Last Chance

by Castronaro, Kyleigh

  “There was an older lady here a minute ago, she might have gone to the bathroom.”

  ‘Older' wasn't a misplaced moniker, but it still stung to hear it. In this crowd, he was practically ancient. It was painfully obvious now his children had picked the restaurant for its trendy quality and not for its age appropriateness.

  "Great, thanks." His eyes scanned the room once more, this time looking for the bathroom. It was stupid, but he felt like holding his breath as he waited to see who came out.

  As he waited, his mind drifted once more, and he looked back on those first few months in the city with distant fondness. They'd moved past their growing pains, were out of the honeymoon phase and yet still madly in love. He could remember the smiles, the laughter and all the firsts he got to experience with Honey. He knew now, under all that, something dark was lurking. Unhappiness had planted itself, and while tended to as casually as a cactus, it still bloomed.

  * * *

  1989

  They made the arrangements for the furniture and a few days later everything arrived. Without planning it, decorating the apartment turned Honey into the kind of woman he had pictured her being. She spent so much time keeping house, cooking and cleaning that she never ended up getting a job.

  Everything worked out in the end after they worked out the kinks, as every couple did after a huge life change. Living together was different. Shep was used to living with men or alone, while Honey had never lived outside of her parents’ home before.

  Falling into a routine was easy. Honey hung out at a hair salon during the week, making friends with some of the other women there who went out with her after work or on the weekends.

  Shep noticed how hanging out with city girls changed her slowly. She shed her naive country girl exterior, growing the protective shell typical of the girls who grew up in the city.

  Despite her earlier protests, Honey began taking Shep up at his offer to take care of her. She enjoyed getting herself done up at the salon and going out shopping with the girls, activities that her small savings couldn't afford. On weekends they went out dancing, enjoying concerts and any shows that might be in town that week. And thankfully, Honey stopped complaining that he was spoiling her, especially when they were romantic gestures.

  Routines were easy he found, for the simple fact that he knew he didn’t have to entertain her twenty-four seven now and he could do his own thing. Distracted by her friends he could return to the casino to play cards. Maybe she knew what he was up to, but she didn’t say anything. If it bothered her, she didn’t bring it up again.

  After a while, the quibbles came. They were small things, things he paid no mind to in the long run although maybe he should have. She claimed he drank too much or he worked too much. Then there was always the claim that he left her alone too much.

  She had a lot of opinions now that they were living together, and he had to say he was disappointed by it.

  Back in the country, she had been playful and funny, but her opinions had been snowflakes in the summer - non-existent. Now though, the real source of her contention seemed to be his gambling. She had no access to the bank accounts, but he kept cash on him at all times. She knew where to look for this and could tell when he had been playing cards.

  Although, that wasn’t always his only source of income. The guys on the trading floor were a lot like him. They enjoyed the games, the challenges and, most of all, the money. During slow periods of the day, the guys would throw a wet sponge onto the ceiling before placing thousand-dollar bets on the ground for where the sponge would land when it came back down.

  The game was so popular the winner easily pulled in a few ten thousand dollars a game. No one balked at throwing down, literally, thousands of dollars especially not when the pot was so big. They bet on other things too. Stupid stuff, always stupid, but it was fun, and it entertained them.

  Best of all, Shep won. A lot. And he enjoyed that immensely.

  Honey, on the other hand, continued to only see it as a waste. Her own upbringing had been comfortable but filled only with essentials. The kind of frivolous life Shep led was the complete opposite of what she had witnessed growing up. She never argued that she didn't like being pampered or going shopping at the high-end retail stores, but she didn't like that he would lose thousands of dollars in a matter of hours without batting an eyelash.

  If she was at her wit's end, she didn't show it. As far as he knew it bugged her, end of. An annoyance didn't seem like something to end a relationship over. Not one going as good as theirs, at least.

  Chapter 28

  1989

  “I would like to go home this weekend,” she looked up from her breakfast and smiled at him. “It’s been a few months since I saw my folks, I thought maybe you could come with me.”

  He looked up from his plate where he was currently fighting a rolling sausage, “this weekend?” He thought about his plans, there was a game with his work friends he was hoping to get in on. Was there a way he could go to the game and still head to Pleasant Lake with Honey? It was only an hour away; it could be feasible.

  “Yeah, I thought maybe we could go up after work on Friday and come home maybe Sunday night? I’d like to see my family, we could see your friends too - like Jeremy, maybe go to church on Sunday?”

  “Right.” He agreed, still thinking about how he could make this work. Maybe he could come back down on Saturday night, get through the game and head back to the lake right after. He wouldn’t be able to drink too much, but that was more to the detriment of his fellow players not to him. “Well, the guys from work were planning on getting together on Saturday.”

  He began to speak, and Honey looked up. Her expression was placid, but her eyes seemed to be alight. She was absorbing every word he said and rolling them over in her head a few hundred times. She didn't move or acknowledge that he was done, obligating him to continue until she did.

