Wands Have More Fun

by Rebecca Regnier

  “I smell his dead self, there.” Grady pointed to a car closer to the entrance of The Frog Toe. Maybe Mario would come out and talk some sense into this ravenous bloodsucker.

  “Stay behind me, are you nuts?” Grady surged ahead. There was no way to keep up with him, but I followed along with my glowing rock and baseless optimism.

  “Help!” I heard her yell, and Grady moved faster. If we didn’t get to her quickly, I worried the vampire could fly her out of our reach. I knew they couldn’t fly, exactly, but they could leap in a way that made it seem like they were flying. I also didn’t know if all the vampires could do all of the things. And it dawned on me that neither did this vampire. He was less than suave and just north of stupid. Which I hoped was to our advantage.

  I heard a growl, an unmistakable one, and realized Grady was now in wolf form. I’d been too intent on not slipping on the ice to realize he’d shifted.

  I followed the red blur of fur and snarling to see the vampire and the wolf staring each other down. They circled each other. I saw the woman again, and this time I went to her while the two Yooper Naturals did the pre-show of whatever was going down.

  “Look, take this, put it around your neck. Where’s your car?”

  “Right there.” She pressed her keyfob, and the headlights to her Chevy Blazer blinked on.

  “Come on.” I helped her to her feet and over to the car.

  “Did he bite you? Because, if so, we need to do a few things.”

  I’d been bitten myself, by friends. It was no joke. There was some fang first aid thing that needed to be done immediately.

  “No, he didn’t. He made me dizzy. But I’m good to go now. Did you see those walking shoes with arch supports? Vampire or not, I’m not dating a guy who wears white tennis shoes, it’s a hard pass for me.”

  “Uh, fine policy. Get out of here. Don’t stop for anything on the way home.”

  “Yeah, no kidding. I mean, you smile at one of them, and they think that’s an open door.”

  “Hurry.” I watched as she got in her Blazer and then the fight behind me kicked up a notch.

  “Take that you overgrown Labradoodle!” The Dad Bod Vampire and Wolf Grady were rolling in a fur and khaki swirl of teeth and monster testosterone. I walked back toward them and heard a warning in my head.

  “Get to your Jeep!” It was Grady, but I wasn’t going to listen. He was in trouble; this scuffle wasn’t a done deal. He’d rescued me from more than my share of tough spots. That said, how in the poop did you stop a vampire and a werewolf circling each other, bent on ripping and tearing?

  If I had my coven here, I could freeze time, but that level of meddling with the natural order of things required a team approach.

  I ran through the catalog of skills I had as fast as I could. I had already summoned Brule, to no end for the moment, and my coven would help, but just not fast enough.

  I focused on the vampire and pushed my will as hard as I could at his shoulder. The effort of it blew my hair backwards. Wind tears leaked from the corners of my eyes.

  But the vampire staggered back, maybe ten feet or more. It gave Wolf Grady the advantage, and he squared up next to me against the vampire. He looked stunned for a second.

  “Get the heck out of here,” I said, trying to press our surprise advantage.

  The vampire looked at both of us, from wolf, to me and back.

  “Ah, quit your witching,” the vampire said and turned. In an instant, he disappeared into the night.

  Grady’s forehead, in this massive wolf form, was about eye level to me. He nudged his nose on my shoulder, and I instinctively scratched under his ear.

  “Good boy, I’d say this was bacon level excellent work.”

  “Avert your eyes,” Wolf Grady said, but there was humor behind the words in my head. Grady’s humor was evident even in the weirdest situations.

  I stepped aside, and the air around the red wolf shifted, glistened, and moved, almost like the rippling air over a hot charcoal grill. You could see it, but it obscured what was behind it.

  I knew this was what it looked like when Grady shifted. I absolutely could not avert my eyes because it was still one of the most incredible aspects of Yooper Natural proximity that I’d encountered. Also, a great view.

  Grady was standing in front of me, in the freezing parking lot, naked and nonplussed.

