Succubus Lord 2

by Eric Vall

  The two succubi and I walked over to the drink machine that was built into the side of the stand. Sia and Liby mulled over the many options, but I went straight for the tried-and-true cola.

  A gurgling spray of brownish-black liquid shot out of the machine as I pressed my cup against the silver lever, and my cup nearly overflowed from the fizz it produced.

  “There are so many options here on Earth,” Sia pondered as she continued to look over the varieties of soda. “Back in Hell we are only given coffee, if anything at all.”

  “Why coffee?” I asked as I filled a second cup with root beer for Todd.

  “It kept us awake,” Libidine butted in. “We were busy girls before you freed us, remember?”

  “I think I might want to try this one.” The petite redhead tapped the lemonade dispenser. “What about you, Libidine?”

  “This ‘Citrus Soda’ sounds like it might be good.” Liby shrugged and then put her cup up to the dispenser.

  “What about for Cupiditas?” Sia asked.

  “I don’t know what you both think, but I see Cupi as more of a Dr. Pepper kinda girl,” I laughed. “Don’t ask me why.”

  We finished filling up our cups, and then we walked over to the small cluster of tables that acted as the dining area for this section of the boardwalk.

  Cupi and Todd had already found a spot at one of the concrete tables, the kind that had four attached legs and a shade umbrella that poked out through the middle. It looked like the imp was having a good time because as we approached the rainbow-colored umbrella was opening and closing on its own. Whenever some innocent bystander would walk past, the umbrella was tossed open by an unseen force and caused them to jump in surprise. Todd was giggling when the three of us finally sat down on the concrete benches with our drinks.

  “I think that guy just shit himself,” he cackled.

  “What did I say about keeping a low profile?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Nobody can see me,” he retorted. “That’s about as low profile as you can get, bro.”

  “Said the disembodied voice from out of nowhere,” I laughed as I stuck out the red-and-white striped cups to Cupi and Todd. “Root Beer for the Toddster, and Dr. Pepper for the sexy blonde.”

  “Dr. Pepper?” the woman asked cautiously. “What part of the doctor am I drinking?”

  “It looked somewhat red when it was pouring.” Sia shrugged. “Maybe it’s his blood?”

  “Of course not.” Libidine interrupted. “It was more brownish. Maybe it’s his ground-up organs?”

  “I’m not gonna stop this conversation if you’re not,” Todd whispered to me.

  “It’s sugar syrup.” I shook my head and chuckled. “Try it, it’s delicious.”

  The fit succubus looked down at her cup, unconvinced.

  “Oh please, Cupi,” Liby giggled. “You’ve drunk much worse things before. Both on and off the clock.”

  Cupiditas raised the drink up to her mouth and wrapped her thin lips around the straw. Instead of taking a sip, she threw back her head and tilted the cup back with it. Before I had a chance to warn her, the sudden weight of the liquid smashed into the lid and knocked it loose. A syrupy wave of soda spilled out all over the succubus’ body, and she squealed in surprise.

  “Uhg, now I’m all sticky.” Cupi pouted as she wiped off some of the liquid with her hand.

  “Never seemed to stop you before,” Liby joked.

  “Come on, guys,” Todd snickered. “You have to suck the liquid out. You guys should be pros at this shit.”

  “Like this?” Liby asked.

  The dark-haired succubus wrapped her lips around the straw and started to bob her head up and down. She made the motion a couple times, stopped, and then looked at her drink in disgust.

  “This one’s hard to please.” She frowned.

  The second time she went at the cup, she engulfed it with her mouth all the way down to the lid. She made a few gagging noises, and then her eyes darted over to stare at us in annoyance. The succubus eased back off the cup and then tossed it down on the table in disgust.

  “He said suck, not blow.” Sia shook her head and clicked her tongue. “You should know that you have to tease it out. Like this.”

  The madame raised her drink, placed her lips delicately on the straw, and then rolled her eyes back as she inhaled. The clear citrus liquid traveled up the drinking device and into her mouth, and she let out a sound of satisfaction. The redhead released her grip on the straw, and then she leaned back, crossed her arms, and shot the other succubi a look of victory.

