Dungeons & Gangsters 2

by Marco Frazetta

  “Yea, let’s get outta here.” I started walking towards the car. The girls and Skreech hurriedly followed behind me, awkwardly making a point to not look over at the police. I noticed that the gang of cop jerks had grown quieter as we got closer to the Mustang.

  When we got to the car and I was about to pop open the door, just gettin’ my fingers on the latch, one of the human cops, a big motherfucker with full sleeve tattoos on his arms, hollered over, “Hey, hob!”

  I turned to look, my heart starting to beat hard and fast, taking a mental note that I still had my little revolver on my ankle and I need only duck and reach down to grab it if things got ugly.

  “You a pimp or the homo best friend?” He nodded a chiseled chin vaguely in the direction of the hybrid girls, then turned back to join and bask in the uproarious laughter comin’ from his cop buddies.

  Fuckin’ jerk. I shook my head, then turned to see Skreech smirkin’ at me and the girls giving me a quizzical look.

  “Just get in the car,” I hissed.

  After we had got in and I slowly pulled off, bustin’ a quick right back onto the 70 freeway, I motored along until I was sure those cops couldn’t see the car, then I pushed my boot all the way down on the gas pedal, lovin’ the sound of the engine roaring to life, the feel of the car jolting and shooting forward, hitting seventy, eighty, ninety miles an hour in seconds, a hundred and ten a moment later, switchin’ lanes, zoomin’ nearly at the speed of fuckin’ light passed exit signs for shitty little towns with glorious, ancient names, names like Carthage, Alexandria, then Knightstown, New Castle, Cambridge City, Richmond—the irony wasn't lost on me. I eased off the gas as I saw we were comin’ up on the state border—we’d be in Ohio shortly. We’re almost there, now. We pass through Ohio, hit the 76 freeway, I briefly looked down at the map book I had propped open on my lap, seein’ where the 70 freeway branched off into the 76, which would take me directly into the city of Philadelphia. What the fuck am I even gonna say to them when we finally get there? I worried, turnin’ my eyes back to the road. Yo it’s me, your cousin Teek that you haven’t seen in I don’t even fuckin’ know how long. I got in some deep shit on the West coast, so now I’m here, with my fuckin’ hat in hand… I shook my head bitterly.

  I peeped on the hybrid girls in the back seat, then had a somewhat disturbing thought. What if they try to take the hybrid girls or fuck with them? I mean, they’re family but they were always up in arms about hybrids. I can’t show up to my uncle’s doorstep, two hybrid girls standin’ right behind me. I lit up a joint as we crossed into Ohio, taking a few deep puffs, and concluded that I was gonna have to stash the girls somewhere first, before I even went to see my kin. The sun was startin’ to set as we were passin’ by Columbus, and another thought started to nag at the back of my mind, the damn turf wars back in my home town. Last time I was there, some orc gangs were movin’ in on my people’s turf, and from what little I’ve heard since then, the situation’s turned ugly.

  I heard rumblings, little trickles of information from time to time. Sometimes it would be a snippet of the news, the intense rivalry and violence between the hobgoblins and orcs, both vying for complete control of northeast Philadelphia, which time and again broke out, leavin’ behind numerous dead on both sides. It seems so senseless. I shook my head rancorously. This ain’t the dark ages anymore. Philly ain’t some province you can conquer and seize like in the old days, it’s a modern sprawling city, a fuckin’ metropolis, and spilled blood costs more money. If only they could make peace, figure out how to work together, they’d be makin’ better money than they ever dreamed, and so many brothers, fathers, friends, relatives, wouldn’t be dead before their natural time. I brooded in silence for a time over the implausibility of this, the impossibility even. It would never happen… Deep rooted hatred like that gets entrenched, generation after generation. I ain’t sayin’ the beef isn’t legitimate, but we’re killin’ each other over some bullshit from centuries ago? That don’t make sense to me.

  I looked at the road and saw something in the distance that I couldn’t quite make out, so I slowed down, and as I drove by, I realized it was a crow or perhaps a raven eating a fuckin’ snake in the middle of the freeway. My eyes widened in surprise, I nodded gratefully to the bird as I passed by it, recognizing a good omen when I saw one. An even bigger smile hit my face as we crossed over into Pennsylvania. Tyzee noticed I was grinnin’.