  "Maybe I could head back to the city for a few hours on Saturday night? It would give you time alone with your parents, and I'd be back that night for church the next morning?"

  The silence continued to hang between them for a few more seconds before Honey finally spoke: "is it someone's birthday?"

  “Huh?” He stopped with a piece of egg halfway to his mouth as he looked up and frowned at her.

  "Is it someone's birthday?" She repeated patiently, picking up her teacup and sipping it slowly.

  “No…” He said with uncertainty. There was a nagging feeling at the back of his mind that maybe this was a trap he was willingly walking into.

  “A bachelor party?”

  “No…”

  “Did someone die?”

  “Not that I know of.”

  “Well, I don't think it's that important to go. You see your friends nearly every weekend. I'm asking for one weekend to go home to see my parents, and you want to skip out on Saturday dinner for what? Drinks and cards, no doubt."

  “That’s not it.” He said a bit too defensively.

  "I don't know Shep, that's what it sounds like to me." She set her teacup down and took a deep, calculated breath. It was only a second, but she seemed to have an hour-long thought before she spoke again.

  "We don't have to go this weekend." She was smiling when he looked up at her again. It wasn't the kind of smile that lit up her face, but it was cordial. The type of smile you give a stranger who says hello when you pass them on the sidewalk.

  "I can get out of it," he said, trying to sound convincing but he spoke so slowly, and in such a way that it seemed forced, he wasn't believable at all.

  “It’s fine, maybe the weekend after next we can go.”

  “Are you sure?”

  "Yeah, I've made up my mind." She smiled again, this one a little bigger than the last, but no less unnerving. Prone to not overthinking about a situation, Shep didn't give the conversation much more thought as Honey collected their dishes and carried them into the kitchen to begin washing them. He finished off his coffee and went to
kiss her before grabbing his jacket and heading to work.

  If he won this weekend, he would treat her - and her parents, he decided. Maybe instead of going to boring old Pleasant Lake, he’d go, pick them up and bring them to the city. They could go out to a fancy restaurant, maybe go to a concert. He liked the sound of that and decided to look into what was on in the next two weeks to make arrangements.

  Pleased with his decision, he headed home that night with the good news to tell Honey. She was out when he got back, which was strange unto itself, as there was no dinner on the table and no smell of something cooking. He ordered Chinese and turned the TV to watch whatever was on.

  A few hours went by, and by the time he was on his fourth evening beer, he realized she still wasn't back. The salon would be closed by now, he had no idea where she could be. She had never told him where the girls went when they hung out outside of work.

  Rising off the couch, he walked into the bedroom to see if he could find her address book. What he saw instead stopped him cold. The drawers of the dresser were pulled out and askew, the closet door was left open, and a mess of his clothes was piled on the floor. A quick check confirmed his suspicions, everything she owned was gone. There was nothing left to say that a woman lived here with him; not even an empty perfume bottle.

  Circling back to the kitchen he stopped at the counter, pulling open a drawer he knew she kept her medicine in. That was empty too, right down to the antibiotics she had left over from a sore throat a few weeks ago. She didn’t need them anymore, but her message was loud and clear, she was gone.

  Except, Shep wasn’t going to accept that.

  He grabbed his coat and keys, heading out of the apartment and straight for his car. There was only one place she would go if she were going anywhere. He didn't know how she got there. She couldn't drive unless someone came to get her. Which only made him think this was something that had been a spur of the moment decision, but one long in the making.

  The entire drive to her parents’ house he was playing through everything in his head, reliving all the fights and still unable to come up with what bugged her so much about his gambling. He knew if he got there and they spoke he could figure out why she was upset and convince her to come home. Leaving was excessive. That much he was sure about.

  He pulled up in front of her parents' house, and before he was out of the car, her dad was walking down the front steps toward him.

  “You need to go.”

  “I would like to speak to Honey.”

  “She doesn’t want to talk to you right now Shep, you need to go.”

  “I came all this way.”

  “While I appreciate the effort, she still doesn’t want to talk to you.” Shep frowned, disliking the way he said effort. Whatever her dad thought he knew, it had to be a made-up story from Honey because he always put in the effort. Look at all the nice dinners and fancy things he had done for her!

  “Honey!” He shouted, ignoring her father’s protests as he walked toward the house. “Honey!” He shouted again, climbing up the front steps of the house. Her dad grabbed his arm, trying to stop him and, as he began to shake him off, the door swung open as Honey stepped out.

  “Shep, I don’t want you here. I left the way I did for a reason; it was not an invitation to come and visit me.”

  “That’s not fair, we need to talk.”

  "We did talk, and I think I've said all I have to say." She stepped out of the way to let her dad back into the house as he leaned in and whispered something in her ear. She nodded and smiled at him before stepping back into the house. "You need to go now."

  “Honey, we didn’t talk! I came home, and you were gone. That’s not a talk! That’s abandonment.”

  She stood there for a moment before nodding her head slowly, smiling sadly at him: “I guess you know how it feels now." She pulled the screen door open enough to slip through and closed the door behind her. He could hear the soft echo of the lock, and he was left standing there in the cold night air, staring at space.

