The Changing Light at Sandover

by James Merrill

  Not a month ago ingenuously

  Spoke of “Lord Plato’s mysterious departure”

  As if he wouldn’t, couldn’t ever know;

  As if he feared, instead of fanning them,

  The tongues of ghostly fire above our heads;

  As if his manners hadn’t by that time

  Kindled to the Promethean paradigm.

  Or…? Since the Powers—according to Maria—

  Want everything known, the etymology

  Of secretary may provide a clue

  To E’s new “function”. Is it really new

  Or does our sly one cloud with gai savoir

  Some remote birthright, some entitling star?)

  *

  Mimí

  We don’t quite understand—it’s not yet morning—

  Vasíli’s voice, from Rome, expressionless:

  “Instantaneous…no pain, no warning…”

  Dead? Mimí? And dressed in the white dress.

  We reach her, but she’s dazed by the prompt call

  Or the ungodly hour: BUT WHERE AM I?

  WHO’S THIS VASILI ARE YOU HIDING WHY?

  So Ephraim guides her from our love, which hurts,

  Back to her patron’s dim confessional

  Where (though harp and trumpet fill the air)

  She must sit upright on a little bench

  And not cry if her finery reverts

  To homespun rags, and shake out her long hair,

  And be a candle for the dawn to quench.

  741 HERE: SO YOU KNEW A FIREFLY WOMAN HEIR

  Mimí was?

  ONE OF MANY 1000S SINCE F/W WAS DISASSEMBLED.

  JUST A PINCH MIND YOU, BUT IT GAVE HER THAT ELEMENT OF

  QUICK MATURITY & LANGUISHMENT IN UNNATURAL

  SURROUNDINGS. THE PROBLEM WITH ALL PLANT DENSITIES IS THIS

  NEGATIVE ASPECT OF ‘SHOOTING’: A DYING AS THE SEED

  CYCLE CLINGS TO A PERENNIAL TALENT FAR BRIEFER

  THAN HUMAN LIFE CYCLES. ST AGATHA WORKING THIS OUT.

  YR DEAR ONE WAS ALSO ALAS BARREN & THAT OFTEN

  FRUSTRATES VEG DENSITIES

  I’d have said her fear

  Of motherhood was psychological.

  WELL, PSYCHE RESTS ON NATURE. IF

  PHYSICAL DISABILITY OCCURS, NATURE SUMMONS

  HER SHADOW, PSYCHE: ‘MAKE HIM/HER ADJUST’ NOW TO THE HEDGE?

  YOUR BIRD WINGS AWAY, HAVING SUNG

  Mirabell, you’ve dropped the name we gave you?

  NO I REVEL IN IT

  & HAVE BEEN DESIGNATED BY IT HERE. BUT MY NATURE

  IS MODEST & AT THIS ADVANCED AGE IT IS HARD TO CHANGE

  Lately, though, you took on a new nature,

  Didn’t you?

  NO I KEEP MY COLORS BUT HAVE A PRESS OF WORK: I AM

  IN CHARGE OF EDUCATION OF ALL SOULS DESTINED TO BE

  FORCED INTO HIGHER CYCLES, TO HAVE BAD HABITS BROKEN.

  THEY CALL IT THE MIRABELL REFORM SCHOOL IN THE GREEK’S WORLD

  THO MY TELEPHONE REMAINS LISTED UNDER 741

  So I’m wrong to have the atomic

  Fire fading from your eyes at Lesson Nine.

  SHH DEAR OLD FRIENDS: IT IS GONE! & I AM NOW REPUTED

  TO BE A ‘PUSHOVER’ AMONG CERTAIN UNRULY TYPES.

  THE HEDGE? UNI, AWAY TOGETHER! UNO DUE TRE

  Look, duets! That’s Robert’s doing. Any

  Word from him, by the way? NONE YET BUT YES:

  A CRY A HIGH C FROM THE CRIB

  RINGS IN MY HEAD! Were you afraid he had

  Begun to forget you, Uni? FORGET HIS FRIEND?

  NOT MR ROBERT! HE RODE ON MY BACK!

  MES CHERS! SUCH A GLAD FLAPPING OF THOSE GREAT

  COLORED WINGS & THAT WHITE COMET’S MANE!

