by Sarah Carter
“Holy crap,” I exclaim, the corners of my mouth twitching. This is unreal.
“Yup, I got carted off in an ambulance because I broke my penis,” Avery chirps, with a smile.
I can’t help it, I bust out laughing. The visuals and the situation. Oh, I’m going to die. I can’t breathe. Tears are running down my face.
“Worst part was everyone was there. Everyone knew. I was kind of popular with the girls, you know. I never lived it down.”
Still laughing, I choke out. “That’s hilarious.”
“See,” he quietly replies. “You’re laughing.”
“Yeah,” I whisper, slowly stopping.
He quickly grasps my hand. “Don’t fight it. Don’t. Just laugh.”
“I don’t do it often,” I exhale. I have a huge smile on my face and I can’t help it.
“Your laugh is beautiful. You shouldn’t cut it off and bury it.”
“Whatever Avery,” I growl. I stare off into the distance.
“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Avery asks.
My gaze turns to him. “I was thinking about how I’m a reaper.”
“You are Raven too,” Avery counters.
“What do you mean?”
“You aren’t just a reaper. You’re Raven. What do you like to do?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I say, “I don’t know.”
“Watch TV?”
“Yes, the joy of Earth,” I laugh. “Some of the stuff you guys have on TV is so bad.”
“What’s your favorite show?”
I smirk. “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.”
“Well, that doesn’t surprise me. It’s an old show.”
“That show kicks major ass. Buffy is awesome. Angel is hot, but I like Spike more.”
Avery raises an eyebrow. “You like the bad guy gone good type, huh?”
“What?” I stammer. “No! That’s not what I said.”
“It is what you said,” Avery replies. “Why do you fight it so much? Who gave you this idea that reapers have no feelings? Were you taught that?”
My eyes turn to the side. “It’s just the way it is with reapers. We can’t reproduce. We can’t be with white angels. The only angels who are with demons are the ones who succumb to the darkness.”
“You can’t reproduce,” Avery whispers, looking incredibly concerned.
“It’s like mixing two different species on Earth. Yeah, you can have a Liger but that doesn’t mean it will have more Ligers. It doesn’t work that way. Reapers also don’t live as long as normal angels. White angels are immortal. Fallen angels get killed easily because they are blinded by the darkness. And reapers… die. The range differs, but we die. We have short lives compared to the other beings outside of Earth.”
“And demons, how long do they live?” Avery asks.
“They live and feed off sin, so they will live forever. Some get incredibly powerful, like Azrael. The more sin they are absorb, the stronger they get. With the way humans are right now, the demon population is growing drastically.”
His face pales a little. “That’s not good.”
“No, it’s not,” I reply. “I try and kill as many as possible.”
“Why haven’t you killed Azrael yet?” Avery asks.
I sigh. “He intercepts my deliveries. I don’t have to see Lucifer if he takes the souls. It’s a win, win on both sides. He gets points and I don’t have to lose my soul…yet.”
“They really have a point system?” Avery snorts.
“The more souls the better,” I reply. “They also terrorize humans. Possessions, like in The Exorcist. Demons are a huge pain in the ass.” There is a movement next to us and the waitress is staring at me, with wide eyes. “What?” I scoff. “You don’t believe in demons. You should. Nasty bastards.” The waitress quickly sets our coffee down and makes her exit. I turn and grin at Avery.
He laughs. “You really have a dark side.”
“Told you.”
“But it’s not as prominent as you would like it to be. You can be playful with it, thus nullifying the effects.”
“Playful?” I scoff.
“You did that to get a rise out of the waitress, but it wasn’t meant to be mean. You were being playful. I’ve never seen you be mean to anyone. Well, other than a mark.”
My eyes narrow. I don’t like that comment. “I’m mean to people.”
“Really? Give me an example the last time you were specifically mean to someone on purpose. Marks don’t count.”
Fury builds in my chest. “Doesn’t matter.”
