The Changing Light at Sandover

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The Changing Light at Sandover Page 53

by James Merrill


  Costing the earth, a web of light and frost

  Unthinkable to ever really wear!

  His mother hopes the flight was effortless.)

  Must sit with DJ over dusk’s pink gin.

  Wrinkled his hand and white the beard he grew,

  Must quote, tomorrow, Hugo to Mimí:

  ‘We’re both next door to Paradise, Madame,

  I being old, you being beautiful’—

  One term no longer, one not yet, quite true.

  That second noon, Urania completes a

  Round of calls with her folks. Vacation’s done—

  Back to their suburb, to their Family Pizza

  Nearer the heart of things, though miles from one.

  Almost six, dark, delicate, the child

  Lolls in Godfather’s lap, as she was told,

  Her mind where? On a skateboard, her new school,

  A TV screen halfway around the world…

  Downstairs, she sets our painted skiff afloat

  In the vibrations of a random note,

  Then with a kiss is gone. Out comes the Board.

  JM: So soon? I couldn’t feel less clever.

  DJ: Drink up that coffee, we’ve a deadline—

  Robert won’t be reachable forever.

  SIRS, MR R SAYS WE ARE TO MEET

  AT THE HEDGE. NOW THERE IS NO HEDGE, YOU KNOW,

  BUT MR R MAKES ME SEE ONE! SIRS

  I HEAR HIS WOODEN FLUTE HE’S WAIT

  O MR EPHRAIM! WHAT A TREAT

  MES CHERS! Old friend, we’ve missed you. AH THIS HEART

  GLOWS WITH LOVE FOR YOU, AS FROM THE START.

  RM WILL JOIN U PRESENTLY What’s new?

  WELL, LUCA’S WON OVER AGATHA: ‘MADAME SAINTE,

  SOME PRETTY DREAMS PLEASE, FOR MY POET FRIEND?’

  That’s nice of Luca to still care for Chester.

  I hadn’t thought he was the type. THE TYPE

  OF LUCA DEAR DJ CARES IN ITALICS

  FOR EVERYONE. HE’S TRYING TO REVIVE

  THE ATHENIAN CLUB ABANDONED UPON LORD PLATO’S

  MYSTERIOUS DEPARTURE, BUT NO ONE MUCH

  WANTS TRAVESTIES, WORD GAMES…IT’S LIVELIER

  WITH L AROUND & YET, TO QUOTE MB,

  ‘IS LIVELINESS WHAT WE NEED?’

  MAY I? Here’s Robert—

  NO. I TAKE THE LIBERTY: YOU SPOKE

  OF MY YOUNG PROTEGE Mr Nabokov!

  Too embarrassing—again you’ve caught us

  With hands full. Would next month be time enough?

  GONE MES CHERS IN A HANDSOME (HORSEDRAWN) HUFF.

  NOW YOUR RM

  MY NAME FOR AGATHA:

  MAGGOTS’ FOLLE. WANT NEWS OF OUR OLD GRADS?

  Tell, tell! DID JM NOTICE THOSE ROULADES

  OF LIGHT & THUNDER OFF OUR NEW ENGLAND COAST

  LAST WINTER? Yes, we all did. GK & MICHAEL

  REVISING CHARTS ON AIRBORNE ENERGIES

  George keeps his old persona? OH IT’S G’S

  PURE INTELLIGENCE AT WORK ALL RIGHT.

  THAT SAME TEAM’S GETTING (OUT IN ARIZONA)

  COLOSSAL RESULTS FROM A NEW SOLAR CONVERTER.

  STUNNED TECHNICIANS CAN’T BELIEVE THEIR LUCK:

  IT WAS MEANT TO FAIL What, sabotage? WELL, FURY

  IN ANY CASE FROM THE FOSSIL ENERGY FACTION.

  ‘LORD M, GIVE ’EM A BLAST?’ ‘RIGHT ON, GEORGAKI!’

  2 GRINNING GRUBBY KIDS. MEANWHILE OUR WIT

  (Wystan? WHO ELSE?) HAS GLITTERED INTO ACTION

  FORBIDDINGLY FROM PHOTOGRAPHS OF MARS,

  CAUSING ‘SENSATIONS’ To accomplish what?

