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The Changing Light at Sandover

Page 47

by James Merrill


  Arcadia (and our own cells) born again…

  Gabr.

  THE REST? LET US REST. STAND HERE, NOT TOO FAR FROM OUR WAGON, & CONSIDER THESE RUIND PROSPECTS, THESE PAINFUL MEMORIES

  A drawn-out sigh escapes the darkened angel.

  BROTHER GENII, IT IS AN EASY IMAGE TO SPEAK OF GOD’S MATTER, ANTIGOD’S ANTIMATTER.

  THAT IS THE ODD THING ABOUT LANGUAGE. THE PARTICULAR FAILS TO EXPLAIN ITS OWN WORKINGS.

  (This lesson, then, in lieu of a week’s lecture

  On the fine points of atom- or cell-structure?)

  WE MUST ASSUME OUR FATHER WAS GIVEN A LIMITED CHARTER.

  FOR THERE IS, SIMPLY, NO ‘QUARREL’ BETWEEN LIGHT & SHADOW, SO LONG AS SUBSTANCE (PSYCHE OF MATTER) STANDS

  BETWEEN THEM. NOW BACK

  INTO THE WAGON. WE’VE LAID OUR WREATH ON THIS TOMB.

  1 2 3 4 5 6

  The schoolroom brightens as the cup ascends

  To Intuition, and the lesson ends:

  TOMORROW (HOW REFRESHING HERE OUT OF THE SULPHUR MISTS) WE WILL TALK OF THE WAY GOD SPEAKS,

  HE TO US, WE TO YOU,

  AND HOW THIS TOO HELPS HOLD IT BACK.

  The Brothers go.

  So that’s it. What a tale…

  DJ: But why blame God? Didn’t the angels

  Make the wingèd man in their own image?

  JM: If so, then God accepted him.

  What struck me was how fondly Gabriel

  Spoke of the creature from Atlantis—whom

  Michael had mocked for its shy hanging head

  And great blank eyes. DAVE JIMMY AS U’VE GUESSED

  IT COMES DOWN TO THE NATURE OF THE ATOM:

  ‘FIRSTBORN WAS CHAOS’ THE BLACK VOLATILE HALF

  Bat wings unfurled against the light— INDEED.

  THEN MINUTES ONLY AFTER THE BIG BANG

  CAME THE FIRST NUCLEI OF HELIUM

  Matter’s white half? DEPENDABLE, (M) 4 FOOTED

  Like Uni!

  SIRS? It’s nothing, Uni. (Wistfully

  Nuzzles Robert and trots out.)

  I THINK

  THE 2 ASSESSMENTS OF A CREATURE LACKING

  SHAPING HANDS MY BOY REFLECT THE 2

  KINDS OF CRITIC, I.E. GABRIEL WHO

  CONSIDERS THE DOER’S MANNER, & MICH WHO LOOKING

  TOWARD THE THING DONE IMAGINES ITS RECEPTION

  So here we are, back at a pedigree—

  Uni’s or Mirabell’s—that can be traced

  To motes and gases, outermost thin paste

  Of life, and innermost dichotomy

  RESOLVED BY SUBSTANCE, EVEN BY THE STUFF

  OF OUR ‘CREATION’ WHICH (EXAMPLE) BRINGS

  WM CARLOS WM’S THOUGHTFUL THINGS

  & THE COLD VIRGIN VERB OF MALLARME

  TOGETHER, & RELIABLY ENOUGH

  HOLDS BACK THE NOTHING WE HAVE FOUND TO SAY

  ONLY IN OUR WORST MOMENTS. THIS ESTATE

  WHERE WE ARE GUESTS (OR CAPTIVES?) WD HAVE BEEN

  GHOSTLY & UNENDURABLE WITHOUT

  THE FRIENDLY WHINNY FROM THE PADDOCK GATE

  OR CRY OF THE HERALDIC BIRD THAT PREENS

  ABOVE THE MOAT But if it’s all a fable

  Involving, oh, the stable and unstable

  Particles, mustn’t we at last wipe clean

  The blackboard of these creatures and their talk,

  To render in a hieroglyph of chalk

  The formulas they stood for? U MY BOY

  ARE THE SCRIBE YET WHY? WHY MAKE A JOYLESS THING

  OF IT THRU SUCH REDUCTIVE REASONING?

