by Coralee June
"I-I'm sorry," I whispered. These attacks were embarrassing. Not even Phoenix had witnessed one. Whenever I felt them coming on, I locked myself in the bathroom and waited them out.
"Please," he pleaded. "Please just tell me what happened."
I rose up on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his. My salty tears landed on his cheek, and I prayed that he would understand. Talking it out was not what I needed right now. I had to be selfish. Even though he needed resolution, I needed him.
His lips were unresponsive to mine, so I pushed against him again. "I need you," I mumbled. I needed him in every sense of the word. I needed him to make me feel so much pleasure that there was no more room in my brain for the other emotions.
Ryker finally gave in, kissing my lips with more intensity and pulling me deeper. He bit on my lower lip then drew back with a groan. The sounds of his throaty desire made me shake. "Tell me what you need again," he whispered against my skin, dragging his lips across my collarbone.
"How do you feel? Do your ribs hurt? Your head?" I asked, stalling.
"I don't give a fuck how I feel. I asked you what you need."
"I need to feel so good I don't feel anything else."
He dipped beneath the leather of my skirt and plunged his finger inside my wet pussy. "That, I can do."
A hunger in my belly ignited with his touch. I began trailing kisses down his neck, darting my tongue out to taste him every so often. I needed Ryker beyond reason. I didn't care what pain clouded our past, or the uncertainty fueling our future.
I turned around and braced myself against the sink, clutching the porcelain like it was the only thing keeping me on earth. "Do you remember our first time?" Ryker asked.
I closed my eyes, imagining the Jamesons’ houseboat. The rocking waves and his deep thrusts, breaking past my virginity and filling me up. I remembered how the moon illuminated the scars on his back. I remembered his tentative stare as he asked permission.
"Yes," I moaned as Ryker licked my neck.
I let out a gasp as he spoke again. "I was the first. I branded you first. You were mine first."
He sunk inside of me with his middle finger. Each caress and touch chased away my panic attack. My sobs turned to whimpering need, hot tears bathing my cheeks in a weepy baptism. All I could think of was his skilled fingers thrusting into me as he pressed his erection into the crease of my ass. My leather skirt fell to the floor, and he kicked it aside before circling his fingers around my sweet spot of pleasure.
His other arm held me in a tight embrace. We couldn't get close enough. I needed every inch of his skin on mine. His strong arms made me feel content and safe. With a flick of his finger, I let out a sharp cry, and he bit into my neck while placing his free hand over my mouth.
"Can you be quiet, Sunshine? Or do you want people to hear you?" He asked while flicking me again. "I could open the door, I could let them watch me slide right into that sweet little pussy of yours." My heart stopped. I went rigid for a moment, worried that he'd actually expose us to the world, but also a little thrilled by the idea of it. "You like that, don't you? You want someone to watch me fuck you?"
Ryker removed his hand from around my mouth then threaded my hair between his fingers. Pulling me back, he forced me to look at my reflection in the dirty bathroom mirror.
My hair looked wild, my eyes bright and lips plump. Ryker, although bruised, looked handsome and powerful behind me. Our first time together, it was too dark to truly see one another. In the houseboat, I was nothing but a clumsy shadow of passion, following his lead. Now, I couldn't hide. The fluorescent lights overhead exposed every last detail. I saw his bruised skin. His haunted eyes. I wondered if I was worthy of the glorious man bringing me to the edge of oblivion.
"Watch. I want you to see yourself come. See how fucking perfect you look."
With that, he plunged deep inside me. I gasped, trying to keep the cries of delight from escaping my chest. He held still for a moment, and I watched as his eyes closed. He let out a slow sigh of satisfaction, and I realized that this was the reunion I craved. Ryker and I would never have perfection. But each pounding hit into me was a reminder that I was here. I had survived. I could still feel pain. I could still feel pleasure.
Without warning, he pulled out completely then slammed back into me. I collided with the sink. I felt so full. He let go of my hair and brought his hands up to my chest, yanking down my corset before kneading my breasts. "What do you feel?"
