Dungeons & Gangsters 2

by Marco Frazetta

  Nodding over at the crate, I tried to be nonchalant about this ostentatious display. “What’s in the box?”

  “Why don’t you pop it open, see what’s inside?” Shal grinned.

  I started to laugh bitterly. “To be honest with ya, I haven’t had much luck openin’ up crates lately. What’s goin’ on, man? Why’d you have your boy over there heft this thing in here?”

  Shal was laughin’ too, but a little confused, shrugged his shoulders, then came around the table.

  “Let’s see what good cousin Shal got here for ya. Maybe you’ll at least take this, since you were such an ungrateful prick about the cash,” he muttered this last bit a little aggressively, turning to look me in the eyes. “That was fifty large you just turned your nose up at.”

  “Shal, wait…” I was startin’ to get upset; his bounty was unceasing with me this last twenty four hours but I was really startin’ to feel bad that I couldn’t accept what he was offering, I knew it was a means of gettin’ me to work for him, no matter how much he buttered me up and sugar coated it, and I wanted to strike out on my own.

  “No, no, you’re a real jerk sometimes, Teek.” He lifted the cover on the crate, revealing a variety of different firearms from pistols and revolvers to big rifles, shotguns, submachine guns, a number of different cartridges for each respective gun. “But you’re my cousin, and it just wouldn’t be right if I let ya go runnin’ around with the orcs, all undefended.”

  My eyes widened as I looked over and peeped the cache of guns in the crate. I took a sip of wine and stood up, comin’ over to be face to face with my cousin. “I’m good right now. I have a few pieces, and I don't plan on going postal anytime soon.”

  “Oh really?” He grinned, slappin’ a red paw down on my shoulder.

  “Yea.” I nodded, returnin’ his grin. He was ready to arm me with whatever I could fuckin’ need, and that really touched me, I really appreciated it. “I’ll come back later to pick up a few things, alright?”

  “Sure…?” He looked at me in some surprise, thinkin’ I’d want to loot the fuckin’ crate there and then. “Whenever’s good for you, cuz, you sure you don’t wanna take somethin’ now, though?”

  “Yea, I’m alright.” I looked down, lifting the bottom of my shirt, revealing my modified .40 caliber Smith & Wesson, then reached down, lifting my pant leg up some, revealing my .38 special revolver on the ankle holster.

  “Not bad.” Shal nodded. “A little on the small side, but I guess the gun fits the hobgoblin, right?”

  “Hey fuck you!” I snorted a laugh at the jibe.

  He put the covering back over the crate of guns. “Yea, yea, yea. I’ll keep ‘em here for ya for a little while. If you need somethin’ a little more heavy duty, let me know or go hit up Nolo over there.” He nodded to the hobgoblin who had sniffed me and broke my balls before, the one with the vicious lookin’ scar runnin’ down his face. “He can get his hands on whatever. Fuckin’ guy got me this bazooka, some sorta military prototype, a fuckin’ rocket launcher.”

  “It’s a grenade launcher, boss,” Nolo called over, having eavesdropped on the conversation when he heard his name.

  Shal nodded, an eyebrow slightly cocked from bein’ corrected. “Right, a grenade launcher.” He paused, looked thoughtful for a moment. “Though not much of a difference in the end if it fuckin’ blows a guy up one way or another.”

  “You ain’t lyin’ at all, boss, not at all.” Nolo agreed, turning to look at Shal and nod.

  I looked passed my cousin’s shoulders to the clock on the wall, saw it was gettin’ later in the day, that I had to get a move on if I was gonna get back to the apartment and have dinner at a somewhat decent time with Skreech and the hybrid girls, like I’d told them I would earlier that morning.

  “Alright, I gotta go. Really, I’m not going to forget this generosity.” I nodded to my cousin. “I’ll see you soon, let me get things movin’.”

  “Maybe there’s hope for you yet.” Shal shook my hand. “Be careful with them fuckin’ orcs, you hear me? Next time you come by the house we’ll have dinner, talk about a few things.” He paused, then, growling low so that only I could hear, “if you get in tight with that fat fuckin’ orc, that’s not such a bad thing. Not when you're truly loyal... truly loyal to me.”

  Chills went through me. “What are you sayin’?”

  “Only the words you just heard.”