  ONCE HAVING TURNED A FLITTING SHAPE OF BLACK

  TO MIRABELL, WD YOU MAKE TIME FLOW BACK?

  SUBTRACT FROM HIS OBSESSION WITH 14

  THE SHINING/DIMMING PHASES OF OUR QUEEN?

  CONDEMN POOR UNI TO THE CYCLOTRON

  AFTER THE GREENS U’VE LET HIM GALLOP ON?

  Dear Wystan, thank you for reminding me

  The rock I’m chained to is a cloud; I’m free.

  DJ: How touching Gabriel was…AH YES

  HE IS WISDOM SADLY ARRIVED AT, PROUDLY KEPT:

  NUCLEAR COMMANDER OF THE GREENHOUSE,

  HIS STOCKPILE UNDER LOCK, HIS POWDER DRY

  After the illustration. O WELL WHY

  TELL THE HISTORY OF A BOMB? ENACT IT!

  Yesterday’s explosion wasn’t by

  Any chance an actual one? INDEED:

  UNDERGROUND SIBERIA (And we’ll read

  In tonight’s Herald of just such a test

  Picked up by seismographs throughout the West.)

  Maria hasn’t spoken. NO ENFANTS

  TOMORROW A LONG SILENCE WILL BE BROKEN

  *

  The Last Lessons: 6

  All present. Schoolroom tidied overnight.

  Gabr.

  MAY I SPEAK FOR YOU, FATHER?

  Intuiting his answer in the Light.

  THANK YOU.

  OUR FATHER LAST APPEARD TO ONE OF HIS CREATURES WITH THE WORDS: ‘LOOK IN MY EYES’

  DJ.

  Lord, am I crazy? I thought Nature said

  Her eyes and God’s, both, looked into the ape’s.

  Gabr.

  LOYAL HAND, GOD LOOKD ONCE AT EACH OF HIS CREATURES, HE SPEAKS TO THEM STILL (AND MAY TO YOU TWO AT 10)

  BUT NO LONGER APPEARS BEFORE THEM. HIS TRUST? WENT OUT OF HIM.

  NOT THAT HIS LAST LOVE, MAN, PROVES UNWORTHY OF IT, NO

  BUT OUR FATHER HAS UNDERSTOOD THAT TO LIVE EVEN THE CAREFREE LIFE OF A MORTAL

  FORMS A SHIELD AROUND HIS CREATURE’S THOUGHT

  & ALWAYS IS POSSIBLE (RARE BUT AS OUR MUSICIAN SHOWD US, POSSIBLE)

  A BLACK BLANK SPACE BEHIND IT.

  THEREFORE SINCE THOSE WORDS & THAT APPEARANCE HE HAS SAID:

  ‘GO MICHAEL, PLAY GOD. WRITE ON A WALL. FORM A STARRY MESSAGE FOR THE BYZANTINE KING.

  TELL THROUGH YOUR MESSENGERS THIS INDIAN PRINCE, THAT HASSIDIC JEW, THIS TENTMAKER WHAT THEY NEED TO KNOW.’

  AND CONTENTING HIMSELF WITH THE TRIPLE SYSTEM OF THE SENSES, FROM MAN TO ELEMENTS TO HIS SONS, IN ORDER TO LEARN OF THE LIVING,

  OR ON RARE OCCASIONS PRESENT WHILE ONE OF OUR CHERISHD FIVE REPORTS HIS LIFE (‘I DREW BREATH! O GOD, THE SWEETNESS!’ & SO FORTH)

  GOD KEEPS IN TOUCH.

  YET, & WE UNDERSTAND, HE TOO IS WISTFUL OF LIFE.

  WE LOOK AT YOU. NO MATTER THE MANY FRUITLESS PURSUITS, THE FLAWD STARTS & VIOLENT ENDS,

  WE LOOK & OFTEN SIMPLY MARVEL AT THOSE SUDDEN UNEXPECTED FIREWORKS OF PLEASURE YOU TAKE IN YOUR LIVING. AND THEN FROM TIME TO TIME

  GOD WANTS A CHILD IN HIS PALM, A LIVE ONE.

  TO FEEL THE OLD CLAY, TO HEAR THAT HUMAN ELECTRIC BEAT.