  MARS ONE OF GOD B’S OUTPOSTS. IF PROUD SCIENCE

  WON’T BLAME ITSELF IT MUST BE MADE TO BLAME

  ITS GADGETS. RAPHAEL STILL CHUCKLING: THEY

  GREETED JM’S ARRIVAL YESTERDAY

  WITH A CHEERY TREMOR SAFELY TO YR NORTH

  Salonika—thousands homeless. Have they no shame?

  NONE BUT NOW THE NEWS, MY LADS, YOU CAME FOR

  About Maria

  ONE FINDS A GENERATION GAP IN HEAVEN.

  DICKENS CAN’T ALWAYS BRIDGE IT, DICKINSON CAN.

  EDNA MILLAY, POOR SOUL, BORED, STUPEFIED

  BY ‘MOODS’ & ‘FEELINGS’, HAS NO PERMANENT

  TOEHOLD THREATENS DAILY TO BACKSLIDE

  To Earth? That happens? IF A HIGH TONE IS

  TO BE MAINTAINED. NOT ALWAYS POSSIBLE:

  WHITMAN MINED HALF WITLESS, STAYS AT 6.

  THE 19TH CENTURY ENGLISH, ALL BUT BYRON,

  VEXED TO HAVE FOUND NO HARPS. SHELLEY: ‘I’D BE

  HAPPIER AMONG FISHERFOLK AT SEA’

  WOULD HE? BYRON MUCH QUOTED FOR HIS OWN

  BRAND OF CHAT: ‘AT LAST TWO VERY GOOD

  LEGS’…STRANGE: ‘PERSONALITY’ I SHOULD

  HAVE THOUGHT THE CALLUS OF THE SOUL. NOT TRUE.

  A CERTAIN STRIDENCY MAY BE OUTGROWN

  SAY IN LISZT, BUT HIS ESSENTIAL HOKUM

  & GALLANTRY & ALL THE REST WD SEEM

  A CORE IMPERVIOUS TO THE PUMICE STONE

  This self, then, recomposing stroke by stroke

  To blank the stars out, so that love is blind

  Even there— HOW MUCH HAS IT TO DO

  ULTIMATELY WITH A THINKING MIND?

  THESE MANNERS, THESE REFLEXES? WHA’S

  OFTEN VAGUE, PREOCCUPIED, CAME THROUGH

  LESS AS POSE THAN AS DIRECT EXPOSURE

  (OVEREXPOSURE?) OF HIS THINKING MIND

  Overexposure? WELL THAT ‘BOYISHNESS’

  VIS A VIS YEATS THE SOUPCON OF A GLOAT

  AT BEING TEXT TO WBY’S FOOTNOTE?

  OR YEATS’S WEARY PROUD FORBEARING SMILE

  AS OF AN UNREAD VISION ON THE SHELF?

  MM ALONE WAS TOTALLY HERSELF,

  MIND ONE WITH MATTER. YET SHE ‘HAD A STYLE’

  & WAS IT REAL? THE INDIVIDUAL STYLE

  OF A PARTICULAR PERSON? WHO CAN SAY?

  IT WAS I THINK HER GENIUS THAT ALLOWED

  SPACE TO SURROUND HER IN WHATEVER CROWD,

  A CALM EXTERIOR UPHELD, DEFINED

  NEVER PREDICTABLY, BY HER THINKING MIND

  A mask? IF SO A WHOLLY LIFELIKE ONE

  If not? A MIRACLE. IN YOUR OWN PHRASE

  HEAVEN WILL BE A DULLER PLACE WITHOUT HER

  And Bombay sharper with her. A BROWN BUNDLE

  Five months old (told clearly not to talk

  Till six months later) piped “Shut up!” in Hindi.

  Nurse fled screaming, and a priest was called

  To cleanse the nursery. MM: ‘EMETICS,

  CHANTING, SMOKE, ROBERT I LEARN TO KEEP

  MY LITTLE TRAP SHUT’ You communicate!

  How? IN THAT NURSERY WHICH MUST BE SEEN

  TO BE BELIEVED, A WREATH OF PLASTICENE

  PINK BABIES HOLDS OUR BROWN ONE’S WRY REFLECTION:

  ‘TALK TO ME ROBERT, QUICK! THEY’RE ALL ASLEEP’

  So you look in, a secret minister?