  “Sometimes, it’s not about being rough or forceful,” she mused.

  “It always seemed to work for Sister Ira.” Liby pouted in defeat.

  “Speaking of which,” I asked in confusion. “What’s the deal with Ira? Like you said that was her back in the motel, but only half of her?”

  “Ira was always the strangest of our succubus group,” Sia said in a matter-of-fact tone.

  “That’s the understatement of the year,” Cupi laughed. “The stuff she does to her summoners makes BDSM look like a romantic night of heavy petting.”

  “Oh?” Todd seemed to perk up at her words. “Sounds like my kinda girl.”

  “As you witnessed during our battle, Ira has mastered the art of the mirror spell.” Sia ignored Todd and Cupi’s words. “Over the years, she has tailored her powers so that she can better service her clients. Now, she can split herself into two separate entities at will.”

  “Why would she want to do that?” I asked curiously. “Wouldn’t that make her weaker?”

  “At first it was just for her clients who were too timid to get in on the action for themselves,” the redhead explained. “She would split herself into two halves and then put on a show for her summoner.”

  “Instant threesome, just add magic,” Todd cackled.

  “You joke, but it’s true.” Liby shrugged. “We all use our Hellfire powers to give us an edge in the bedroom.”

  “Or the couch,” Cupi added. “Or the sleeping bag. Or the backseat of the car.”

  “Or a floating platform in the middle of the desert.” Sia looked at me and bit her lip. “But I digress. Ira has a dominant half that does the dominating, and a submissive half that enjoys taking sexually charged abuse.”

  “And that was the submissive half we fought?” I asked.

  “Bro,” Todd’s voice chuckled. “She asked if you were going to bludgeon her to death with your schlong. If that was the submissive side, I’d love to see what kinda kinky shit the dominant one is into.”

  “Like I said when we first met,” Liby cautioned. “Sister Ira is an acquired taste, and one that most people probably don’t want to acquire.”

  “Speak for yourself, Lib,” Todd said. “The Toddster will try anything at least once. But usually just once. Like that time my dealer convinced me to try acid.”

  “Oh god,” I remembered. “That was scary.”

  “It wasn’t that bad,” he argued.

  “You were walking around the apartment with a baseball bat yelling about how you were gonna smash all the goblins that were invading our country,” I laughed. “Then you repeatedly attacked the faucet because it, and I quote, ‘looked at you funny.’”

  “Our landlord still to this day has never fixed that damn thing,” he chuckled.

  “Lunch time!” Our server’s voice boomed from behind us.

  I turned my head and saw that the man had two large red trays in his hand. Both were filled to the brim with the food we had ordered, and he had the bucket of french fries hanging by its handle off his right arm. The mustached man smiled as he placed our chow down on the concrete table.

  “Bon appétit!” he exclaimed as he put his fingers to his mouth and made a smacking noise. The man turned away and dashed back to his post, and we were left with the incredible edible scene that sat before us.

  “It looks like a gangbang up in here with all these wieners,” Todd chuckled as the Lo
uisiana Hot Link raised up into the air.

  I went with the simple dog, but I made sure that it was packed to the brim with all the fixings. The dog was loaded with pure red ketchup, golden-yellow mustard, crispy onions, and some sweet relish. Even though I wasn’t that hungry, the smokey and sweet aroma alone made my stomach growl in anticipation.

  I looked over at Libidine’s selection, and I wished that I would have ordered one of everything like she had.

  “Hey Liby,” the floating Louisiana Hot Link pointed at the succubus in challenge. “I betcha I can eat all my grub before you do!”

  “You’re on, Todd.” The woman’s eyes narrowed, and she picked up her own Hot Link.

  I couldn’t help but laugh as Libidine stared across the table at the floating hot dog.

  Todd whistled the tune of a western standoff.

  “Go!” he exclaimed, and both of my friends shoved the Hot Links into their mouths.

  The hot dogs at Barnacle Bills were massive, so Libidine was only able to get her Hot Link halfway down before she had to stop. She gagged, and her eyes started to water as she forced the rest into her mouth. For a moment, Liby looked like she was trying to force herself to swallow, but then she gulped down the rest of the link and smiled.

