What the fuck for?
“—for not ratting me out to Stoltz. I would have lost my job. I owe you one.”
“Forget about it.” Joe made a move to get into the car, and Mills hastily added. “Can I buy you a beer? You know…to say thank you?” Before Joe could politely decline, he added, “I’ll tell you how you know me.”
Joe wasn’t sure he cared, but the look in Mills’s eye said it might be worth his time to find out. He supposed he could see the deacon first thing in the morning, and he could go through the Eau Claire files anytime tonight—assuming they’d been sent to him. The last he’d checked they still hadn’t arrived.
“Okay, a beer sounds great. Where do you want to go?”
A broad smile spread across the man’s face. “Follow me.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
“All right, Mills, the suspense is killing me. How the hell do I know you?”
Joe threw a dart and pegged the center circle, winning him the game. Snagging his beer off the high-top table, he tipped it back and took a long swallow, draining its contents. They’d come to some hole in the wall bar that housed a pool table and a dartboard in the back. The bartender had given Joe an acknowledging nod when he entered the bar with Dex and shown him his badge. He could’ve put Dex’s vest on him, but generally he only did that when they were in the field working.
A couple of women sat at a table not too far away, watching him with interest. The blonde looked like she was about one shot of liquid courage away from coming over, but all he wanted was to get home to his own blonde beauty before it got much later. He’d politely shot the shit with Mills for the last hour, but now he’d reached the point of impatience.
“Congratulations, I’ll buy the next round.”
“Sorry, can’t. I got to get going.”
“You gonna leave without talking to that hot blonde over there? She’s been eyeing you for the last half hour.”
“I’m not here looking for a hookup, Mills.”
The deputy tipped back his beer, took a swallow, and gave Joe a shit-eating grin. “You’re still hot for Hannah, huh?”
All amiability fled Joe’s face, and he pinned the guy with a pointed glare. “How the fuck do you know Hannah, and don’t give me that bullshit story about meeting her with Agent Riker. I saw you talking to her at the Hennessey’s. You knew her before then.”
“Hey…” He raised both hands in the air. “Take it down a notch there, Detective.” Lowering his hands, Mills went for his beer again, clearly enjoying the reaction he was getting out of Joe. “You always did have a nasty mean streak in you when it came to her. After all these years, nothing’s changed. Well, I suppose I don’t blame you. Hannah didn’t recognize me, either. Of course, I was about seventy-five pounds heavier back then, and it was eleven years ago.”
Joe studied Mills, trying to place him. Eleven years ago, he’d been sixteen years old.
“We met at the Fall Harvest celebration. Your father was the deacon. I’d taken a hayride with Hannah. You couldn’t go because you were busy helping your father with something. I tried to steal a kiss from her behind the church, and you saw me. You broke my nose.” Mills pointed to the bump on his bridge. “You caused quite a scene, deacon’s son attacking another boy of the faith…”
Joe remembered that day. The disappointment and embarrassment he’d seen in his father’s eyes still haunted him. He’d been such a letdown to his family. In the end, he almost wondered if his father hadn’t been a little relieved when Joe had left. “As I recall, you were trying to steal more than a kiss.”
“I was young. We were just kids. I don’t hold it against you.”
Joe wasn’t so sure he could say the same. “You were Amish? The boy I remember was named Micha Stoltzfus.”
“I changed it when I left the order. It’s not an uncommon thing to do, especially with a last name like Stoltzfus. It practically screams ‘I’m Amish.’ Not really what I was going for when I was trying to start a new life. I would have stayed and taken my vows, but I wanted to become a police officer. The Ordnung forbade it, so I left.”
Joe had a feeling it wasn’t as simple as that.
“Umm…excuse me?” a soft voice interrupted.
He glanced over his shoulder to find the young blonde standing too close. Shit…
“Is that your dog?”
Before Joe could respond, Michael piped up, “You bet he is. Wanna pet him?”
“Can I?” She knelt beside Dex and let him sniff her hand before running it from the top of his head, down his spotted back. From Joe and the deputy’s vantage point, they could see down the woman’s V-neck top. Michael’s grin widened, and he winked at him.