  AH THE MOST GLORIOUS GLANCES FOLLOW HER!

  THEN, NOT A WEEK AGO, A DUSKY BABE

  STARTLED HIS GOGGLEBEADED DAM BY DRAWING

  A PERFECT SQUARE IN THE DUST OF THE PARLOR FLOOR.

  MAIDS BEATEN & AWED. ‘AND THIS IS JUST

  THE (M) TIP OF THE ICEBERG, ROBERT DEAR.

  NEXT MONTH I MEAN TO SHIFT INTO HIGH GEAR.’

  Remember meeting Robert? The question never

  Fails to prompt a smile—who could forget?

  That was the year our Stoningt
on High School

  Mistook itself for a summer theatre.

  Old troupers, doddering up with crutch and creak

  Out of the quicklime into the limelight,

  Filled the undiscerning hall. One night

  A mummy assoluta of technique

  Precariously conjured, points in air,

  Abysses yawning for the vivandière

  Till rataplan! four gaily intertwined

  Cadets provoked this murmur from behind:

  “It’s everything one loathes about the Dance…”

  We looked round laughing; and there Robert sat

  With Isabel, KNOWING ALREADY THAT

  HERE WAS ONE FRIENDSHIP NEVER LAUNCHED BY CHANCE

  *

  The Music to Come

  HA HA MR ROBERT

  OFF YOU GO, HORSE! OUF

  Tired? A HARD DAY WITH THE 12 TONE GERMANS

  THEN CALLED TO MME CALLAS FOR A CHAT:

  ‘YOU KNOW, WHAT’S YR NAME? MY BAD EYESIGHT ALONE

  MADE FOR EFFECTIVE TOUCHES IN PERFORMANCE.

  THAT SUDDEN REELING-BACKWARD HALF A SWOON

  IN TOSCA (ACT II) CAUSING HEARTS TO STOP

  CAME FROM WHEN I STUMBLED ON A PROP

  IN DRESS REHEARSAL. LITTLE THINGS LIKE THAT.

  NOW TELL ME, TOM? DICK? YOU’RE RETURNING SOON

  AS A COMPOSER? INTERESTING YOU WILL WRITE

  FOR THE STAGE? YOU DON’T SAY? WONDERFUL!

  WITH A GOOD PART FOR ME?…AH I FORGET,

  ONCE & FOR ALL IT’S HERE THAT ONE RETIRES’

  MAKING NIGHT GLIMMER WITH SHORTSIGHTED TEARS

  This relieves us. Since the fête at Nine

  There’s been no mention of your music, Robert.

  MUCH OF IT OVER YR HEADS I FEAR & MINE!

  EVEN AS WE TALK I’M SEPARATING

  THE TONES IN A DOUBLE GLISSANDO. A FULL YEAR

  CD BE DEVOTED TO EACH ONE’S LEAST VIBRATIONS.

  THEN, EXAMS: COMPOSE 500 VARIATIONS

  ON THREE NOTES. GAD (SAY) RING IN MY MIND

  & MUST BE LINKED FIRST TO THEIR FREQUENCIES

  IN WESTERN MUSIC (SCHUMANN, BACH, JOSQUIN)

  THEN TO VIBES OF COLOR & EMOTION

  (G MINOR A BLUEGREEN SUBLIMITY)

  Why only three notes? THREE FOR THOSE OF US

  WHO SHARE THE WESTERN OH WELL, GENIUS,

  IS AS WE KNOW A NEARLY UNBREAKABLE MOULD:

  A/B/A OR MAJOR/MINOR/MAJOR

  DJ: But Schoenberg— YES HE GRASPED THE MOULD-

  BREAKING IDEA YET LEFT US WITH THE OLD.

  INNOVATION ONLY STRENGTHENED IT

  WHILE MANY A LISTENER CLAWED HIS CHAIR & PRAYED

  ‘LET O LET THE LID FALL ON THAT HAND,

  STEINWAY COLLAPSE & BREAK THOSE WRETCHED KNEES,

  PUT O PUT AN END TO THIS CAREER’

  The prayer’s been answered? ‘NOW SIR, IF YOU PLEASE,

  I’LL USE THE INSTRUMENT. FIRST LESSON, DEAR

  MR X, THERE ARE THESE THINGS CALLED KEYS.’

