Protagonized

by Shannon Myers

  By the time the fourth martini arrived, I was picking olives out of the empty glasses with my fingernails and devouring them in the hopes that they’d sober me up, while Jake watched me with a horrified expression.

  They were full of protein, weren’t they?

  Jake had suggested the lobster and crab cakes and prosciutto-wrapped mozzarella, but I hadn’t wanted to fill up on appetizers. Well, that, and I took sick pleasure in denying the Titan his pre-meal.

  I tore into another olive, wondering what the hell kind of fancy restaurant didn’t serve bread? How was I supposed to soak up all the alcohol?

  “I’ll be right back,” I mumbled before sliding out of the booth. My hip caught the edge as I stood up, sending a cascade of water down the side of my glass and onto the pristine tablecloth.

  Jake reached for my hand. “Hey, are you okay?”

  I nodded. “Yep.” Other than this inexplicable desire to pelt you in the head with the cutlery.

  I stumbled into the bathroom and immediately checked for supply closets with secret windows before slipping into an empty stall.

  What a damn prick.

  This was the nicest restaurant I’d ever been in and I couldn’t even enjoy myself. I swallowed hard and blinked until my vision cleared.

  How had I let myself get tied up in knots over what a fictional character thought of me?

  I was going to march back out there and enjoy my seared tuna and ginger rice. And once I’d sobered up a bit, I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

  I worked on my speech while washing my hands. I’d tell him to put down his damn phone and have a conversation with me, for starters. Then, I’d demand to see a manager over the way the staff was treating me; judging by the prices on the menu, they were going to need to comp about ninety percent of the meal in order for me to afford it.

  I nodded to my reflection and Detective Claws before grabbing a small terrycloth towel from the intricately woven basket on the counter.

  It was a good plan.

  “What a mess—do we need to get her a sippy cup?” Slutty Susan the Server giggled as she put our food down, leaning over just enough to ensure that Jake could see down her shirt.

  I stepped behind a column, anxiously awaiting his response.

  Please tell her to fuck off… please tell her to fuck off, I repeated in my head.

  I wouldn’t have let anyone speak about him like that. I’d gotten defensive when Aaris suggested that he was behind the death threats.

  Jake looked down at his plate and then back up at her. “Could I get some steak sauce?”

  Could I get some steak sauce?

  It was one thing for him to read my bad reviews and tease me over them, but to let a perfect stranger tear me to shreds because of my height, while remaining silent? Was he fucking kidding?

  Something I had absolutely no control over was tonight’s main attraction. And the man who’d sworn to keep me safe just betrayed me in the worst way.

  You are calm. You are centered. You are balanced. You are safe—you are going to kick some motherfucking ass.

  I had been stressing about his story, doing my best to make it perfect. Well, no more Ms. Nice Writer. I stepped around Susan and slid into the booth with a low growl.

  Jake looked at me with a content smile. “I’m glad you’re back. I was about to gnaw my arm off waiting for you.”

  Was this before or after you gnawed off some of the buttons on Susan’s shirt?

  “I’ll be back with that sauce,” she said with a wink before disappearing.

  “She is soooooooo nice, isn’t she? Taking such good care of you.”

  His eyebrows drew together. “Are you okay?”

  I laughed. “Why wouldn’t I be? Everything is just so nice.”

  He pointed to my plate. “You’re not even cutting your food… just your plate. Are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

  I dropped my knife onto the plate and retrieved my notebook from my purse. “I’m fine, silly. Eat up.”

  Jake cut into his tenderloin while keeping a wary eye on me. I flipped through the notebook until I came to a blank page.

  “Oh good, you’re going to get some writing done after all,” he said around a mouthful of steak.

  I smiled up at him sweetly. “Of course. I know how important it is to you.”

  If you pissed off a writer, you died in the next book. It was as simple as that. Unfortunately, I’d already thrown this one off a building. I was going to have to get a little creative.

