“My da loved us, and he died.”
“I know he did. And I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Auntie Cassie loved us, and she died, too.”
“I know…but I wasn’t here then, and I am now. I’m going to make sure nothing happens to you or your ma.”
“Who’s gonna make sure you don’t die?”
“Nobody. I’m a police officer. I don’t need anyone to keep me safe. That’s my job.”
He seemed to consider that a moment and then nodded as if that made sense.
“I’m going to go check on your ma, okay? See what’s keeping her.”
“Okay…”
This time when Joe tried to get up, those little arms let him go. Eli snuggled into his pillow, and Joe tucked the covers up around his neck. “Night, buddy… Remember, no bad dreams tonight.”
Joe paused on his way out to give Dex a pat, then gently pulled the door closed behind him. He headed downstairs to look for Hannah and was surprised to find her sitting at the kitchen table in the dark. Light from the full moon illuminated her silhouette. “Hannah? What are you doing down here in the dark? I think Eli’s waiting for you.”
He lit the gas lamp and froze. Her eyes were brimming with tears. In front of her sat Cassie’s diary.
“Ya lied to me.”
“Where did you get that, Hannah?” He’d kept that diary in a box tucked beneath a stack of papers at the inn. The only way she could have found it was if she’d been digging through his case files.
“It’s not what ya think. Eli was helpin’ me clean yer room, and he accidentally knocked a box off the desk. I was puttin’ things back when I saw the book you told me I couldn’t read ’cause it was at the police station logged as evidence. Ya lied to me, Josiah. Ye’re protecting him! Why are ya protectin’ my da?”
She was hurt, and angry, and confused. But she wasn’t the only one whose emotions were on a roll. It pissed him off that she could even think for one second that he’d defend that sanctimonious bastard.
“I wasn’t protecting him, Hannah. I was protecting you! Some things you don’t need to know. It would only hurt you. Tell me, how do you feel now that you know the truth?”
“Terrible…” she confessed, wiping at the tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Exactly. And it changes nothing. It doesn’t help Cassie, and it doesn’t gain us one day of the past we’ve lost. If you’re expecting an apology from me for keeping this from you, you’re not going to get it. I don’t regret my decision, and I’d do it again. I will always protect you, Hannah. Even if it’s from the truth. If Cassie wanted you to know what your father had done to her, she would have told you.”
“You left me…”
The accusation stung. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard it, and each time it was like a barb digging deeper and deeper into his flesh. It might seem as if things were good between them, but deep down, she hadn’t forgiven him from walking away all those years ago, and he had to face the possibility she never would.
“I was sold like cattle to pay off my da’s gambling debts!”
“I didn’t know, Hannah. When I went to him and asked for your hand, the contract was already signed, the marriage arranged. Your da told me if I interfered, he’d have you shunned. I couldn’t do that to you. You loved your life here, your family…”
“I loved you! That little boy up there could have been ours!”
“You think that thought doesn’t cross my mind a hundred times a day? I did what I thought was best at the time. I thought I was saving you, and it fucking killed me to go. But think about this… If you’d left, who would have saved Cassie? You did that, Hannah. You saved your sister from the sexual abuse she was silently suffering at the hands of your father. All she wanted was to be free, and you gave her a way out. So now that you know the truth, now that you know everything, would you have gone? Would you have left your sister behind?”
Tears streamed down her beautiful face, and more than anything he wanted to go to her, to comfort her. But they needed to settle this. Hannah’s anger and resentment toward him for leaving had to come to an end, otherwise it would always be a source of contention between them. She couldn’t move forward if she was constantly looking back.
Hannah shook her head.
“You have to say it, Hannah. You have to tell me you would have stayed.” He needed to hear it as much as she needed to say it. He had to know his sacrifice hadn’t been for nothing, that Hannah’s grief had served a purpose in the end. A sob broke from her throat, and the agony was like a knife twisting inside his chest.