  “I said avert your eyes, you hussy,” Grady said, and I laughed out loud.

  “I’m way over twenty-one.” I did blush, however, and turn to start looking for the clothes that magically disappeared when he shifted. This was not the first time I’d wound up face to face, and other parts, with a naked, handsome, buff as the day is long, werewolf shifter. I was trying to play it cool.

  “I’m here!”

  We both turned to find the source of the baritone voice, the Chief Vampire in Charge, Etienne Brule, standing at the ready, seemingly materialized out of nowhere and between us, ready for battle.

  “A little late, Tex,” Grady said. He made no effort to cover himself; quite the opposite, he seemed to be enjoying the current set of circumstances.

  “I heard your summons.” Brule ignored Grady and put an arm out to my shoulder.

  “I’m okay, we had a little incident with a new vampire.”

  “Little? Marzie interrupted a near feeding frenzy by offering an alternative neck to one of your evil cohorts.”

  Brule looked at Grady’s current state of undress and sniffed into the air. Brule wasn’t nobility, or else I didn’t think he was, but the lack of humor embedded in his ancient soul did not see a reason for levity. I tried to match his serious mood, but it was difficult, watching Grady stand there.

  “Did you see my jeans?” Grady asked me, and I did, in fact, see the Levi’s. I moved away from Brule and picked up the pants. I handed them to Grady.

  “Thanks, doll,” he said, and I knew he was moving exceptionally slow, to get under Brule’s skin.

  “I, uh, don’t see your underwear.”

  “Don’t wear underwear,” he said to me and winked.

  “That’s quite enough, Grady. I will not have Marzenna’s honor impeached by your wanton display of nakedness.”

  “Wanton display? I shifted to chase off one of your bloodsuckers, not to get lucky, though I’m open,” Grady said and didn’t make a move to put on his pants. I tried to nudge him in that direction by nodding down at his, uh, naked bottom half.

  “What has happened?”

  “We found a vampire attacking a patron here. She was heading to her car.”

  “Is she safe now?”

  “Yes, thanks to Marzenna.”

  “And Grady, he shifted so we were able to run off the vampire.”

  “Was he an ancient Alvarado in disguise perhaps?”

  “No, I’m going to say he was fresh. He talked like a modern person, wore Dockers, that kind of thing.”

  “He must have got in past your patrols,” Grady said and did, mercifully, pull up his jeans. Brule thought for a moment, I had no idea about what.

  “That’s possible, but I fear there’s another option.”

  “What?” I asked Brule.

  “Alvarado is creating new vampires under his command.”

  “Great, just great,” I said. It was always something.

  “You figure Alvarado is going to try to tip the scales to his favor, and you’re not making more vamps. I guess more shifters will have to do the job. We’re up to it.”

  There was a rivalry between the various Yooper Naturals. I didn’t know what was at the center of it. But it was clear: the wolves and the vampires were not friends.

  “I will escort Marzenna home,” Brule said. It was more of a command than an offer to do a favor.

  “Really? Will you inform your footmen that your carriage is required?” Grady was needling Brule now; he couldn’t help it.

  “Thank you, Grady, for showing up when you did.”

  “I always will, unlike some undead people.�
� Grady stepped forward and planted a kiss on my cheek. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.

  “Uh, say hello to Craddock for me.”

  “Yep, we need to have you out to the cabins. The boys miss you.” Grady was now completely ignoring Brule. I felt a hand on the small of my back.

  “Let us go.” Brule ushered me away. I waved a hand at Grady, who was now putting on a shirt over the abs of steel he sported. Whoa.

  I shook my head and allowed Brule to guide me to my car.

  “You are too friendly with that dog. He is a dog—in all senses of the word.”

  “Uh, well, he’s saved my bacon just as much as you have. And he cracks me up.”

  “He enjoys the ostentatious show of his powers. No wonder his kind was in such danger of discovery. It is obvious he does not understand discretion.”

  I drove and Brule brooded on the way back to my place.

  When we arrived, I had just enough of silent mystery and old-world courtliness to last for a while.