  Jake sat across from the mysterious brunette in one of the city’s swankiest restaurants. It was supposed to have been a nice dinner between friends, yet Jake hadn’t appeared to notice anything beyond the medically enhanced breasts on the female waitstaff. The brunette had been patient and accommodating for as long as possible.

  He paused with the fork halfway to his mouth and frowned. “Hayden?”

  I shuddered with barely concealed rage but continued writing. Within seconds, all traces of humor had vanished from Jake’s face as he slid free from the booth and moved to the center of the room.

  Holy shit.

  It was working.

  “Hayden, don’t you do it,” he warned, even as his hands moved up toward his face.

  He was suddenly overcome with a need to express himself through dance. How else would the waitress know his true feelings?

  Jake’s arms and legs moved as if they were connected by a string. He was the perfect marionette, throwing his elbows back in sync with his legs.

  Our waitress froze with the bottle of steak sauce in her hand. “Is he… doing the Running Man?”

  I tried and failed to hold in my triumphant grin. “Why, yes. Yes, he is. And that one would be the Macarena.”

  From across the room, Jake noticed the dashing gentleman having a quiet dinner with his wife. His hair was combed over in a style quite popular with the men over seventy and although he was trying to be sly, Jake knew that this was a very special meal for him.

  When I scratched out the next part, his nostrils flared in anger. You wouldn’t, he mouthed.

  I sank my teeth into my lower lip and nodded happily.

  Oh, yes I would.

  He sauntered over to the man’s table. “Excuse me, sir,” he nodded. “Ma’am. I understand that someone here is having a birthday.”

  The man frowned and shook his head, his heavy jowls swaying back and forth from the movement. “Young man, I believe you’re mistaken.”

  I took a bite of my tuna and moaned in ecstasy. And then, because I was such a good friend, I snagged the lobster tail off of Jake’s plate before it went cold.

  Several of the tables were under the impression that his antics were some weird mid-dinner skit and had turned away from their tables to watch.

  Jake brought his hands up to frame his eyes and gave a soft chuckle before leaning down. “Hap-py Bi-rth-day to you…” He crooned breathlessly. “Hap-py Birthday… to you… Hap-py Birthday, Mr. President. Happy Birthday to you.”

  The other diners clapped softly as Jake blew the man a kiss. I raised my glass in a toast. “To the birthday boy!”

  The man looked like he was on the verge of having a massive coronary and his wife kept looking around the room in confusion.

  I rested my forehead against my arm and shook with laughter as he stormed over to the table for act three.

  Jake knew that he now had the female’s attention and there was only one way to claim her as his for all eternity.

  He sidled up next to Susan and jerkily extended his right leg. “You put your right leg in...”

  I cracked open the lobster tail with my knife and fork. “You put your right leg out?”

  His jaw clenched and he bit out, “Yep, that’s it. You put your right leg in, and you shake it all about. You do the… hokey pokey… and you … turn yourself around. That’s what’s it all about.”

  Slutty Susan began stumbling over her words. “Okay, big guy. I think maybe you’ve ha
d too much. Why don’t you have a seat right here with your, um, friend—”

  She continued stammering out half-sentences while looking to me for help.

  “But, what if that is what it’s all about?” I asked around a piece of buttery lobster.

  Even the hostess had abandoned her stand to witness the debacle, along with several members of the kitchen crew.

  Jake sat back down in the booth with a thud and growled, “Are we done here?”

  I continued chewing and nodded to poor Susan. “Sweetie, can you bring us the check and box these up? Jake, you barely touched your tenderloin. And the lobster tail—” I gave her a thumb’s up. “Definitely top-notch.”

  The fork that was still in Jake’s hand was bending under the strain of his fist. “Give me the goddamned pen,” he demanded once she was gone.

  I handed it over with a satisfied smirk and leaned back in the booth. He dropped it into his suit pocket and stared down at the empty table as anger rolled off of him in waves.

  Susan came back with our doggie bags and the check, which she automatically slid toward Jake. I stopped her with my hand. “Oh, I’ve got it.”