  A strange understanding started seeping into me then, like choking vines. Me working with Big Fat, my cousin saw it as an inside job, and I was his inside man, part of Maglubiyet only knew what scheme. As I understood this, my eyes roamed the room and saw it in a new light, or a new shadow, so to speak. At one corner there was a hobgoblin silhouette, wide shoulders under a finely tailored suit, hands clasped in front, the outlines of his sharp ears rising from his wide head. This was the type of hobgoblin called a Hexgun, not so much a racial type, but a kind of warrior that descended down from these kinds of medieval paladin types. At anytime, my cousin might have just had me killed, because these Hexguns served only one purpose, and that was death.

  I nodded. “Right, cuz. Sounds good.” Then headed towards the big black door.

  I hit route 13 headin’ back towards the apartment, figured I’d spot somethin’ decent along the way that I could pick up and bring home—I really needed to blow off some steam, chill out, and spending time with Skreech and the girls for some reason sounded like just the thing. The food options were lookin’ bleak for some reason tonight. I passed by the usual shit, but I wanted to bring home somethin’ that would bring a smile to the girl’s faces, at least to Tyzee. The more I thought about it, about her, I was definitely a little more into her than Alelicia; I was intensely attracted to Alelicia physically, but the simple fact was we didn’t interact as much, we weren’t talkin’ and vibin’ nearly as much as I was with Tyzee. When I was a few blocks away from the apartment and startin’ to get a little desperate, started to feel like I was just gonna give in and get ‘em whatever the next fuckin’ drive through was, I saw a big, fresh poster on a stand alongside the curb to the left of me, it screamed Chicken & Waffles!! Brand New!! Served 24/7!! And suddenly I remembered Tyzee makin’ that special request for chicken and waffles a few days back, when we were still on our fuckin’ cross country dash from Vegas. That’s perfect. I smiled to myself, feelin’ a little tired. And even if Alelicia don’t go for it at first, she’ll get hungry enough to eat sooner or later, and truth be told that combination sounded real good right about now.

  I lit up a joint and turned off at the Chick deVille, the restaurant that put up the chicken and waffles posters. The drive through was jammed, but that was alright, gave me time to chill out, smoke my joint. Sometimes a small thing like that workin’ out just right is all a guy really needs, somethin’ to let you know it’s alright to take your foot off the gas, take it slow. Breathe and relax for a few, you know, the simplest of simple pleasures in life. There was some kinda fight startin’ to break out next to the drive through, where a small playground and eatin’ area was put up next to the Chick deVille restaurant. An orc had thrown his meal, tray and all, at another orc, who was sittin’ there with a tiefling girl.

  “Brenda! Brenda how could you?!” The meal throwin’ orc was yellin’, striding over to the other table, where the orc and the tiefling girl were gettin’ to their feet.

  “You dickeatin’ piece of shit!” The orc with fries and ketchup and burger meat plastered to his face roared.

  “I need a real orc, Clog!” The tiefling girl yelled, then ran a hand through her hair and across her horns. “You got ketchup in my hair, fuckin’ asshole!”

  The orc with her lunged for the other, snatched him by the collar and was about to slug him but the first shoved his head forward hard, head butting the other orc square in the face, smashin’ his nose in, making blood squirt out and mingle with the ketchup already all over ‘em, ‘causin’ him to cry out in pain and start swingin’ wildly, throwin’ haymak
ers, nearly knockin’ out a fat human kid walkin’ by with his empty tray. I was laughing hysterically, and as the line was starting to move in front of me, I rolled down the window, takin’ big tokes on my joint.

  “Hey!” I called out, exhalin’ a thick cloud of smoke. “Is she really worth it, though?”

  “Huh?” Clog and the other orc looked over dumbly, causin’ me to laugh even harder. I shook my head and pulled up to the drive through speaker, put in an order for a few chicken and waffles meals, some sides and drinks, all that. I needed a cup holder, but they told me they didn’t have one.

  “Yea, thanks,” I spat, tossin’ the money through the window at the cashier, pullin’ off and turnin’ back onto route 13. I was annoyed about the cup holders thing, I mean what’s a hobgoblin supposed to do, drive and juggle a bunch of large Cokes at the same fuckin’ time?