  “What do I need to know about that near miss vampire attack?”

  “Just to be on guard. I had slowed the immigration of trolls and others loyal to Alvarado with our patrols. We’re always on the lookout. But this territory is vast.”

  “What about a spell? I mean, isn’t that what the witches are here for? The assist?”

  “Walls will trap people inside, not keep undesirables out.”

  “What if there was at least a detection system?”

  “You may investigate the matter with the coven.”

  “Uh, thanks for your permission. You’re at the high end of pompous today.”

  “I am unsettled.”

  “Me too. A rogue vampire attack to end the day always puts me off my feed too.”

  “That is not why.”

  “What then?”

  “You say Grady makes you laugh. You care for him.” Brule was always intense, but usually, it was because we were fighting evil, nearly dying, run of the mill stuff like that. This discussion had turned to something very difficult. Relationships.

  “Uh, yes. He’s my friend.”

  “Am I your friend?”

  “Yeah, sure.” I shifted in my Jeep seat. It always amazed me that Brule could even fit in this vehicle; his long legs and broad shoulders looked like they’d be cramped in a Range Rover or a Hummer. But he was always elegant, in all situations.

  Except for this one. This one felt awkward.

  “Does this mean we are in the dreaded friend zone.”

  I laughed out loud at that turn of phrase. Brule never said anything modern, and when he did, it landed with a hilarious thud.

  “Where did you hear that phrase?”

  “I am watching E, the Entertainment Television Network. You have observed, many times, that I am uneducated in the ways of pop culture and cinema.”

  “So, you’re watching television.”

  “Yes, I am trying to Keep Up with The Kardashians. That mother, the momager, is the leader of a coven in California, in case you’re in need of a contact there.” Brule added the last nugget as an afterthought.

  “Sure, I’ll just ring Kris Jenner if I need the hook up in L.A.”

  “Excellent, but back to the matter at hand. I would like to court you.”

  “Oh, brother.”

  “No, not your brother, you.”

  “I mean, uh, what brought this on?”

  “You know our souls have a centuries-old connection, rooted in tradition, history, blood, and elemental forces of the universe.”

  “Yeah, but do you leave the toilet seat up? Because that makes me spitting mad.”

  “No, I do not use facilities. I am undead, as you know.”

  “Well, that’s in your favor, but I suppose we need to talk about the thermostat because that’s another biggie.”

  “I do not understand these objections.”

  “I’m kidding, sort of. I did hate that about Sam, my ex. That and he was a cheating bastard.”

  “Vampires and Frenchmen are not historically monogamous.”

  “Wonderful.”

  “I would like to sup with you, or Netflix and Chill.”

  “That’s two different things, or three maybe. I think you can dial down the pop culture. It’s not really you.”

  Brule had just asked me on a date. I had not been on a date since before Y2K.

  “I do not think you understand what that dog is after and I must stake my own claim.”

  “Grady?”

  I had made Etienne Brule jealous, without even trying. I had to admit that it was sort of fun. The sort of fun that, had I still been married and miserable, I’d never have gotten to experience.

  Still, I hadn’t really, honestly, decided how I felt about dating, much less dating a vampire Frenchman who clearly had outdated notions about my agency and a woman’s autonomy.

  So, naturally, I said yes immediately.

  “Okay, let’s go out to eat. Do you eat?”

  “I can dine. I do not have to dine, but upon observing me, humans cannot distinguish the difference.”

  “This is sounding fun. How about you pick me up tomorrow night, sundown?” There was no way to grab lunch or coffee. He’d be incinerated.

  “I do not believe I am fun. I must be honest with you.”

  “I’m sorry, my default is sarcasm.”

  “I can only promise to fulfill your every desire. Protect you. Provide for you. And vanquish all enemies that would stand against you.”

  Brule had pulled me close. It sounded ridiculous, but it was honestly what he would do, I had no doubt. Vanquish and whatnot. He leaned in and kissed me. There was nothing cold about it. I put my hands on his chest.

