by Coralee June
I knew that his question had many meanings. Would I open up to Gavriel? Would I tell him everything? I knew that he wanted to see the darkest parts of me. He wanted to know what haunted me. What put the jaded look in my eyes. He didn't want to fix me. He wanted to know me. He wanted to control me.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Good."
Standing at the edge of the bed, Gavriel wrapped his hands around my thighs and pulled me towards him. Hovering over me, I squirmed as he untucked his button-down shirt, revealing a holster with his pistol secured against his hip. My eyes zeroed in on the weapon, and he traced my gaze. "You scared of me, Love?" he asked while unholstering it and straightening to point it up at the ceiling. I shook my head no.
"You sure?" Gavriel asked. He looked at the black, shiny pistol in his hand then he pointed it at my head.
"Do you trust me? Can you give yourself completely to me?"
At first, I froze, fear consuming me like a fire of doubt. This wasn’t the first time I’d looked death in the face. I wanted to trust Gavriel, wanted to put my life—and death—completely in his hands. He needed it. It was the only thing standing in the way of us. I'd been fighting so hard for my own survival that handing over what little power I had made me sick to my stomach.
We had a silent standoff for a moment, neither of us moving. Neither of us breathing. His hands were steady and sure, and I stared at the gun pointed at my head. Would death be quick? Would it hurt? I’d already survived so much. A life on the run, alone and without them, was worse than death. I'd gladly pay whatever the consequences if it meant I could have him. If it meant I could have them.
I sat up and braced my forehead against the barrel of the gun, bravely daring him to test my faith in him further. The cool metal pressed against my skin, and I let out a whimper before biting my lip. The corner of his mouth quirked, and I knew that he was pleased with my decision.
"Suck it," he demanded, and I let out a shiver of arousal. Trusting him completely, I lifted up to put the barrel in my mouth. My tongue connected with the metal tasting like tangy gunsmoke. I maintained eye contact with Gavriel, staring intently into his brown eyes and pouring my faith in him out at his feet. His chest heaved at my submission, and with one last act of trust, he pulled back the safety.
I shut my eyes at the sound of sliding metal. The bullet locked into place, but my heart didn’t race. Gavriel would never—could never—hurt me. It would go against his nature. Gavriel and I were tethered in a way that was difficult to explain. I’d stare down the barrel of heartbreak if it meant I could own what little pieces of him I could.
"Fuck, so pretty," Gavriel moaned before pulling the gun from my lips. My eyes still closed, I listened as he disarmed the gun and placed it on a nearby table. Within seconds, his warm body was hovering over me, pressing into me. "Are you wet for me, Love?" he asked, nibbling my neck as he sunk lower. "Open your eyes. I want to see you."
The exact moment I opened my eyes, I felt him enter me with a slamming hit so intense I couldn't help but let out a moan of pain and bliss. Wrapping his arms around me, he pulled me into a sitting position before slamming into me once more. With my thighs wrapped around his waist, I clung to his hard cock with the walls of my pussy as he pounded harder into me.
We hugged while staring into the darkness of each other's soul. I clung to that ache deep within me as he pressed again and again against my sweet spot of ecstasy. "I've always wanted you—always wanted this," I said in a breathy voice. My voice made him stall, and he worked me back down until I was laying on the bed. His hands found mine and then pinned them above my head. Once again, I was submitting to his control, and I wanted nothing more than to stay at his mercy forever.
“I’ve always wanted you, too. Even when you thought I didn’t. I always wanted you, Sunshine. Not a day will go by that I don’t remind you of that.” He slowly pressed his lips to mine, a soft kiss packed with throbbing emotion. My eyes watered as I accepted his love.
"Do you trust me?" Gavriel asked. I saw a vulnerability in his stare that broke me. With one hand still clamped around my wrist, he used the other to tenderly stroke my cheek and brush hair out of my eyes.
"Completely," I assured. He pumped into me once more, freezing right after the impact.
"Will you try something else with me?"
"Yes," I whispered.
Gavriel slammed into me once more before saying, "I'm going to make you come first, Love."