  “What are you so happy about?” she asked, making eye contact with me in the rearview.

  “Did you see that?” I jerked a thumb back in the direction of the bird and snake.

  “No… See what?” The orc girl looked at me curiously in the rearview. Skreech looked over at me, he hadn’t seen it either.

  “There was a large black bird, a crow or maybe a raven. It was eatin’ a snake in the middle of the freeway.” I smiled back at her in the rearview. “It’s a good omen, a good sign amongst hobgoblins. There’s a bunch of old tales that my people tell, parables if you will, where the hero or the protagonist would cross paths with a large black bird feasting on a serpent, and his quest or adventure would turn out well.”

  “It’s true,” Skreech confirmed. Long ago, some time when the earth hadn’t even grown pubes, my hobgoblin ancestors had created goblins, breeding them for labor and service, and so Skreech was intimately acquainted with the history and culture of my race.

  “Wow,” Tyzee replied after considering that. “Well, hopefully we’ll have good luck, then.”

  “I don’t understand.” Alelicia turned away from the window and leaned forward towards me. “You take a simple sign of nature like a bird killing and eating a snake, and you believe it means something?”

  “When you put it like that, sure, it sounds ridiculous. But it’s more than that. There was a time when witnessing such a thing would have meant a great deal to a young warrior, going off into battle or undertaking some incredible hardship.”

  “I didn't realize you thought of yourself as a warrior,” the elf girl replied simply.

  Chapter 3

  The hybrid girls had fallen asleep again as we crossed through southern Pennsylvania, ridin’ the 76 ‘til it split off at route 1, which would take us on a straight shot to northeast Philadelphia, a real hobgoblin and orc stronghold, and where my family had settled long ago, after fleeing the hobgoblin massacres in Europe during the early stages of World War I... The war that the humans called the Great War, but the hobgoblins called it another name: the Betrayer’s War. The city was nominally split amongst the various criminal organizations and gangs, and truth be told, the elves and the humans dominated the more bougie, upscale areas like Center City, the suburbs, the nicer parts of South Philly, while the orcs ran rampant throughout the North and West areas, although again, truth be told, the orcs were everywhere in Philadelphia, and Philly orcs were arguably the gruffest orcs; they also had no respect whatsoever for other people’s territorial claims. I lit up a joint as I hit route 1, cruisin’ along, recalling memories from the past as route 1 turned into route 13, gettin’ closer to my family’s traditional territory, and where I had spent the greater part of my youth.

  We passed the strip club that my old man had taken me to the night he declared me to be a man, and where he threw me a wild private party that led to me havin’ my first and second fucks, with two incredibly beautiful and voluptuous strippers, one after the other. It’s only right, my own boy takin’ to some fine, high quality ass like that, he proudly said to me afterwards. Besides, it’d be rude to turn down thoroughbred pussy, even if it cost a few dollars. Remember that, Teek, ‘cause in the end you’re gonna pay for it one way or another.

  As I got closer and closer to my old stompin’ grounds, I realized that most of the businesses and areas where you used to see hobgoblins and goblinoids, there were instead orcs and humans of every color. Orc and human gangs were controllin’ nearly every corner—didn’t see a goblinoid on fuckin’ one of ‘em.

  Skreech made a hissing noise e
very so often, on account of him being distrustful of orcs in general. “I thought this was a hobgoblin town, boss?”

  “It used to be.” I drove by a butcher shop that used to have a massive sign of a hobgoblin riding a huge red bull, now it had some fucking mermaid lookin’ chick advertising coffee or something. “Can you believe this shit?” I muttered angrily to Skreech. “It’s a fuckin’ disgrace.”

