When I'm With You

by Harper Sloan

  His eyes flare at the mention of Nate's name, and I feel my heart pick up speed and my skin flush cold with chills.

  "Nate?" he bursts out, the sound like a deep rumble of thunder, making Bam bark. Levi's head swivels toward where Bam is sitting, and I hear my poor baby whine, which is so unlike my sweet-natured pup. He loves everyone.

  My mind goes back to the other morning when I found out he had been tied to the fence, and I know, somehow, deep in my gut, that Levi was responsible.

  "Look, Lev. I had hoped that we would be able to go out to dinner tonight to have this talk, but clearly, this just needs to happen now. I've felt this way for a while now, but we're just not working. I think it would be best if we broke things off."

  There. I said it and the world is still spinning away.

  His head twists from Bam, and he studies me with his stoic and quite frankly terrifyingly calm mask still in place. I wait with bated breath as he continues his silence. The clock on the wall behind me ticks away. Bam's panting echoes against the walls. My heart is in my stomach as trepidation climbs up my throat.

  I watch as something dark dances across his face, briefly, before he gives me a nod and stands. I lean back in my seat at his sudden movement.

  "If that's what you want. I'm not going to stick around if you would rather whore yourself out around town and look like a fool."

  He stomps toward the door before stopping when his body is in front of the small entryway table I have next to it. His hand comes up from where he had been clenching his fist at his sides, and I watch as he picks up one of the many frames that decorate the surface. I try to visualize the order of my framed memories but can't seem to recall what could have possibly drawn his attention.

  The muscles in his back ripple with tension, pulsing through the tight fabric of his dark tee shirt, before he turns to lock his evil gaze on me. I don't have time to comprehend his movement before the picture is sailing through the air and crashing into the wall, just barely missing my head.

  "Family friend, my fucking ass. Have a nice life, bitch," he seethes before opening the door so hard that the doorknob sticks in the drywall.

  My breaths come in rushed gasps as I stare in fear at the open doorway. Bam rushes to my side and lays his head in my lap with a gentle whine meant to soothe me. I hear the sound of Levi's truck start up, but it isn't until the sound of his engine had long since faded away that I rushed from my spot and muscled the door out of the wall before slamming it and throwing back the locks.

  I scramble around my vacated seat and bend to grab the broken and shattered photo from the ground, gasping when I see which one it was.

  I don't even remember who took the picture, but I had never been able to take it down and put it away. It's been one of my favorite images and cherished memories for so long that I should have realized it was the one Levi had seen.

  It was a few months after Nate had started tutoring me. Everyone had been enjoying a long day at the Reid's. My skin was pink from being out in the sun for hours, but I didn't mind a second of that sunburn later that night.

  I had been standing at the edge of the lake; you could see the out-of-focus people peppered in and out of the water, but at that moment, the camera caught me laughing at something Nate had said to me. My head was thrown back, hair down my back; my bikini had been a new purchase that I got in so much trouble with from my dad. I looked beyond happy and carefree.

  And Nate ... he was standing next to me, his board shorts low on his hips in the most delicious way. But I loved his face the most about this picture. He wasn't laughing with me. Instead, he was looking at me as if I was the most precious thing he had ever seen.

  That look helped to convince me months later to take a chance and tell him how I felt. I was desperate to see that look again with my own eyes, but it wasn't until last night that he ever gave me a chance to see it once more.

  There is no doubt in my mind that Levi saw the same thing I had built all my hopes on when he saw Nate's face, and as twisted as it is to feel this way, the only thing his outburst has done is given me the verification needed to see the direction my heart wants me to follow.

  NIGHT AFTER NIGHT FOR THE last week, Dirty has been insane.

  A good insane. The kind that solidifies the fact I knew in my bones for a long time coming that this place would be a success.

  But it's also been somewhat of a double-edged sword.

  The madness kept me there for the past seven days while I've had to fight with myself every second of that time not to say fuck it and rush off to find Ember. I hadn't even had time to jump over to CS until now to finish the cases I still had to close.

  I spent the first day after my chat with my dad still struggling to get my cock under control. The day after that, I kept going over and over what he had said. Picturing my future without Ember in it. Visualizing her meeting someone, getting married, having his kids ... and in the end, I felt like I would be sick. Hell, I almost was.

  There was no doubt about it; the thought of her with someone other than me was unfathomable. At that moment, I knew that my old man was right. I had to work my ass off to make up for the shit I had done that not only hurt her and pushed her away, but also get to the bottom of that night at my sister's wedding.

  My memories still start and end with the dream that had haunted me for months, but until I hear it from Ember, I'm not sure how to make up for that.

  The only thing I know for sure is that I'm going to fucking do it.

  I hear the door open but don't look away from the monitor in front of me. I had neglected my responsibilities here at CS for a week now, and regardless of my responsibility to be at Dirty, I can't let my dad down.

  "What's wrong with your face?"

  I look up from my computer at the sound of Maddox entering the room.

  "Shit," I mumble under my breath.

  "I can hear you," he says, walking around to drop down on the chair at his desk. I look up in time to see him scowl at the picture of his girls, the same picture that I had turned slightly so I could see Ember better earlier, and wince when he grumbles low in his throat before shifting it back--only this time so I can't see shit.

