by Sarah Carter
“Omitting is not lying,” I reply sharply. “I don’t have to tell you if I don’t want to.”
He places his hand on my thigh. “I dreamt of you last night.”
“What about?” I ask.
“Oh no, if you aren’t going to tell me yours, I am sure as hell not telling you mine.” The corner of his mouth turns up deviously.
“You totally didn’t have a dream,” I scoff. “I don’t believe you.”
Avery puts his hand over his heart. “I swear on my sister’s memory that I had a dream about you.”
“Tell me,” I snap, trying not to smirk.
“I will tell you mine if you tell me yours,” Avery offers, staring me in the eyes.
I contemplate for a second. Do I really want to tell him? I want to know what his dream was about. “Fine,” I say. “The visions and dreams have all been very intense. We aren’t doing much. Kissing and touching for the most part. It’s just intense and I feel it all over.”
“So, you want to have sex with me?” Avery asks, quietly. He’s not teasing or being pushy.
“I don’t know,” I reply. “We aren’t having sex in my dreams, nor the visions. It’s generally kissing. We have all our clothes on.”
“So, you want to kiss me?”
Taking a deep breath in, I say, “I’ve never been really kissed. When I kissed Azrael, it wasn’t even a kiss. I pecked him hard, yes, but it was closed-mouth and gross. I punched him so hard in the face that he fell backwards. It was all a show so he would know I didn’t have feelings. He wants my virginity so badly. I still don’t know why.”
“Maybe he sees it as a challenge,” Avery suggests. “Maybe, that’s what you are to him. The world’s biggest challenge.”
“I have thought about that,” I agree. “Anyway, that’s my whole kissing experience. Pretty impressive, huh?” I laugh, even though it kind of makes me want to cry.
“So, you’ve never done anything, huh?” Avery says, gently touching his fingers to my face. I shake my head. I can’t look up at him. Why am I being shy? Look at him. My eyes drift up and lock onto his. “What do you want Raven?”
I slowly shake my head. “I don’t know.”
Suddenly, a door opens. I grab Avery and we’re gone. We land hard in a broom closet. “Good aim,” he snorts.
“Do you think popping into the middle of the restaurant is a better idea?” I retort.
“No, let’s go find the bathrooms,” he suggests, helping me up.
Looking at our outfits, I say, “It looks like we’ve been clubbing all night.”
“Well, that means we can eat double the amount of food, because they will think we’re still drunk.”
I nod, “Good thinking.” Putting up my hand, he high fives me.
We sneak out of the broom closet. Thankfully, it’s right next to the restrooms. I go and clean up a little. Angel or not, I still have serious bed head. Finally, we are done and walk into the restaurant. Everyone stops and stares at us. I don’t give a crap and saunter my way to the hostess stand. Avery is right behind me.
“For two?” the girl squeaks.
“Mmhmmm,” I hum, staring her down.
The girl looks terrified. She grabs two menus and walks past us, making sure to steer clear of me, of course. We follow her to a table and sit down. “Your waitress will be over in a minute.” Avery smiles at her and the girl giggles.
I roll my eyes as she walks away. Avery looks at me. “Why are you rolling your eyes?”
“You make girls giggle just by looking at them.”
“You underestimate the effect you have on people. Your marks want to have sex with you as soon as they see you.”
Shaking my head, I reply, “It’s because of what I am.” What do I want to eat?
“I don’t think it’s all because of that,” Avery says. “You’re beautiful.”
I whisper, “I’m an angel. That’s why I look this way.”
“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Avery states. “Realize you are beautiful outside of that.”
“You’re suddenly the expert about all things angels.”
He looks up and locks his eyes on mine. “You have a very negative vision of yourself.”
“You don’t know me,” I snap.
“I want to get to know you,” he declares simply, looking at his menu.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Avery shrugs his shoulders. “I have met very few people that actually intrigue me and you do.”
“In what way?”