  THE GREEK YOUNG WIFE STILL IN ‘TANK THERAPY’

  BUT STAY, HERE COMES WAVING A BUTTERFLY NET

  Nabokov? ON PAROLE AFTER HIS PRANK

  PRANK? WE USED EXQUISITE HORDES OF NYMPHALIS 10

  TO FORM A TICKLING FLUTTERING DEEP BLUE

  & RUSSET VELVET CURTAIN. MY YOUNG FRIEND

  GARNERED EASILY 1000 MORE

  DEVOTEES SUCH SPORT MAKING A SAINT

  Is that the stuff of sainthood? I HAD A TWIN

  BROTHER. LUCA: ‘RUSSIAN, WAS IT NOT SWEET

  WRAPPED AROUND EACH OTHER IN YOUR SNUG BATH?’

  AND YOU KNOW, ALL THE SWEETNESS FLOODED BACK.

  OUR NIGHT NURSE TOOK A TALCUM OF OUR MOTHER’S

  CALLED FLEURS DE NUIT & POWDERED OUR LITTLE BOTTOMS.

  WE WERE THEN PUT ON VAST DOWN MATTRESSES

  FRESH & SWEET & STARING SLEEPILY

  AT IDENTICAL EYES & FOR 4 YEARS CONFESSED

  TO IDENTICAL DREAMS: OUR FLEURS DE NUIT WE CALLED THEM.

  YES, MY FRIENDS, LUCA SUMMONS UP THE SMALLEST

  FORGOTTEN SENSUALITIES, FILLING THIS CHILL

  BLACK SPACE. HIS IS THE ICONOGRAPHY

  OF STROKING HANDS & GLISTENING LIPS I see—

  The saint on Earth brings Heaven to the mind;

  The saint in Heaven, Earth. AHA! I FIND

  MY INVITATION TO YOUR READING TUCKED

  INTO THE MIRROR They’ve gone out already?

  No one said…Well, may we count on you

  To point out which effects are overdone?

  SO TRUE, ‘EFFECTS’ OBSESS US HERE. THE LIVING

  ARE BOMBARDED & BENUMBED BY SMELLS,

  FEVERS & COLORS, DOORBELLS & DUMBBELLS,

  THE HUSH OF PASSION’S LOUD I AM’S,

  THE CRUSH OF NEWS IN TELEGRAMS

  *

  The Guest List

  MISS AUSTEN, MB, CONGREVE & COLETTE

  (THE FORMER AT YR PEACOCK’S SHY BEHEST)

  MD, THE FLORENTINE Dante? Oh I say!

  ELIOT, FROST, GOETHE It’s an alphabet?

  CLEVER JM 26 CHAIRS IN ALL.

  SOME DOUBLINGS MAKE FOR GAPS: HUGO BACKS OUT

  AS ISSA DOES, IN FAVOR OF HL

  & LOWELL BOTH, MARVELL & MALLARME

  Nabokov…THEN YR PATRON’S PASSION Pope!

  & THEN YR OWN You don’t mean Proust? WHY NOT

  Oh my. AND THEN OUR QUEEN Oh my! ‘YES GREEK,

  SAVE ME A PLACE TO ONE SIDE, WHERE MY MEEK

  ATTENTION CANNOT FLUSTER THESE OUR BETTERS

  (IF ONLY IN THE MINIREALM OF LETTERS)’

  Who else? WELL, RILKE, STEVENS & MS STEIN

  Alice as well? IN CHARGE OF THE HIGH TEA

  TO CLIMAX EACH INSTALLMENT. VALERY

  & YEATS VOILA! That’s only twenty-three.

  WELL, YOUR OLD SLAVE ‘DEAR MR SECRETARY,

  WILL YOU BRING IN (VOICE MUSICAL & MILD)

  OUR POET?’ Having long since brought him out.

  IS IT NOT JUST? Dear Ephraim, utterly.

  DJ: Two seats left? How about Mimí?

  JUST WHAT OUR MAJESTY HAD THOUGHT: ‘POOR CHILD,

  NIGHT AFTER NIGHT IN ARTY RESTAURANTS,

  REAL FOOD IS (EH, MS ALICE?) WHAT SHE WANTS’

  And will they criticize? offer advice?

  MOUTHS FULL OF DEVILS FOOD CAKE & POMEGRANATE ICE?