“It matters.”
“Why the hell does it matter? You claim to be so dark but I haven’t seen any evidence of it. I think you’re all talk. Why are you so interested in my light if you are so damn dark, too? Shouldn’t you be rejoicing in my darkness. I could teach you so much.”
“Listen,” he snaps. “I’ve had a lot of stuff happen to me. I have a dark side, but I don’t wallow in it, like you. You feed off it and immerse yourself in it, letting it take over. Isn’t that what you are worried Lucifer will do?”
My jaw and heart fall. “Oh my god.”
“I have a feeling you should harness your light before you face Lucifer. If you don’t, you are as good as gone.”
“How do you know?” I barely choke out.
“I’m very smart and it’s easy to see. If you dwell on your dark side, you will fall to Lucifer so easily. Vanish. Gone.”
I put my hands flat on the table to steady myself. What he said…his words. “I can’t.”
Avery gets up and slides into the booth next to me. He puts his arm around me. “I don’t want you to be scared, but maybe you should listen to everyone. You’re half-light. It’s like equal ebb and flow. You’re so worried about the dark side coming through but you’re trying to smother the light.”
“Raphael,” I gasp quietly. Nothing. “Raphael.”
Suddenly, he’s sitting in front of me and everything has come to a halt. “Yes, my dear.”
“Is what he’s saying true?”
Raphael’s beautiful eyes look deep into mine. “That is your journey to travel.”
“I need help,” I whimper. “I don’t want to fall to the darkness.”
“Everything happens for a reason,” Raphael states simply. “It’s your journey. Your path.”
Turning, I point to Avery, who is frozen next to me. “I have to worry about him right now. He is supposed to save the fallen.”
“As he has his journey, you have one too. Have you thought they might be combined?”
My jaw drops. “I’m supposed to help save the fallen?”
“I’m not saying yes or no to that, Raven,” he replies. “But you have to think beyond what your mind is screaming. You have a heart. You show compassion to your marks. That’s what makes you a great reaper. You do have a light side. What Avery is saying is true. He’s not stupid. You both have a path to follow. It’s not the same path, but you are journeying together. It’s up to you to figure out the end result.”
“I do have a light side…” I whisper. I’m so lost, so incredibly lost.
Raphael sticks out his hand. “Raven, you are half white angel but you have to accept it. Only you can do that.”
“I don’t know if I can,” I murmur, looking out at his hand.
“Take it, Raven,” he instructs, sticking his hand out farther.
I reach out and gently take it. A warmth spreads over me and tears brim in my eyes. “I know that’s your angelic touch,” I sniffle. “It feels like home.”
“No, Raven, that’s your angelic touch. You know you have it. You use it on other people. Feel it. Know it. Let it change you.”
“How do I find it in myself?” I ask, looking back into his beautiful eyes.
“That is your journey,” Raphael says. “I can’t help you beyond this. You must take care of yourself as much as you take care of Avery. He can help you.”
Turning I look at Avery. “He’s as
broken as I am.”
“All is not lost,” Raphael states. “God doesn’t make mistakes.”
“I saw them. They came to me,” I whisper. “It was magical.”
Raphael smiles. “I know. They want what is best for you.”
“How is Avery going to save the fallen?” I ask. “No one will tell me anything.”
“It’s a path he has to take, but his love will bring light to the darkness.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I snort.
Bending over, Raphael kisses my hand. I take a gasping breath because it feels like the most perfect peace. “Follow your heart, Raven. It will lead you to the light.” With that, he’s gone and everyone starts moving again.
Chapter 6
“Hey, whoa,” Avery says. “You moved.”
“Angels can stop time on Earth when they need to,” I say. “I was talking to Raphael.” A tear falls down my face and then I cry. Rain bursts from the sky. Everyone in the restaurant gasps, since it was just sunny.
“You’re crying,” Avery whispers. “Why are you crying?”