  I kept driving along, passing the shitty old Dining Car diner, then stopped short in front of a fuckin’ kobold sushi joint on the corner where I used to hustle and sling dope with my cousin when we were younger. The kobold immigrants had moved into this area some years back and it was now known as Kobold Town. The kobolds identified with the Asians and their culture, much like the dragonborn did, and were master sushi makers. They resembled the dragonborn somewhat, but were shorter and more lizard-like, and were made similarly by the dragonborn as the goblins were by the hobgoblins. I could see in the window of the sushi joint a bunch of kobolds runnin’ around, some whackin’ up different kinds of fish and other seafood, some fryin’ stuff up in pans, tossin’ it up in the air then squirtin’ soy sauce and sesame out of a false little dragon statue’s dick into the pan, some rollin’ sushi. The joint smelled incredible and was packed with kobolds, humans, a couple orcs. There was a flashing neon light sign in the middle of the window that read Kobold Sushi #1! OPEN 24 HOURS! Then another makeshift sign under that one read 1 bedroom, 1 bath apt. available upstairs. Good deal! Must love sushi.

  I checked the surroundings out. Well, the area ain’t too rough, and kobolds generally keep to themselves, I pondered. Might be the ideal spot to put the girls up and crash at. Then, a hot, flavorful scent of sushi made its way to my nose. And I could sure go for some good sushi. Plus I bet Alelicia would appreciate her meal for once. I looked back in the rearview, saw Tyzee had woken up and was taking in the city. Alelicia was still snoozin’ but was beginning to stir, possibly because the rapid motion of the car had stopped, possibly ‘cause she was smellin’ some good sushi on the night air.

  “Hey,” I said, looking back at the girls, “we’re in Philly now. Who’s ready for dinner?” Tyzee gave me a funny look in the mirror and I could tell immediately that she wasn’t a raving fan of sushi. Alelicia looked at me strangely for a moment as well, possibly mentally preparing herself for another meal she’d consider beneath her, but then, realizing it was a sushi restaurant in front of her eyes and sushi she was smellin’, she perked right up, a big smile flashing in the rearview.

  “Sushi? Really? Oh, Teek,” she gushed, “thank you, you remembered I love it.”

  “I love it too,” I added, though I realized I probably should have just rolled with letting her think it was all about her.

  “Well, still,” Alelicia continued, a little disappointed, “thank you kindly.”

  “Yes, Teek, darling,” Tyzee drawled, tryin’ to mimic Alelicia’s lighter, haughty voice, “thank you ever so much for this raw fish and rice and seaweed, I just couldn’t bear more poor people food… Greasy chicken sandwiches and burgers—oh, the horrors!”

  Skreech started to cackle and Alelicia shot a venomous glance over to Tyzee.

  “Why don’t you mind your tongue? I wasn’t even speaking to you,” the hybrid elf girl spat, her bright blue eyes oddly luminous in the dark of the car. “And for the record, I ate that chicken sandwich, as awful as it was, without complaint! And every other sandwich! So just stop it!”

  Tyzee looked back at her in some surprise, then shook her head and turned away, muttering, “whatever you say, princess.”

  “Be nice,” I said over my shoulder to the girls, then, after a few moments, opened my door. “Come on, let’s go eat. I’m fuckin’ starvin’.”

  “Boss, hey, boss.” Skreech hopped out and ran over to me before I was even out of the door. “Do ya think they got those crunchy rolls I like?”

  “How the fuck should I know? This wasn’t here when I used to be.” For a moment I had a vivid flashback, saw phantom younger versions of me and my cousin, Shal, posted up at the corner, where back in the day it was an old hood hobgoblin corner store before it was taken over and converted by the kobolds, our pockets loaded with flame-sealed cellophane baggies or little plastic coin bags stuffed with mid-quality weed, or different sorts of powders or pills, us biddin’ off passers-by with our little crew, servin’ our clients and fiends, feelin’ like we hit a big score every night comin’ home with a few extra dollars in our pockets that we made ourselves, that wasn’t some hand out from our fathers. How my old man or Shal’s old man, my uncle, would ride by sometimes and see us hangin’ there and try to chase us off the corner or throw us a beatin’, but how we’d be right back the next day or the next night anyway, sellin’ dope and chasin’ skirt, smokin’ tree and cigarettes, drinkin’, havin’ a good time. Like that one night, Shal’s old man, my uncle Khakkoc, drove his fuckin’ Cadillac up on the curb, revvin’ the engine like he was about to run us down if we didn’t fuckin’ beat it. I grinned at the memory.