  WE FIX UP A SYSTEM, MY BROTHERS & I, WHEREBY THIS IS DONE:

  SO THE SLEEPER’S DREAM, THE APPROACH THROUGH VISIONS, & MANY A CLEVER WAY TO BRING HIS DARLING WITHOUT TERROR,

  WITH SOMETHING OF THAT SURPRISING FRESHNESS INTO HIS PRESENCE.

  YET NOT ALL CAN BE TRUSTED TO WITHSTAND THE MOMENT & BE RETURND UNCHANGED.

  MANY A HAPLESS SECT SWARMS UP & FLICKERS OUT AFTER A LEADER’S BRIEF BRUSH WITH HIM.

  MANY A SUBTLY, OFTEN COMICALLY MISREAD IDEA: ‘HE IS ALL FIRE, O’ OR ‘HE SAYS, FREE FRANCE FOR MY SON THE KING.’

  AND NOW AS MAN MULTIPLIES, GETS CLEVERER WITH HIS TOOLS, CONTRIVING NEARLY PERFECT SUBSTITUTES FOR GOD’S NATURAL POWERS,

  GOD NEEDS MORE (& MORE COMPLEX) CONTACT WITH HIS CHILD, THAT EACH MAY KNOW THE OTHER’S GOOD WILL.

  Fond amusement blazing from his eyes.

  WE ARRANGE THESE
. MADAME?

  MM.

  LORDS,

  FROM THE FIRST I CALLED THEM ENFANTS. WHEN IN THE COURSE

  OF MY WORK I WAS GIVEN THEM TO STUDY (‘THESE MIGHT DO

  FOR THE V WORK WE WANT. CHECK THEIR THOUGHTS, COME & REPORT’)

  I GREW TO LOVE THESE TWO. DEAR ENFANTS, YES.

  FORGIVE YOUR OLD BLACK MAMMY.

  JM.

  For what? Who are you?

  DJ.

  God took you on His palm?

  MM.

  YES LORDS, THERE IS AN INSTANCE OF THEIR WIT. I READ

  PALMS, DEAREST ONES. I GAVE YOU GIFTS: A LAMP? THOSE TEACUPS?

  SYMBOLIC & AS SUCH UNFAIR, FOR HAD YOU GUESSED

  ALL WD HAVE BEEN WASHED FROM YOUR HEARTS AS IN A DREAM.

  THE POINT WAS TO TRUST ONE ANOTHER, PREPARE OUR ‘DESK’

  & THAT MAMAN BE NO LESS QUALIFIED IN YOUR EYES

  TO STAND BY AS A CLAY VESSEL FOR THE MIDNIGHT OIL

  THAN SHE TESTIFIED YOU WERE IN HERS TO SEE BY ITS LIGHT.

  (DJ: Make sense to you? JM: Not yet.)

  I MADE A BARGAIN WITH MY BROTHERS: ‘LOOK,

  I LIKE THESE CHAPS & THEY ME. LET ME SEE THEM THROUGH

  THEIR SCHOOLING. LET THEM SEE ME BACK INTO THE WORLD.’

  JM.

  More bargains? Ephraim’s, Mirabell’s—now yours?

  MM.

  AH THOSE JM WERE BASEMENT BARGAINS. BUT EPHRAIM, YES,

  BROUGHT YOU TO ME, AS I HAVE YOU TO THESE MY LORDS.

  THE COMMAND FOR YOUR TRILOGY WAS GIVEN, & MAMAN

  GOT SAFELY OUT OF THE WAY OF HER CHILD’S FURIOUS WORK:

  COULD SHE HAVE BORNE GIVING UP OUR DRINKS & COFFEES?

  NO LONGER BEING, AS THRUOUT YR TESTING PERIOD WITH E,

  ‘THE MUSE OF YOUR OFF-DAYS’?

  DJ.

  That phrase, it’s from your poem to Maria—

  JM.

  She died the same week I began

  Ephraim—four years ago next January.

  MM.

  NO ACCIDENT. LIFE GROWS

  LOGARITHMICALLY, LESS CAREFREE AS ONE IS

  LESS MORTAL. CHILDREN: I AM OF THE FIVE.

  (Those are her words. An icy terror

  Flows through our veins—good Lord!