  And so you’ll save us from the tyrant Three,

  Ménage à trois, synthesis, trilogy…?

  QUEEN MAB: ‘MR ROBERT, MAKE US A MUSIC TO

  CLEAN UP & THIN OUT THE WESTERN SCENE’

  THESE WORDS NO SOONER UTTERED I BEGIN

  TO HEAR SOMETHING THIN NONREPETITIVE

  IS IT AN ECHO OF PURCELL? THE FLEET HIGH

  FLUTE OF A HIMALAYAN SHEPHERD’S LAMENT?

  NOW I BEGIN TO GIVE IT FORM, ITS FEET

  CARRY IT UP: STRONG, SLOW / DOWN: FAST EXPLORING

  A NEW & TORTUOUS LANDSCAPE, QUITE ALONE.

  THEN SLIGHTEST COMPANY ON DIFFERENT FEET

  ARRIVES, THE SHADOW LEAPING OVER ROCKS

  That’s the new mould? Instead of A-B-A,

  Atom and shadow atom? YOU MIGHT SAY

  IT WILL BE A & 1/2 CLEANSED OF FALSE DRAMA

  A BOREDOM FALLING ON BORED EARS, RESOLVING

  INTO A TASTE FOR LESS. I MAY PERCEIVE IT

  INSTRUMENTALLY IN 20 YEARS.

  NOW AS TO THE ‘SELLING’ IT MUST BE

  AN IRRESISTIBLE CHALLENGE TO PERFORM.

  CASTING ASIDE JUNK TOOLS & ELECTRONICS

  IT MUST FIND POEMS & PLAYERS, VIRTUOSI

  AS WELL AS A CHILD WHISTLING UNACCOMPANIED

  TO WHOM THE SHADOW IS AS WHISTLEABLE

  AS THE LONE WALKER. So you’ll want to lean

  Heavily on melody? DJ!

  LEAN! HEAVILY! NO NO THE POINT’S TO FIND

  A PURE PIED PIPER IN THE WESTERN MIND

  WHO’LL CHARM THE RATS AWAY The children too?

  The multitudes about to die? ‘O QUEEN,

  AM I TO WRITE THE SUPREME LULLABY?’

  ‘NO, MUSICIAN, THE SWEET REVEILLE

  FOR THOSE STILL LEFT TO WAKE.’

  The cup moves sadly—

  It is an awesome task to undertake.

  A LONELY ONE I DON’T RUSH OFF WITH GLAD

  CRIES LIKE OUR FRIENDS. I SHAN’T LIKE THEM BELONG

  TO QM’S CRYSTAL SET THEN TOO, YOU SEE

  (A deep breath) I’M TO BE CRIPPLED Dear God. Why?

  WHY NOT? CONFINED & SLIGHTLY SET APART,

  SLOW TO LOVE, FORCED TO GET ON WITH IT,

  MAKE SENSE OF IT, MAKE MY REPORT TO GOD

  Robert…From birth? YES JOINING THE CLUB (FOOT)

  But hasn’t modern surgery by now—

  PLEASE I’VE TO REJECT TOO MANY BONE

  IMPLANTS B4 THE DOCTORS LET ME BE

  At least a fine Byronic head? ‘THIS TIME

  DEAR MR ROBERT, NO DISTRACTIONS. WHO

  WANTS LOVE MUST EARN IT.’ SO MY SLIGHT MELANCHOLY

  BUT I’LL GET OUT OF GYM! MISS JANE: ‘PLUS TWO

  DOTING PARENTS, MR R, AND OH

  THAT SHY FOND SISTER, NO MARRIAGE FOR HER, NO, NO,

  THERE SHE’LL BE TAPPING AT YOUR STUDIO

  (SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE SETUP, OUT IN A BARN):

  BROTHER DEAR, YOUR LUNCH?’ FORGIVE ME, LADS

  BUT TIME IS PRESSING, IF NOT HERE, BELOW

  IN THE RED MATRIX Go, we understand.

  YOU’LL SEE ME NEXT THRU A FAINT HAZE.

