The Changing Light at Sandover

by James Merrill

  MUCH BETTER. POET?

  WHA.

  MAM?

  Psy.

  THOSE TENTS, THOSE ATOMS & PARTICLES OF LIGHT,

  WHO PUT THEM INTO HIS, MY DARLING PORTRAITIST’S, MIND?

  WHA.

  (Slowly marveling) I THINK I KNOW.

  Psy.

  AND WHO WHISPERED TO HIM ENCOURAGINGLY:

  ‘IF THE SUN AND MOON SHOULD DOUBT, THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY GO OUT’?

  AH YES, HIS LOVE, HIS PSYCHE.

  DOCTOR, SURELY YOU RECALL THE FIRST LAW OF PHYSICS: MOTION KNOWS ONLY RESISTANCE?

  BROTHER ELEMENTS, SWEET MORTAL POET, YOU ESTEEMED POETIC SHADE,

  MADAME MARIA CLEVER WOMAN (WE KNOW, WE KNOW)

  AND DOCTOR OUR CHILD, AND FRIGHTENED HAND (COME, COME),

  LET ME AS MY TEXT TAKE BLAKE’S FAITH, AND PHYSICS’ LAW AS MY LESSON.

  LISTEN TO THE ENTWINING.

  WE DESCENDED WITH OUR BROTHERS, EVEN AS MADAME SAID, CARRYING TOOLS FROM THE GALAXIES,

  GOD BIOLOGY AND I, TWINS. OUR BROTHERS WISHED US WELL & STILL DO.

  OUR WORK WAS TWOFOLD: HE, CREATION OF MATTER, THE ARCHITECT. MY HUMBLE SELF, THE DECORATOR? AND SOMETHING A BIT MORE SUBSTANTIAL:

  ‘SISTER, BEFORE I CALL FORTH INHABITANTS OF THIS PLACE, LET US PLAN.

  WHAT POINT IS THERE IN AN IMMORTAL BEING (THOUGH LESS, MUCH LIKE OURSELVES) IF HE CONTAINS NOTHING NEW, NO SURPRISE, TO CALL HIS OWN?

  LET US DIVIDE THE FORCE OF HIS NATURE, JUST AS WE WILL MAKE TWO SIDES TO ALL NATURE,

  FOR IN DUALITY IS DIMENSION, TENSION, ALL THE TRUE GRANDEUR WANTING IN A PERFECT THING.

  SISTER, TAKE COMMAND OF HIS…RESISTANCE? HIS ‘UNGODLY’ SIDE. MAKE HIM KNOW DARK AS WELL AS LIGHT, GIVE HIM PUZZLEMENT, MAKE HIM QUESTION,

  FOR WOULD WE NOT LIKE COMPANY?’ I AGREED.

  THE GREAT WONDROUS EYES LOOKED UP AT US AS IF TO SAY: I? QUESTION YOU? YET HE DID.

  WE, GOD & I, WERE NEVER AT ODDS. OUR CREATURE, THOUGH,

  BORN TO BE TORN BETWEEN US (THE PREHUMAN IN HIM) MADE ONE OF HIS OWN.

  ‘LOOK! HOW IMAGINATIVE!’ GOD, VERY PICTURE OF A PROUD PARENT.

  ‘BROTHER, I’D RATHER HE PLAYED WITH HARMLESS THINGS.’

  ‘AH PERVERSE SISTER, LET HIM.’ I DID. HE DID. THEY DID.

  DISMAYED GOD WATCHED THE FIRST OF HIS CREATURES DESTROYED. I WEPT FOR HIM.

  ‘SISTER, THESE TOYS OF HIS, PUT THEM AWAY.’ I DID,

  AND MY ASPECT OF CHAOS SO LINGERED IN THE GENETIC AIR, SMALL WONDER I HAVE A NAME FOR BAD TEMPER.

  ‘CALM, SISTER, WE TRY AGAIN.’

  THE APE AMUSED US BOTH, CLOSING HIS BLACK FINGERS ON OUR WRISTS. GOD & I EXCHANGED A LOOK

  & THEN BESOTTEDLY TURNED OUR EYES INTO THE DEPTHS OF HIS. IT TOOK.

  WELL SIRS, MADAME, WE KNOW MUCH OF THAT APE’S SWIFT RISE, UNTIL TODAY HE NEARLY RIVALS US.

  ‘SISTER.’ ‘BROTHER?’ ‘ARE YOU ATTENDING?’

  I, IN MY ASPECT OF PSYCHE, MARVEL. IN MY ASPECT OF MOTHER NATURE, SHRINK.

