Four Letter Feelings (The Jeremy Lewis Series Book 1)

by Lasairiona McMaster

  “It’s lovely to finally meet you too, Jeremy, and it’s Cindy.” She ignored his outstretched hand and pulled him in for a quick hug. Jeremy smiled, AJ had told him that he was more like his father, but he could already tell that he’d inherited plenty from his mother as well.

  “Thank you for making sure my son doesn’t either starve to death, or live off ramen noodles, Jeremy.”

  “No sweat! I enjoy cooking – I just don’t advertise it, y’know? I don’t want people to expect it. I cook, Age cleans, and he pitches in for groceries, I don’t mind.”

  “Good. We didn’t raise a free-loader. I’m glad to hear he’s pulling his weight.” Cindy tipped her chin towards the bag of food. “So… what did you bring?” she asked, clearly curious.

  Jeremy smiled, he knew his cooking was good and it was always something he had been proud of but he never considered himself creative until he learned to really cook during his time in Europe.

  “I have stuff to make some au gratin potatoes,” he answered, pulling Tupperware boxes out of the bag. “A butternut squash bisque, my ultimate Brussel sprouts with bacon, beer, maple syrup and mustard, an apple pie, and ingredients for dough for Gougères, it’s kind of like a French cheese bread and goes really well with champagne, which Pim brought as his measly offering.”

  Cindy blinked, and blinked again, disbelief written clearly across her face. “You’re kidding me, right?”

  Jeremy felt a blush creeping across his cheeks. “No ma’am. He really did bring champagne.”

  She laughed. “No, not that… well, actually, yes that now you mentioned it. I’m guessing that was your idea, Jeremy? I meant the spread of food you’re going to make; it all sounds incredible!”

  “Actually,” AJ answered, seeming a little put out that his mom assumed the champagne was Jeremy’s idea. “The champagne was my own doing thank you very much. Let it also be said that there’s nothing he has cooked, that I have eaten, that wasn’t delicious, Mom. He’s got a real talent. I keep telling him to drop out of school and open a restaurant, but he won’t do it as a career. Just for, and I’m quoting this now, ‘funsies’.”

  “It is fun,” Jeremy insisted.

  “Where did you learn to do all this? And please ignore my son’s terrible advice to drop out of school, that isn’t a smart thing to do. By all means finish your degree and then open a restaurant. It seems you certainly have a flair for food.” Cindy said, gesturing at the plastic boxes lined up in front of her on the counter.

  “Europe during my year out.” Jeremy shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to learn. I love food. I mean, who doesn’t? But I love creating something out of nothing, it’s very satisfying and aside from playing hockey and improving my game, I wanted to come back having achieved something, y’know? I mean, I worked on my French and Spanish a little, but not as much as I expected to, I didn’t want to learn German or Italian and I love to eat. It just kinda made sense.”

  “And it’s delicious!” AJ agreed with a nod. “Though you’re not usually this bashful, Jer. Where’s all that confidence you’re usually brimming with?”

  Jeremy glared at AJ. “I’m on my best behavior for meeting your family, Pim. I’ll ramp up being a cocky ass over time.” He winked.

  “Oh God.” AJ rolled his eyes and groaned while his mom chuckled.

  “Well, you didn’t trail mud through my house, you brought an impressive spread of what I’m assured will be delicious food and you’ve been keeping my son alive in the dorms – so far, so good Jeremy.” She smiled as she turned her attention back to peeling the potatoes.

  “Told you she’d barbecue you for the mud thing. Do you need any help, Mom?”

  Cindy looked stunned.

  “Wait, what?” AJ’s sister, Ana, entered the kitchen. “Pim wants to help you in the kitchen? Are you sick, Pim? Do you want to poison your friend?”

  “Oh, no, I wasn’t volunteering, I was volunteering for Jeremy to help her.” AJ clarified. “Though Jeremy can attest to the fact I’m getting pretty good at playing sous chef when he cooks.”

  Jeremy snorted.

  “Hey Anabanana,” AJ said, pulling her in to a hug.

  “Ugh. Don’t call me that, Pim, you know I hate it.”