“I would’ve stayed for Cassie…”
…
Saying those words was more healing than Hannah could have ever imagined. It gave purpose to her heartache and meaning to her suffering, and an overwhelming sense of closure came over her. She met Josiah’s stare across the table and bit her lip, studying his expression. “I guess sometimes the clearest vision is hindsight.”
Josiah nodded. “I think that’s the case more often than not. As soon as this is over, we’re going to have the fresh start we should have had eight years ago. We can’t change the past, but we can grasp hold of our future, and I want that with you and Eli. I know he’s not mine, Hannah, but I loved him the moment I saw him because he’s yours.”
“More than anythin’ I want that, Josiah. There’s nothin’ left for me to stay here for. Ye’re our family now—wherever that may be.”
He came around the table and took her hand. Tugging her to stand, he pulled her into his arms and held her tight. “I love you, Hannah. I always have, and I always will.”
“I love you, too, Josiah.”
He leaned back, and his hands framed her face, his thumbs sweeping over her cheeks to dry her tears. Dipping his head, he pressed his lips against hers in a tender kiss. But Hannah wanted more. She needed more. Parting her lips, she tentatively flicked her tongue against Josiah’s.
A low growl rumbled in his chest. As he deepened their kiss, his hands tugged the strings of her kapp. It slipped off her head, and he set it on the table. His fingers moved to the bun at the nape of her neck, searching for the pins that would free her bound hair.
Her hands moved to his shirt, fingers fumbling to unfasten the buttons as her hair tumbled down her back. Josiah dove his hands into the thick length, using the grip he had on it to angle her head and expose her neck. A rush of heat swept to her toes when he broke their kiss and fastened his mouth over the sensitive pulse point. She gasped at the shiver that ran through her as he sucked against her tender flesh. The foreign, erotic sensation made goose bumps prickle over her skin. She felt him in places he’d yet to touch—her nipples tingled with anticipation, a familiar ache stirring between her legs.
“I need you, Hannah… I need inside you.”
Desperation edged his voice; he sounded as if he were in pain. She knew the feeling. “Ja,” she panted.
He paused and raised his head, searching her face. “Are you sure?”
Why would he ask? This wasn’t their first time together. She was sure. But Hannah soon understood why when she nodded and he took her hips, turning her away from him. When he bent her over the counter and hiked up her dress, she let out a startled gasp as cool air kissed the backs of her legs and the bare skin of her bottom as he dragged her underclothes down her thighs. “Josiah, I—uhh…”
He reached between her legs and pressed two fingers deep inside her. Her heart hammered against the countertop as the thrill of his touch warred with their unsavory act. Clothing rustled behind her, the riiip of a zipper, and before her mind could reconcile Josiah’s intent, he removed his fingers and entered her from behind with one hard thrust.
“Oh fuck…” he growled, seating himself deep. “I needed this…”
The sensation of him filling her sent ripples of pleasure all through her body. From this position, the sensations were different than before. The dominantly barbaric way he possessed her both thrilled a
nd shamed her. She shouldn’t enjoy this so much, and her sheltered mind couldn’t stop telling her how wrong she was to allow it. His hands moved to her hips, fingertips curling into her flesh, anchoring her as he slowly pulled back and then pushed forward, hitting his hips against her bottom.
When he connected with something deep inside her, the explosion of pleasure nearly made her cry out. She caught her breath and tensed in anticipation for him do to it again. He eased back and then inside her a few more times, but then the pace began to change. He pulled her against him as he shoved forward. She couldn’t hold back her moan at their jarring impact. Each hit was like striking flint to stone. Sparks of pleasure ignited inside her. His pace quickened, the strength of his thrusts growing more forceful, more frenzied, until the rhythmic slaps of their skin broke the silence.
Her body tensed for release. She was so close…
“Gonna come,” he warned, a rough growl beside her ear.