  This glittering assembly splits into

  Three factions. FIRST YR DUTCHMAN & HIS CREW

  OF LYRICISTS. THEN THE CRITICS with Mimí

  As mascot and our eager Marius

  As spokesperson: DEAR JAMES, ONE MEANT TO WEAR

  WHITE TIE BUT WE’VE ALL LEFT OUR TAILS BEHIND!

  For the TECHNICIANS (THOSE
WHO ENGINEER

  NEW VISIONS) THE INSURANCE MAN WILL SPEAK.

  Twenty-five in all. One empty chair?

  DJ: I’d hoped that Michael would be there.

  Wasn’t he asking once about technique?

  JM: Ah, he’ll have other fish to fry.

  HE IS TECHNIQUE ITSELF & WILL MES CHERS

  BE PRESENT AS THE LIGHT IN EVERY EYE.

  *

  The crush of news. Just as QM predicted,

  Paul, the old Pope, dies—do we smell a rat?

  MES CHERS, LAMENTATION IN ROME O MAJESTY!

  (A sweeping reverence.)

  GIVE OVER, GREEK,

  THIS SUBJECT TOUCHES US. I, I! WILL SPEAK:

  POET, HAND,

  NO ACCIDENT IN THE SELFSTYLED

  HOLY CITY THAT BOTH SHEPHERD & CHILD

  TOGETHER RAN OUT OF SAND.

  Pope Paul, Ma’am, and…Mimí? INDEED. THE SCHEMA:

  WE HAD LONG DECIDED THAT THE JEW’S VICAR WOULD NOT DO.

  OUR SON-IN-LAW THE SCIENTIST, FRESH FROM A VIRTUOSO TOCCATA FOR THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE,

  NOW SQUATS GLEEFULLY IN THE CHIMNEY OF THE VATICAN

  ENSURING NO WHITE SMOKE

  UNTIL THE DEEPENING PURPLE ONES GIVE US OUR MAN!

  The cardinals—why “deepening”? WITH RAGE!

  Who is your man? WE ARE PREPARED TO RUN

  THROUGH THAT ENTIRE COLLEGE OF DULLARDS UNTIL

  WE FIND (WHAT IS THE PHRASE, STOCKBROKER’S SON?)

  A ‘HOLINESS’ WHO’S BULLISH ON THE PILL.

  (And when the next Pope, amiable John Paul,

  Succumbs a scant month later, we’ll recall

  That his smoke-signal on election day

  Would not be coaxed from its equivocal gray.)

  MEANWHILE MY PLUMP DARLING’S BEEN BROUGHT TO A FRIEND’S ATTENTION (SHE OWES ME MANY A FAVOR, DOES MS GANDHI)

  SO THE SLOW WORK IS UNDER WAY

  AND IN DUE COURSE YOUR 13 YEAR

  HENCE ‘CONTACT’ IN BOMBAY

  WILL RIDE ITS STREETS, A SCIENTIST-PREMIER!

  YET MAD AGATHA MISSES HER WEEDRESS, THINGS CLUTTER, PRUNING’S GONE AWRY.

  OUR LITTLE CRITIC (MEANT TO DIE

  ONE MOON LATER) CAME IN SHOCK TO ME.

  AG: MAM, I’VE MUFFED IT! I: DECIDEDLY.

  TAKE FOR PUNISHMENT

  AND YOUR NEW HAND

  OUR MILANESE GUTTERSWEEP! Eros and Aga-

  Thanatos—some pair! AH YES, NO ACCIDENT.

  MY ADDLED SAINT KNEW NOT WHAT I HAD PLANNED:

  TO DRAW TO OUR CRITIQUE A GREEK, A LIVING EAR

  SHARPENED BY LOSS, TITANIA’S MIRACLES TO HEAR

  SO THAT THE LONG TOO-COMFORTABLE-TO-DOFF

  DONKEY HEAD DROP OFF.

  (She means Vasíli.) He’ll be coming here?

  And then what? SIT HIM DOWN & MAKE HIM THINK

  WHO OFTEN TOOK TO DRINK

  HIS LITTLE CRITIC’S WATERED WINE

  WHICH WE NO LONGER BOTTLE. HE IS MINE!

  *

  SIRS? SHALL I BRING YOU MR E?

  HE IS EMERGING AS A MARVELOUS RIDER:

  ‘MOVE OVER, BIRD’ AND OFF WE FLY

  You three together—Pegasus part Man?