I was worried that if I answered him, what little control I had over my moans would disappear. My entire body hummed with desire, each cell aware of his touch, his grunts. He rocked into me again, then stopped. "Answer me, Sunshine."
"I feel you," I moaned. "Only you, Ryker."
He pulled back and thrust once more, my pussy clamped down on his rod, clinging to each of his punishing strokes. I slumped forward a bit, my eyes lowering as I focused on keeping my quivering legs still. He once again threaded his hand through my hair, grabbing the roots at my scalp and pulling backward. "Watch," he ordered.
Seeing our reflection in the mirror made this seem more real. He was beautiful and broken and mine.
A knocking on the bathroom door distracted me, but Ryker didn't pause. Our pumping pulse keeping rhythm with the pleasure budding within me. "Do you want me to open the door, Sunshine? Want me to unlock it and let them walk in as your creamy pussy comes on my cock?"
I let out a moan as more knocks filled the room. A muffled voice on the other side of the door asked if anyone was inside. The thrill of our forbidden fuck made a cry of bliss shatter around me. Ryker pumped harder, taking me to Nirvana. Taking me home. He welcomed me back with his own orgasm. It ripped through the pain of our reunion.
I didn't care who heard, my release took away my inhibitions. As the last wave crashed and my mind cleared, I realized that the knocking had stopped. Ryker caged me in against the sink, both his hands gripping the edges as he trailed kisses down my spine. Once the crashing orgasm had stilled, he then rested his cheek against my skin.
His cock was still inside of me so I hugged it tightly, which earned me a hiss of air. He pulled his sensitive head out with a groan. "Fuck, I need a pain pill," he moaned while reaching around me for a paper towel. After wetting the cloth, he cleaned himself off then threw it away.
I went to reach for a towel of my own, but his hand grabbed my wrist. "Oh no, no, Sunshine. You don't get to clean up," his husky voice said. "You're going to walk out of here with my cum dripping out of your pussy. You won't be able to think about anything except how dirty and wet and horny you are."
I bit my lip, my pulse picking back up, ready to go again at his words. He bent over, picked up my skirt, and I spun around to face him so he could put it on me. "Can't believe you've gone all night without panties," he said with a dark chuckle.
"Someone ripped them," I replied with a pointed stare. At the reminder of our time in the locker room, shame filled me. Was this real? Did this mean anything to him? My eyes took in the public restroom, and once again, I felt like a cheap fuck.
Ryker grabbed my chin, forcing me to look back at him. "You've changed."
"So have you." I wondered which version of myself he loved more.
"Do you remember when I snuck into your room, and I told you that it didn't look like you?"
How could I forget? It was one of my last memories with Ryker. He'd always seen the world—seen me—so clearly. "Yes."
"Well, this? This is the most like ‘you’ I think you've ever been."
He meant to reassure me, and his words should have. But there was something disheartening about the realization that at the core of my personality was just a broken girl that loved too deeply.
When Ryker and I emerged from the bathroom, Callum was frowning at us, and I avoided his stormy gaze. Blaise hadn’t eaten any of his food and was shifting in his seat. I knew that he must have been worried that I fled the restaurant. But when he saw my dazed expression, his eye
s brightened. I sat down and he leaned over to ask, “Feeling better?” Blaise smirked then winked at me.
“Much,” I smiled, thinking back to his newly found voyeur kink. I leaned in to kiss him on the mouth, not caring that I had just fucked Ryker in the bathroom or that Callum was glaring at us. Blaise tasted like bacon. He grabbed my hair, molding our lips together as I leaned closer.
“Enough,” Gavriel growled in a low voice, making me pull back. I winked at Blaise then dove into my food. “You’ve turned quite brazen, Love,” Gavriel said with a small smile.
Chapter Twenty-One
Present Day
* * *
I sat next to Ryker on the ride home. The moment we were sitting in the leather seat of the limo, he leaned over and fell asleep in my lap. I was stroking his hair while staring out the window when Gavriel's phone started ringing.
