actually worked for them.

  He decided not to worry about it. Sophie had said she was afraid she would not ever have a child because of her size. Maybe she could not have babies. All he knew was there were not going to be babies in his studio! He loved her, but he was not giving up everything he worked for in order to listen to babies crying. He listened to enough of that growing up.

  XXVI

  When he got home he was excited about getting ready to paint again. There was nothing that came close to the feeling he got when he was creating. He had a little time before the prospective client would arrive, so he started to paint. The title of this one would be Passion. It would be an explosion of colors so vivid they would threaten to sear your flesh if you got too close.

  As he laid down the first layer colors, he felt his mistress calling him to enter that special place known only to him and his art. This relationship was holy. If people intruded he actually felt assaulted. Gastien knew he would be granted access to this place soon. He also knew that once he entered, he may not leave for a couple of days. When he traveled to that sacred place, nothing in the material world mattered. He did not eat, sleep, or keep track of time.

  Quickly he gathered some lanterns for light while painting at night. These would stay lit night and day while in this place; the shutters would stay open so that during the day he would have his precious light. As soon as the new prospect left, he would put up signs on his door and at the bottom of his window, asking to not be disturbed.

  He realized this could inconvenience some potential patrons, but he did not care. Losing a few clients was immaterial to his true purpose. By now, many people knew about this odd journey the artist Gastien went on periodically. They put up with it as one of those idiosyncrasies that creative people tend to have.

  He was glad he had told Sophie that he often got lost in this world for a few days. It may annoy her, but she would have to accept it if she wanted him. This marriage between him and his art was unbreakable. Others could not enter into it even if he had wanted them to.

  That intimacy was so complete that, when they merged, it was impossible to delineate between the two entities. God, how he loved this mistress! Nothing had ever made him feel the energy, the pulse of creation, like painting. He was a willing sacrifice to this force any time it desired to overtake him.

  As the door opened, Gastien forced himself not to be irritated. After all, the prospect did have an appointment. Wanting her to feel welcome, he gave her his friendliest smile.

  “Bonjour. You must be Charlotte. I am Gastien. Welcome to my studio!”

  She offered her hand and Gastien kissed it. Guiding her by the arm, he gave her a brief tour of portraits he was working on. They also looked at some still life he had done for showing potential patrons.

  Although his personal works could be seen, he did not escort her to those or talk about them. People in general did not understand that work. Gastien no longer wanted to try and make them see. He had found out quickly it was like speaking a foreign language to someone, if he had to explain. They simply ended up exasperated, because they really did not care that much. Still, those personal paintings were his children. He did not want to hear people who did not understand art question or criticize them.

  “You are very good, Gastien. My amis were right. You really make your portraits come alive!”

  “Merci Madame. That is kind of you.”

  He looked at her. She was about thirty, and still very lovely. He would be able to do a nice portrait of her.

  “I would love to paint you. You are quite a beauty, you know.”

  She blushed. “Well, merci, Gastien. I
will admit I used to turn a few heads, but I am getting older now. Beauty seems to fade quite fast on a woman. That is fine. I am still living a happy life!” She laughed gaily.

  Gastien smiled. “I am glad you are happy, but you don’t have to worry about losing your beauty. You are still lovely. I understand you and your husband know Nathalie and Elliot?”

  “Oui, she and I go way back.” Charlotte looked at Gastien closely. “Now I understand!”

  “Pardon me?” asked Gastien.

  “I understand why Nathalie fell in love with you. You are very handsome, if I may be so bold.”

  “Nathalie shared that with you?” he asked, surprised.

  “Don’t be surprised. She and I have been amies since childhood. She struggled at first when she no longer saw you. Finally, she came around and is quite happy. But you know that. You two write quite often.”

  “Oui, we still keep in touch.” He looked uncomfortable.