  Or is it the bereavement we most feel?

  It’s now, Maman, before we break the mirror,

  We lose you? Was the person we adored,

  Her gaiety, her ordeal,

  Merely projected by some master reel?)

  MM.

  AH COME ON! MY MISSION? CATCH A FISH.

  JM.

  Maria, seriously, please—

  MM.

  DOUCEMENT. NOW IS IT SO STARTLING JM, THAT YOU

  SMALL BUT CLEVERLY GLINTING IN THE STREAM OF LETTERS

  GOT POINTED OUT (NOTHING ESCAPES OUR MICHAEL): ‘GET

  ME HIM, SEE IF HIS MIND IS WITH US, HE MAY DO.’

  RM.

  A murmur as the schoolroom melts away.

  GREAT GODS & LITTLE FISHES

  (Love for Maria both suspends

  And quickens disbelief.

  Those thousand and one coffees came to warrant

  A certain tact. If Heaven took our friend’s

  Voice and aspect, copied to the life,

  To clothe its naked current—

  Well, such tricks work because they are transparent.)

  MM.

  LIPON, ENFANT,

  I FOUND YOU NOT JUST CLEVER BUT FINNY WITH WIT

  & RUSHING INTO THE HOUSE PULLED OFF MY WADERS CRYING

  ‘I GOT HIM! YES HE’LL DO!’ & THEY MY BROTHERS COMMANDED

  ‘GO FIX YR FACE IN THAT MIRROR, WHILE WE COOK

  OUR PISCES POET.’

  JM.

  “Cooked” poetry? This mirror in the hall?

  Your compact mirror at the café table?

  (Beneath my incredulity

  All at once is flowing

  Joy, the flash of the unbaited hook—

  Yes, yes, it fits, it’s right, it had to be!

  Intuition weightless and ongoing

  Like stanzas in a book

  Or golden scales in the melodic brook—)

  O IMAGES, DEAR ENFANT, IMAGES…

  NEVER LET THOSE SCALES DROP FROM YOUR EYES

  Making Song of It

  We’d hoped that Wystan and George were of the Five

  For the poem’s sake—a feather in its cap.

  You, though, we loved (we thought) “just as you were”

  And never dreamed of a promotion there.

  DJ: Mind if I smoke? Are we alone?

  YES THEY BACKED OUT LIKE THE MATCHMAKER

  DURING THE ‘GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER’ PHASE

  But who—which one are you? I thought the Five

  Had to be scientists, musicians— NO

  NEVER MY THING. MINE’S THE PLATONIC WAY

  You, all along, were Plato? BUT HOW DJ,

  HOW, ANCIENT BUMPY TOOTHLESS NUMERO,

  WD YOU HAVE TAKEN IN THE TRUTH? ‘MEET PLATO, CHAPS

  YOU KNEW HIM AS MARIA’? But the rays—

  JM: The Five are indestructible.

  DJ: And we—we were your life’s work?

  WELL, NO. THERE WERE (BLUSH) OTHERS IN MY DAY

  I HAVE BEEN WHAT U MIGHT CALL A PROFESSIONAL SHOPPER.

  IN ENGLAND: ‘YES LORDS, SHE’S A STEADY CHILD.

  LET THE FLIGHTY ONE GO’ & EXIT EDWARD

  That’s how Elizabeth became Queen! INDEED

  NO MALE ERRORS PLUS THE ODD JOB HERE

  WHILE YOU 2 CHAPS SHAPED UP. MY PLATONIC ASPECT

  A MUSLIN LETTING IN LIGHT & INSTRUCTIONS

  & ENSURING THE (M) MOISTURE OF THE CHEESE.

  WE 5 CAN’T LOLL ABOUT THE LAB U UNDERSTAND

  WAITING FOR TALENT SLOTS GENES DENSITIES

  NO, WE HAVE QUICK ANONYMOUS V WORK GIVEN US

  TO KEEP OUR HAND IN, OUR POOR HUMAN HAND.

  Human? You who call the Angels brother?

  —Although the Five we met in Lesson 5

  Spoke like slaves. AH MY OLD DRESSING GOWN

  MAKES ME RELUCTANT TO PUT ON THE GLASS

  SLIPPER BUT IN FACT YES, WE ARE GODS ALAS

  Because you…suffer? BUT ARE LUCKIER THAN

  FOR INSTANCE CHRIST: WE ARE SO OFTEN MAN.