  FIVE CEREMONIES ON AS MANY DAYS

  BEGIN TOMORROW AFTER WHICH ALAS

  DOWN TO EARTH I SPIRAL LIKE A LEAF

  WHO’D GLADLY STAY…BUT NO: FOND AS I AM

  OF UNI, ONE CANNOT SAY NEIGH TO LIFE!

  SIRS HE WAS LAUGHING WHEN HE LEFT

  ‘TROT IN THERE UNI & TRY FOLLOWING

  THAT ACT!’ SIRS, MR R IS MY SHEPHERD,

  WHEN HE SPEAKS MY WORLD GOES GREEN,

  HE SHOWS ME SKILLS SHALL I SAY A POEM?

  One of yours? Dear creature, by all means!

  I STAND EACH DAY BY THE SCHOOLROOM DOOR

  FROM WHICH CAME MURMURINGS, BEFORE.

  I STAND AND WAIT TO GREET OUR FRIENDS

  AND SUMMER ENDS, AND SUMMER ENDS.

  *

  The Ceremonies: 1

  High above Uni’s green surrounding fields

  A space once nursery, then schoolroom, yields

  To second childhood. Little chair and desk

  Are gone; gone too, the blackboards with Dantesque

  Or Yeatsian systems. Random colored blocks

  Spell RAT or MAN. Above a shut toybox

  Robert’s own full-length self-portrait’s hung:

  Paintbrush hovering, smocked in white, a young

  Sad clown. The room is airless. Unlit gauze

  Draperies (a tasseled pink cord
draws)

  Erect a limp ghost pyramid. Within,

  Our friend lies as if sleeping, knees to chin.

  Then the angelic Intern of his dream

  Glides into semblance on one downward beam.

  Mich.

  AH BABE, I MICHAEL WHOSE DOMAIN IS LIGHT

  BRING YOU THE FIRST OF FIVE GIFTS: SIGHT

  In either hand he bears a sparkling orb

  Of Empire, the wee numbskull must absorb.

  NOW POET, HAND, DECOR! A MIRROR, RUN,

  FACE IT TO YOUR PAINTED WALL. TURN ON THE SUN.

  We do. The fresco springs to life. AHA!

  CHILD, LANDSCAPE, SEA AND SKY,

  ARE YOU READY? ANSWER!

  RM.

  AYE.

  Mich.

  YES! YOU SEE, TELL US!

  RM.

  LORD, THESE BLEAR EYES LOOK PAST TWO RED KNOBS

  Mich.

  YOUR SMALL UNBORN KNEES.

  RM.

  Taking it in. AH LORD, LORD, NOT THAT, PLEASE.

  Mich.

  CHILD, LOOK LONG ON IT, YOUR SMALL VITAL IMPEDIMENT.

  RM.

  POOR FOOT, POOR FOOT.

  Mich.

  CHILD, THAT IS YOUR UPWARD STEP.

  BEFORE, YOU LIMPED. NOW HOBBLED YOU WILL LEAP!

  NEXT?

  RM.

  LORD, RED LIQUID WALLS, A TRAILING CORD.

  Mich.

  CHILD, YOUR FIRST CHORD.

  RM.

  AND ALL THIS, LORD, AGAINST THE PAINTED SCENE

  OF WHERE I AM NO LONGER, AND HAVE NOT YET BEEN?

  Mich.

  YES CHILD. THE SECOND GIFT WILL BE BROUGHT IN

  UPON THE MORROW BY MY TWIN.

  NOW BLESSED ONES, YOU THREE

  MAY SPEAK OF MORTAL THINGS. OUR CHILD CAN SEE.

  He goes.

  The nursery is once more a room

  (Only we can’t make out the portrait’s eyes)

  And Robert again “himself”. Was this, we wonder,

  His first experience of the new womb?

  OR MY FIRST SENSE OF IT. THIS WHOLE LONG TIME,

  MY OLD SOUL TRAINING HERE, UP TO NEW TRICKS,

  A LITTLE UNKNOWN BOD WAS 266

  DAYS IN RESIDENCE, MICHAEL IS SUBLIME:

  ALL THIS BOTH REAL & IMAGINARY BUT

  ON HIS FIRST WORD ‘BABE’ A BABE I WAS

  FLOATING WARM & LANGUID THEN ON ‘SIGHT’

  2 STABBING RED GLOWS SHOT INTO MY HEAD

 

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