  "You want a picture on your desk of my girl, you need to earn the right to have it there."

  "Yes, sir," I smart.

  "Nate," he calls, and I pause my typing to focus on him. There's no way in hell I'm going to do anything that could piss him off when he knows I'm after making his baby girl mine, so I wisely give him one hundred percent of my attention. "Did you fix things with her?"

  A lesser man would have looked away when Maddox Locke turned his penetrating black eyes on them. He's a hard man; rarely smiling unless it's at one of the three women in his life, but that silent dominating hold his very presence commands hits hard. He has a dark side; a side you don't ever want focused on you.

  "Working on it," I respond, my voice strong and true.

  "Work harder. I don't like seeing her upset, Nate."

  My brow furrows. "I wasn't aware that she was upset," I add.

  This time, his expression darkens, and I know I fucked up, even if I didn't mean it in the way it sounded.

  He opens his mouth to speak, but I stop him with a sigh and one hand in the air. "Don't. I understand that you mean well right now, and I respect the hell out of that, but from now on, what happens between Ember and me will stay that way--between us. Before you assume that I didn't know she was upset because I had been avoiding her, let me set that straight. I've been working at Dirty from noon until almost four in the morning for seven days straight, and I finally pulled myself away from that to give up some much-needed sleep in order to close these cases out. I already told Shane, my manager, that I wouldn't be in tonight because I needed to take care of something. Now, it isn't any of your business, but I had planned to go see her tonight. I'll also share that I've talked to her briefly during the week, and she understands that I couldn't get away until tonight. So if she is upset still
, respect me enough to know I'm working on it."

  "You done?" he probes when I stop talking, an odd look crossing his features.

  "I think so."

  He nods, looking down at the frame before reaching out with one tan finger and pushing the corner of it until it is--once again--facing in a way that I can see Ember's beautiful face.

  I take a deep breath, slowly, so he doesn't see I might have been seconds away from shitting my pants.

  We continue to work on our respective cases in silence, the hours passing quickly. I look down at my work, making sure to finish my notes up in as much detail as possible before hitting the enter key with so much force that it echoes around us.

  I lean back with a satisfying smile when I think about the hell storm that is about to rain down on the CFO I had been investigating. Now, with that strike against the keyboard, not only will our client know the depths of his employee's deceit, but the FBI will as well.

  Now that my work is done, the rest is up to them.

  And that officially ended my work at CS for the foreseeable future.

  I look back at the turned frame and let myself relax knowing that even if she puts up a fight, now that I'm finished here, I can go there and then, I'm one step closer to getting my girl.

  "Nathaniel."

  I look up at Maddox and pray he isn't about to kick my ass now. I would rather not have to explain to Ember that her father tried to kill me before I even had a chance to win her.

  "Sir?"

  "I'm proud of you," he declares, causing me to pause cleaning up my files. "I'm not an easy person to stand up to and the fact that you had no problem putting me in my place shows me just what kind of man you've become. You might play the part of the carefree clown, but you have a strength about you that shows me if my baby girl decides to give you her heart, you're worth holding on to it."

  I almost lose control of my body and drop dead in shock at his words. Fuck me, but I never thought I would get his blessing. I figured winning Ember would be the easy part--winning her father's approval being the fight.

  "Thank you, Maddox," I reply, pretty damn proud that I'm able to keep myself from pumping my fist up in victory.

  "That being said," he continues, his voice taking on a threatening tone. "If you hurt her in any way, remember that I know how to kill you and make it look like an accident. Don't make me have to kill one of my best friends' boys, Nate."

  "Uh," I hesitate, my eyes widening.

  "Nothing to say. I know where you stand and you know where I stand. You have my blessing to make her happy, but with that comes the promise of what I'll do if you fuck that up."

  I nod, swallowing the pool of saliva that had gathered in my mouth.

  I place the last folder of my closed cases in the tray on the side of my desk and grab my phone off the charging dock before turning to leave, only to stop in my tracks when Maddox calls my name.

  "Coming from me as a man and not a father, know I speak from firsthand knowledge that women don't take kindly to being pressed against a wall unless you actually remember doing it to her too."

  Fuck me. He did not just say that.

  "And," he continues, looking down at his monitor. "My daughter deserves better than being pushed up against a dirty wall. Don't do that shit."

  Without knowing what in the fucking hell I'm supposed to say to that shit, I give him a gruff sound of acknowledgment before turning and walking with just a little more speed than normal out of the dungeon.

  Nate: I'm on the way.

  I LOOK DOWN AT MY phone but decide to finish my task before responding.

  I pull the latex glove down onto my hand and grimace when I reach out to pick up one of the two dead birds right outside my back door. I had already cleaned up the broken bird feeder that had been hanging on the overhang leading into my house. My heart broke thinking that I had been responsible for two little birds dying because I hadn't secured their feeder well enough.

  This week has been full of me cleaning crap up, it seems.