  “Oh good, I’m glad you weren’t offering to help, AJ,” Cindy said. “I don’t really have time for your help. I love you, God knows I do, but a trip to the Emergency Room the night before Thanksgiving isn’t something I need right now.”

  Jeremy chuckled. “Dude, were you really that bad? You don’t seem that bad, but I guess you spend most of your time ‘tasting’ what I’m doing rather than actually using kitchen equipment or being in a position to set the house on fire.”

  “Shut up,” he mumbled in reply. “I’m not that bad!”

  Jeremy watched as Cindy’s eyebrows raised in disbelief.

  “Oh, no,” Ana replied, shaking her head, her voice sounding incredibly sarcastic. “You’re not that bad at all!”

  Both Ana and Cindy broke down into giggles. “You must be Jeremy,” Ana managed through her laughter, holding out her hand.

  “That’s me, and I’m going to take an educated guess right now and say you’re Ana.”

  She giggled and nodded. “He’s a smart one alright, Pim. And for the record, Pim is precisely that terrible in the kitchen. He burns toast!”

  “That’s ʼcause you always mess around with the dial!” he protested, clearly not enjoying being ganged up on by the women.

  The more AJ protested, the more the women giggled, this was clearly not anything new in the Williams’ house but they all played their parts willingly. Even AJ seemed secretly happy to take a ribbing from his family members. Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at the obvious affection shared between the siblings and found himself wondering where his own estranged brother, Scott, was and what he was doing with his life.

  Scott was six years older than Jeremy and when he turned eighteen, he announced that he wasn’t going to college. He was done with the Lewis family and what he deemed ‘overly controlling’ and ‘meddling’ parents. He packed his bags and hadn’t been heard from since the moment he left. Unfortunately, it hadn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone. Scott had spent the majority of his life at home going out of his way to rankle their parents; he flunked out of high school, twice, dabbled with various drugs and had a loose relationship with the term ‘law abiding citizen’. When he left, though, it still crushed their mother, and made their father even more intent that the remaining child under his roof would abide by his rules and not follow his older brother down the path of debauchery. Jeremy often had to remind himself that it was probably incredibly hard for his parents, they were both type A and incredibly successful in their fields. They’d struggled with knowing how to cope with such a rebellious child. Even from an early age Scott had been hard to handle. Jeremy remembered a time when Scott was sent to live with their grandparents for a few months to see if that would help ‘straighten him out’ and give their parents a break. It hadn’t worked. Social workers, teachers and child therapists had attempted to help as well, but to no avail. The last few years at home had been tough for Jeremy, countless times he’d been tempted to follow in Scott’s footsteps and flee the coop, but he felt a strong sense of guilt and obligation that anchored him in place. He didn’t want his parents to feel like they’d failed any more than he knew they already did. His compromise was the year abroad. He needed space to think and grow, to become his own person independent of his parents and to make his own decisions about where his life was going, with or without their financial support. They had tried to stop him, to convince him that he didn’t need to go away for anywhere near as long, ‘go for a month’ they negotiated, but he was set on taking the time he felt he needed to figure himself out.

  Looking back, he couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for his parents. Two full-time jobs and a child as complicated and troublesome as Scott had been. As he heard someone call his name Jeremy realized AJ was watch
ing him intently.

  “Earth to Jeremy.” Ana giggled, as she repeated herself.

  “I think we lost you for a minute there, Jer,” AJ confirmed.

  “Sorry, I was just thinking about… stuff, I guess.”

  AJ cocked a questioning eyebrow, but Jeremy knew he wouldn’t push.

  “I was just enjoying watching you guys sparring and shooting the shit, eh, sorry Mrs. W,” he paused and glanced at Cindy, waiting for her to chastise him for swearing.

  She laughed. “If I got upset every time one of my children cursed in this house, I’d spend my entire life worked up. At the end of the day, they’re just words, like all the other words, they only have power if you let them. You don’t need to share what you were thinking about if you don’t want to. Contrary to how it might seem, we can actually respect personal boundaries in this house.”