  I got to the kobold sushi joint and was about to turn when I noticed that gang of fuckin’ kobold fanatics were walkin’ around the intersection, and I had to honk at them to move out of the fuckin’ way. They grumbled and kept it movin’, but I was not happy to see them practically outside my home, practically on my fuckin’ doorstep. I pulled around back, gathered up the food, somehow keepin’ it altogether, balancing the drinks on top of the bags of steamin’ fried chicken and waffles, stumbled up the stairs, and, since I didn’t have a free hand, I kicked the door a couple times.

  “Skreech! It’s me! Open up!” I hollered over the fuckin’ mountain of delicious, greasy fried shit. The door didn’t open for a few moments, then it swung in and I hurried through it, carefully droppin’ the food and drinks down onto the table.

  “Boss!” Skreech yelped, followin’ after me. The two hybrid girls were sittin’ on the futon, their eyes all wide as I strolled in. They probably got a little scared when I pounded on the door, but fuck it I didn’t have a free hand at the time and I was bringin’ them dinner anyway.

  I turned to Tyzee and Alelicia. “Sorry I’m late, but I bring gifts.”

  “Hey there.” Tyzee jumped up gracefully, strollin’ around the futon and over to me and the table, breathin’ in the scent emitted from the bags of food sittin’ on it. “That smells incredible!” She came up to me, gently placing one of her pretty hands on my shoulder. “Glad you’re back, everything okay?” She sat down and grabbed one of the bags, upending it and watching with amazement as the fried chicken and the waffles tumbled out, with little packets of syrup slappin’ down onto the table after them.

  “Oh, shit!” Tyzee turned to me, eyes wide, smile wider. “You remembered…!”

  I nodded, smiling back to her. “It was a long day, I figured we could all use a little comfort food.”

  “Hi,” Alelicia chirped shyly, comin’ up to me, her eyes on the table, scannin’ over the greasy fried chicken and the waffles all over the place, french fries scattered around the table, sodas and milkshakes. “Oh… Looks… Good?” She managed to say, makin’ it almost sound like a question as she sat down at the table as well. I noticed that they were wearin’ more size appropriate shirts, so I nodded over to Skreech.

  “Still had a couple dollars left after yesterday, huh?” I reached down, grabbin’ a piece of chicken, tearin’ into it with my sharp carnivore teeth.

  Skreech hopped up into a seat, nodding excitedly, starin’ at the food and reachin’ out to get his paws on some chicken. “I done good, boss, right?”

  I nodded to him, watchin’ him seize a big drumstick and start goin’ the fuck in on it. I dropped down into the remaining seat, exhausted, but tryin’ to be present with them. I had a stressful fuckin’ day, and it was about to start all over again when I went back the next day to the orc’s park. Tyzee must have noticed I was lookin’ extra tired and worn out, ‘cause she stopped eatin’ and looked up at me.

  “Everything go okay today?” She asked, sounding concerned. “How was your meeting with… with um...” She looked at the bite of chicken and waffles she was gettin’ ready to chomp into. “Big Fat… Big Fat something?” She looked down and proceeded to devour the waffle wrapped piece of chicken she had her eye on. Alelicia and Skreech looked up at me too; they must have been wonderin’ the same thing.

  “Yea. I drove down to the park, met up with Big Fat Ton.” I tore off a hunk of steamin’ fried chicken meat from the drum stick I had grabbed, stuffin’ some waffle in my gullet as well, enjoying the sweet and savory explosion of flavor in my mouth. “And it went about as well as I coulda hoped for, though I get the feelin’ that at some point he’s gonna get heavy with me, try to force me to join his crew.” I slurped on the Coke in front of me. “He got a real kick outta me wantin’ to come work with him over the hobgoblins, but the way I see it, it’s whatever. Let him think whatever makes ‘em happy, and I’ll quietly do my thing without havin’ unwanted attention and interference from him.”

  “So you were at this playground with these orcs all day?” Alelicia looked up from pickin’ at her waffles, making a point to ignore the fried, greasy chicken.

  I shook my head, finished off my meal. “Nah, I went over to see my cousin.”

  “You was at The Hob’s Delight again, boss?” Skreech groaned, greasy chicken meat danglin’ out of his mouth. “Without me? Again?”

