From Dream to Destiny

by Caddy Rowland

  “Gaz, your son is wonderful. He is absolutely perfect! You must be so proud.”

  Gastien stood taller. “Oui that I am. Very proud. I just hope that I can somehow make him know how much I love him. I also hope that someday he will at least understand that I did my best.”

  Mic put an arm around Gastien protectively. “I know you won’t be around him that much. It is a hard life, giving yourself up to the color. If it helps, I think you are doing the right thing. You know that is why you are here, Gaz; you even more than me. You are creating things no one has seen before.”

  “People may not accept them in our lifetime, but hopefully they will last. They will then someday stand as a testimony to what art can be made to do. If not, creation still did what it needs to do: find a vessel for new creativity. If not you, someone else will get credit, but the new ideas have to start somewhere.”

  Gastien stood silently, looking into the distance. He did not know if he should laugh or cry. He was both so extremely happy with his life and so saddened by how it would affect those he loved. Finally, he shrugged.

  “Merci, Mic. It is good to have someone who knows. As I have said before, you are a great ami.”

  “Someone has to keep your drama to a minimum,” laughed Mic, punching Gastien lightly on the arm.

  “And you just happened to think you would enjoy that, or what?”

  “I just happened to know that you would be worth befriending. You are one in a million, ami. Your drama is a small price to pay to know you well.”

  “I will be back in about four days. We will have to go out,” suggested Gaz.

  “Oh, trust me, the guys are all waiting! Lots of painters and writers are going over to Rodolphe Salis’ apartment now for drinks, and discussions about art. It is very full of creative energy around there. Of course, we all still love Au Lapin Agile, too. Let’s stop in to Salis’ place the first evening you are back. I love the variety of creative talent there! All of us are excited for you to experience it.”

  “Salis’ sounds like a great place! I could use some energy to feed off of. I am anxious to paint again, and it has only been a few days!”

  “Like I said, you know what you were created for. You are doing the right thing.”

  “Well, in the meantime, that son of mine! Wow!” Gastien smiled. “I wish he would not always cry when I hold him. He starts out fine, then after awhile he starts up again.”

  “Well, he probably gets hungry. They eat a lot when they are new.”

  “I hope that is it. I hope my face does not scare him.”

  “Well, that is a given! Hell, everyone is scared the first few times they look at you.”

  Gastien chuckled. “Well, that is almost as nice to hear from you as being told I am beautiful. You are so kind!”

  “That’s what best amis are for.”

  Mic and Alice left a little while later.

  The next four days went by quickly. Sophie was once again thriving. Gastien knew his presence would not be tolerated much longer by Odette.

  XVIII

  Gastien sat on the bed with his arm around Sophie, watching as she nursed their child.

  “I must go home tomorrow, Sophie. I hope you understand,” said Gastien.

  She looked up at him sadly. “Oui, I understand, although I wish you didn’t have to. I know you can’t live here, though, and would not want to. You need to paint, Gastien. I understand that.” She leaned against him. “Let’s make plans for how we are going to work this.”

  “Well, for now I thought I would come to see you on Sundays, staying overnight and all day Monday. Also, when I can, I will stop by other late afternoons or evenings. Sometimes I will be caught up in painting and art things.”

  “Oui. I will be excited to see you whenever you come, Gastien.”

  Gastien kissed the top of Sophie’s head. “As soon as you are strong, you are welcome to come and stay with me overnight on, say, Wednesday. Come in the morning with our son and stay until Thursday afternoon or Friday morning. I will then still come see you on Sunday. I won’t stay overnight once you can come and stay with me, as I know Odette hates me around. If either of us needs to see the other, we will just come; hoping they are home I guess. I will always be glad to see you, Sophie. That I promise.” Gastien caressed Sophie’s cheek. “This will be much easier when Tristan Michel is not nursing. Then you can come and go as you please.”

  “I won’t leave him alone for long periods, Gastien. I hope you know that.”

  “I know. But Cassie and Vic will babysit, giving us time alone. I imagine that he will be nursing for a couple of years.”

  “Oui, probably. We will see.”

  “Maybe once he stops nursing you can get a job in the area where my studio is. Then we will see each other more, even if it is for brief periods.”

  Sophie kissed his chest. “This coming Sunday my family will be coming over for dinner to see the baby. I hope you will still come.”

  “Of course I will. What time?”

  “We go to church first. Well, I won’t be right now, obviously. But they will. So, how about coming at ten? That way we can be alone with our son for a few hours before the rest get here.”

  “That sounds perfect.” He buried his mouth once again in her hair. “Je t’aime, Sophi-belle.”

  “Je t’aime, Gastien Beauchamp. Oh! We should plan Tristan Michel’s baptism for about a month from now, too.” She hesitated. “I know you don’t believe, but do you mind if Tristan Michel is baptized?” she asked.

  “Non, if it makes you happy. Let’s have Father Fournier do it, if you don’t mind, in the same area where we were married. I don’t want to go to a church that would not marry us. My son should not be blessed by someone so narrow minded.”

  “Fair enough. Can my family come?”