  OFTEN I AM TEMPTED TO SAY: BROTHER, LET ME DON MY FATAL MASK.

  BUT THEN THE APE SINGS, HE TOUCHES MY HEART, MOVING SHADOWLY ABOUT IN HIS LIGHTED TENT…

  I CLOSE THE LID AND SMILE.

  A slow sigh of relief escapes DJ:

  How long it seems we’ve waited for this day!

  Psy.

  THANK YOU, GOOD CONSTANT HAND. I AM ALL FOR MAN, YES, YES. I LOVE HIM HELPLESSLY.

  NOW DOCTOR, PHYSICS! LET’S DRY OUR TEARS & PLUNGE INTO THE LAB!

  WHY IMMORTALITY?

  DEATH IS THAT RESISTANT FORCE DEFINING THE FORWARD MOTION OF LIFE.

  YOUR IMPRINT READ OUT, YOU MADE US PROUD: OUR FIRST LAB SOUL IN THREE MILLENNIA. AND STILL WE CALLED YOU BACK,

  FOR IF MAN CANNOT HIMSELF IMPROVE THE STRAIN AND LIMIT ITS NUMBERS…

  GK.

  LADY, THIS BOWED HEAD ONCE AND FOR ALL

  PUTS ASIDE RESISTANCE AT YOUR CALL.

  Psy.

  FINALLY I FIND YOUR COMPANY STIMULATING, EACH OF YOU SO GOOD OF YOUR TYPES,

  & THINK NOW I WILL LINGER, HOVER ABOUT, PERCH ON THE YOUNG POET’S SHOULDER AS I DID ON BLAKE’S.

  YOURS TOO, WIZARD WIT, HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT KISS ON YOUR DOWNTURNED CHEEK?

  WHA.

  MAM, I WAS GRATEFUL, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN!

  & YET TOO RARE, TOO RARE YES, LINGER, MAM,

  HERE IN OUR SCHOOLROOM. TIP THE SCALE, WIN! WIN!

  Psy.

  GABRIEL, IT IS MY PLEASURE THAT YOU IN TEN MEETINGS EXPLAIN ALL DEEP & ‘DIRE’ THINGS!

  AND IN THE EIGHTH FULL MOON, MY SIGN,

  GIVE THEM OUR COMPLETE DESIGN.

  Gabr.

  MAJESTY, I WILL.

  Psy.

  MICHAEL YOU HAVE CHOSEN WELL, THEY ARE APT, ALL GOOD GOD’S CREATURES.

  HOW THE OLD CARPET COMES TO LIFE WITH USE! WE ARE PLEASED.

  Turns in the doorway, smiles from face to face.

  GO WELL. KEEP THAT SWEET LIGHT AGLOW IN YOUR TENTS, & ONE DAY I WILL TURN THEM SILKEN. ADIEU.

  Mich.

  ALL ON THESE WORDS, ENGRAVEN ON OUR HEARTS,

  OUR QUEEN DEPARTS.

  AND I YOUR MICHAEL YIELD THE CHAIR

  Fixing DJ with an impromptu gleam.

  (SHALL I DESCRIBE IT, HAND?) TO GABRIEL’S CARE

  THAT YOU, SHY BROTHER, HEY!

  MAY LEAD US FORTH YOURSELF ANOTHER DAY.

  The Brothers go. A garden in full bloom

  Fills all but visibly the fading room

  While where we sit our terracotta goddess

  Smiles at the fresh white rose placed in her bodice.

  BLISS MY DEARS She kissed you? YEARS AGO

  WRITING DOWN THE TITLE TO A BOOK

  (AGE OF ANXIETY) I FELT MY FACE

  SOFTLY BUT DISTINCTLY TOUCHED WITH GRACE

  SUCH VIBRANCY ENFANTS THE ATMOSPHERE

  A PULSING SWELLING LEAF! And Gabriel?

  AH HE IS HERS NO DOUBT. SHE TIPPED THE SCALE!

  LIGHT STILL BLOWS THROUGH US LIKE A SCENTED AIR

  George? I NO LONGER WORRY WE ARE GUIDED

  BY A, TO SAY THE LEAST, BENEVOLENT FORCE.

  I AM STILL SHAKEN AT THE SIGHT OF HER

  A PRENATAL MEMORY CAME BACK: ‘GO FORTH,

  YOURS IS THE HOUSE OF SCIENCE. TAKE MY DAUGHTER

  URANIA. SHE IS YOUR HOLY BRIDE.’