His thrusts then grew in intensity, and I felt the force of every movement against my sensitive core. He kept pushing until the only thing I could feel was his hard length testing the limits of my need. After a few more punishing thrusts, I was exploding on his cock. Slick pleasure coated him as I clung to his back with my free hand, scratching him with my nails. Small cries escaped my lips, and he rode out my orgasm, claiming each ounce until he was joining in my bliss. With a groan, he came with a shudder then collapsed on top of me.
After a few moments of post-orgasmic bliss, he shifted so that he was beside me. I wrapped my legs around him as slow tears streamed down my face. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, and that I would never leave him again. A thousand words would never be enough, and I prayed our bodies said all the things I was too cowardly to say.
The door to our room opened, and I immediately shuffled to cover myself. I couldn't see who had entered from behind Gavriel's body, but I recognized our intruder's voice.
"Sunshine?" Callum asked, an unmistakable hurt lacing his tone.
Gavriel mouthed "trust me" before rolling over and sitting up. "So glad you could join us.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Five years ago
* * *
The Jamesons had a houseboat on the lake outside of Chesterbrook. The Bullets used it for parties and such, especially in the summer months. I was giddy with anticipation as they drove down towards the lake shore. When Blaise parked his Mustang, I sprinted out of the seat to get a glimpse of the bonfire in the distance.
There, people were already gathered and dancing to loud music. "We should take her picture or something," Blaise said with a smirk. "Scrapbook it to show her future children."
The guys were frustrated after Callum interrupted our dinner, but they quickly forgave me once we pulled up to the party. I did, however, have every intention to stop them from going off with another girl tonight. Revenge would be sweet.
In the back of my mind, I told myself that tonight all of them were my date. For so long, I'd felt like a secret. I wanted one night where I could keep them to myself. One night where I felt like a Bullet.
We made our way down to the sand, and I removed my shoes, chucking them near a bush where a few other heels had collected. The moment the Bullets were in view, girls adjusted their tops and sauntered over. Guys lifted their drinks and whooped.
It was like they were celebrities.
There was a salty smell in the air, and the sun began to set, leaving a dark orange haze over the water. The docks were to the right, and people ran up and down the wooden planks, squealing and laughing.
Brooklyn was the first to approach one of the guys. The moment I saw her, my heart clenched. I’d prepared myself for the inevitable attention the guys would get, but I thought I’d have a little bit longer. Her eyes locked on Blaise, and she swayed her hips as she headed towards him. I braced myself to be abandoned for her pretty face, but Blaise surprised me. Lacing his fingers through mine, he pulled me towards the water, completely ignoring Brooklyn's advances.
"So what do you want to do?" Blaise asked. I looked behind me at Gavriel and Ryker who had started chatting with a group of guys by the keg.
"I don't know," I began. "What do people usually do?"
Blaise puffed out his chest before grinning at me, and I knew the direction this conversation was going. "Well, the night is young, but usually people pair off. We have free reign of the houseboat, but I saw a few promising bushes back there."
I threw my
head back and laughed as another group of Chesterbrook grads walked by, eyeing us curiously. I couldn't help but wonder if they found our dynamic peculiar. What was Chesterbrook’s golden child doing with the Bullets?
"How about you get me a beer, and we can sit here for a little bit?" I asked.
"Already on it," Ryker said behind me. I turned around to see him and Gavriel standing there, red solo cups in hand. The sun had started to dip below the water when the four of us sat down in the dirty sandbanks, sipping our drinks.
"Oh!" Ryker began. I turned my attention to him and noticed that there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks.
"Yes?"
"I…" Ryker looked to Blaise for help.
"I made you something in my welding class before graduation," Blaise explained. "Gavriel got the materials, and Ryker took it to a jewelry shop to have your birthstone set."
Ryker fished around in his pocket before pulling out a ring box. I gasped.
Opening the box, Ryker showed me the silver ring inside. Around the edges was a twisting, ornate design made of metal, and the top was a bullet casing with a sapphire placed in the center. It was my very own bullet ring. Emotion swelled within me, and I clutched my chest.