"What?" his voice was like a bark, so unlike the soft words he spoke to me in private. He listened to the person on the other line as I made eye contact with Callum. Having them all in the same place, at the same time, emboldened me. I wanted this to work.
I wasn't sure what all had happened over the last five years, but I was sure that I wanted Callum to be a part of whatever future awaited us. I kept my eyes on Callum as I uncrossed and crossed my legs, giving him a clear view of my bare pussy. Callum’s eyes widened, and he groaned into his fist. He then crossed his legs and twisted so that he was facing the window.
Gavriel’s curt tone rang out in the car. “Why the fuck do I pay you to take care of these things if you’re not going to do your job?” he yelled. I dipped my brows in confusion, stretching to listen better. “You’re telling me that eight million dollars of product just disappeared? Not good enough. Find out where Santobello is, I’d bet my dick he’s behind this. He’s pissed I didn’t go with him on the deal.”
The person on the other end of the line continued to talk, and Gavriel hung up mid-sentence. Looking out the window, Gavriel looked pensive for a moment. “Call Nix,” he ordered, tossing me his phone.
I barely caught his phone before it landed on Ryker’s face. “Why?”
“Five.”
“What?”
“That’s five spankings. Ask another question and you’ll get ten.” A warm thrill shot through me, and I squirmed in my seat. Gavriel's punishment was unreasonable. A spanking for asking a simple question? Did I even care? My squirms forced Ryker to shift and turn towards me, groaning out hot air in my lap.
“Why are you calling him, Gav?” I asked again, daring him. Maybe he needed this? Whatever that call was about had him worked up, and I was more than happy to help him relieve his stress.
“Ten.”
I shut my eyes, and Blaise let out a whoop. “Please tell me I’m allowed to watch. Holy fuck, I want to watch,” he said as he looked between us with a grin. Even Callum’s chest seemed to heave with unspoken arousal.
I lifted his phone and made sure to slowly drag out each punch of the dial. Phoenix answered on the third ring. “I’m assuming this is my sweetness, how’s everything in LA?”
“It’s good,” I replied, my voice more husky than usual. I mentally chastised myself, Nix would know I was sitting here horny as fuck.
“Oooh, that good, huh?” he asked. “Well, why the fuck are you calling me then—not that I’m complaining.”
“Gavriel needed something.”
At that, Gav plucked the phone from my hands and held it up to his ear. “Phoenix, I’ve got your first assignment. A weapons shipment of mine went missing. I have reason to believe an Anthony Santobello is responsible. I need you to find out where he is right now and where his son, Lucas Santobello, was last night.”
Gavriel answered a couple quick questions then went quiet. I was hanging on to every word. After a few moments, he finally replied in shock, “DC? What the fuck is he doing there?”
Shivers of trepidation shot through me. No, it was just a coincidence. I couldn’t live in fear forever. Paul Bright had some powerful connections that funded his recreational activities. But I didn’t think that the same men helping him would be the ones going against Gavriel. There were plenty of criminals in the sea, so to speak.
“Fuck. And his son?” More silence was on the other end of the line. I knew that Phoenix was on the other line probably working his magic.
“Perfect. Confirm that and get back to me. Save this number.” Gavriel hung up and once again looked outside with a frown. I watched the beautiful man with the world on his shoulders.
“We’re going to The Rose tonight. I have some business to attend to,” he finally said with a scowl. Blaise clapped his hands together in excitement.
“What’s that?” I asked. Blaise and Gavriel exchanged a conspiratorial glance before answering.
“A club.”
Seemed innocent enough. I shrugged and leaned back in my seat continuing to stroke Ryker's hair until we pulled up to Gavriel’s house. Land Rovers and men in fitted suits lined the drive. Had Gavriel beefed up security?
Once the limo was parked, I woke Ryker with a gentle nudge, and everyone but Callum filed out of the limo. "Are you coming with us?" I asked. I wasn't ready to let go of having them all together at the same time. My past was sprinkled with moments of the Bullets, but there was something magical about adding Callum to the mix.
I sensed his hesitancy. I made eye contact with Gavriel to make sure that it was okay, and he gave me a tight nod before saying, “I’ll wait for you inside." I crawled back into the limo, shutting the door behind me.