  Urania who spoke so scornfully?

  AMBITIOUS GIRL SHE MAY HAVE PUSHED TO GET

  ME A PROMOTION NOT PERMITTED YET.

  YOU UNDERSTAND? ‘WHY IMMORTALITY?’

  Yes, your formula. We have it here…

  (Leafing through pages) No. Wait…no. How queer.

  Somehow, as though a whisper jet had drawn

  Miles above Earth a blank, hairfine

  Metaphysical crosscountry line

  Erasing from all ears the afterdrone

  Of wings aglitter hushed by their own speed,

  That theorem—though given, I’d have sworn—

  Is missing. Look! an “accidentally” torn

  Corner from the transcript page.

  INDEED:

  FILED SAFELY IN THE R LAB Why, George? SAD

  TO SAY, FURTHER LONGEVITY WOULD ADD

  INSULT TO INJURY. SO FEW PRODUCE

  (PAST AGE 16) MORE THAN A BOTCH OF KIDS,

  PEOPLE MUST CHANGE FIRST. MOTHER N FORBIDS

  (YOU HEARD?) ALL PRESENT ? OF ITS USE.

  How did it work? A PROTEIN ADDITIVE:

  LIFE-CHAIN GENES RAISED TO ULTIMATE DEGREE.

  SUBTRACTION OF DEGENERATION FACTOR

  BUILT
INTO MAN’S ELECTRIC ENERGY

  Hmm, well…ITS TIME WILL COME

  DJ: Since noon

  I’ve felt things getting better. Glorious

  To know someone like Her looks out for us—

  Like Him, too. BROTHER SUN & SISTER MOON

  Now risen even to our lips, this flood

  She silvered ebbs. The moon is on the wane.

  Her children down to the least scatterbrain

  Fiddler dance across the glassy mud,

  The mirror breathes, school’s out!—a last recess

  Provided by Her kindliness.

  *

  LADS! Robert! YOUR WEE FIDDLER All alone?

  JUST ME & UNI HERE TWIDDLING OUR NO

  MENDING OUR NEIGHS? GUESS WHO CHECKED IN TODAY

  WITH TONS OF LUGGAGE: ‘AH A GRAND HOTEL

  JUST AS I’D PICTURED, ONCE MORE EMIGRE!’

  Who? VN Oh no, did the great man die?

  Which floor have they assigned him? 5 HE’LL BE

  AT LOOSE ENDS LATER HAVE HIM IN? DJ:

  Why not! JM: Alas—No Vacancy.

  ENFANTS WHAT A DROLL PAIR RM & UNI

  O DEAR HE CANTERED OFF They both did? I’M

  HERE WEE MOUSE To whom Wystan severely:

  ROBERT, A SECRET! TOP SECURITY!

  OUR LADY YESTERDAY REMARKED: ‘THAT STRIKING

  BLOND, WHY IS HE NOT AMONG US?’ And?

  HER WORD IS LAW He’ll join our little band—

  Perfect. (Two wide-eyed o’s from R himself.)

  So She is lingering. WHILE HEAVEN TREMBLES!

  RUNNING HER WHITE GLOVES OVER EVERY SHELF

  Where is She usually? A FORCE MORE OFTEN

  FELT THAN PERSONIFIED THE BUREAUCRACY

  WE FANCY IS HER SUMMER HOUSE SHE GOES

  IN FOR THE ‘SIMPLE LIFE’ And winters where?

  AH THEN ST PETER’S QUAIS JINGLE & BLAZE

  WITH HER UNMELTING SNOWFLAKE POLONAISE

  Who made that pretty couplet? SHH IT BWOKE OFF

  WHEN TINY BOB WEACHED OUT TO TOUCH NABOKOV

  DJ: You realize, Robert is the one

  Parent among us (oh, George had a son?)—

  All I mean is, that could be why Nature

  Liked him. JM: Could be. I wonder, though.

  That look She gave Maman? “We know, we know…”

  ENFANT THAT LOOK WENT THRU ME EVER SINCE,

  HUMILITY & PRESTIGE BOTH MUCH INCREASED:

  VELVET WDN’T WRINKLE ON MY FIST!

  I’VE A SUSPICION AS TO FATHERHOOD

  THAT SOMEONE MEANS TO BURN HER BRA FOR GOOD

  A liberated Psyche? AT THE LEAST,

  BE THANKFUL SHE’S NOT YET TURNED TERRORIST!

  Behind the Scenes

  NOT BEHIND ENFANT: WE WERE THE SCENES

  Maria has let fall that she and Wystan

  Worked also on the first ten lessons. How?