One of his hands slipped between her legs, and his fingers found that sensitive bundle of nerves. Pleasure rocketed into her core, clenching around his shaft. Her release took hold of her as he slammed into her one final time and held her tight against him as he pulsed inside her. His hot seed jetted against her, and she turned her face into her shoulder, muffling her blissful cry.
As she struggled to catch her breath, Josiah planted his hands on the countertop. Sinuous arms with ropes of corded muscle came down on both sides of her, caging her in. She felt his weight against her back, his forehead resting on her shoulder, as he too seemed to need a moment to calm his rapid breathing. As basic and animalistic as their joining had been, she was embarrassed to admit how much she liked it. How unexpectedly wonderful it had been to have him take her like that. The wild spontaneity of it, the unscripted need was so basic and real and…intimate.
Hannah was quickly discovering how much she had to learn when it came to coupling and giving pleasure. But Josiah seemed more than happy to school her in the ways of it. Perhaps he would be willing to provide instruction on how she could give him the pleasure with her mouth that he had given her.
Heat flushed her cheeks at just the thought, her old nature in conflict with her new one. She surprised herself sometimes with her thoughts, her desires. It was like she’d spent the last eight years in a chrysalis waiting for Josiah to return. And since he had, she was reemerging as something new, something she didn’t quite recognize, but it was beautiful and different yet sometimes scary.
“I should move my car, get out to the barn…”
He interrupted her thoughts with a slap of reality. He isn’t staying… What was she thinking? Eli was upstairs. But that didn’t stop the sharp pang of emptiness from pinching her heart when he pulled away from her. The soft rustle of clothing sounded behind her. The ziiip of his jeans…
By the time she got herself to rights and turned around, Josiah was redressed. With the thrill passed, their needs sated, she was left with emptiness—and the guilt of her sin. Brushing the wrinkles from her skirt, she turned to leave, but Josiah snagged her wrist, tugging her back to him.
“Hey…where do you think you’re going?” He looped his arms around her back, holding her loosely as he studied her a moment. “You all right? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“Niet…” She looked away from the intensity of his stare. He saw too much. But he caught her chin, guiding her gaze back up to study her eyes for the truth of her words.
Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, he said, “Sometimes my need for you is so strong, I forget that this is all new to you. I don’t ever want to do something you don’t like, or something that scares you.”
“That’s just it, Josiah. I do like it. More than a good Amish woman should.”
“And you feel bad about that…” he surmised.
She nodded.
“You shouldn’t. We’re not doing anything wrong.”
“I think the church would disagree. We’re fornicatin’ out of wedlock.”
At that, he scowled, the frustration evident on his too handsome face. “As soon as I catch this goddamn killer, I plan to rectify that.”
Wait, did he… “Did ya just blaspheme and propose ta me in the same sentence?”
“Shit…” He scrubbed his hand over the back on his neck. “That’s not how I’d planned to do it. But yeah, Hannah. I want to marry you. If you’ll have me.”
Chapter Thirty
Fuckall. That’s exactly what Joe had to show for the day. Underscoring his frustrated sigh, the wheels of his chair squeaked as he pushed back from his desk and dragged his fingers through his hair. This investigation was like he was trying to run a marathon in quicksand. Hannah hadn’t been able to join him today as he visited the other victims’ families because she didn’t have anyone to watch Eli now that she refused to take him to her parents.
After multiple attempts, he hadn’t been able to track down Deacon Schrock, and talking to Caroline Yoder and Catherine Johnson’s parents had amounted to a big waste of time. As suspected, the same had been true when he paid a second visit to the Kings.
Big surprise, nobody knew anything about the girls’ secret activities. To hear their parents’ talk, these were all good, rule-abiding little Amish girls excited to take their vows in the spring. But Joe knew differently. After spending the night combing through Facebook posts and reading comments, either these girls hid their secret lives well or their parents simply refused to acknowledge the truth.