  “Of course, Sophie! I would never ask you to exclude your family for any reason. I hope you know that. You must understand, though, that they may ask to exclude me at various times.”

  “Then I won’t go to their events.”

  “Oh, please do. Don’t cause hard feelings between you and your family. That would make me feel terrible. I am not much good at those events anyway. Please. You know I would not go to many even if I was invited. If I am and I can, I will. However, they are very uncomfortable with me. That makes me uncomfortable, too.”

  “Oui. That is why I appreciate you coming Sunday. There will be some Sunday dinners with them, probably once a month. I hope you will always come so that Tristan Michel has family tradition.”

  Gastien sighed. “If it is important to you, I will. Just don’t expect me to behave if they constantly provoke me. I will try not to get angry, but I may tease them or agitate them a bit, if they provoke me. If they insist on poking at me then all is fair; I might as well give them a reason to talk. I can’t stand too much of people being all buttoned up.”

  “I know. Don’t worry. I may join you in giving them a reason if they goad you too much. I will only take so much from them in regard to us, too.”

  “Then I will come every Sunday.” He smiled cynically. “I am sure your siblings will be thrilled with my company.”

  “I will be thrilled by it. So will your son. That is what matters.” They kissed deeply.

  “Gastien?”

  “Oui?”

  “Are you going to get over me and fall in love with someone else now?”

  He kissed her again, tenderly. “Never, Sophie. I will never fall in love with anyone else. Please don’t think I don’t love you when I don’t come and see you. I can’t guarantee what my schedule will be.”

  “Oui, but it hurts to think you will sometimes choose to go out with the hommes instead. It is also hard to accept that you will probably be with women because you can’t see me. I can’t help it. That hurts.”

  “I know that. I also hurt, knowing that Odette will not put up with me here that much. We will make it work, Petite Oiseau. It will be harder right now, but as Tristan Michel grows it
will get easier. Just so you know, I won’t be with another woman unless I have a great need. You know how I get when that need builds up. Now get some sleep! You look tired.”

  “Will you hold me?”

  “If Odette catches me lying here with you, I will be banned altogether.”

  “Oh, non, you won’t be! I will make sure of that. Just leave the door ajar, so that she knows you are not some uncaring animal pawing me so soon after giving birth.”

  “Sophie, I would not do that!”

  “I know that. But it does not hurt to let her know that, too.” She put Tristan Michel in his bassinet. “Come stretch out here on the bed and hold me, darling.”

  XIX

  The next day, Gastien left after Tristan Michel’s morning feeding. He had to admit to himself that he would be glad to get back to his studio. Oui, he loved his wife and son. It was just that it got very tedious sitting around watching a baby eat.

  Plus, Odette’s wrath hung like a weighted collar around his neck. He would be happy to feel free of that and get back to creating.

  When Gastien arrived at his studio, he wrote right away to his brother Paul, Father Fournier, and to Nath, telling them the news. He also sent announcements to Dr. Morel and Maurice. There were already some congratulatory notes from various acquaintances pushed under the door.

  All of a sudden, he realized it was Wednesday. That meant Juliette. She had switched to coming to his studio. Juliette would arrive in two hours. He had just enough time for a bath. Gastien hurried to get ready. He could use a good session of sex. Going a whole week was almost painful. He made a mental note to ask her to pick a different day moving forward.

  He also wanted to change their appointment to every other week instead of weekly. Since he was not interested in other women personally, seeing any of them too often made the sex become rather routine. That was not what he was looking for. If she did not like the fact that he wanted to lessen their frequency, or did not like changing days, then they would just stop altogether. There were others that she could easily be replaced with. That would happen sooner or later anyway.

  Over the years, Gastien would frequently tell women he did not want to see them for awhile. In the past, he had seldom slept with anyone more than two or three times within a short period of time. He did not want women becoming emotionally involved, as he sure wasn’t. Sometimes he would renew the relationship months later for a time or two, if they were willing. If not, he was not offended. Sex was sex. If not with that woman, then with another that he found appealing. The bourgeois and gentry had no shortage of desirable women who made a hobby of seeking dalliances.

  Now, since he was not seeing as many patrons anymore, he tended to see women more times, but did not like to make it a weekly occurrence. Most of the women were glad that he handled things the way that he did. The last thing they needed was a peasant painter showing up at their home to make claims on them. Gastien was entertainment and sexual fulfillment for them, nothing more.

  On the occasions that Gastien felt emotions were becoming involved by a woman, he would tell them it was time to take a break. They were generally glad he told them to distance themselves from him emotionally. A few had fallen in love with him. They soon learned that was the quickest way to ensure that they would never see him again.

  Thinking about it, Gastien realized he had been with more women in five years than most men could claim in a lifetime. He probably had over hundred that he had rotated in and out of his schedule. There were many more that had been a onetime fling. He found it odd that they would let themselves be used like that. On the other hand, he knew they were using him, too. It was damn generous of them that they allowed him to decide who and when, though!

  He made sure they always left very happy after being with him. That way they would continue to be flexible in allowing him to pick and choose when they were seeing him, and when they were not.

  When Juliette arrived, they decided to meet twice more on Tuesdays; then end it for the time being. Gastien was relieved that it had not turned into a scene. That was another way that guaranteed a woman that she would never see him again.