  AJ snorted. “Said to the king of crapping on people’s personal boundaries. Oh, the irony!”

  Jeremy grinned. “He’s right. I think it’s kind of why our friendship works so well. He’s a compulsive over sharer and I’m a compulsive stepper-over-the-liner. Anyway,” he shrugged. “I was just thinking about my older brother.”

  He looked at AJ who had furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head in confusion. “Your… what? You told me you were an only child!”

  “Heh. Yeah. We don’t talk to him anymore. Haven’t spoken to him in years. I guess you could say we’re estranged. Is that the right term? I haven’t thought about him in a while, but seeing you and Ana messing around like that, it just made me wonder what he’s up to I guess.”

  “Wow, man, I had no idea. You’ve never said.”

  “Yeah. I know. He doesn’t come up much.”

  And I’m quickly regretting bringing him up right now and making all of this uber weird.

  “Do you need a hug, Jeremy?” Ana offered. “That must be super tough. Though some days I’d love to have years of quiet from Pim…”

  “Ana!” Cindy scolded.

  “I hadn’t finished, Mom,” she retorted, as she grabbed Jeremy into a reluctant hug. “Only some days,” she clarified. “And only for a moment. Truth is, I couldn’t imagine not having him around.”

  Jeremy hated feeling pitied. He cringed as she smashed him against her, tightening her grip. “I’ll be your sister,” she whispered into his ear. “It’ll be fun having two older brothers to annoy the shit out of.”

  He smiled, thanked her and broke free of her embrace.

  “Dude,” he said, turning to face AJ. “That was all her and you saw my hands the whole time.”

  AJ chuckled.

  “I am terribly sorry to hear that, Jeremy. I really am. Your poor parents, they must be so worried about him. I can’t even imagine. It would devastate me if either of my kids turned their back on our family like that.”

  Jeremy had always assumed that once Scott had left and severed his ties with their parents that his parents had severed ties in return. But hearing Cindy talk about how much it would crush her if it happened to her, Jeremy wondered just how much of a weight his parents had been carrying all those years. He made a mental note to remind himself to google Scott and see if he could find out anything about him. He wondered if his parents had ever attempted to look him up, or make contact with him. It had been a long time, almost a decade, and there had been a lot of water under the bridge and a lot of missed holidays and family dinners. Jeremy again found himself wondering, only this time it was whether it was time to attempt to bring the true prodigal son back into the fold.

  Chapter 13

  “Can you pass the potatoes please, Jeremy?” AJ’s dad, Art, asked as he handed the bowl of stuffing to Ana, who sat on his left.

  “Sure.”

  “I need those sprouts, please, Pim!” Ana said excitedly. “They look amazing, Jer.”

  Jer blushed as AJ passed the bowl across the table to Ana.

  “I’ve never seen my children so keen to eat sprouts, Jeremy,” Cindy laughed. “That bisque for our appetizer was truly delicious. You really do have a calling to food, don’t you?”

  He nodded, shoving a bite-sized ball of cheese bread into his mouth. It tasted exactly as it was supposed to and was cooked to perfection. It almost melted as soon as it hit his tongue. He heard himself moan in appreciation.

  “Modest too, eh Jer?” AJ joked.

  “Shhhh! Don’t bug me, Age. I’m in my happy place.”

  Ana laughed as she passed the plate of meat across the table to AJ.

  “This entire spread is amazing, Cindy. Thank you,” Art said appreciatively.

  “Thirty years together and he still thanks me for Thanksgiving dinner,” she remarked, as she poured gravy over her food. “I guess it’s time to say what we’re all thankful for, before Jeremy finishes his meal, anyway.” She was clearly amused at the fact Jeremy hadn’t been able to wait and was shoveling forkfuls of food into his mouth.

  “Sorry,” he mumbled through a mouthful of mash potatoes. “I couldn’t help myself. Don’t tell my mom I forgot the thank you part before tucking in,” he smiled bashfully, embarrassed that he’d been overcome by the dishes scattered across the table. “I’ll start,” he said, putting his fork down on the table next to his plate and wiping his mouth with his napkin before letting it fall back onto his lap and raising his glass of champagne.