She was a beautiful woman, exactly the type Joe would have gone for, but now he barely noticed her. The only woman who heated his blood was Hannah. She rose and laid her hand on his arm. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go get my friend.”
The blonde stepped away, and Michael’s gaze was glued to her ass. “Damn, that dog’s a pussy magnet. I gotta get me one of those.”
“Did those words seriously just come out of your mouth?”
“You saw those tits, right? Ho-ly shit… You think they’re real?” Then he answered his own question. “It doesn’t matter. And look at that hair spilling down her back… I got a thing for long-hair. What I wouldn’t give to fist my hands into those curls.”
The longer he talked, the more Joe wanted to throat-punch him. His eyes narrowed on the deputy. Had the world changed this guy that much, or had he always been such a disrespectful prick? Considering Joe’s experience with him, he’d bet on the latter. “You really are a misogynistic asshole.”
Mills laughed, taking zero offense to the insult. “Oh, lighten up, Troyer. You and I both know they’re asking for it dressed like that. If they don’t want men to look, they shouldn’t flash the merchandise.”
This guy couldn’t really be that stupid, could he? Joe was in the middle of a murder investigation, and this dumb-shit was working pretty hard to put himself back on his suspect list. And that goddamn thing should be shrinking, not growing. “You know, I’m not so sure I like you now any more than I did eleven years ago.”
Mills laughed. “Give me time, I’ll grow on you.”
“Yeah, like a herpetic rash…”
“What’s his name?” the blonde asked, with her brunette friend now joining them.
Both women were knelt on the floor, hands rubbing all over his dog. Dex was loving it. Mills was loving the titty-show. And Joe just wanted to get the hell out of here. “Dexter.”
“That’s a cute name. You look like a Dexter,” she cooed, scratching her fake red nails over his back. The way the blonde was eyeing Joe, he got the sense that Dexter’s back was not the only one she wanted to be scratching those claws down.
“He’s a police dog,” Michael chimed in, looking to capitalize off Dexter’s appeal. “I’m Officer Mills, and this is Detective Troyer.”
What a douche bag thing to do, using his badge to get laid. Lancaster’s finest right here, ladies… Then again, this was probably the only play this guy had. But Joe was damned if he was going to sit there and be an accomplice to it.
“I’m sorry, but Dexter and I have to get going.” Joe stood, and the blonde followed.
“So soon?” She placed her hand on his, her thumb brushing over his knuckles. “I was hoping you’d stay a little while, Detective.” She purred that last part, sideling up to him. “You could buy me a drink and we could get to know each other…”
She wasn’t Hannah. That’s all he needed to know.
…
August 20th—Cassie’s last journal entry. She’d disappeared five days later. Hannah sat at the table in the kitchen, reading by lamplight and discretely wiping her tears. She didn’t know how many hours had passed since she’d cracked the cover of her sister’s diary. The afternoon sun had long since set and night had taken over, blanketing the room in darkness. It was fitting, sinc
e that’s all she knew now—Cassie’s darkness. Hannah had had no idea any of this was happening. There were so many secrets… If she’d known the truth back then, maybe she could have rescued her sister sooner. And maybe she could have saved herself. They’d all been betrayed.
Eli sat silently on the counter behind her, looking out the window, waiting for the flash of headlights to turn down the driveway. With each passing hour, she could sense his anxiety growing. His fear of abandonment broke her heart, and yet she was helpless to fix it. It was just one more thing she’d failed at. Despite her repeated attempts to get him to leave his post, he refused to budge. Finally, she’d given up, worried it would only upset him more if she made him leave the window. Swallowing past the lump of emotion lodged inside her throat, Hannah prepared to read the final entry of her sister’s diary…
Da knows I would never tell. That I would never bring that kind of shame onto myself or my family. It would be my word against his, and in a world that holds little regard for a woman’s voice, who would believe me? Who would ever help me escape? In different ways, he has ruined both mine and Hannah’s lives. I watched my sister’s heart break when Josiah left. She doesn’t know it’s Da’s fault he’s gone. Nobody knows the things he’s done, and they are secrets I’ll take to my grave because it’s my silence that will buy my freedom. He doesn’t want Hannah to know what he did. Maybe she’d forgive him, maybe she wouldn’t. I know I never will for what he’s done to me.