  Chapter 29

  1989

  Where had everything gone wrong?

  Shep continued to stand there, staring at the house for a long time. He didn't know what to do, he didn't know what he could say - not that she was listening. When had it gone this far? He couldn't wrap his head around everything. Stepping backward he moved toward the car, disappointment flooding his veins.

  Was this it?

  Was it all over now?

  Should he have fought more?

  He sat down in the driver's seat and stared up at the windows he knew connected to her room.

  Was she in there?

  Was she crying?

  Was he supposed to cry?

  The longer he thought about it, the angrier he got. She had chickened out; her answer was to run away and not deal with everything like an adult. Maybe he wasn't in love with her, perhaps this had all been infatuation.

  He started the car, revving the engine on purpose, so she knew he was leaving.

  This was it.

  If she wanted to stop him, she had the chance. He revved the engine once more. The only response he got was the light in the front room shut off. Nothing shone from the house, and if he didn't know better, he could have easily guessed it was empty.

  That was it.

  He threw the car into reverse and pulled away. As he drove his feelings of disappointment and sadness ebbed, filling instead with more anger. Where was that spitfire he thought he had fallen in love with? She used to charm him with sass and smartassery, she was spunky and would fight back when she was passionate about something. She made him work to be with her, only for her to give up this easy?

  None of it made sense, but she had made her choice. This was what she wanted, so this is what she would get.

  He didn't drive home, he drove to the casino. It was going to be a long night, but he wasn't going back to that empty apartment. And truthfully, he never did.

  He spent the night at the casino, was given a complimentary room and the next morning at work he made arrangements for the apartment to be packed up. He found a new place the same day and after three nights at a hotel, he was settled into his new home with the decision that he was going to leave Honey behind him.

  He stopped thinking about her, told himself he couldn't, so he didn't. Emotions, after all, weren't his forte. He moved on, started dating again and within five months, he met and was engaged to Elle. His life was back on track, and he didn't think about Honey again for another thirty years.

  * * *

  2019

  "Your drink, sir," the bartender slid the highball toward Shep casually as he reached for his wallet. "If you're having dinner here tonight, we can add that to your bill," the bartender waved him off. Shep nodded in thanks, his eyes drifting back toward the bathroom as he curled his fingers around the glass.

  The door finally swung open, and he felt himself straighten up instinctively, but a pair of young women came out of the room giggling to themselves about something. He exhaled, lifting the drink to his lips, aware that he needed to take the edge off desperately.

  A good, hearty swallow burned down the column of his throat, his eyes closing as he enjoyed the sensation and taste. When he opened them again, the bathroom door closed once more. He straightened up, eyes flicking around quickly to assess who it might've been who came out of the bathroom.

  "Shep Wheeler?" He turned to look down at the voice, his heart jumping into his throat. He knew that voice, he'd been hearing it all over again all afternoon.

  Still, he needed to see her. He needed to know he was right. As he turned and looked down, his worst fear and greatest hope were confirmed.

  "Honey," he breathed her name like a prayer, a mishmash of emotions colliding on his face.

  "Shep." There were no glad tidings in her voice, in fact, he would've sworn it was disappointment that tinged the syllable of his name.

  “You look…” He began, his eyes taking in everything both
different and the same about her. She wore thirty years of aging well, a few wrinkles that spoke to a life of happiness and stress, but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. She could still take his breath away and make him lose all sense of himself. That power she had over him was dangerous and intoxicating. He felt twenty-three all over again.

  “Wow, this is a surprise…” She said uncertainly, filling the beat of silence he had lapsed into.

  "Is it?" He asked, genuinely curious because he had a feeling this was who he was meeting. She was the winemaker, and if she was, she knew she was meeting him. She had agreed to meet him even despite knowing it was him. She had wanted to see him.

  That was a good sign, surely?

  "Well, no, you're right. When your email came through, and I saw the name, I felt butterflies for the first time in a long time. I never thought I would see or hear from you again. I heard you were married."

  “Jeremy?” He guessed as she nodded. He didn’t have many friends outside of work and, of course, there was the one friend he had he had made that summer in Pleasant Lake. Jeremy had stood up with him at his wedding to Elle. Of course, news of this went back to Honey. He had never considered that.

  “Yes, well, Elle passed away a couple years ago. Cancer - it was… sudden and yet,” he paused searching for what he wanted to say.

  "Drawn out?" She said softly, touching his arm in a comforting gesture. He looked at her again and nodded. "Watching a loved one disappear from you slowly can be both the most excruciating thing, and yet you still feel like you didn't have enough time."

  “Yes,” he agreed, thinking about Elle in those last few days and how damn helpless he felt.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” she said and, unlike when others said those words, he could hear the sincerity in her voice. Whatever had transpired between them she would have never wished such a fate on him or his wife.

  "What about you?" He asked, wanting to change the subject as he swallowed his feelings once more and refocused on the woman in front of him. "Did you ever marry?"