Last Chance

by Castronaro, Kyleigh

  And she was right.

  His hands were calloused and warm as they roamed her thighs, guiding her body into positions that eased the transition as he entered her. He was gentle and tender, conscientious of her feelings as he went.

  Occasionally he stopped to ask if she was okay, worried that he might be pushing her too far, too fast. But it was perfect. Everything about her was perfect, and she felt the same about him.

  Running his hand along her arm, their hands twined together as knuckles knotted and she squeezed them when it felt like he sunk deeper. Each breath was a gasp or a moan, searching for air that seemed to leave her lungs as quickly as she filled them.

  He worked her body like a well-tuned guitar and made her sing with pleasure as he brought her to the highest heights, making it feel like she was never going to come down. Her knees inched higher up his ribs, holding herself in place as he released one hand to clasp her hip and press her back into the mattress.

  Their bodies collided with one another, melting in places, so his hard became a part of her soft. Two entities who now belonged to each other tied together in a way they could never undo.

  Chapter 12

  2019

  “Did you love her?”

  “I was in love. It was the first time in my life I ever felt like that.” He came out of the bathroom in the outfit he had picked out, trying to do up his tie. “Honestly, until you kids came around, I didn’t think I would ever feel that way again.”

  “And you never… felt that way with mum?” Adam asked the question carefully, making Shep frown. He didn’t want to hurt his son’s feelings, nor ruin the memories of his childhood.

  “How I felt about your mum was very different from how I felt with Honey. I don’t think it would be fair to compare the two.”

  It wasn't a direct answer, but from the look on Adam's face, he understood. "I need some water." His oldest rose off the bed and walked out of the room, leaving Shep's stomach in knots. Maybe re-living this story wasn't a good idea after all.

  While Adam was gone he adjusted his tie for what felt like the hundredth time. Nothing looked right no matter how many ways he tied it. When in the hell had he forgotten how to tie a tie?

  He scowled at his reflection, cursing the veteran in the glass who looked seasoned but was about as helpless as a newborn baby. He hated feeling helpless. But he had been feeling more of that in the last year or so, mostly always against his will.

  Shuffling away from the mirror Shep moved to the bed and sat slowly, undoing the tie with a huff and tossing it on the floor. He didn't need a tie. This wasn't a goddamn business meeting, it was a date. Dates could be casual.

  Why the hell was he going on a date?

  He huffed again and sat down on the bed, contemplating what he was going to wear if it wasn’t going to be a shirt and tie. He was about to rise again when the bedroom door open and his oldest, Adam, came back into the room.

  "No tie?" The amusement on his face was practically superglued there, any feelings he was having toward the story were sorted by the time he returned.

  "I can't remember the last time I tied a goddamn tie. Your mother used to do it for me."

  "Here. I can manage." Adam swept down and picked up the blue and green number, wrapping it around his neck and, with a flourish that made Shep feel five, knotted the tie perfectly. How in the hell had he done that?

  "I was getting there." He grumbled as he held out his hand and took the tie back, enclosing it around his own neck. So much for casual.

  “Alright, so after the second date-“ His face screwed up to let Shep know exactly how he felt about being told what was practically a sex story about his own father, “then what happened?”

  “Well, I wanted to show off Honey to my family and introduce her to my mom and stepfather. I invited her to come to the city with me one weekend to meet them.”

  “Whoa, this girl met Grandmother? How did that go over?”

  Shep chuckled, “better than you’d think.”

  * * *

  1989

  Her eyes were glued to the window, watching everything go by as they drove along the freeway. It wasn’t long before farmland gave away to short bursts of urbanization and the city skyline emerged from the horizon ahead of them. Shep heard a small intake of breath from her. When he asked Honey to come with him she explained she’d never been to the city before, she had never had reason to. It was only an hour away, but her parents had provided everything she thought she needed back home in Pleasant Lake.

  On top of introducing her to his parents that weekend, Shep also planned to show her a good time in anticipation of seeing how she felt about the city on a more long-term basis.

  They pulled up in front of his childhood home, and he parked the borrowed car before coming around to her side and holding the door for her. If she was nervous, she didn't show it as she took his hand and got out of the car. Honey looked around slowly, taking in the house and the street before her eyes met Shep's, and she smiled.

  He closed the door before leading her up the old worn pavement toward the entrance. Maybe she wasn't nervous at all, meeting parents wasn't something that phased her. Then again, he knew this was the first time she was going to be meeting parents. Of course, she had nothing to compare it to, no way of knowing whether the experience was good or bad.

  Despite these thoughts he still found himself speaking: "Be yourself, they'll love you."

  The confusion on her face was enough to tell him that he was the only one overthinking this situation. She smiled and nodded, touching his arm reassuringly.

  "Do we knock or go in?"

  "Go in," he said feeling surprised by the question. He'd never considered knocking to enter his own house. But, it wasn't his house anymore, was it? Maybe they should knock, it seemed the polite thing to do.