Josiah is gone, and so is Jacob. My sister is alone now. She needs me, and I need her. She’s my way out. I just want to be free…
Hannah’s hand shook as she raised it to cover her mouth and stifle the sob building in her throat. Tears streamed down her cheeks, landing on the pages of her sister’s last words. Cassie had been so broken, and Hannah had never known, she’d never suspected. No wonder she wanted to leave this life and live among the outsiders. Cassie must have been in constant fear of discovery, in unrelenting torment from hiding the abuse she suffered in silence. Closing her eyes, Hannah dropped her face in her hands, struggling to breathe.
“I told ya he’s not comin’ back, and it’s all yer fault!”
Eli scrambled off the counter and raced into the living room. Hannah’s heart shattered all over again at the muffled sobs echoing from the other room. Pretty soon, there wouldn’t be anything left of herself to put back together. She rose and followed the hiccupping cries of a little boy who’d lost so much and was struggling to cope with his grief. He’d latched onto Josiah because he missed his father and desperately wanted that void filled. And Dexter somehow helped ease the loss in his broken heart, but Eli’s fear of abandonment was getting worse, and Hannah didn’t know how to help him.
“Eli, Josiah is comin’ back. But he’s very busy right now.” Hannah sat on the couch beside him, but he jerked his shoulder away when she tried to rub his back. The rejection hurt… He was in pain and just needed someone to take his grief out on, but it was hard to bear that blame. She was already barely holding herself together after reading Cassie’s diary—after discovering the truth. And the pain was that much sharper because Josiah had lied to her. She couldn’t breathe; she was drowning in sorrow and had no way out.
The low, rumbling growl of an engine sounded outside, followed by the slam of a car door, and Eli jumped up with excitement. “Did ya hear that? Josiah’s here!”
He scrambled off the couch and ran toward the door. Before a knock even sounded, Eli opened the door and threw his little arms around Josiah’s leg, giving him a big hug. “You came back!”
“Of course, I did, buddy.”
He knelt to give Eli a proper hug, and Dexter let out an excited bark, licking the little boy’s cheek. Eli laughed, and just like that, his world was right again—or as right as it could be under the circumstances. Hannah wished life could be that simple for her. He released Josiah and threw his arms around the dog’s neck. “And ya got Ma flowers!”
Eli raced toward Hannah, a bright smile beaming on his little cherub face, his tears long forgotten. “I see that…” she said, coming over to the door. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.” She accepted the bouquet and tipped her face into the flowers, hiding her teary eyes from his all-too-perceptive gaze as she turned away. She could sense Josiah trying to read her mood. He was probably trying to determine if she was still upset with him about this morning.
“Eli, why don’t you head upstairs with Dexter and get ready for bed. I’ll be up in a few minutes to read you a story.”
“Can Josiah do it?”
She winced at the unwitting rejection, and it took her a moment to swallow back the fresh welling of tears that clogged her throat. Josiah must have seen her reaction because he interceded by kneeling to Eli’s level. “I think your ma might want to read to you tonight, buddy. But I’ll come up and say good night in a little bit.”
“No…” she told him. “It’s all right. You can do it.”
“Please, Josiah?”
“All right. But do as your ma asked and go on upstairs and get ready for bed.”
“Yay,” he cheered, and bounded up the stairs with Dexter trailing behind him.
Hannah headed to the kitchen to find a vase for the flowers. As she filled it with water, she pulled a scissors from the drawer and began nipping the stems. She didn’t realize Josiah had come up behind her until he slipped his arms around her waist and brushed his lips against the side of her neck. Despite her efforts to remain unaffected, butterflies flittered to life low in her belly and goose bumps prickled her flesh.