The limo driver graciously left the car running, but exited, too. Callum and I sat in silence for a moment. I didn't know how to bring up everything that had happened.
"Are you friends with the Bullets?" I asked. I was curious if their relationship revolved around my disappearance, or if they'd found common ground.
"Blaise and I talk regularly. I've been to one of Ryker's fights. It’s hard to come out to LA with my job. Gavriel has been the most distant, but it's mostly because of our conflicting careers."
I nodded while scooting closer, rubbing my eyes and stifling a yawn. I wanted nothing more than to take a nap and a shower. "It's kind of weird, huh? All of us being together. It's not the most likely combination of people. But it works?"
Callum gritted his teeth and stiffened when I lay down on his shoulder. "I'm not going to pass you around, Sunshine," he finally bit out. Regret laced his tone, and I frowned at the abrupt statement.
I sat back up and twisted so that we were looking at each other directly in the eyes. He continued, "Your friendship with them has always baffled me. When you disappeared with Ryker back at the diner, I went crazy with jealousy. I know it’s not fair of me. It’s been five years. They might be okay with sharing you, but I'm not. I still have too much to process.” I nodded my head and laced my fingers through his. “I was hoping all this time that you missed me as much as I missed you. But now I can’t help but wonder if you thought of me at all. Was it always them?”
“I missed you, Callum. I missed all of you. But I’ve been so focused on survival, that I didn’t have time to pine over the men from my past. Seeing you all again is like a rush of guilt, elation, and regret hitting me at once.
“I never wanted to make you feel bad. I just want to understand. It feels like I’m ten steps behind the rest of them.”
I let out a slow sigh and spoke again. "If I'm going to survive this, I'm going to need all of you. It's going to take everything we've got. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I left. I'm sorry that I'm not handling these reunions the way you think I should. I don’t want to hurt anyone any more than I already have. But I'm also not going to waste time living in the past, because I can't change what I've done. I can only change the decisions I make from here on out. And I choose whatever capacity of a relationship you want to give me. I've had a life without you, and I would really like to not do that again."
Callum lifted his hand and stroked my cheek with his
thumb. He then dragged it across my bottom lip, forcing my pout to part. "When I went to Gavriel for help, I knew that finding you would spark a change in our dynamic. We were bonded by someone who was gone. It just will take a little adjusting. Not to mention, I'm not used to the lifestyle they live."
Callum leaned in closer and placed a kiss on my forehead. His hot lips lingered on my skin, and I reveled in the feel of him. "I promised you two days. I'll go with you tonight, and we can decide later what to do next."
I held his hand as we walked inside. His fingers clutched mine like I was a lifeline. And once we entered the large mansion, Gavriel approached us. "I'm having a dress delivered for you, Love." I shivered at the familiar nickname, enjoying the sound of it in his gravelly voice. Gavriel looked at Callum before asking, "Do you need a suit that actually fits correctly? I would prefer that you wear something tailored. Image is everything, you know."
Callum rolled his eyes. Never one to care about fashion or image, Callum preferred jeans and a t-shirt. It was one of the things I loved most about him. While my parents were fussing over the latest gossip, fashion, and trends, Callum did whatever made him happy.
"Well, I'd hate to ruin your image, Gavriel." Callum's voice was sarcastic but lighthearted.
Callum stayed downstairs to discuss the various cuts of suits, and I went upstairs to the guest bedroom. Ryker was lying on the bed when I opened the door. "Why am I not surprised that you picked my room to crash in?" I asked. His eyes were hooded, most likely a side effect from the exhaustion he felt. I made my way over to the bed and sat down on the edge.
"Your room?" he asked with a grin. "This is where I usually stay."
“You stay here?”
“Not often. I have an apartment near the gym now.” It had just dawned on me that I’d be going back to New York with Gavriel tomorrow, leaving Ryker behind. I shook away the sadness I felt, trying to live in the moment.
“Do you like it here? I know you were trying to get to LA the summer before...”