"It's beautiful," I whispered. Too nervous to grab the box, I stared at Ryker's outstretched hand. Gavriel took the ring and eased it onto my finger. I noticed that he'd picked my ring finger, but I kept my mouth shut. I'd have to let my imagination run wild another time.
Tears filled my eyes as I felt intense gratitude. "Thank you," I choked out.
"I told you she'd cry," Blaise said with a grin.
I playfully slapped his chest before wiping away the couple of tears that had escaped my eyes.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you all," I said. My voice was thick with emotion as I tried to keep my thoughts from going too far off the deep end. Tonight was meant to be fun, and I shouldn't be ruining their thoughtful gift with talk of the future.
"What do you mean?" Gavriel asked. I lifted my knees up to hug them to my chest before responding. "I'm going off to college. I move into the dorms in eight weeks. Ryker is moving to LA. Blaise is—"
"Going wherever my Sunshine goes," he interrupted. More tears filled my eyes as I turned to look at him. Blaise, my sweet friend. He always found me. Followed me. Saw me.
"That’s the plan," he said with a shrug. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Gavriel giving him a pointed stare. "I've been applying for some mechanic jobs in Boston. I might be a couple weeks behind you, but I’ve found some affordable apartments outside the city..."
I clutched my chest. "Are you sure?" I asked Blaise. This was the first I'd heard that he was interested in following me, but I should’ve known. Blaise tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Tingles shot down my spine as I gazed into his hazel eyes.
"I don't think I'd last very long without you, Sunshine," he said.
Gavriel's cough jerked me out of our intense stare. I turned to look at him and took in his tight lips. "I'm going back to the city," he said in a curt tone. "There are lots of people that owe my father a favor. I'll find work. And besides," Gavriel gave Blaise another hard look. "It's just a quick train ride to Boston." I smiled at the thought of seeing Gavriel some. It wasn’t as close as Blaise, but it wouldn’t be impossible to see him.
I danced my toes in the water, feeling a little less helpless than before. "Looks like I'm the only one who wants to move clear across the country," Ryker said with a sigh. I looked down at the sand and pinched the gritty grains between my fingers. I couldn’t imagine not seeing Ryker. He might have joined the group last, but he’d burrowed himself deep into my soul.
"You know, it's always been my dream. Before I moved here, I knew I wanted to be on the West Coast." Ryker stood up and after dusting the sand from his pants, he reared back and tossed a rock into the lake. "But who knows where I'll end up." I looked up at him, but he kept his eyes on the horizon.
The guys made sure to keep my cup filled, but Ryker and Gavriel made me drink water between each gulp of spiked punch. It wasn't long before Blaise had me dancing with him.
Normally insecure, I kissed my inhibitions goodbye as he ground against my back. Blaise ignored the rest of the world and danced with me, our bare feet sinking in the sand as our hips moved to the beat playing on a boombox. I stared at Gavriel, moving with a wide smile, as the bonfire illuminated me with light. Gav smirked at my silly dance moves and waved off another girl that had tried to sit in his lap.
"I'm going to get something from my car," Blaise said in a husky whisper, the heat of his words traveling down my sweaty neck. We were both out of breath, but I wasn’t ready to stop yet. This was fun.
"Hurry back."
Once gone, Gavriel stood to take Blaise's place. Sauntering over to me, the song slowed but my heart raced. He looked so handsome, a thin layer of sweat across his forehead. His dark, penetrating eyes looked me over. He grabbed my wrists and worked them around his neck, crushing me against his chest. "You look beautiful," his low voice said as he ducked and placed his forehead against mine.
Melding my pelvis to his, we moved as the world spun around us. The music had a steady bass beat, and there was something suggestive in the way we moved. Each breath brought us closer until I was nothing but an inch away from his lips. If I were to get courageous and pucker mine, they'd brush against his. "I'm glad I came," I whispered.
"I'm glad you did, too."