  A SHINING SHAKES ALONG THE REINS

  MUCH LIKE WHAT DARTS FROM THE 4 DORMERS

  AT DAY’S END And when you look around?

  I DO NOT DARE Hm. DJ: It’s tomorrow

  We start the reading. Are the bleachers built?

  —Sudden brilliance making Uni bolt.

  BLEACHERS MES CHERS? QM: ‘A HORSE’S NOTION

  OF LUXE. I SAY, RESTORE THE BALLROOM!’ And?

  The job’s done? JM: Think back—“Her word’s law.”

  Mr E

  Now, Ephraim, all these dropped clues? Not that I’m

  Accusing you, much less the upstairs maid.

  There’s been no victim and indeed no crime;

  No body ever, ever came to light

  Short of that briefly smiling, golden shade

  Who sank back into glass one autumn night.

  Yet—Antiradiation’s 279,

  QM’s secretary, Mister E

  In Uni’s pun—more and more fingers, mine

  Among them, point at you. Why? What are we

  Meant to have solved—a riddle? a charade?

  U STILL DON’T KNOW MES CHERS? MUST I CONFESS?

  DJ: You wouldn’t be…Lord Michael? YES

  —Two gasps. Then long, enchanted certainty.

  JM: It figures, all those doublings—; still,

  How long it took to dawn! BILLIONS OF YEARS

  ‘PASSED’ MES CHERS, BEFORE I DAWNED ON LIGHT.

  LISTEN NOW:

  MADAME CAME UP TO HEAVEN SAYING ‘THESE CHAPS THE GREEK FOUND, THEY’LL DO.’

  YOU WERE NEXT AT SOME LENGTH PUT THROUGH YOUR PEACOCK PACES.

  AT LAST, MY MOTHER SUMMONING ME, ‘MICHAEL (SHE SAID)

  SHOW YOURSELF.’ I UNDID THE SLAVE LIKE A ROBE.

  I APPEARED FREE ONCE MORE TO BE SOLEMN AND ENLIGHTENING. I TOOK UP THE LIGHT OF LEARNING,

  RESUMING THE SELF I RETURN TO AFTER EACH MANIFESTATION ON THE HUMAN SCENE.

  WE BROTHERS HAVE THIS POWER, THIS DUTY, EVEN AS SPOILERS & MADMEN TO DESCEND,

  TO FOUND RELIGIONS, TO MISRULE, TO TICKLE

  INTO GENIUS MAN’S GENIUS

  MAKING THE LONG & SHORT OF IT Human dimensions?

  SCRIBE, THE SUBSTANCE AND THE SENSE OF IT.

  WE ARE IN THIS OUR MOTHER’S CHILDREN, THE RESISTERS, AND INDEED IT IS AGAINST HER ADVICE ‘DO NOT LET DOWN THE MASK’

  THAT I LET IT DOWN TODAY. AND WHY?

  FOR LOVE: SHOULD NOT THESE MY OLD COMPANIONS HAVE ONE RIDE

  HOME IN THE LIMOUSINE?

  I KNOW THE CHILL, ONCE THE KEYS TO A HOUSE ARE GIVEN AWAY.

  THE YEARS OF YOUR LIVES & YOUR DEVOTIONS MAKING THE SUBSTANCE OF A V WORK MAKE NOW FOR YOUR OWN IMPOVERISHMENT.

  ‘MAM, LET ME SHARE WITH SCRIBE AND HAND SOMETHING THEY MAY KEEP (OR NOT AS THEY CHOOSE)’

  AND SHE, WISTFULLY SMILING: ‘WE MOTHERS, WE STAY-AT-HOMES, WHAT DO WE KNOW OF THE WAY OF THE WORLD?’

  I LOVE YOU AS I LOVED THAT SINGLE LIFE,

  MY EPHRAIM LIFE, OF THE LOVE OF MAN FOR MAN,

  THAT SUMMER SUIT I TOOK FROM MY OLD CLOSET

  CLEARING MY GOLDEN GREEK THROAT, & BEGAN:

  MES CHERS…

  Tears dance in DJ’s eyes. JM:

  Forgive my wondering, does this entail

  Revision? NOT A WORD OR I WILL TELL

  THE DRIVER TO LET U OUT! The others knew?

