Dirty Deeds

by D V Wolfe

  Luckily, a cannibal welcome wagon didn’t roll out to meet us as we climbed the ditch and stayed low, moving between the Town Cars. I was trailing behind Vince and Mick, peering through the windshields and trying doors to see if there was any sign Festus had been there.

  “What the hell are you doing,” Vince hissed at me. “Car shopping? Wanna take one for a test drive and see if you like how the driver’s seat cups your ass?”

  I gave him the finger and we moved on. I didn’t think Festus was in one of the Town Cars. Most of them were unlocked and even tied up, Festus would have been able to get away, but no stone unturned. In front of the fleet of Town Cars, there were two RVs parked in a row. The one closest to us was smaller and I saw the bars fitted on the windows. As we moved toward it, I paused to listen. Silence. No screaming, nothing. Either whoever had been doing the screaming was dead or sleeping or somewhere in between.

  I started around the back of the RV and we came nose-to-nose with the RV’s night guards. Three men with assault rifles, sitting on folding chairs. Luckily, they looked as surprised to see us as we were to see them and their guns were on the ground, by their feet. I drew the machete and lunged for the first one that saw us. He’d bent over in his chair, scrambling to get a hand on his gun. I focused on the bloody smiley face he’d finger-painted onto the sleeve of his t-shirt and grabbed him by the hair, jerking the machete, blade up, across his windpipe, slitting his throat. I felt the heat next to me as Vince tested out his flamethrower on one of the guards that had left his gun behind and just gone for Vince. Definitely not a thinker, considering Vince was carrying a flamethrower and a short-stock rifle. Mick, on the other hand, was at a stand-off with the third guy, both of them with weapons drawn, ready to fire. Vince helped make up their minds by hitting the guy with the flamethrower first. He screamed and banged off the side of the RV, Vince following him with his flamethrower. He was reaching for the RV door when he finally collapsed, engulfed in flames. I waited for the wave of nausea I expected, watching someone burn to death, the way I’d watched the townsfolk of Ashley burn, over and over. It didn’t come. These assholes tortured, killed, and ate other humans.

  Fuck them.

  The three of us looked at the mess we’d just made. The side of the RV was soot-stained and the side access door was smoldering where the flamethrower had melted it. There was blood, soaking into the red dirt from the throat I’d slit and two badly burned corpses with black and crispy shreds of clothing. We watched the trail of black smoke rising above us. We waited, weapons drawn for the next wave of assault. After a few minutes of quiet, it seemed like we were in the clear. The small amount of sound and the smoke hadn’t even brought any curious bystanders over to see what was going on. There was still smoke rising from the dead bonfire in front of us. I watched a cloud of it, mixing with the smoke hanging above us as the breeze carried it back towards the road. I looked at Vince and Mick and pointed at the bodies, and then the space under the RV. It took us about twenty minutes to stuff the bodies underneath it and behind the tires, so they wouldn’t be immediately visible. I moved back to the side access door on the RV. I could still feel the heat coming from it. The frame was warped and we’d be lucky if we could get the door to open.

  “So far, so good,” Mick mumbled coming up to stand next to me.

  Instantly, karma took offense to that and there was a shout that broke the silence. Jingling and yelling was coming from all sides of us now. I raised my sawed-off and waited for the ambush. It didn’t come. The yelling and hooting were getting louder, but they were moving around, somewhere in front of us. I peeked around the RV and saw a familiar pair of cargo shorts, with two scrawny legs and ratty sneakers attached, thrown over the shoulder of...My heart stopped in my chest. That seven-foot-tall frame and bald head. The cannibals in front of him, hit their knees as he passed. Mastick. Mastick had Noah! Beside him, two men were holding onto a bound Joel. He struggled and one of them punched him in the face, fast and hard. I heard the echo of bone on bone and then he went limp. The men dragging Joel’s body moved out of sight, following Mastick carrying Noah, and a woman emerged behind them, wearing Hilda’s pig-hat and swinging her cane around. My legs were shaking, trying to fold underneath me.

  “They’ve got them,” I wheezed, trying to get air to move in my lungs. “They’ve got Joel and Noah. I can’t see Hilda.” Vince and Mick moved to stand next to me.