  “Are you going to let us out?” Alelicia’s voice whined from the back seat of the car.

  I had gotten out but hadn’t popped the lever to make the seat move forward. I reached down and did it, and helped them outta the car. They were still in their skimpy outfits and were drawin’ attention and catchin’ stares as soon as they stepped out of the Mustang. Definitely going to have to do somethin’ about that now that we’re here, I worried, once I get ‘em settled in we’ll figure somethin’ out. I’ll take ‘em to the mall or some lady’s clothes store around here. We walked into the sushi joint, where some of the crowd immediately took notice of the girls but didn’t say nothin’, seeing they were with me. At least there’s still some respect for hobgoblins around here, I thought, lookin’ around and heading towards the hostess, an older kobold lady. I came up to the hostess’s desk, where she was rapidly adding up numbers on a calculator as it spat out figures on a roll of paper.

  “Hello? Yes? What you want?” the old kobold hostess asked rudely, looking up from her accounting, her swanky glasses riding down her lizard snout an inch. “You want hibachi dinner?” She quickly shot a glance over at the tables where the kobold chefs were rapidly choppin’ and whippin’ up hibachi, obnoxiously squirting out soy and sesame and other spices from their little nude dragon statues into the pans, making the food sizzle in them and flare up a moment.

  “No, we’ll have a regular table,” I replied, having followed her eyes over.

  “That looks… Different.” Tyzee nodded towards the kobold hibachi chefs, the hint of a smile on her lips. Alelicia blushed slightly, her cheeks going a light pink.

  “Yu!” The hostess suddenly yelled.

  “Me what?” I asked her, shocked and mildly confused.

  “No, not you, Yu!” She hollered again, and a younger kobold lady quickly appeared next to her, bowing briefly to me and Skreech and the girls. “Yu, take them to table three! Be faster, girl!”

  “Yes, hostess.” The kobold girl, Yu, bowed low to the older kobold, then turned to me and grabbed some menus. “Please, follow me right this way.”

  We followed her over to a booth table, the girls sittin’ across from me and Skreech. We ordered some drinks, some sake, some appetizers and sushi. Me, Skreech and Alelicia devoured our food and sushi, got a little drunk on the sake. Tyzee took a bit to come around to it and the sushi but after tasting it I could tell she liked it, even if she pretended like she wouldn’t come runnin’ back for it. When we had finished and it was time to pay, I slipped Yu an extra twenty on top of the nice tip I already gave her.

  “Yu, the food is so damn good, I could see myself living in the damn building. So on account of that, I wanna speak with the owner, about that apartment for rent.”

  “Oh yes, yes sir.”

  I watched her go over to the hostess, tail wagging under her skirt, food tray held to her body like a shield. She talked to the hostess for a minute, and came back over to our table.

&nbs
p; “Okay, I take you to him now,” Yu the kobold sushi waitress said, then as she turned away, she pointed a claw at me and curled it towards herself. “You come, follow me.”

  I got up, told the others to wait, and followed the kobold girl back past the sushi bar and counter, past the kitchens through a couple labyrinthine hallways. Then she opened a door and I was faced with a skinny old man kobold sitting behind a desk in a large leather office chair. He wore a white collarless shirt that was too large for him, and had one of those long mustaches that’s like two white cat tails that don’t join in the middle, a fu manchu mustache I guess it’s called.

  “Yes? What you want?” The kobold asked in a similar annoyed and harried way as the hostess, making me think they were either married or related or both, leanin’ back some in his big office chair, lookin’ at me with irritation in his eyes.

  “I’m here about the apartment, if it’s still for rent,” I responded evenly, keeping his eye contact. Kobolds took it as a sign of weakness and disrespect if you looked away from their gaze during conversation, so I made a point of it to not even blink as I stared back into his lizard eyes. He didn’t respond to that for a few moments, his eyes quickly lookin’ me up and down, taking my measure.

  “Why you need apartment around here? You no like to live, other hobgoblin?”

  I scratched the top point of an ear. “You see, I’m just visiting, and I don’t like to be a burden on family.” He nodded when I said this, appreciating my family values. “And I’m with some friends of mine, we’re travelin’ together. I can pay upfront in cash, for at least the next few months.”