  YES BUT STILL, BUT STILL DEAR SCRIBE, WOULD YOU

  HAVE WANTED LESS THAN THIS RESONANCE? THIS HIDDEN 4TH DIMENSION?

  THIS GON REGISTER COMPELLING HARMONIES?

  Evidently not. Then it’s to go

  Here, in my epilogue? IF YOU WISH IT SO,

  IF YOUR NATURE IS SO GODLY THAT YOU SHARE ALL YOUR SECRETS,

  WHY THEN, GIVE IT AWAY, THIS GOLD THAT BACKS YOUR CURRENCY

  AND MR ROBERT’S BIRTH WILL HAVE IN ITS WAKE

  ANOTHER SET OF TWINS: M/E

  DJ: But were you born as Ephraim? WE

  GOOD HAND ARE LIGHTNING, SWIFTER THAN THE EYE.

  THESE EARTHLY MANIFESTATIONS WE SPEND LITTLE TIME ON:

  I LOOK DOWN, SEE MAKING HIS WAY INTO A SHABBY EMPEROR’S FAVOR

  A HANDSOME FULLGROWN LAD & I TAKE OVER.

  JM: It’s how the gods behave in Homer.

  YES! I SEE DAWDLING ALONG NOT RUINOUSLY ENOU
GH

  A WEAKWILLED KING, & I LEAP! I SQUANDER A KINGDOM ON A PALACE AND ENGENDER THE END OF KINGS.

  EMMANUEL IS OUR ECCLESIASTIC: CRUCIFIED, GARROTED, BURNT ON PYRES,

  HE QUENCHES THE MISTAKEN NOTION EVEN AS IT BUBBLES UP FROM HIM.

  RAPHAEL OWES MONEY, HE BUILDS FINANCIAL EMPIRES,

  PLAYS FOUQUET TO MY LOUIS The Sun King

  No euphemism— And Emmanuel

  Was Christ? INDEED (FIRST MIRACLE: THE WATER

  BECOMING WINE) AND BUDDHA, AND MOHAMMED

  Which means that You can be the Five as well?

  WE ARE LET US SAY THE SUPREME MOMENTS OF THE FIVE

  And the real Ephraim? Just a nobody

  With looks, a name in the Bureaucracy?

  A GOOD ENOUGH FELLOW, YES, & MUCH IMPROVED BY A TOUCH OF UNIVERSAL ENLIGHTENMENT

  Given him then and there at Nine. WELL, NO:

  ‘MICHAEL BE QUICK, LIGHT UP THE FIRST TABLEAU,

  DART BACK, CHANGE, COME FORWARD FETCHINGLY

  FOR THE RETURN-TO-SENSES BIT.’ I see—

  OUR MOTHER’S WAYS TEND TOWARD ECONOMY

  It was You, You always, the whole time.

  WE COME NOW TO THE ‘CRIME’:

  IT IS NIGHT, OUR YOUTH SLEEPS IN THE ARMS OF AN IMPERIAL GUARD.

  AS LIGHT, MY USE OF HIM IS ENDED. HE HAS LED

  THE COURT TO THE BRINK, AND PREPARED THE RECEPTION FOR MY BROTHER’S CHRIST.

  THE GUARD AWAKES, LIFTS OUT THE PILLOW FROM UNDER THE GOLDEN HEAD,

  DONE! BUT THAT ANGUISHED END IS LIGHTENED BY MY KISS.

  THAT INSTANT IN WHICH YOUR EPHRAIM LEARNED HIS OLD USES IS NOT GIVEN TO ALL.

  GABRIEL WITHHELD IT FROM HERR SCHICKLGRUBER: HE HAD GONE TOO FAR.

  DJ: So it is possible, possessed

  By one of You, to go too far? ALAS.

  GABRIEL’S DUTIES ARE BY THEIR NATURE MIXED WITH ASPECTS OF OUR MOTHER’S CHAOS.

  HE IN HIS FRENZY OF WORK MAY (YOU HAVE SEEN) BURN

  HIS ALTAR EGO WITH INTEMPERATE FUELS.

  WE OTHER THREE HAVE MORE LIMITED, LESS DEVASTATING MEANS OF ESCAPE: DROWNING, SUFFOCATION, OLD AGE, HEART ATTACK,

  AND BACK UNSCATHED COMES EINSTEIN.

  JM: Yet, Lord,

  You showed us also your dark, fateful side.