  Five days ago, a branch had fallen off one of the oak trees outside my bedroom window, shattering the window above my bed before landing in the middle of my mattress with enough force to puncture the damn thing. That, fortunately, had happened when I had been up late finishing my last piece for my show, trying to make up for the two days I missed after my birthday and subsequent hangover. Still, I made a point to have the men delivering my new mattress help me move my bed to the other side of the room--the one without a window near it.

  Three days ago, in what would appear to be one hell of a night for some bored kids, my house and two surrounding it had met the sun with a yard full of toilet paper. Enough toilet paper it almost looked as if we had a snow day.

  Not wanting to even deal with that for a second, I hired someone to come clean up the mess. I had enough going on with getting my painting done in half the time I would normally spend on a piece.

  Yesterday, my mailman had apparently decided to try his hand at crash test dummies. I got home from the grocery store to find my mailbox trampled in a vibrant display of shattered wood and crushed metal.

  And now, the damn bird feeder is murdering my feathered friends.

  I swear nothing is going my way this week. I can only hope that with Nate coming over now, I'm not about to have another wave of bad luck.

  After grabbing the second bird and carrying it to the trashcan with my arm completely outstretched, I snap off my glove and throw that in as well. Bam trails behind me the whole time, his thick head looking all over the yard as his tongue hangs lazily out of the side of his mouth. The big beast has been attached to my side since Levi almost took my head off last week. I've almost broken my neck more times than I can count because he decided to move his bed in the corner of my studio and drag it directly behind where I stand. I've even woken up to him in my bed four times this week, which is something the big pup had never done before. You would think that when a two-hundred-pound dog clambers up to your bed at night, you would wake up, but not me.

  "Ember?" I hear called from the front yard, and I look down when Bam takes off with a bark around the side of the house.

  So much for being my big shadow, I guess.

  I follow his path, going around the house instead of inside. When I find Nate crouched down, Bam is happily soaking up the attention as he scratches him from head to tail.

  "Bam, here," I call sharply, but just roll my eyes when he flops his huge mass down on the grass and sticks all four legs up waiting for Nate to give his belly the same attention.

  Nate laughs but gives Bam what he wants for a minute before standing and brushing his hands against his jeans. Jeans that I should note are molded to his thighs and highlight the bulge in his crotch. I watch, my eyes almost crossing, when the bulge in question visibly twitches beneath the denim.

  "Em, please don't. I can't handle another reminder that my cock doesn't know how to behave."

  I snap my eyes to his, wide with shock at his words. "Uh ... I'm sorry?" Really, what else could I say right now?

  "Long story, but please don't be offended if I end up walking funny soon."

  I can feel my cheeks heat the second I visualize him having to walk funny because of an erection.

  "Did you want to go get a bite to eat?" he asks, making me stop thinking about his dick and try to form big girl sentences.

  "I cocked. I mean I'm cocking. Fuck." I bet my face is bright red now. How embarrassing.

  "Right, so you're making dinner?" he questions, moving his hand to adjust himself. I watch his long fingers work the raised denim with a groan deep in his throat. "Let's go inside, Em, and please let me go first. I'm not sure I can handle seeing those shorts going up the stairs."

  I follow mutely, not really sure what just happened.

  Nate walks in and follows Bam as he excitedly rushes through the house and into the kitchen, his nails tinkering across the wooden floors as he leaps and jumps in front of Nate.

  I wat
ch his ass.

  He freely admitted he would have done it to me, so it's only fair.

  And what an ass it is.

  He moves around my space as if he's spent every day here. He grabs Bam's food bowl, filling it up, and then repeating the process with his water. He moves to the stove and lifts the lids, stirring the pasta sauce before grabbing the spaghetti noodles I had been waiting to put in until the water boiled. I just stand there mutely as he makes himself at home.

  He turns after the putting the noodles in and leans against the counter with a sigh. My eyes move from the stove, to Bam, and back to the huge man making my kitchen seem like it had shrunk in size.

  "I'm guessing spaghetti is good with you?" I question.

  "I love spaghetti."

  And he does. He especially loves my mom's sauce, something I had spent the whole day cooking at a low simmer.

  "That's good."

  My fingers twist together as my nerves get the best of me, and I look down at the floor. I've always wanted to see him moving in my space with me, but I never in a million years thought it would actually happen. It's one thing for us to be together for family dinners or even when the gang got together to go out as a big group but never have we been alone in our own homes.

  "Why are you nervous?" he inquires, pushing off the counter with a shove and walking forward until his booted feet meet my vision.

  "You're here," I weakly exhale.

  "I am."

  "I'm just trying to figure out why. Why now." And it's the truth. Even with the knowledge that I would open my heart to whatever was happening between us, I would be an idiot not to have a little bubble of nerves about it.

  I close my eyes when I feel his fingers brush my hair behind my ear. His warm palm slides down from my cheek until he's cupping my neck with his thumb resting just under my chin. My head is pushed up gently and his fingers tense and flex where they rest at the back of my neck.

  "I'm a smart man, but not always a bright one. I have a lot to prove to you, but I'm here because it's where you are."

  I shake my head while he speaks, but he smiles, and without saying another word, he bends down to kiss my lips soft and quick.