  He found himself thinking about his next painting while riding Juliette. Oui, it was time to move on. Twice more would be longer than he wished, but at least she was very receptive to extremely hard thrusting.

  He also knew that he would see her for awhile off and on again down the line, because anyone who could take it as hard as he wished was worth having around. There was nothing quite like good, pounding sex.

  As soon as they both got satisfaction, Gastien moved away. He once again did not bother to wait for her to leave before washing off. Gastien knew it slightly irritated Juliette, as she never failed to comment.

  “You know, Gastien, there is nothing at all romantic about you pulling away and washing off the minute we are finished. It kind of spoils the mood,” she scolded.

  Gastien simply raised an eyebrow and continued to wash. “You must have me confused with someone else. I never said I wanted romance.” Drying off, he continued, “Nor is the mood anything but your hot needs and mine. Why pretend otherwise?”

  Juliette fussed with her hair in front of a mirror. “Well, a kiss would be nice afterward.”

  Still unbuttoned, he strutted over to her. “If you want, you can kiss my bite. I would enjoy that.”

  “God, you can be crude! I have a notion not to return at all,” she said irritably.

  “As you wish. I enjoy you, but there are others I enjoy just as much. I don’t want you coming if it upsets you.” He buttoned his trousers. “Truly, this is for pleasure. If it no longer is pleasurable for you, don’t come back on my behalf. I am grateful for the times we have had, either way.”

  Juliette stared at him. This man was so arrogant! Unfortunately, he was also much better than any other at what she needed.

  ”Non, you are right. I will come back next week. You just frustrate me sometimes.”

  “Don’t let me be that important to you. It is a waste of your time.”

  “You kiss while having sex,” she pouted.

  “The way we kiss when having sex is not kissing. It is devouring.” He gave her a cold stare. “Don’t push me, Juliette. My wife is the only one I kiss tenderly.”

  She sighed. “I would like to slap you, Gastien, but I am afraid you might hit back. So, instead I will gather up my pride and take my leave. And, of course, return next week.”

  “Goodbye Juliette.” He turned and started setting up a canvas.

  After Juliette left, Gastien painted for the afternoon. It was nice to just get back in the flow of it. He did some loosening up exercises on paper first. Then he moved to canvas.

  His arm and hand were not all that needed loosening up. His hip hurt. Tomorrow he would start his regular morning routine, including fencing moves. He needed to get his body stretched and strengthened after a week of sitting around and sleeping on that sofa.

  That night Mic and he went to Rodolphe Salis’ place. This place, especially when it turned into the Chat Noir, was destined to become a favorite for Gastien. He would spend many an evening there, and at Au Lapin Agile. He would also start dancing even more often at Moulin de la Galette. In a few years, the Moulin Rouge would be another frequent hang out for him. First, it would be for dancing. Later, it would be for other things.

  XX

  Gastien arrived at Odette’s on time that Sunday. Sophie looked much less pale and worn down. He kissed her happily.

  “Tristan Michel is fast asleep,” she whispered. She led him to the couch. “Oh, Gastien, I am so glad to see you,” she cried happily. Then she reached down to unbutton him. “We have a couple hours before anyone comes. Lay back. Let me make love to you with my mouth.”

  “Sophie, that is not necessary. You are probably still sore and tired! Please don’t feel obligated to do that.”

  “Non. It is not out of obligation. I want to feel sexual with you again! This is all that I can do right now, s
o be quiet and enjoy it! You don’t always have to be the decision maker,” she teased.

  Gastien was never one to turn down attention from a woman’s lips, especially Sophie’s. She was getting much more skilled at those techniques. He would be glad to let her once again seek perfection.

  He was buttoned up and holding his son when the first relatives arrived. Finally all the siblings were there, along with their children. Tristan Michel was passed around like a pair of cold dice in a craps game. Gastien thought Tristan Michel might start to become conceited, with all of the ohhs, ahhs, and comments about how cute he was. However, he fully agreed with all of those assessments. His baby boy was beautiful.

  Although Gastien tried to make conversation with several of the siblings, he found that they were very tense about warming up to him. Truth be told, he did not have a lot to say to them, anyway.

  After about an hour, it was time to eat. There were too many for the table with the children, so they sat separately in the kitchen area. Odette was a fantastic cook. Gastien now knew where Sophie had learned her cooking skills. When he complimented Odette, she thanked him coolly.

  Soon Tristan Michel began to cry, so Sophie excused herself to go feed him. Gastien remained at the table, because he knew Sophie’s siblings would be shocked if he went to join Sophie. It was something husbands did sometimes, but never with company in the house.

  As he sat there at the table, trying to swallow his food, Gastien could feel eyes on him at different times. Even so, he was not included in the conversation. They mostly talked about people he did not know, making no effort to educate him. He supposed he could ask, but felt awkward, knowing they did not want him to.

  When everyone was done eating dessert, the women cleared the table, did dishes, and monitored the children. The hommes went outside for a smoke and a glass of after dinner vin. No one invited Gastien to join them. He was unsure if he was expected to follow or not.