I wipe the tears away. “I’m supposed to find the light within myself,” I gasp. “How can I do that?”
“Think of me breaking my penis,” Avery replies.
“What?”
“Think about me breaking my penis. Think of the ER nurse being really flaming hot and I’m sitting there with my penis bent at a weird angle.”
A laugh escapes. “I’m visualizing it, I hope you know.”
“I figured as much. I think everyone who knew the story pictured it.” He smirks and for the first time I see warmth in his expression. His beautiful blue eyes stare into mine. “So, you can laugh at that,” he whispers.
Before my mind takes over, I lean in to kiss him. I want to. I want to, so badly. Suddenly, someone slides into the seat across from us. We both look. It’s an older gentleman. He narrows his eyes at Avery and then looks at me. “Hello, cupcake. What do you think you are doing?”
“Can we help you?” Avery laughs.
“Azrael,” I seethe. “How do you keep finding us?”
“Oh, now why would I tell that secret?” The old guy laughs. “We are lying in wait.”
I smile. “I’m not giving him to you. I will kill you Azrael. This time I’m not joking.”
“So protective of a human,” Azrael purrs. “I say you give him to me and then we give it a go in celebration.”
“Get off it,” I snap. “I’m not giving him to you and I’m sure as hell not sleeping with you.”
Movement catches my eye. The waitress is standing next to us with our food. She looks at me, the old man, and then Avery. Her eyes drift back to me. “Here’s your food.”
“It’s not what you think,” I growl. Her eyes widen and she sets the food down. Azrael reaches forward for some bacon. I slam my hand down on top of his. “You’re definitely not getting my bacon.”
“Grrr,” Azrael replies.
“How…” Avery whispers, pointing at the old guy.
“Level 10 demon,” I state. “Possession is nothing.”
“I could possess you,” Azrael says to Avery.
Avery leans forward. “Go ahead and try.”
“NO!” I scream.
The old man grabs Avery’s hand. Avery looks down at it. Azrael narrows his eyes. “Are you trying to get me to go on a date with you or something?”
“Rescind,” I gasp. “Right now. I revoke the invitation.”
“What?” Avery laughs.
“It doesn’t matter, cupcake,” Azrael growls. “I can’t do anything to him. I want to know why.”
Shaking his head, Avery asks, “What’s going on?”
“You never, ever, EVER invite a demon or tease a demon or invoke a demon inside of you. You will lose your soul,” I gasp, relieved that Avery is fine. “Especially a level 10 demon.”
“I’m the most powerful demon in existence,” Azrael declares, putting his hands behind his head.
I groan. “Go away.”
Azrael smirks. “Make me.”
Carefully, I draw a cross on my glass of water. “You think you can go toe to toe with me?”
“I know I can,” he remarks back. “I’m going to put all that energy into some good use.”
“Want to know a fun fact?” I ask, drawing a circle around the cross.
“What’s that cupcake?” He snarls.
I look into the old man’s eyes. “I’m going to lose my virginity…just not to you.”
Anger sweeps across his face. “To him! I will kill him!”
“Hey Azrael,” I laugh.
“What?” He snarls again.
“Bless you!” I yell. I take some of the water and throw it on him. He screams.
The old guy then jerks and looks around. “What the heck?”
“You seemed to have gotten a little lost,” I say. “It was nice talking to you though.”
“Yeah,” the guy mumbles, standing up. He walks away.
“What did you do to him?” Avery gasps.
Holding up my glass, I say, “Holy water. Want to try some?” I take a drink and smile.
“You can make holy water?”
“I’m an angel. Of course, I can make holy water,” I state. “You could make holy water if you wanted to.”
“How? I thought only priests can do that,” Avery says. He picks up the glass, smells it, and then drinks some. “It doesn’t taste like anything.”
I laugh. “I blessed it. I didn’t turn it into wine.”
“So, we should totally make holy water and stick it in a squirt gun,” Avery says, picking up a piece of bacon.