  He must be dyin’ to get around the other goblins. I peered down at him. It’s been so long since he’s been around his own kind that he’s forgotten how much he hates bein’ around other goblins, all sneaky and backstabbing towards each other, ready to steal from and fight each other at a moment’s notice.

  I nodded. “I stopped in for a bit, don’t worry I’ll take you over there.”

  “What about me?” Tyzee piped in, lookin’ at me all sweetly, lickin’ the fried chicken grease and waffle syrup from her sticky fingers.

  “What do you mean, what about you?” I shot over at her, then, realizing I might be settin’ myself up, I lied to her. “Yea, okay, I’ll take you over there soon, too.”

  She smiled and snatched one of the milkshakes sittin’ on the table. Alelicia quietly picked at her waffle, not even botherin’ to ask when I was gonna take her to a place she obviously wasn’t tryin’ to go to in the first place. I looked back at Skreech and was about to tell him about what happened with my cousin, him offerin’ me the fifty large to get on my feet and all that, but decided it might not go over well if the girls were to hear that, they might not get why I turned it down whereas Skreech would listen, would understand. At least, he better understand. I looked at him thoughtfully, watchin’ him look back at me then return to the drum stick he was gnawin’ on. I hope he’ll understand. I drank a little of my milkshake, then started fingerin’ a joint that I pulled from the stash jar.

  “Skreech, you almost done?” I asked after a couple minutes.

  He nodded, noisily swallowin’. “Yea, whatcha need, boss?”

  “Come with me, I gotta talk to you. Alone.”

  Tyzee shot me a curious look but I just shook my head at her and headed towards the door, Skreech scampering behind me. We stepped out onto the walkway and I closed the door behind us.

  “We gotta have a little chat, you and me.” I lit up the joint, took a couple hits, passed it over to the goblin. “Especially if you’re gonna be around the other goblins and hobgoblins.”

  He took a couple hits, looked up at me somewhat confused. “What is it, boss?”

  “Well for one, I turned my cousin Shal down for a spot on his crew and the fifty clams he offered me earlier today.” I snatched the joint of Skreech’s hand, watchin’ his mouth drop wide open in shock at what I had just told him.

  “What… Why? But...” He was lookin’ at me all bug eyed. “I don't understand, boss. Your cousin is a capo, a big Hob boss, was willin’ to protect you and give you 50 million dollars, and you said no?!”

  “Skreech, fifty clams means fifty thousand...” I trailed off. “Look the amount doesn't matter. I did. I said no.” I toked on the joint, facin’ the night sky. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Skreech was l
ookin’ at me all bewildered, like I was a fuckin’ mad man. “I don’t want to be beholden to no one out here, Skreech, that’s why I can’t take his money, the position on his crew—I just can’t do it. Not now… Not yet, anyway. And you know I’m not into that racist hobgoblin purity shit.”

  The little goblin looked at me strangely for a few moments. “Boss, 50 million...”

  I just shook my head. “Well, what do you think ‘bout that? How’s that sit with your little ass?” I passed the joint back to him.

  He shrugged his little shoulders. “Frankly boss, I’m in awe of ya. Ya never stop surprisin’ me, that’s for sure.” He started to cough, taking one too many big hits on the joint. “I never woulda saw it your way without you sayin’ it.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him, not sure how to take that. Maybe it did sound a little shot out, but I knew deep down in my gut, in my heart, that it was the right move.

  “Listen.” I knelt down a bit, so me and Skreech were eye to eye. “There’s somethin’ else.”

  “What is it?” He squeaked.

  “You can’t, under any circumstances, tell anybody down the way, and I mean anybody, any hobgoblin, any goblin, any bugbear, and any possible fuckin’ goblinoid or other person in the whole fuckin’ world, that we got these two hybrid girls with us, and how that came to pass to begin with.”

  Skreech nodded, thinkin’ that over for a moment. “Okay. Of course, boss, I would never. I mean, other goblins can keep a secret though, if they’re the same tribe.”

  I slapped him quick and hard across the face. “Just keep your mouth shut about all that, you got it? I’m not fuckin’ around here, Skreech.”

  “Ouch! What’d ya do that for?” He whined, rubbin’ on the cheek I’d smacked. “I won’t say nothin’, I won’t say a word to nobody about nothin’.”