  Jake kept both hands flat on the table, not bothering to look up at either one of us.

  I opened it and nearly choked. It was double what I spent on groceries every two weeks. I dug around in my purse for my emergency credit card. “Here we are.”

  She took it but lingered for a few extra moments in the hopes that Jake would snap out of his stupor and beg her to date him. I’d sort of expected him to come to and offer to pay the damn bill, seeing as to how it was his idea to come here.

  Obviously having given up, Susan sent the manager out with my card and a strong suggestion to never come back again. I slipped the credit card back into my wallet and signed the receipt, adding a $.10 tip before scrawling in the margin, Children are just terrible with math.

  Jake suddenly stood up and yanked me from the booth amid appreciative applause from several nearby tables. I fought to get my arms into my blazer while giving them the royal wave.

  I stopped to pet the stone lions before being dragged over to the valet stand. “Hey, I wasn’t done with those pussies,” I protested.

  He handed the ticket over and turned to me with a growl. “I’m going to beat you.”

  I wrenched my arm from his grip. “Yeah, well, unless it’s with your dick, don’t bother,” I snapped as I buttoned the blazer and adjusted my purse.

  His eyes widened in shock. “What the hell did you just say?”

  I looked up at him demurely, feeling the heat from his stare as it blazed against my skin. “Uh, I said don’t bother.”

  I really thought I’d said that in my head.

  “Why the fuck would you do that?”

  “I thought we were having fun.”

  “Fun? You call that fun?” His voice went up in volume and I jumped. “I made a fucking fool of myself back there and for what—some revenge plot against the waitress?”

  “You made fun of me,” I murmured like a petulant child.

  “Jesus, Hayden.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I wanted to take you out to have a real meal. Yeah, I may have gone too far with the teasing, but once you told me you were uncomfortable, I stopped.” He scowled at me from under the streetlight, his eyes positively murderous.

  But, he hadn’t stopped.

  “Instead of sticking up for me, you asked for the steak sauce. You let her treat me like I was a small child!”

  “Do you hear yourself?” he hissed. “What was I supposed to do; make a big scene and get us thrown out? I ignored her, thinking that she’d take the hint and go away. It’s the same reason I stopped reading the negative reviews to you. Because I realized how much it was hurting you. I’m not perfect, but goddamn, I’m trying here.”

  Suddenly, the game no longer seemed fun. I’d humiliated Jake and probably convinced our waitress to look at a new profession all because of my own insecurities. I was a complete idiot.

  He continued tersely. “From now on, it’s strictly business.”

  “Until when?” I blurted out defiantly. “The next pair of tits distracts you and I end up trapped in a bathroom with a psychopath?”

  Jake’s truck arrived with a deep rumble, effectively ending any further conversation between us. The driver came around and helped me up into the passenger seat and I turned until I was facing the window.

  The drive back went about as well as the drive to the restaurant had gone, only this time there was no music to break up the silence.

  I trudged up the stairs and into the apartment where Bootsy greeted me with an impatient yowl before kneading at my legs. “Not now,” I mumbled.

  I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to cry or vomit… or both. The door slammed shut behind Jake and I jumped. It was definitely going to be both.

  “Jake, can we talk?”

  He put the boxes of food in the refrigerator and turned to me. “Sure.” He walked back out of the apartment, rattling the wall as the door banged closed behind him.

  “Okay, I’m just gonna take that as a no.”

  Bootsy ran to the door, meowing for all she was worth.

  “Yeah, good luck, sister. I don’t think he’s coming back.” Then, I laid down on the couch and cried myself to sleep.

  “Hayden.”

  I flinched but kept my eyes closed. “Shhh… I don’t wanna lose my sleep.”

  “Hayden. Look at me.”

  I blinked up at Jake, lit by the moonlight streaming in from the door to the balcony. “You came back.” My voice had gone scratchy like sandpaper thanks to my tears.