“How very Dogmatic of you,” I snort. I cut a piece of pancake and bite. “Mmm,” I hum. “So hungry.”
“Are they really going to ambush us when we leave?” Avery asks.
“No, I have an idea where to go,” I say. “Eat up before it gets cold.”
We silently eat. “So, I have a small question.”
“Shoot,” I say, finishing my coffee.
“When you said you were going to lose your virginity, you implied that it was going to be to me. Did you mean that?”
I set my coffee cup down and stare at my plate. “Maybe. I really just wanted to piss him off.”
“If we take that step,” Avery says. “I want to you to think really long on that idea. Your first time only happens once.”
“I know,” I say. “At first I thought I would just do it to piss off Azrael, but now…”
“Now what?”
Sighing, I look at him. “What if I am capable of more? Love seems so far away. The light seems so hard to grasp. My virginity may not mean the same anymore.”
“So, you want to have feelings towards me,” Avery whispers.
“I don’t know, Avery. All I know is I need to keep you alive and I need to find the light within myself.”
“Raven, listen to me. I need to be perfectly clear, I’ve never been in love and I don’t intend to be. If you decide you want to have sex with me, you should know--”
I spin on him. “Did I say I wanted to fall in love with you? No, I didn’t. I said I need to keep you alive. That is my top priority.”
“I know, I just wanted to state that,” he mutters, looking away.
“Whatever Avery,” I grumble. “For what it’s worth, you’re capable of love. I would know if you weren’t.”
“You’ve only touched the tip of the iceberg,” Avery says. “There is some other awful stuff in my past. Even if I am capable of loving another person, I’m not interested.”
We are silent for a little while, in a heavy awkward silence. “I think you’re wrong,” I finally state.
“Why do you say that?” Avery retorts somewhat harshly.
“Something that was said to me,” I whisper. “You are capable of love and it will cast light into the shadows.”
“More of this prophecy bullshit,” Avery mutters. He starts to pick at a spot on the table. “
I don’t believe any of it.”
Hesitating for a second, I say, “I spoke to God.”
“What?” Avery gasps.
“I can’t go into it,” I reply. “But I spoke to God, when we were in the church. You have a path to follow. I don’t know what that is, but you are supposed to save the fallen.”
“Why would I, a human, save the fallen?”
My head turns and I look into his eyes. “All I know is what I’ve been told.”
He shakes his head at me. “I’m not so sure, Raven.”
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever path you were given, you have to walk down. My plan is to keep you alive so you can get there.”
“Raven…”
“Eat your breakfast before it gets cold,” I snap.
Avery nods and cuts some of his pancake. He infuriates me. I’m not capable of love, blah, blah, blah. I think about it for a minute. We’re the same person. Maybe he and I are more alike than I thought we were. Maybe that’s why we are supposed to walk our paths together. God’s plans confuse me sometimes, but I think they are supposed to. Michael once told me if we completely understood God, we wouldn’t need to learn anything. I rolled my eyes and he shook his head. Archangels think they are so smart. They want me to grow.
We eat our breakfast silently. Finally, he says, “Tell me about the other choirs.”
“Where did I leave off?”
“Cherubs.”
“Oh yes, cherubs protect God’s things, especially human souls. They are what you would call guardian angels. They combat the demons to protect the humans.”
Avery nods. “Humans are in a totally different war of their own.”
“The best part is they don’t even see what’s going on around them. They have no idea the fighting and battles that take place to protect their souls. I think things would be a little different if they saw it and knew what was at stake.”
“Yeah, no doubt.”
“The next choir are the thrones. They are the elders of the angels, the first that were created. They hold all the knowledge that heaven and Earth possess. Angels go to them for guidance and information. It’s exactly like having elders on Earth. They are old, intelligent, and give words of wisdom. All judgements and God’s justice comes from them. They are completely unbiased and humble. It is said that they are the closest to spiritual perfection that any being can get.”