  “Let’s just get pizza and see what happens.”

  I leaned back. Being too close was not a good way to keep my head on straight around someone with centuries of dating experience.

  “Ha, a joke.” He did smile, and his white teeth almost glowed in the dark of the front seat of my Jeep. I tried not to notice how sharp they were.

  Chapter 4

  I’d filed the story two weeks ago and knew I’d have to cover the event. But this was ridiculous.

  “Sorry, Marzie, Garrett said Your U.P. News is committed to community service. This is community service.” Garrett DeWitt was the owner of the company I worked for, and what he said went. Which meant I was about to have an assignment I did not want.

  “You’re telling me I have to be a judge in a beauty pageant, along with file all my regular stories?”

  “I am!” Justin Lemorre, my assignment editor, based in the nearest city, Sault Ste. Marie was laughing. I could hear it.

  “You’re enjoying this.” He knew I was fine covering hard news, soft news, local news, but pageant news? Well, that was where I thought I’d drawn the line.

  “What have you got against pageants?”

  “Nothing, I just don’t have the time to be there.” I also had visions of elementary school talent shows dancing in my head. I had thought I was done with those after my sons went away to college. Apparently not.

  “You know, if the boss asks, it’s got to be done.” DeWitt was generally allowing me to do my own thing in the one-woman Widow’s Bay satellite office of Your U.P. News. As reporting gigs went, it was great not to have a bunch of managers breathing down my throat.

  I valued this job, the autonomy it gave me, and the fact I could buy things like, oh, food. I had to do it. I had to agree to be the judge of the local beauty pageant or talent competition or brand ambassador popularity contest or whatever it was called. I was going to be involved. Like it or not.

  “Fine, we can only hope the event gets canceled.”

  “There is a blizzard bearing down on your area, so you can hope it’s awful.”

  “Right, thanks.”

  Downstate, in the lower parts of Michigan, they had what were known as snow days. And from my observation, it didn’t take much to earn ‘em. It was the bane of my wo
rk outside the home existence. The surprise vacation from school the kids got randomly throughout the year, threw us all for a loop. It was never easy to have kids home when they should be at school.

  But here in the U.P., if schools canceled because of snow, there would be literally no school. There was no such thing as a snow day. This darn pageant was happening. And I’d be stuck judging it.

  It was Pauline’s baby. I had ignored her preps about the pageant; her frequent updates were of no interest to me. I loved her, but Pauline’s talk about the pageant was on my back burner.

  But now, I had been drafted into pageant service. I took a deep breath and a big gulp of my coffee and pulled up the last story I’d written about the pageant.

  Local teens to vie for a crown in inaugural Miss Vernal Equinox Pageant

  Widow’s Bay, MI -- The Widow’s Bay Festival and Tourism Board announced fifteen young people will compete for the Miss Vernal Equinox Pageant.

  “We’re excited by the level of interest in the pageant! We weren’t sure if the interest would be there on our first try, but since we opened it to three counties, we’ve been overwhelmed by the quality of the submissions!” said pageant organizer and local entrepreneur, Pauline Rogers.

  Miss Vernal Equinox takes place over three days in March, with several preliminary judging phases. A final talent show, and pageant will be held at the Widow’s Bay High School Auditorium.

  Local luminaries have signed on to judge the sold-out event.

  When asked about the decision to begin a beauty pageant in the current day and age, Pauline Rogers replied, “This pageant focuses on poise, community service, good grooming, and being an ambassador for the beauty of the Upper Peninsula. Those values will always be relevant. That combined with our marquee emcee is a winning combination for the next big thing here in Widow’s Bay.”

  Rogers announced that Tony Orlando impersonator and song stylist Ray Greensleaves, along with his daughters, have been booked to emcee and provide entertainment.

  “I fully believe it will be, I expect this will be an annual event. I have no doubt this is the next important component in making Widow’s Bay a tourism destination.”

  Mayor Candy Hitchcock says the event is part of the larger push for year-round commerce in Widow’s Bay.