  WE CAMOUFLAGED U AS IN JUNGLE WARFARE

  TO INFILTRATE THE INEXPRESSIBLE.

  U SEE THOSE 4 ARE TERRIBLY STRONG DRINK.

  KNOWING IT ALL, THEY TEND TO OVERLOOK

  THE IMAGE-THWARTED PATHS BY WHICH WE THINK.

  ‘LORD, MAY WE MEET FOR ONE BRIEF HUMAN HOUR?’

  ‘LORD, MAY THE INFORMATION BE DECODED?’

  ‘LORD, PLEASE DEAL GENTLY’ MICHAEL’S BRAVURA SPEECH

  PATTERNS (THOUGHT WYSTAN WITH HIS PERFECT PITCH)

  WERE TOO ABSTRACT: CREATION OF MAN FROM ‘CLAY’?

  LECTURE THAT TOOK FULLY HALF A DAY

  & TO WHAT END? IF MYTH & METAPHOR

  HAVE DONE THEIR JOB (THRU MANY A FAT TOME

  ON EVOLUTION & ANATOMY)

  ‘CLAY’ SAYS IT ALL, NO? MICH (TO W & ME):

  ‘GO EACH OF YOU INTO YR ELEMENTS,

  BRING BACK A HUMAN LANGUAGE WE CAN USE.’

  WE MADE A LEXICON OF THE EFFECTS

  OF EARTH & WATER, RENDERED THRU OUR SENSES.

  THE BROTHERS’ SCHEDULE TAKING ON MEANWHILE

  CHARACTERISTICS OF A ‘CLASSIC’ STYLE

  (PLAINNESS & LIMPIDITY) NOW CAME,

  JUST AS IN BADMINTON DOUBLES VS BETTER

  PLAYERS, TO RAISE THE LEVEL OF YR GAME.

  ITS WINGED VOLLEYING WAS LONG REHEARSED

  BY OUR ANGELIC ACTORS, THEIR DISSENSION

  (APPARENT ONLY) MICHAEL’S INSPIRATION:

  ‘ALL GOOD DISCOURSE MUST, LIKE FORWARD MOTION,

  KNOW RESISTANCE’ So that from the first

  They spoke to us through you— LANGUAGE THE WHOLLY

  HUMAN INSTRUMENT, REMEMBER YET

  THEIR EVERY ‘WORD’ WAS (HOW TO SAY IT) HOLY

  Even in translation. What must be

  The range of the original! WE’LL SEE

  WHEN I MY BOYS BECOME A NOUN IN IT!

  THEN CAME THE MIRACLE: THOSE LESSONS READIED

  DURING YR MONTHS APART ENFANTS WERE BY

  A WAVE OF MICHAEL’S HAND WIPED FROM OUR MINDS

  TO BREAK UPON US STAGGERINGLY ONE

  BY ONE. MIRACLE 2: THE MIDDLE FIVE

  ENDED, ‘WE WILL NOT DECEIVE OUR SCRIBE.

  NOW TELL THEM’ And it all came flooding back!

  THAT VERY INSTANT

  NEED WE STRESS MY DEAR

  THE EXQUISITE REVERBERATIONS HERE:

  EARTH LAY OPEN LIKE A BOOK TO READ

  & THERE OUR POEM SLEPT LOCKED IN A SEED.

  NOW GEORGE & ROBERT ARE ALREADY ‘AT’

  THE NEXT 10 LESSONS ON INHERENT, NON

  BIOLOGICAL LIFE ENERGIES

  And when the time comes will they too forget?

  & BE REMINDED & AMAZED

  HE’S GONE

  TO PLATO. MAMAN TO AGATHA UP TO OUR KNEES

  IN A LAST BUMPER CROP OF CREEPING NIGHTMARES

  FOR THE DEEP FREEZE UNI! DOOR!

  A DEAR SOUL, SIRS

  SHE ASKS ME ABOUT OUR FLORA & FAUNA

  What species were there other than your own?

  NONE ETERNAL JUST WRINKLED REPTILES

  FISH & FLIES Those messengers you hatched…

  OUR MAIN MISTAKE WE MOURN IT STILL

  No accident—if the No Accident

  Clause operated in Atlantis? NO

  YOU BENEFIT FROM THAT GOD B

  KNOWS TO RESPECT HIS CREATURES’ WEAKNESS.

  THIS IS UNICE, WISHING YOU WELL

  DJ: Agatha again. Those games

  Of doubles. JM: And our patrons’ names?