“I take it you’re still mad at me. Eli assured me the flowers would do the trick.” His voice rumbled huskily near her ear. He turned her to face him and kissed the sensitive spot just below her jaw. “Perhaps I should get on my knees and beg for forgiveness,” he whispered. She gasped when he lowered himself to the floor and looked up at her. The hunger and intent in his eyes stole her breath. He slipped his hands beneath her skirt, and she gave a little jolt when his hands boldly caressed her bare calves, slowly raising her dress as they slid up her thighs. “Only I think you’ll be the one doing the begging…”
Her body responded to him, despite her anger and despite her grief. Her head grew light from her racing heart, and she reached behind her to grab the counter for balance. She wanted to tell him to stop, but her lungs refused to work. She was terribly upset with him, but apparently her body was more forgiving than her heart.
“Eli…” Her mind scrambled to voice an objection, but his fingers were already curling around her underclothes and dragging them down her thighs, past her knees.
“He’s upstairs getting ready for bed.” Josiah brushed a knuckle along her slick folds, and she whimpered. “He can’t get down here without me hearing him.” Flashing a wicked grin, Josiah disappeared beneath her dress, and his tongue replaced his fingers. Pleasure rocketed through her, and she bit her bottom lip to hold back the moan. Her knees buckled, and his hands grasped her hips, lifting her onto the counter.
She braced her hands behind her as Josiah tipped her back and spread her legs. Her mind told her this was wrong, scandalously inappropriate, but it felt too good to stop. Emotionally, she was a wreck; physically she was coming undone for the man who’d lied to her, kept life-altering information from her, and yet she succumbed to him—to his touch, his kiss, to the pleasure only he could give her.
His fingers parted her folds, and little shockwaves detonated through her core her when his tongue slipped inside her. Hannah’s muscles contracted, tension building… Her breaths became short rapid bursts into her air-starved lungs. As his mouth did wickedly sinful things to her. Close… So close…
“Tell me you forgive me.” His rumbled demand vibrated against her sensitive flesh. Her core clenched, and her legs began to shake as she balanced on the precipice of oblivion.
“Say it, Hannah…” he demanded when she didn’t respond.
“Please…I…” She whispered a breathy moan. “I forgive you.” A
nything… She’d tell him anything to ease this ache.
Fullness invaded her. Unexpected and delicious, he pumped his fingers as he sucked rhythmically on that sensitive spot at the top of her sex. She shattered as a wave of euphoria crashed into her. Over and over, pleasure wracked her body, rendering her a weak, trembling mess. Josiah crawled out from beneath her skirts; the grin on his face was pure male satisfaction. He wore the look well. Hannah was still trying to catch her bearings when he leaned closer and gave her a deep plundering kiss. It startled her, and the flare of desire felt especially wicked since she could taste herself on his tongue. In the haze of her post-orgasmic bliss, the flittering thought crossed her mind—what would he taste like?
“I hate to go,” he whispered between kisses, “but I’ve got a bedtime story to get to.” Giving her one last quick kiss, Josiah left the kitchen and headed up the stairs calling, “Let’s see what trouble Little Peter Rabbit gets into tonight.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
When Joe read Eli two bedtime stories and Hannah still had not come up to tell him good-night, he grew concerned. Something was off with her. He’d sensed it the moment he entered the house. Rashly, he’d assumed she was still sore about earlier, but the more he thought about it, Joe was convinced there was something else going on.
Closing the book, he set it on the nightstand. Eli made no move to untuck himself from Joe’s side and were it not for the desire to spend a little more grown-up time with his mother, Joe would have been content to stay there until the boy fell asleep. When Joe made a move to get up, Eli buried his face against Joe’s ribs and hugged him tighter. “Don’t go.”
“What’s the matter? Are you scared you’re going to have more bad dreams? Dex is going to be here with you all night.”
“I was scared ya weren’t comin’ back. When people leave, they don’t come back,” he sniffled.
“Oh, hey, now…” Joe hugged him tighter. “I know it might seem that way sometimes, but it’s not true. They come back. I’ll always come back, Eli. You and your ma mean everything to me.”
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