  “I’m thankful for Age and you guys welcoming me into your home for this great Thanksgiving dinner. It’s been nice to finally meet all of you and get to know AJ a bit better through you all. The food is delicious – seeing as how I’ve just shoved half a plate of it in my mouth, I can say that – and I look forward to passing out on the sofa later to the tune of AJ’s guitar.” He raised his glass and took a sip of champagne as AJ started to protest.

  “Wait. What? Who said I was playing?”

  “It’s Thanksgiving, Pim. You always play on Thanksgiving. It’s as sure as the sun rising in the east or no one giving a crap about Thanksgiving football but us all sitting down to watch it regardless. It just happens.”

  Jeremy smiled at how insistent Ana was that her brother play for them, as though their Thanksgiving traditions were sacred and couldn’t be messed with.

  And yet they invited me to join them, that’s kinda cool.

  “You’re already in cahoots with my family, Jer. This isn’t good!” AJ shook his head. “I’ll go next. I’m thankful for Mom and this sure-to-be delicious, as always, feast. I’m thankful to be doing something I love in college, close enough to home that holidays like this are still possible, and I’m thankful for lucking out and meeting a roommate who wasn’t a loud and lazy jerk.”

  “Ugh,” Ana exclaimed with a dramatic eye roll. “I never really understood the term ‘bromance’ until this walked in for Thanksgiving dinner. You’re simultaneously adorable and puke-inducing, not to mention annoying as shit. It’s like there’s two of you now, Pim.” She picked up her glass and paused for a moment, as though thinking about what she wanted to say. She seemed to enjoy having everyone’s attention on her and Jeremy was impatiently eyeing his plate of food, willing her to go faster. “I’m thankful for having complete control of the TV now that Pim has moved out, for not having to wait for a shower, or three hours to use the bathroom ʼcause he’s ‘thinking’.” She took a gulp of her champagne. “Though it really kinda sucks not having someone else around to blame shit on.”

  Everyone laughed at her honest admission. Despite her poking fun at AJ, Jeremy could tell she was glad to have him home. Art and Cindy were both thankful to have their family all back together under one roof, and Cindy commented on AJ having met a good influence in his life during his first week of college. A contented silence descended on the group as they tucked into their meal and Jeremy mulled over the fact that this was the first time in his life that he could recall being called a good influence on anyone. It felt good. He liked it here, with these people, and he thought perhaps in the new year he could suggest that his parents join team Williams for
a slightly larger get together at some point in the near future. He had a feeling his parents would like Cindy and Art and he could see them hanging out together wine tasting, or taking in a show together at the theater. He’d only been back a matter of months, but he already felt more settled and at home than he had in a long time and he was looking forward to what was next on the horizon.

  ***

  When they’d finished their meal, Ana, AJ and Jeremy offered to clean-up, much to Cindy’s obvious surprise. The three of them worked well together and Ana was in charge of putting all leftovers in Tupperware boxes and playing Tupperware Tetris in the fridge because neither of the boys could be trusted not to eat themselves to the point of being sick.

  The boys stacked the dishwasher and AJ turned it on, he washed the overflow of dishes, Jeremy dried and Ana put them away. Jeremy was impressed at how quickly they turned the post-Thanksgiving meal bombsite into something resembling a kitchen again. By the time they’d finished cleaning up the disaster zone, AJ’s dad had fallen asleep on the sofa. AJ strummed Tim McGraw’s Humble and Kind on his acoustic and his mom had picked up her crocheting and was making progress on a blanket she had started the night before. While he’d heard AJ play countless times before, there was something about this song that resonated with him deep inside.

  “Is it time for dessert now?” Jeremy asked eagerly as the song finished.

  Cindy laughed. “I’m glad you asked, before just delving into the sweet treats. I can imagine coming into the kitchen and finding you and AJ sharing an entire pie.”

  “Accurate.” Jeremy grinned.

  “You can’t be hungry again already?” she asked, sounding simultaneously astonished and disgusted.

  “I’m always hungry,” he answered at the same time AJ said, “He’s always hungry.”