Each passing hour marked the countdown of Ruth King’s life, and the pressure mounted on Joe. Like the others—except for Abby Schwartz—she’d vanished without a trace. The only way he was going to find this girl was to find the bastard who took her.
Joe checked his email for the umpteenth time today and cursed.
“Still nothing from Eau Claire County Sheriff’s Department?” Sam asked, glancing over at him from across the desk.
“How long does it take to send three goddamn files?” Joe snapped. Perhaps he hadn’t stressed enough that he was in the middle a murder investigation here, and time was of the fucking essence. Thank God for Sam. She’d been the grease in the cogs of this whole thing. He’d underestimated the agent and hated to think where he’d be right now without her. Access to the Facebook accounts had come through early in the morning, and she’d fast-tracked the DNA swabs for analysis. Hopefully they’d hear something soon.
“If you want, I can make a few calls. Put a little pressure on them,” she offered.
“If I don’t have them in next few hours, I’ll take you up on the offer. How are things going on your end?”
“I’m still trying to track an IP address to Rebecca Fisher. I’m going through the PM’s on Messenger, and I’ve private messaged her through Sarah Lapp’s account, but so far it isn’t flagging as seen.
Joe’s cell rang, and he snatched it up. “Troyer.”
“Hey, Oz, what are you doing?”
“Staring at Cassie Beiler’s cell phone records and trying to identify the owners of these numbers. Except for her boyfriend, they’re all track phones and unregistered. I’m trying to find a correlation to the numbers called and the Facebook posts she made.”
Kent chuckled. “How’s that going for you?”
“Not very well,” he grumbled. “What’s up?”
“Dust off those ruby red slippers and start clicking them together, because you’re about to go home. The prints and the DNA are a match.”
“No way…”
“Yep. I was wrong, and it’s not very often I’ll admit it, but your gut was right. That agent must have some pull, because the report came in this morning and it’s a match. The semen on Schwartz and Beiler belongs to Heinz, and so do the prints on the binoculars and the condom wrapper.”
“No shit? You’re sure?”
“You broke this case, Oz. The evidence doesn’t lie.”
No. No it doesn’t. So where was that niggling excitement he usually experienced when he was about to close a case? Maybe
somewhere with Ruth King, because Joe couldn’t shake the sense that he was too late. They hadn’t had enough evidence to hold Heinz before, but with the printing and DNA samples, he would have known they were closing in, that it was only a matter of time. Heinz wouldn’t have chanced leaving her alive, not with them this close to catching him.
“Thanks for getting back to me right away.”
“Congratulations, Oz. You’re the man.”
Joe didn’t feel like the man. He felt like a detective who’d gotten lucky on a suspicious hunch and some circumstantial evidence that would never have held up in court without this DNA.
Bottom line: a girl had been taken on his watch, and the fear they’d find her dead overshadowed any excitement he might have over breaking this case.
“That was Kent. They have a print and DNA match to Heinz,” he told Sam as he dialed the sheriff to request he send out an officer to pick Saul up for questioning. If he wasn’t under arrest, Joe stood a better chance getting him to talk before he lawyered up. They could legally hold him for twenty-four hours before charging him, which would give them plenty of time to get their shit together and make sure they had a case that would stick in a court of law.
“Congrats on the match. You think Saul Heinz is your guy, then?”
“He’s been a person of interest from the start, and with the DNA connecting him to two of the four victims, it’s pretty fucking incriminating.”
“Does he match my profile?”
“For the most part.”
“You won’t have to put an undercover officer on Sarah Lapp now. If you don’t mind me saying, I thought you’d be more excited about catching this guy. This is a big win for you, Detective. Rumor has it, eyes are on you. People are impressed with what they see. I’m impressed…”
“Thanks, Tink. I’ll be excited that this case is over when I find Ruth King.”
“You think you can get him to give her up?”
“If I can’t, I don’t think we’re going to find her alive.”
Vow of Silence Page 23