“In all ways,” he replies. “You’re a pistol and I like that. You seem very intelligent. You have a heart even though you like to think that you don’t.”
“How would you know if I had a heart,” I growl, wanting to reach over and punch him.
He turns his gaze to me. “Your friend. You love your friend.”
“Gale is my best friend,” I mumble.
“You care about him. I don’t have a best friend because I usually don’t care about anyone who isn’t me. At least until I met you.”
I raise an eyebrow. “How are you going to save the fallen with such an apathetic attitude?”
“No idea,” Avery chirps in response. “I don’t believe in the stupid prophecy. You can keep me alive until the point they realize they are wrong.”
“Umm, pretty sure the Marked Ones know what they are talking about,” I snort. “They are never wrong.”
“Who are the Marked Ones?” Avery asks.
Biting my lip, I say, “My bosses, so to speak.”
“Interesting. Are they angels?”
“Not sure exactly,” I laugh. “I’ve never seen them but I assume they’re angels. I could be wrong because they aren’t talked about. I’m probably in trouble for even mentioning them to you. It’s rumored that they are their own type of angel. No one knows much about them, if anything.”
“What kind of angel are you?” Avery asks.
“Doesn’t matter,” I mumble.
He tilts his head. “No, I’m curious.”
Looking up at him, I reply, “I would be an archangel, which is why I’m the best Reaper.”
“How do you know that? Are you born with a label?”
“Archangels are,” I whisper. He looks at me quizzically. Turning around, I lift my hair, showing the nape of my neck.
“Whoa, it’s a tattoo,” Avery whispers. “That is wicked cool.”
Spinning back around, I say, “It’s a mark. The higher choirs get a mark.”
“Reapers get marks, too then? Because you are half good.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m the only reaper to have a mark.”
“What do you mean by choirs?” Avery asks.
“Different types of angels, there are nine choirs,” I state. He just stares at me blankly. “Alright, different levels. It’s split up into three spheres. The first sphere is the heavenly guardians of God’s throne. Within that group, the Seraphim are the first choir. God keeps them in heaven. They very rarely come down to Earth. They are the ones who spread and express the joy of God. They are so aflame with God’s love that they are difficult to look at, sometimes, even impossible. They are the embodiment of God’s greatness.”
“Why do you call your blade a seraph blade then?”
Smiling, I say, “Because each blade is part of God. If I let that power fully go, you’d be burned alive by looking at it. I’m not allowed to do that. The Seraphim give the metal to an archangel to create a blade.”
“Do all reapers have blades?” Avery asks.
“No,” I reply. “I had to earn mine. A seraph blade is the only thing that can kill something outside of the human realm. Angel, reaper, demon. Only white angels have them. Some fallen angels still have theirs. They have given them to demons when they’ve fallen to the darkness, because the heart of the blade changes as soon as they fall. Demons can then touch them.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Why did you get one?”
“I don’t
know,” I whisper, looking at the menu. “I’ve never understood.”
“See, you must have a good side,” Avery insists, with a nod. “There’s no way they would give a completely evil being a weapon of God. You can kill angels with it.”
Pressing my lips together, I don’t say anything at first. Finally, I exhale, “I think that’s why Azrael wants me so badly. I have an angelic blade and no other reaper does.”
“He wants to steal it from you?”
I shake my head. “No one other than Michael, Raphael, or myself can touch my blade. Anyone else will burn alive within seconds.”
“So, they must trust you. Why would they give you such a powerful weapon if they didn’t trust you?” Avery says.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. I don’t know. I’ve never known. When Michael presented it to me, I was shocked. He had said I earned it. Not sure how I did, or how a reaper even earns a seraph blade, but I did. Who am I joking? I was so excited and proud of myself. I had no idea what I did, but I must have done something great.
“What are the other choirs?” Avery asks.