  He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and pulled me into a sitting position. “I came back. I’ve been thinking about what you said back at the restaurant. Do you blame me for what happened at the club?”

  I stretched like a cat and yawned. “I don’t. This whole thing is just really confusing, you know?”

  The coffee table creaked as he settled his weight on it. “I do. It’d be a lot to take in under normal circumstances, but I’m not going to stop until I find this person—”

  “Why did you let me think that I’d imagined what happened at Magenta? You knew someone was in there with me and that they broke the mirror.”

  Jake looked down and nodded. “I thought it’d be better if you didn’t know. I thought that you’d become too scared to leave your apartment and I didn’t want you living in fear like that. I knew, and that was all that mattered.”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “Thank you for that and for coming back. I thought you were gone forever,” I finished with a weak laugh.

  “I’m sorry I left. I needed to drive around and clear my head.” He stood up and walked to the balcony door and then back over to me. “Have you ever just needed something? To feel it—more than you need your next breath?”

  The pulse jumped in my throat and I nodded. “Yes.”

  This was it. The moment of truth.

  His hand cupped my cheek before sliding down to rest against my collarbone. “Because when I looked at you earlier, I needed my hands on your body,” he paused to smirk as I moved closer. “After what happened between us at the restaurant, I wanted to wrap my hands around your tiny throat and just squeeze with everything I had.”

  I fell back against the cushions with a rough exhale. “Really?”

  “What? Did you think I meant something else? Were you hoping for it? You can admit it.”

  I stood up and moved away from him. “Hoping for it? More like hoping it would never happen! Why won’t you admit that you’ve wanted there to be something between us since you got here? One word, Jake. Yoga. You were turned on by me!”

  He rolled his eyes and followed me. “Turned on? You grabbed my cock. It doesn’t matter who you are; if he gets attention, he’s coming out to play.”

  “You’re disgusting. And I didn’t intentionally grab your—junk, it was a mistake. If you weren’t as big as a damn tree, it
wouldn’t have been an issue.”

  “Funny,” he said with a smirk. “I’ve never had a woman refer to it as a tree before.”

  I dropped my shoulders. “Oh my god, you’re such a guy!

  “Yeah? Well, you’re a pint-sized pain in my ass!” Jake cut the distance between us in half and I instinctively stepped back, only to collide with the wall.

  I forced myself up to my full height and stood toe to toe with him. “There you go again! Making fun of me because I’m smaller than you—”

  “You called me a tree!”

  “Because you are! You’re a goddamn giant—” I froze and stared dumbly at my hands. Hands that I’d thrown up in frustration were now holding onto the lapels of his suit jacket.

  Jake followed my line of vision and let out a rough exhale. “Fuck, Hayden.”

  You can’t even begin to fathom the things I’d do if I put my hands on you.

  “I’m still very mad at you,” I whispered with shrinking resolve. “So. Mad.”

  “I know.” His hands covered mine.

  We both struggled to get our next breath while anxiously waiting to see what the other was going to do. He moved until I felt the warmth of every exhale across my skin.

  We were rubber bands; each pulled to the limit and any moment now, we were going to snap. He’d make good on his promise of strangling me and that’d be it.

  I stared up into his eyes and decided that there were worse ways to go. When he leaned down, I didn’t even hesitate. I hooked my hands around his neck and brought his mouth down over mine.

  I expected him to fight. I wasn’t prepared to feel his full lips moving against mine. I’d been right. His lips were made for mine. He lifted me up into his arms with a growl and I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding on for dear life.

  I was kissing Jake.

  He was kissing me.

  My back connected with the wall and he shifted us until his… tree… was against my… oh my god.

  The blood thundered in my ears as his teeth caught my lower lip. His hands roamed over my ass, moving me up and down against him until all coherent thought ceased to exist.

  We were going to hide out from the person who wanted me dead, right here. Just like this. We’d order our groceries online and make Aaris take Bootsy to the vet. It was going to be perfect.