  Despite Libidine’s setback, I looked over to see that Todd was only a second behind her with his Louisiana Hot Link. The last bit of his bun disappeared into thin air, and then the imp grabbed his cup and slurped his root beer in a rush.

  “How can anyone eat that shit?” the cup was placed back onto the table. “Food that hot is an abomination to mankind!”

  “Stop being a baby,” Liby laughed as she pulled back the half-eaten corn dog out of her mouth. “That was mild compared to a vargrat.”

  “The food in Hell must be really shit if even the rats taste like five-alarm chili,” Todd panted.

  “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m gonna savor my food,” I chuckled as I raised my classic dog to my mouth.

  “Speaking of abominations,” Todd picked up the Chicago-style hot dog. “Ketchup on a hot dog? You should be ashamed of yourself, bro.”

  “I’m sorry I’m not the sausage connoisseur that you are.” I winked in the imp’s direction.

  “Low blow, bro,” he clicked. “Low blow.”

  The Chicago-style dog was reduced to little more than a spray of bun, meat, and relish as it disappeared into Todd’s gullet.

  I shrugged and turned back to my own hot dog. It may not have been the fanciest of foods, but the flavors of the frankfurter made my taste buds sing when it touched my mouth.

  As I bit into the hot dog, I felt the crunch of the bun as my mouth filled with juices from the meat and the buttery flavor of the toasted bread. Seconds later, the savory sweet relish and tangy condiments kicked to create a delicious taste that nearly made my eyes roll back in my head.

  It only took three more bites before the satisfying morsel was completely in my belly.

  I took a swig of my bubbly cola to wash the hot dog down, and then I reached over to the corn on a stick.

  As I unwrapped the foil casing from around the dish, my nostrils were overcome with the aroma of the smoky, buttery, roasted corn. The skin of the side dish was perfectly golden yellow, with a few sears of black remaining from the cooking process. The warm, greasy butter that topped the corn glistened in the sun as it ran down off the cob and onto my hand.

  This thing was a heart attack waiting to happen, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  “Do you eat the whole thing?” Cupiditas asked cautiously as she unwrapped her own corn. “I just wanted to ask before I shoved the whole thing in my mouth.”

  “Now that is a phrase I never thought I’d hear Cupiditas say,” Sia chuckled and picked up her own Chicago-style dog.

  “Of course not,” I explained. “You just use your teeth to pull the kernels off. Like this.”

  I pulled the corn up to my mouth, and I instantly felt the warm butter dribble down onto my chin. As my teeth bit into the juicy corn, and the kernels exploded in my mouth, and I got a taste of the smoky flavor. I quickly ran my teeth up and down along the cob, and soon all that remained was an empty cob and a smear of butter on my face. As I laid the husk back down on the table, I looked up to see all three of the succubi staring at me in disbelief.

  A sly smile slid up Sia’s face. “I… I didn’t know you could do that with your mouth,” she stuttered.

  “Do what?” I asked, completely confused.

  “You just devoured that entire cob in like, two seconds,” Libidine whispered in shock. “Every single kernel.”

  “What my sisters are saying is that you seem to have expert control over your mouth.” Cupi smirked. “And that we want you to show us some time.”

  “You haven’t had him try that on you yet?” Sia asked in surprise.

  “We’ve normally got other things on our mind, sister.” Libidine held up her classic hot dog and wiggled it back and forth.

  “I’m just gonna eat these french fries before I lose my entire appetite,” Todd joked.

  I snatched up the bucket of fries before the imp could grab them. “Hold up there, Toddster,” I chuckled. “That’s for all of us, not just for the hungry imp.”

  “Maybe you should have got your own bucket, then,” Todd’s disembodied voice argued.

  “Do you really need a whole bu--” I started.

  “Bro, I’m just fucking with you,” Todd laughed. “My stomach is still reeling from that Hot Link. I think I’m gonna be stuck on the shitter for hours.”

  “Ewwww.” Libidine was now holding her chili dog, but Todd’s words made her look at the sloppy mixture she held in her hands in pure disgust.