  “Oh! Don’t worry that she is sharing your letters. Nathalie would not break a confidence. I am sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

  “No problem. Actually, it is good to meet such a close amie of hers. I still miss her very much,” Gastien confessed.

  “Yet, you were not in love with her, were you? Or else you could not have let her go, when she carried your child.”

  Gastien was again surprised. “Truly, you do know a lot! Non, I was not in love. I loved her though, if you understand what I mean. Had I been in love with her it would have ended in disaster! Can you see Nath living here?”

  Looking around, they both laughed.

  “Non. You have a lovely studio and home, but it is definitely not what Nathalie demands. By the way, your daughter is darling! You probably get photos, but I want you to know that she is a happy, well adjusted little girl.”

  “I am glad to hear that. I do get photos, and she is cute. She looks like her mother.”

  Charlotte smiled. “You are too humble. She looks very much like you.” She paused. “I would really enjoy having you paint my portrait. Let’s set up the times and discuss the terms.”

  After they were finished she continued, “I am excited to tell Nathalie about your studio. I hope someday she feels she can visit.”

  “I hope so, too. Here, before you go, will you give this to Nath when you see her?” Gastien asked. He brought out a painting he had done of Nathalie shortly after she had left to get married. “I hope she likes it as much as I enjoyed painting it from memory.”

  Charlotte stared at it. “Mon Dieu! I would swear that is her looking up at me. I am sure she will love it.”

  “I would have done one of Giselle from a photograph, but I promised not to interfere in any way. That might be seen as doing so.”

  “I understand. It has been a pleasure, Gastien. I will see you next week.”

  “Merci. I look forward to it.”

  XXVII

  After she left, Gastien walked over to Cassie’s. She let out a whoop, running to Gastien and hugging him.

  “So you finally came up for air! You must give me all of the details!” Cassie looked at Gastien while he blushed, eyes sparkling. “Well, maybe not all of them…”

  “Cassie, it is early, but do you and Vic want an early dinner? I am feeling a long painting session coming on, so I better eat now. It may be a few days.”

  “Sure, we can join you, but Gastien, it is not good for you to go days without eating. Can’t I at least bring you something?”

  “Non. You know I hate being disturbed then. I will buy some bread and cheese to have on hand, on our way back.”

  “Oui, and you will likely let it dry out and go bad!”

  “You might be right, but if I get hungry enough I won’t. Let’s go round up Mic from the park. I want him to join us. I am so full of happiness that I want to shout out the details to all of you!” Then it was his turn to add, “Well, maybe not all of them…” They both laughed.

  They found Mic and made him pack up his paints, then drop them off at home. He wanted to wash up, so they waited for him, complaining dramatically the whole time. It was fun to drive him crazy.

  At dinner, Gastien told them about how wonderful Sophie was and how happy they were. As they were walking back home, he turned to Mic.

  “Mic, are you going to Au Lapin Agile tonight?”

  “Probably. Why?”

  “Well, I told Sophie that I often went days painting and not seeing anyone. She said she understood. I have been feeling the pull of that all day. Please tell her that I won’t be around for a few days.”

  Mic shook his head. “Non, I won’t. Gastien, come on! You just spent three days in bed with her! You took her virginity! I know you want to paint, but don’t you think this being the first day you are apart you should tell her yourself? How will it feel to her if you don’t show up yourself and tell her?”

  Gastien sighed. Women!

  “I suppose. Mon Dieu, she just saw me for three days! I do not understand why women need so much reassurance. I still love her, I still want her; I just don’t want her right now!”

  Cassie rolled her eyes at Vic. “That just reinforces why we stayed with our sex. You men are so thoughtful!”

  Mic belched loudly; Cassie glared. Gastien grinned.

  Then Mic said “Not me! I am not your normal man. I would tell my woman if I was not going to be around.”

  “Well, with a belch like that I am sure she would be greatly disappointed,” said Cassie disgustedly. “As I said, you men are so thoughtful!”