Putting down my menu, I answer, “The next choir is the Cherubim, otherwise known to humans as Cherubs. They are the ones charged with protection of all of God’s things, especially their throne.”
“Their?”
“God is neither male nor female. It’s just God. It’s the most beautiful being you will ever see. If God touches you, you feel free. It’s the most blinding display of love you ever imagine. You feel weightless. Nothing can hurt you when in God’s presence. You feel that.”
“You’ve met God?” Avery stutters. “Just like, hey I’m Raven. You’re God. Good to meet you.”
I smile and nod. “A few times.”
“I’ve never believed in God,” Avery whispers, picking his menu back up.
“And now?” I ask.
His eyes drift up. “Angels and demons exist.”
“That’s what makes you believe in God,” I laugh. “Because I’m an angel.”
“My sister is safe…” Avery finally exhales. “She’s with my mother. I didn’t believe in God because I didn’t know how our father could do all of that and my sister commit suicide and there be a god. But now…”
“When you feel angelic power,” I start. “That is God’s love. That’s their power coming through. We are just the vessels.”
Avery narrows his eyes. “So, would sex with you be like mind blowing? Is it angelic touch?”
“No clue,” I slowly say. “Is that the only reason you are going to want to have sex with me now?”
“Who says I want to have sex with you?” Avery snorts.
My heart drops. “That’s not what I meant,” I growl.
He reaches over and grabs my hand. I look up at him with a steely glare. “Raven, I was joking. Don’t be offended. I would have sex with you in a heartbeat, but I don’t want to use you. I think we have a good thing going so far, don’t you?”
I ignore his last statement. “What makes you think I wouldn’t be using you?” I retort coldly. “Sort of like checking a task off a list.”
“You’re not as cold as you’d like to think yourself to be,” Avery says.
“You know nothing about me. You’ve known me for less than 24 hours,” I snap. “If I want to sleep with you, it will because I want to fuck you, nothing more.”
Our attention turns to the girl standing next to us, staring with wide eyes. “Do you want something to drink?”
I shove the menu at her. “We’re ready to order. I want coffee, pancakes, and bacon, a lot of bacon.”
The girl nods quickly and looks at Avery. “I will have the same, thank you.” The waitress quickly grabs the menus and walks away. He looks at me. “Why do you swear? Isn’t that against the rules?”
“It’s my dark half,” I mutter.
“So, you sin and blame it on your dark half,” Avery laughs. “I want that excuse.”
The corner of my mouth turns up. “It’s not like that. I don’t mean to half the time. It just comes out. I really do think it’s part of my dark side. The same reason I always feel like I want to punch people in the face.”
“There’s a lot of people I wouldn’t mind punching,” Avery snorts. “Maybe we are both half bad.” I laugh and he laughs with me. “You don’t do it often, but you have a beautiful laugh.”
“I really don’t do it often,” I whisper. “Joy isn’t a frequent expression.”
“You don’t feel joy or you don’t want to feel joy. They are two very different things.”
Tearing a corner off my napkin, I say, “I don’t know. The only time I laugh is when I’m with Gale, and those times are rare.”
“You’ve laughed multiple times with me,” Avery replies. “I don’t think you know you do it.”
Suddenly, a chill runs up my spine. A vision of Avery and I laughing hysterically together pops into my head. I’m sitting on his lap between stacks of books in a library. The vision stops and I stare blankly at him. “Whoa…”
“What? Another vision?” Avery asks.
I nod. “But this one wasn’t sexual. We were laughing…hard.”
“At what?”
“I have no idea. We were in a library,” I whisper.
“See, maybe I am going to bring out a different side of you,” Avery states, with a nod.
Looking up at him, I inquire, “Why would you? If you’re as dark as me, why would you want to make me laugh?”
His facial expression changes and he says, “I guess you’re right. Screw laughing, what a stupid notion.”
My heart hurts a little at his change in mood. “So…” I whisper.