Maybe it was the alcohol or the starry night. Maybe I was just tired of teetering on this line of attraction. I'd gone so long convincing myself that they didn't want me, that I'd started to believe it. With a single, shaky inhale, I crossed the invisible barrier we put between ourselves and pressed my lips to his.
His initial reaction was shock. Gavriel’s lips went impossibly still, but he groaned into my mouth as I clutched his shirt, yanking him closer. He dove into the kiss, his lips guiding mine in a fevered dance. Was this really happening? My tongue slipped across the seam of his mouth, tasting whiskey. He was delicious. I allowed myself to feel wanted in that moment. Allowed him to show me that I meant more to him. My thighs quivered, and I urged him to do more. To open for me. To lay me down in the sand, and show me that this wasn't one-sided.
But instead, he yanked away, taking my heart with him. "I can't do this, Love."
I squeezed my eyes shut, refusing to look at the pity I knew was on his face. "You're my best friend and you've been drinking," he said.
I clutched his shirt in my fist tighter. "But," I began, trying to find the reason in this hurt. "I thought that maybe..."
"We can't."
It was a definite response. There was no room for question. We can’t.
I nodded, feeling foolish. His tone was unyielding.
Gavriel didn't want me.
"Of course. I’ve been drinking," I laughed with a shrug. "I’m not gonna get worked up over a little kiss between friends,” I added with a forced laugh, throwing the words he once used against me back in his face. “Gosh! Is it getting chilly? I'm going to go grab my sweater," I said with a half smile.
Gavriel didn't stop me, nor did I look over my shoulder to see his expression. I'd always wondered what would happen if I crossed this boundary, and now I'd had my answer.
Nothing. Nothing would happen.
My legs climbed the stairs over the hill that lead to the parking lot. Forcing the tears to stay away, I looked for Blaise's Mustang. My chest ached with unspoken pain, and I rubbed it, willing the hurt to go away. He didn’t want me. We can’t do this.
I made my way towards the car, my heart pounding with pain. But I stopped when I saw Brooklyn and Blaise leaning against the hood of his car. The car that I’d ridden in while holding Blaise’s hand more times than I could remember. I squeezed my eyes shut, more pain rocking through me. But when I opened them back up, the scene before me was still the same.
They devoured each other. Licking and sucking, they fought for dominance over
the kiss. Their lips molding together in a passionate display that broke my heart.
It wasn't the first time I'd seen Blaise kiss another woman. It was something I'd gotten used to. But seeing it so soon after Gavriel's rejection made my chest hurt.
Just a friend. Just a friend.
I made my way over, slapping a palm on the door. "Hey there," I said, forcing a smile. I willed the chirping crickets around us to sing louder. I needed something—anything—to cover up the sounds of their sloppy kisses. They didn't break apart at the sound of my voice, so I yanked open the car door. After finding my sweater, I slammed it shut.
Blaise finally realized he had an audience, and when his eyes locked on me, he flinched. "Sunshine, I was..."
"Oh! Don't worry. I'm just fulfilling my duties as official cock block of the night." I forced a chuckle, willing my heart not to hurt.
"Sunshine, let me walk you downstairs. I..this was just...she surprised me and...then kissed me...I didn’t want..."
I shrugged, ignoring his flustered embarrassment. Blaise was just doing what he always did. For all their flirting and words, at the end of the day, I was just a friend. Blaise could follow me to college, but it would be the same. It would always be the same.
"No, no," I said, throwing my hands up to keep him from coming closer. "I'm going to go back to the party. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," I joked while throwing finger guns.
Did I just throw finger guns? Lame, Summer. Totally lame.
I made my way back down to the party, but I didn't want to. I wanted to go home. I realized why I'd never attended these things. I'd been living in a bubble with the Bullets. I could hide from their world and pretend that there was something more between us, but it wasn't real.
Was any of it real? Did any of this even matter?
I bypassed the bonfire and descended the dock. My bare feet slapped against the wood as I made my way towards the Jamesons’ houseboat. I walked in a stupor, numbing myself from the pain of knowing that there would never be anything between us. At the end of the row of boats, I wasn't surprised to find Ryker sitting on the boat’s deck and staring up at the stars.