  “You are a pig, Mic!” Gastien said disgustedly, while silently farting.

  He knew Mic would be blamed since Mic had belched. He was right. All of a sudden the others were protesting and accusing Mic. Gastien also blamed him, saying he was ready to lose his dinner.

  Mic protested, “I did NOT do that. I DID NOT!”

  “Well,” said Gastien, trying not to laugh, “It must have been Vic then, because it sure was not me.”

  Vic screamed, “I did NOT fart!”

  “Well then, who did?” asked Gastien innocently. “Cassie?”

  Cassie hit him in the chest. “I do not fart in public. You probably did it.”

  “Non, that was not me,” said Gastien.

  Then, he let one rip loudly. “But THAT was.”

  He and Mic convulsed into gales of laughter, trying to hold each other up.

  Cassie and Vic moved away, waving their hands in the air.

  “God, what disgusting dogs men are!” coughed Vic.

  Mic howled and Gastien scratched his balls. They collapsed into laugher again.

  “Vic, I can see the emotional age around here is about ten years old,” said Cassie. Turning to Gastien, she reprimanded, “Seriously, though, you really do need your head examined if you are not going to see Sophie yourself and tell her. Being part of a couple, you have to stop and consider her feelings, not just yours.”

  “Awww, Jeeezus!” Gastien said, rolling his eyes. “I did not realize I was about to commit a sin! How is my painting anything to be worried about? I don’t understand. I mean, if she does not see me, I am busy! That is pretty simple.”

  Now it was Vic’s turn to roll her eyes. “Men!”

  Cassie looked at Gastien and frowned. “Well, if you ever want to end it, just carry on like you did a few minutes ago. That will send her packing, I am sure.”

  Gastien looked at Mic. “Women just can’t appreciate our talents, Mic. Why do we put up with them?”

  “You know why more than most, Gaz.”

  “Oh. Oui. They do have that.”

  They burst out laughing again. This time, Cassie and Vic both hit them.

  Gastien picked up bread at the bakery, along with some cheese, as they walked toward home. He winked at Cassie as if to say, “See? I will eat.”

  She knew better, though. Once Gastien got into one of his painting trances, nothing brought him out. Although she did know he found time to eat hashish and/or drink absinthe during some of those ses
sions. She worried about him not eating or sleeping during those times. It could not be healthy. But, when she tried to talk to him about it he always teased her, calling her Mother.

  “Madames, do you want to join us at Au Lapin Agile?” asked Mic. “Or me, rather? It sounds like Gastien won’t be staying long.”

  Vic answered, “Not tonight, Mic. I am beat. Cassie, if you want to go, please do.”

  Cassie declined, too, so the two hommes made their way over on their own. Gastien produced some hashish, and they shared a smoke.

  XXVIII

  As they walked up to Au Lapin Agile, several of their amis saw them. They stood up and applauded as Gastien approached.

  “Finally we can all relax! Mon Dieu, we thought you were never going to take care of that heat. You must have been afraid you weren’t man enough!” Auguste teased.

  Gastien just smiled, embracing each of them. His three days with Sophie were not for public discussion.

  “Do not disrespect her by turning it into a spectacle,” he requested.

  “Oh, we won’t, but you do look a lot happier now that she has you tamed,” remarked another ami.

  Gastien smiled. “Me? Tamed? Hmmmm.”

  Then he saw Sophie coming to their table.

  She smiled at him. “Well, well! You are handsome. Are you new in town?”

  “Non, not new. Just in hiding the past few days. Let’s go out back. I want to tell you something quick.”

  When they got out back, he kissed her. “Sophie, remember how I told you that I sometimes paint for days without stopping? I could feel that coming on this afternoon before my prospect showed up. I am not staying tonight. I just wanted to let you know that there is nothing wrong, nothing has changed; but I really need to paint.”

  She kissed him. “Fine. Go paint. Should I stop by after work?” She looked up at him invitingly.