  THERE’S ALSO THE WHOLE TICKLISH ? OF CLASS

  OR SENIORITY THAT OLFACTORY LOBE?

  The nose—Plato—is eldest? YR MAMAN

  IS MAMA N’S OWN CHILD THUS OF A RANK

  NEAREST THE ANGELS. OTHERS OF THE 5

  (HARD TO FIT 5 INTO 4 IN LESSON 5)

  MUST DO A CERTAIN KOWTOWING I’M SPARED

  More elitism? DJ THAT SYSTEM THRIVES,

  I’M BORN WITH THE SILVER SPOON IN ALL MY LIVES:

  ‘MY DAUGHTER WASH A DISH? YOU MUST BE MAD!’

  JM: Well, there’ll be servants in Bombay—

  If that’s your destination now, and not

  The vegetable world. NEARLY THE SAME

  SAYS RM Frankly, Maria, does all this

  Go in the poem? WHY NOT? DOESN’T (SAYS WYSTAN)

  THE BUTLER ALWAYS DO IT? The inside job…

  PLUS ILLUSTRATION OF THE ‘BEATRICE

  MECHANISM’ DJ: What? (JM reminds him

  Of the little girl whom Dante scarcely knew

  But loved on sight, forever.) NOW GUESS WHO!

  SO DJ, HAND, THAT DAY I PATTED YOURS

  & ASKED WHY WERE WE BORN, U PASS
ED THE TEST:

  YR PLEASURE IN THE DAY IN ME IN LIFE

  YR TOUCHING EAGER DEFENSE— ‘BROTHERS, HE’LL DO!’

  I didn’t fall asleep? I DREW THE SHADE

  WASTING NO TIME, TILL MY REPORT WAS MADE

  But are you Plato now, in beard and toga?

  NEVER! STAYING WHILE I CAN IN DRAG,

  I LOVE IT! YOU SAID SOMETHING ELSE DJ

  ON A DRIVE HOME: ‘THE MEDITERRANEAN

  MAKES SUCH HEAVY PROSE OF BEING MALE.’

  NOW THESE ESCAPES INTO A FEMALE LIFE ARE VAST

  REFRESHMENTS. WE (THE 5) ARE LARGELY CHILDLESS,

  SO THAT A RICH & (MAY I SAY IT?) CLEVER

  WOMAN’S LIFE IS PARTICULARLY DENSE

  WITH THE JOY OF LIVING. A GOOD VAC, MY LAST

  JM: Last? Time’s that short—? CHILD, MY MOST RECENT.

  U NO KNOW ZE INGLIS? ME MISTAKEN?

  BOYS, THROW HIM BACK! BUT NOW LET’S COUNT TO 5

  AS I BECOME YR OLD MAMAN AGAIN,

  YR SOUL- & SCHOOL-MATE 1 2 3 4 5

  VOILA ADIEU

  There’s so much more to settle!

  DEAR TROUBADOUR IF U ARE NOT YET GLAD

  MAKE SONG OF YOUR MISGIVINGS A ballade?

  When x-rays of Giorgione’s painted scene

  (Controversy over which still brews)

  Forcing its secret, made the green

  Of boughs, the rose-red doublet, the whole view’s

  Light indrawn by thunderblacks-and-blues

  Disclose the spectral moonbather

  Pressed underneath, like petals of a ruse,

  Was anyone prepared for it? U WERE

  Or if at dusk a scroll in the vitrine

  Of its own self, caked with taboos,

  Began to give off an unearthly sheen

  And then—no longer the papyrus whose

  Demotic tatters one construes

  But a shed skin of Thought’s pure Lucifer—

  Uncoil, encompass, utterly bemuse…

  No one could be prepared for that. U WERE

  Plato, python, frontal gems of keen

  Outstreaming radiance that suavely woos,

  Strictly recycles through long discipline

  The lovers drawn to it by twos,

  Their lives illumined, which they soon will lose—

  You were Maria? Served us lunch in her

  Salt garden? Wandered Athens in her shoes?

  Why, why weren’t we— ENFANTS U WERE

 

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