  But he was already opening the door by the time his thoughts caught up with his actions. His mother's cat was lounging on the front mat, looked up in surprise and quickly jumped away before it had to endure any affection. Not that he would touch that thing, there was a mutual dislike between them. The cat attacked him; he didn't like the cat. So, they avoided each other happily.

  "Shoes off?"

  "Nah, not a big deal." He helped her with her jacket though before shrugging his own off and hanging them both up. Honey was looking around when he turned back to her, taking in the sparse decorations of the hallway. "This way." He took her hand and guided her down the hall to the kitchen where his mother was standing over the oven doing something. As usual, she was perfectly coiffed, dressed in her Sunday best and, on top of it all, was her apron.

  "Shepherd!" She turned, feigned surprise and hugged him as he winced at the use of his full name.

  "Mother." He kissed her cheek before pulling away to step back at Honey's side. "I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Honey Halliwell." He could immediately tell she disapproved of Honey's name, a hippie's name he imagined her telling his stepfather. She would assume it was a name given to Honey by herself, not something she was born with - a fact he knew because he had once asked.

  They chose Honey because she was the sweetest thing to ever happen to her parents. They'd tried and tried for children and accepted that finally, they weren’t going to have any. A few months after they stopped trying Honey was conceived. It was a heartwarming story, and it was nice they commemorated it with Honey’s naming. It just meant she got a lot of funny looks sometimes when introducing herself.

  Plus, his mother disliked names that were childish for adults. Her own name, at birth, was Lily. Not Lillian. Lillian came when she was old enough to have it legally changed, and she never let anyone call her Lily again, except for her parents.

  "Nice to meet you," his mother held out her hand, and the ladies shook.

  "Nice to meet you as well Mrs. Wheeler." His mother didn't correct her with a kind ‘oh, please call me Lillian.' She never would. She liked the formalities. It was why she was dressed like she was, the model of p
erfection because in their house they maintained a standard of perfection.

  And with that, began an evening of formalities; staunch and awkward. Honey navigated it well, however. It didn't seem to faze her that his parents were so uptight. She asked the right questions, charmed his stepfather and made his mother laugh. They liked her, of course, they did. His brother was enamored by her by the time dinner was over, not that he expected anything less from a hormonal fourteen-year-old boy.

  When they were done Honey thanked his mother for a lovely evening, flattered his stepfather and asked that they do it again soon. She'd killed it, and he couldn't help grinning at her once they were back in his car pulling out and heading for the hotel.

  "Well, they love you."

  "They're lovely. I have no idea why you were so worried."

  "I don't know, maybe because you're a little bit sweetheart and a little bit smart ass?" He grinned at her, lifting her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of her hand. The success of the evening was well worth the ear load he'd get from his mother next time they spoke on the phone. Honey was, after all, the first girl he had ever brought home.

  Chapter 13

  1989

  They spent the next day wandering the city and enjoying the sights and scenes. Honey seemed to like the city, which he found to be a comfort. If she liked the city enough, maybe she would like it enough to move here with him permanently. He decided to ask her that night after a special dinner. Since telling her he loved her, he hadn't taken her out again to a nice restaurant and treat her. This time, however, he warned her. She packed accordingly, and the blue dress she brought clung to her curves in a way that almost had them staying in.

  When they got to the fancy restaurant, she was both surprised and disappointed when he took her around back instead of through the front.

  "What's going on? Why are we sneaking in through the back?"

  "Couldn't get a reservation," he said with a Cheshire Cat-like grin. "But I know a guy whose younger brother works here. Don't worry, it's okay." He led her through the delivery entrance and held her hand as they walked through the busy kitchen. Pots and pans were banging, flames occasionally burst into the air and the sous chef continued to bark orders without realizing they were being intruded upon.

  Shep took her right through into another room, unattached to the main dining room, where she found a small table set for two amidst many candles lighting the room.

  Honey blinked in surprise a few times, taking it all in before looking up at Shep with a grin.

  "What did you do?"

  "Nothing." He said slyly, pulling the chair out for her and waiting until she seated herself before taking his place across from her. The maître d' appeared, holding out two wine menus. Shep didn't bother to look at it before ordering an expensive twenty-year-old wine. Honey continued to look surprised, but her expression was slowly giving way to delight.

  "What is going on?"

  "Nothing, I wanted to spoil you."

  "Spoil me? I feel like you need a reason for that."

  Shep chuckled slightly, reaching out to take her hand. He threaded their fingers together, letting his thumb run along the soft skin of the back of her palm. He shook his head and smiled at her. Maybe this was the secret to love. You didn't need a reason to spoil someone because you wanted to do it. The look on her face, after all, was good enough for him.

  "No, I don't. You're my girlfriend, that's my only reason for wanting to spoil you."

  She smiled, brightly and Shep knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life staring at that smile.

  The chef interrupted them as he came into the room. He introduced himself, though the name went unrecognized to Honey who'd spent her life eating home cooked meals. The meal itself was impressive enough. He began to explain the special menu he had prepared for them that evening.