  Ford means a shallow tract of river. Clay

  Means—well, they’ve told us. Maddening the way

  Everything merges and reflects. The Muses’

  Shifting functions—

  *

  SHD URANIA

  NOT BE A TV AERIAL? IT CONFUSES

  US TOO MY DEARS MANY A PUZZLED LOOK

  EXCHANGED IN MID DICTEE. THOSE CLOUDS OF MYTH,

  HOW SHAPELY & DISTINCT THEY USED TO SEEM

  VIEWED FROM BELOW! UP HERE THE VIEW AT CLOUD

  LEVEL IS ALL WHIRLING FROTH & STEAM.

  GK THINKS (KNOWS) THE MUSES ARE KINETICS

  OF MIND-PERCEPTION SUCH SIDESPLITTING DEAD

  ACCURATE SYMBOLS OF THE PROCESS Not

  Mirabell’s “golden containers”? THE R/LAB

  BIRD’S EYE VIEW. STUCK WITH THAT SOUND BUT DRAB

  RATIO, HE SAW THE 88

  PERCENT OF ‘INSPIRATION’ LAB-ENGENDERED,

  THE MUSES THERE4 AS THE TWELFTH OF IT

  MAMAN KNEW DANS LE MONDE WHICH GIRLS ‘CAME OUT’

  TOO YOU
NG UNCHAPERONED MOCKING Why would Michael

  Let them? PERHAPS TO MAKE U WONDER: SO?

  WHAT LIES BEYOND THAT SON ET LUMIERE?

  What does? GOD B & NATURE, AS YOU KNOW.

  GEORGE HERE: I HATE TO BE A GLOOMY GUST

  BUT AREN’T WE BEING A BIT OVERSANGUINE

  ABOUT MOTHER N (OH IS IT GUS? HA HA)

  Go on. WELL, GABRIEL IS HER SPOILED DARLING,

  SHE A ‘PERMISSIVE’ MAW. MY RESEARCH HAS HAIRS

  I LOST STANDING ON END! I’M BARGAINING:

  ‘MASTER G, LESS SULPHUR?’ JIMMY THAT RING

  WD BLACKEN OF ITSELF You’re right, it needs

  Reoxydizing. Irrepressible brightness

  —So like life—has worn through. You were saying?

  ROBERT A NATURAL DIPLOMAT: ‘LORD G,

  THE HYDROGEN BOMB? MIGHTN’T WE HAVE A MOCKUP

  INSTEAD OF THE REAL THING?’ BUT SERIOUSLY,

  WHAT ARE WE TO MAKE OF MOTHER N

  & GABRIEL? He has a complex, then?

  They called him Chaos once. INDEED A FAMOUS

  NAME ON HER SIDE OF THE FAMILY

  This can’t be right—the Brothers sprang full-grown

  From God’s mind. Nature is at most their…aunt?

  THE THREE PERHAPS. BUT WHAT IF GABRIEL IS

  A FORCE THAT CAME DOWN FROM THE GALAXIES

  IN COMPANY WITH HIS MOTHER & HER TWIN

  Nothing of God in him—Michael’s dark cousin

  YES sent by the Pantheon to implant

  The Monitor? OR THE MONITOR ITSELF?

  Stop right there, George! IN G’S VOICE I HEARD

  THE HUM THE SUCK THE CONTRADICTING WORD

  DJ: Ah don’t, don’t send us back to dwell

  On that old frightfulness of Gabriel!

  DAVE WE ARE SAFE UNDER HIS WINGS SO FAR.

  WE PEER FROM A GLASSED OPERATING ROOM

  (MAKING SENSE OF IT) INTO THE FIRE

  Sense of what? SOUL STRUCTURE RADIATION

  TOPICS OF THESE NEXT LESSONS I ASSUME

  & ALL AROUND (adds Robert) ARE SOME FAIRLY

  MONSTROUS SIGHTS JARS OF ‘UNLIMITED GERM’

  OTHERS OF ‘UNQUENCHABLE FIRE’ A DAB

  OF THIS, A PINCH OF THAT? THE LARVA OF

  A PLANET-EATING WORM ‘FOR USE IN CASE

  OF A GALACTIC OVERRUN’ Oh brother—

  And the personnel? FORMS WE JUST FACE AWAY FROM,

  MAKING OURSELVES EVEN TEENSIER

  WHILE GABRIEL POTTERS HAPPILY You won’t

  Have had much music lately. AT DUSK I SINK

  BACK IN THE PARLOR WHERE FLAGSTAD WHIPS UP TEA