“So, since laughing is absolutely ridiculous,” Avery says, folding his hand on the table. “You don’t want to hear about my most embarrassing story.”
I pause. Finally, I narrow my eyes and reply, “What is it?”
He shakes his head. “No, you don’t laugh. Why tell the story if you’re not going to find amusement in it?”
I stare at him for a second and then shrug my shoulders. “That’s true.”
We stare at each other for a minute and then Avery groans and rolls his eyes. “You are ridiculous.”
“Why?” I ask.
“You wallow in your darkness. How are you supposed to feel light if you fight it so much? You don’t want to feel light so you push against it on purpose.”
Slamming my fist down on the table, I exclaim, “Again, you knew nothing about angels yesterday. How do you know me so well without having any knowledge about angels?”
Avery gives me the most thoughtful look. “Because, I’ve seen you. You laugh and don’t know it. You start to smile and I see you physically fight it. You force yourself to stop.”
“I don’t do that,” I snap, nervously. I don’t do that. I can’t truly smile. Can I?
“Yes, you do,” Avery finally rebounds. “When you were sitting on my lap and we were drinking, you laughed. You laid your head against me and were laughing. It was wonderful to hear.”
My interest is peaked. “Wonderful?”
“It’s a beautiful laugh. Rather sexy actually.” He locks his eyes on mine.
“How is a laugh sexy?” I snort, feeling embarrassed.
He casually shrugs in return. “I don’t know. It stirred things inside of me, that’s for sure. But you smile and smirk and don’t even know it.”
“Whatever Avery,” I scoff. My cheeks are getting hot. I touch one of them casually. Oh no. I’m blushing. NO BLUSHING! Reapers do not blush.
Avery shifts in his seat and smiles. “So, I think I’m going to tell you a story. It should make you laugh.”
“What is it?” I ask, skeptically.
“So,” he starts. “There may have been this one time that I may have…” Avery pauses and looks into my eyes.
“Yeah,” I continue.
“Broke my penis.”
There is a really heavy pause as I sit there in shock. I’m not sure if I
totally believe him. “Is that even possible?” I ask.
He nods solidly. “It is.”
“How did you do that?” I gasp.
“During mind blowing sex,” he replies.
I glare at him. “How would that make me laugh?”
“I’m lying. It wasn’t during sex. I fell and broke it.” He puts his fingers together in front of his face and smiles.
There are no words for a few seconds. “You fall and break a bone, not your penis. I totally don’t believe you.”
Avery shrugs casually. “The most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“Don’t believe you,” I scoff.
“You haven’t heard the story,” he notes.
Leaning back, I cross my arms. “Fine.” Totally don’t believe him.
“So, in high school, I was really into playing soccer. I was really into sports period.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.”
He gets this big grin on his face. “So, we were playing a championship game. Lots of people.”
My chest tightens at the thought. “Oh no.”
Avery smiles and nods, “Oh yeah, I did this in front of hundreds of people.”
“I so don’t believe you.”
“Let me explain. Sometimes guys just get hard. For no reason. I was about to go onto field and something sprung up. I was like shit. Couldn’t do anything about it. So, I ran on field. We were playing but it would seriously not go away. I was starting to get paranoid. Suddenly, one opponent came from my right. I tucked the ball away but he kneed me instead. I buckled. Another opponent came from the opposite side and knocked me down. Well, I was still erect and fell at a really, really bad angle. POP. It broke.”
My hands fly to my face. “Oh God, Avery.” I rarely take the lord’s name in vain, but come on.
Spreading his hands wide, Avery says, “Most painful thing ever.” My face must be priceless because he laughs. “I screamed. Well, the coaches and everybody came from the side lines. They thought I had broken a bone. I was trying to tell them without saying it directly. I was in so much pain. Everyone was talking. A few of my teammates were standing there. So, they finally figured out what I was talking about. Every guy around me went, OH. And then made horrible faces. The worst part was they had to call an ambulance.”