  "Roasted lobster and artichoke soup with black truffle?" Honey whispered the appetizer back to him, her eyes wide with excitement and hunger. He grinned, pleased with her reaction. This was precisely what he wanted, but it wasn't the only thing on the menu that night.

  Once the chef excused himself the maître d' returned with their wine and basket of fresh rolls.

  "This is a lot, Shep."

  "This isn't the last of it." He promised, and it wasn't. He had an entire night planned in her honor. He wanted it to be the best night of her life.

  When they finished their mains, Honey was already feeling full. But there was a promise of a baked Alaska for dessert, forcing her to save room. The dessert, however, wasn’t the next thing on the menu. Much to her surprise, and mild horror, Johnny Mathis - yes, the Johnny Mathis - walked into the room and began crooning - to her! Her eyes swiveled to Shep before going back to the star in disbelief.

  "How?" She whispered, and when he didn't answer her, she repeated herself with much more urgency.

  "Pulled a few strings." He shrugged, smiling as he watched the blush rise up her cheeks and take hold of her face.

  "A few?"

  He shrugged, maybe strings weren't the right word unless it meant purse strings. But she didn't need to know how much the night cost. Not that it mattered, he had a decently sized saving set aside from the army and what he was making this summer. On top of that, he had been cleaning up at poker nights with the guys. Although the money flowing through those games was nothing compared to a casino, it wasn't anything to scoff at.

  * * *

  2019

  “I know where this is going.”

  Shep looked away from the mirror where he was standing shaving his stubble, “oh do you?”

  "Yeah, serial gambler that you are. Mum didn't like it either, she just wasn't vocal about it." Shep laughed to himself, Elle had been vocal about it. But she had a strict rule about saying anything in front of the kids, so they only ever fought behind closed doors.

  Adam rose again and moved into the bathroom. "You cut yourself shaving."

  He swiped at his jaw to remove the blood before pressing a piece of tissue to the small cut. He sat down again, folded the napkin and set it aside. Shep followed the motions with more apparent interest than he could muster, all the while thinking about the cigarette he was craving now.

  "You wanna talk about it?"

  "Which part? The date or the fact you kids want me to go on it so damn bad?"

  "It's been almost 2 years… You're lonely, we all see it. This isn't about finding another wife as finding a companion. Someone to travel with."

  "I don't want to travel."

  "Go out with."

  "My own company is fine."

  "Bring to Holly's wedding?"

  "Now, why in the hell would I do that? That's asking people to talk about how I'm disrespecting the memory of your mother."

  "No, they would be glad to see you're moving on. We're worried about you. Companionship, we think, is the right answer."

  "Listen, I might've paid for that fancy damn degree of yours, but that doesn't mean you get to use it on me. I'm the father here."

  If Adam was annoyed, he didn't show it as he let out another carefree laugh. He got that from his mother. Like water off a duck's back, he thought of the saying. He and Elle were so alike. But Adam left the bathroom, and Shep found himself wondering if he had really upset his oldest. While he was gone, Shep thought about the fight Honey and he’d had in the hotel room that night.

  Chapter 14

  1989

  The night was one for the books but how he afforded it was still nagging at Honey as they got back to the hotel later that night. He could tell she was ruminating on something as she sat down on the couch, frowning to herself.

  "What's wrong? Didn't you enjoy yourself?"

  "Oh, yeah, I did." She said, pulling herself from her thoughts as she looked up at him. "I loved it, it was probably the best night of my life." She smiled, and he felt relieved, turning away to go and get a drink for himself, but her voice stopped him again.

  “It was extravagant, and I just wa
s wondering why?”

  “Well, tonight is special.” He said with a casual shrug, smiling at her. “I wanted to show you how much I love you.”

  The words hung in the silence like the curtain that dropped at the end of the show. They had just come out with no thought. He hadn't even known he was going to say them. Did he mean them or was he trying to appease her and make up for whatever sense of disappointment she felt?

  It didn't matter right now whether he meant it or not. All that mattered was how it made her feel.

  Honey stared at him. He'd never said those words to her, nor had she said them to him either. He wondered if now was the wrong time to tell her since she was staring at him like a deer in the headlights.

  “You love me?” She turned away as if she was looking for someone else to be in the room. Someone else he could possibly be saying those words to.

  “Yes,” he smiled as he walked over to her, wrapping his arms around her and staring down at her with such adoration she nearly basked in the glow of it.

  She turned to face him and grinned, the whole thing lighting up her face. "I love you too," she whispered softly. He kissed her, and when he pulled away again, she was frowning once more. This was not the reaction he had wanted when he told her, the only woman he had ever told, that he loved her.

  “What’s wrong?”

  "I'm just wondering, how you managed to make it possible.”

  He turned back to her slowly, she seemed genuinely interested as there wasn’t a hint of accusation in her tone.

  "I had extra money."

  "From gambling?"

  "Yeah."

  She sighed like she was disappointed but didn't say anything else. He made his way cautiously to the kitchenette. He picked up the whiskey glasses and ran it under the water to clean it off before filling it up. He carried it back to the living room to find she still looked displeased.