Namaste New York: A Novel
Page 44
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Vijay called a cab to pick them up from Aisha's house, and Lucky kept asking questions about what had happend, but neither Raj nor Vijay would talk while they waited for the cab, or during the entire ride home. When they finally entered the apartment, Raj sat down dejectedly at the table. "I'm going back," he said.
"Back where?" Lucky asked.
"India," Raj replied.
"Are you crazy?" Lucky replied incredulously. Even Vijay, who still had not spoken, seemed surprised.
"Raj, what happened at the house? What is going on? You have said nothing to us," Lucky implored. "And Vijay, why you are so quiet, too?"
Lucky and Vijay sat down at the table with Raj, and finally Raj began to speak. For the next twenty minutes, he explained in detail what he had learned about his background, about his mother and father and their illicit marriage, about his birth and his father's death at the hands of his grandfather, and about how his grandmother had lied about Raj's death and abandoned him in an effort to save her family from her husband's wrath. Even though Vijay and Lucky had been fairly certain that Aisha was Raj's mother, they were completely unprepared for the story Raj told them.
"I am so sorry, Raj," Lucky said, putting his hand on his friend's shoulder. "But at least now you know everything and you can have the family now. So why go back to India?"
"I don't have a family, Lucky. My mother cannot accept me. She has her own family now, her own life, and I don't fit anywhere. There's no way I can interfere with her life now, especially after everything that has happened." Raj quickly looked at Vijay. "Sorry, man. I didn't mean it like that. It's not your fault."
Lucky looked confused. "She knows, Lucky," Vijay explained. "When she asked to talk to me alone, she told me she knew who I was, and asked me to take care of Hina."
"Seriously, dude?" Lucky whistled softly.
"Damn it!" Vijay shouted, slamming his fist down on the table and startling Raj and Lucky. Vijay stood up abruptly, shoving his chair back from the table. While he felt guilty for inflicting pain on Hina's family when he'd convinced her to leave with him, he was now wracked with guilt that his love affair with her had ultimately cost Raj his only chance with his family. If he hadn't fallen in love with Hina, or if he'd insisted on handling the situation himself and not involving his friends, Raj never would have fought with Shoaib, and maybe then he'd stand a chance with his family. Now he knew he'd ruined everything for Raj.
"Raj, please," Vijay said, quickly walking back to the table and squatting in front of Raj. "We'll figure this out, we'll find a way to make it right. I can't let you leave like this, especially not after what I've done."
Raj patted his friend on the back. "You didn't do anything, Vijay. You fell in love. That's a good thing, and you had no way of knowing; none of us did. Look, I came to this country to answer the biggest question of my life, and I have. So there is no purpose in staying here. At least if I go back to Kashmir, I can be close to my father's soul."
"And what about Carrie?" Lucky demanded.
"What about Carrie?" Raj sighed. "I love Carrie. But after so many years of trying to find my parents, only to find out that my father is dead and my mother can't be my mother?I can't live like this, knowing she is so close, but I can't be with her or get to know her. I just can't do it. It will kill me every moment of every day that I stay here," Raj said, becoming extremely emotional. Vijay and Lucky understood, and they put their arms around Raj. All of these years, Raj had survived by hanging on to a fragile thread, a hope that one day he'd be reunited with his family. And now that he had been, he had to face a hard and bitter truth: He was not welcome. Despite all of the scenarios Raj had imagined over the years, he wasn't sure why this was one he had never entertained. He'd prepared himself to never find his parents, and he'd prepared himself to find out that he was too late, and that they'd already passed away. But to have found his mother and to know that she had moved on with her life without him was simply too much for Raj. He felt more alone now than he had ever felt when he'd thought he was an orphan.
Vijay and Lucky knew they couldn't change Raj's mind, and they sat dejectedly as Raj called the airlines to book the morning flight back to India. They helped him pack his bags, though he didn't have much to take back with him.
"You do not want to call Carrie?" Lucky asked after they set Raj's bags by the front door.
Raj shook his head. "I can't. What could I say that would make her understand any of this? Can you think of anything I could say or write that would make her forgive me for leaving?"
"Maybe if you explain to her?" Vijay began.
"Explain what? That I love her, but that she's not enough?" Raj snapped. "Trust me, there is nothing that I can say that's going to make this better for her. If I thought that Carrie could be happy being with me in India, maybe things would be different. But she's a British girl in America. Her career is here. Her friends are here. Her life is here. Do you think she's the kind of girl who would just pack her bags and move to Kashmir so she can get fat and pregnant with my babies? Come on, guys! It's never going to work. It's better for her this way. She doesn't need any 'explanation' because all she's going to hear is that not being able to be with my mother is a greater tragedy for me than not being able to be with her. A woman like Carrie deserves better than that. A woman like Carrie doesn't need a man like me," Raj said with disgust. He got up from the table and stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Lucky turned to Vijay. "Now what?"
"Now what, what? Now nothing. It's his decision, Lucky."
"Come on, dude, you know he loves her! He is just hurt right now. He is not thinking. This all just happened today and he is not even waiting and taking the time. His brain is not working. He will regret this, Vijay. At least he should give her the chance, let her decide what she wants to do," Lucky argued. "Maybe she wants to be fat!"
Vijay shook his head. "Pregnant, maybe. But girls never want to be fat."
Lucky laughed despite himself, then quickly put on his angry face again. "Seriously, Vijay, stop playing. Raj convinced you to go to Hina when you were giving up. Do you remember what he said? He said, when you find someone who loves you, you do not give up on them. Raj should not give up on Carrie without even talking to her."
Vijay sighed. "I know, Lucky. You're right. Of course, you're right. I'm just distracted and being selfish right now. I can't stop thinking about what Aisha said to me.
What did she say?"
"Just that she was counting on all of us to be Hina's family, now that hers had disowned her. But we'll deal with that later. We need to think about Raj now. What do you want me to do? He won't even talk to Carrie."
Lucky scratched his head like he did sometimes when he was working on a particularly vexing multivariate probability question. He suddenly snapped his fingers. "I know what to do!"
"Feel like sharing?" Vijay asked. Lucky seemed too pleased with himself to do much more than grin at Vijay like a crazy person.
"Call Carrie," Lucky instructed.
"That's your brilliant plan? Call Carrie? Lucky, come on. Even if we tell her everything, I don't know that it will make any difference. Not unless she's willing to get fat and pregnant in Kashmir, anyway. Raj seems to have made up his mind. I really don't think Carrie will be able to convince him to stay."
"Then it is good thing that she does not have to," Lucky replied.