  The curvy-woman gagged, placed the hot dog back on its wrapper, and pushed it away.

  “I think I’m done.” Libidine shook her head back and forth. “In fact, I don’t think I ever want something like this ever again. You can have my chili dog if you want, Todd.”

  “My body’s telling me no, but my mind’s telling me yes,” the imp’s voice cackled as the chili dog lifted into the air. “Forgive me, stomach. You were brave, but now I must destroy you.”

  The hot dog disappeared, but the mixture of chunky chili and bright yellow nacho cheese splattered across the imp’s invisible face and revealed his location.

  The imp seemed to tilt his head back and look at the sky. “Worth it,” he belched.

  I looked around and saw that the girls had all devoured the rest of their food.

  Now, all that remained was the bucket of french fries.

  “Last, but certainly not least,” I held up the bucket like it was a golden idol. “The fried, curly potato.”

  “Bro, stoooppp.” Todd whimpered.

  “We can do it,” I laughed. “I believe in us.”

  I sat the white and red bucket down in the middle of the table, and each of us took turns reaching in and pulling out a handful of the golden-fried spuds. Within five minutes, the entire container was gone, and all three of the succubi comically sat with their hands over their stomachs.

  “Why is Earth food so delicious?” Liby groaned.

  “I’ve been asking myself that same thing for years, dudette,” Todd grunted as he hopped up on the table. “Now that we’ve conquered the grub, there’s only one thing left to do!”

  “No more food, please.” Cupi begged.

  “Nah,” Todd chuckled. “Let’s go on some rides!”

  “Uh, Todd,” I interjected. “Feasts followed by thrill rides is a recipe for disaster.”

  “I’d prefer to keep my meal on the inside of my stomach,” Sia groaned.

  “Okay fine,” Todd snickered. “Then we’ll do plan B.”

  “Plan B?” Libidine asked.

  “Plan B,” Todd confirmed. “Let’s go hit up the arcade.”

  “Or, you could get back to your mission,” a booming voice erupted from behind us.

  Startled, I whipped around to see who had joined us.


  Standing there was a man in a white SWAT-like uniform, with his long dark hair tucked up into a man bun.

  It was the Archangel, Raphael.

  Chapter 15

  “Raphey boy!” Todd exclaimed, and then the floating splotch of chili and cheese ran over to the archangel. “I was hoping you’d show up. We can’t go on the roller coasters with an odd number of riders.”

  Raphael stopped in his tracks and looked down at his leg as the fabric wrinkled. When Todd finally released him, a stain of chili-cheese appeared just below the Archangel’s knee.

  “It is good to see you too, Todd,” the dark-haired man muttered and wiped at the greasy stain. “Although I must admit that I’ve gone through more suits in the last month than I think I have in the last hundred years.”

  “You don’t wear white when Todd’s around.” Cupiditas shrugged. “I found that out very quickly.”

  “That was an accident and you know it!” the imp said accusingly.

  “To what do we owe the pleasure, Raphael?” Sia changed the subject.

  “Superbia.” The Archangel nodded. “You look more relaxed and radiant than usual.”

  “Sister Sia and Jacob made the connection,” Libidine answered.

  Raphael’s lips pursed together, and he nodded his head approvingly.

  “Congratulations,” he laughed at me. “It’s always good news to hear an ally has become more powerful. Even if it is achieved by… Nontraditional methods.”

  “Nontraditional for an angel, maybe,” Cupi retorted.

  “That is why I’m still on the side of the Divine, and you’re on the side of the Demonic, Cupiditas.” Raphael half-joked. “We get our powers through communal bonding and friendship.”

  Todd doubled over in laughter, and then he fell over onto the ground as he kicked his feet in the air and cackled.

  “Friendship and bonding?” the imp scoffed. “Gaaaaaaayyyyy.”

  “I agree, it is quite jovial.” The archangel nodded, pleased. “In fact, all of Heaven is quite gay.”

  I laughed, I just couldn’t help it, and as I did, the archangel looked at me in confusion.

  “You laugh, but who has won each phase of the war?”