  “Fuck,” Mick spat. A shot rang out and zinged past the end of my nose, lodging itself in the RV. There was a shout right behind us and as one, we spun around. We were surrounded. Mick, Vince, and I turned our backs to each other. I got off a shot at a group starting to lunge towards us, blasting them back. Some of the cannibals had guns, some knives, and somewhere above us, I heard something that sounded like a Gatling gun begin to fire. Vince, Mick, and I hit the ground. I heard Mick swear beside me as we rolled underneath the RV along with the bodies we’d just put here. I was scooting back, the red dirt puffing up around us as rounds hit the ground. I got snagged on a piece of wire protruding from the dirt and I heard ripping. I looked down and saw the fanny pack had ripped completely open. I reached behind me and unhooked it, feeling it fall away from me. It was worthless now. Mick was still groaning beside me.

  “Are you hit?” I yelled at Mick as the gunfire tore into the RV above us.

  “No, it’s just…” Mick started, “I’m fine. Just falling on my crotch wasn’t on my list of favorite things for the day.”

  “Yeah, well, if you hadn’t been such a slacker and actually stuffed these bodies further under here, we wouldn’t be struggling to get under cover now,” Vince yelled.

  We had to find a different cover. Besides the three of us, our flamethrowers and three bodies not really fitting under the small RV, the Gatling gunner wasn’t a very good shot and he could be blowing a bunch of holes in Festus at this very minute. If Festus was in the RV above us and still alive.

  “We’ve got to move,” I yelled at the other two. We rolled out the other side of the RV and were immediately pounced on by a group of cannibals with knives and brass knuckles made out of duct tape and broken bottles. I pumped the sawed-off and sprayed a group of them with buckshot, knocking a few down and making a hole. Vince and Mick had fired up their flamethrowers and a few of the cannibals were rolling on the ground, trying to put the flames out while the crew behind us closed in. The Gatling fire stopped and I glanced up at the trailer roof the shots had been coming from. He was reloading. I holstered my sawed-off, pulled Rosetta’s .45 out, and fired off a shot. It hit him in the shoulder and he stumbled and fell off the trailer roof.

  “Nice shot,” Vince scoffed as he set a cannibal’s hair on fire.

  “Sights are off,” I said, “I’ll have to yell at Rosetta for that later.” Oh if only.

  “Better you than me,” Mick said, waving his flamethrower at a group of cannibals going low, stabbing at his legs. “That woman scares the shit out of me.”

  We were doing ok, holding them off of us, but more were coming and we weren’t making much progress forward.

  “We need to move forward,” I yelled at Vince and Mick, motioning towards Sister Smile’s RV and the bonfire remains in front of us. “That’s where Mastick and the others are.” I fired another round of buckshot into the new group coming at us and a few fell back. I pushed forward, leaving Vince and Mick a couple of steps behind me. I heard Vince call out and I turned to see them being attacked from behind. There were two cannibals on each of them, bloody knives in their hands as they stabbed Mick and Vince in the back. Their flamethrowers had fallen to the ground, the bungee cords were ragged where they’d been cut. Vince and Mick were turning on the spot, trying their best to pull the cannibals off their backs. I sprinted back to them. I didn’t know what I was going to do if the sights were shit on the .45, I could aim for a cannibal and hit Vince or Mick and the spray from the sawed-off wasn’t a good alternative.

  “Hit the ground!” I shouted. Vince and Mick dropped, le
tting go of the cannibals on their backs and covering their heads instead. I fired up my flamethrower just as the cannibals sat up on Vince and Mick’s backs. I hit two of them in the face. They screamed, but instead of fleeing they charged at me. There was something different about these cannibals. Their eyes were solid black. I got a good look at them when one of them pounced on me and wrapped his hands around my throat, knocking me to the ground on my back, well, onto the tank. I rolled to one side enough to raise my machete and hit him in the side of the head with it. Then I hit him with the flamethrower again. He was so close to me that I could feel the blowback and smell my clothes burning from the flames. He was crazed. Screaming in my face and tightening his hold on my throat. I swung the machete as hard as I could and hacked into his side. Blood started to pour out of his mouth and I shoved him off of me. I turned around to see Vince and Mick had gotten to their feet again and were roasting a couple of other cannibals on the ground, carrying the flamethrowers by their broken bungee cords. I grabbed the sawed-off where I’d dropped it and limped over to them. The front of my jeans were all but gone and I could feel the burns on my thighs and crotch. I stuffed the machete back in my holster and two-handed the sawed-off, moving forward again.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Vince shouted at me.

  “We’ve got to move,” I yelled back at him. “They’ve got the others.”

  “There’s too many of them,” Mick called beside me. There was another wave of cannibals coming at us from around the campfire. My estimation of a hundred was a complete understatement. I didn’t have time to actually count, but we seemed to be surrounded by at least fifty now another twenty on the way. I fired the sawed-off into the group of cannibals again as more shots fired behind me. I looked over the heads of the cannibals approaching me and I saw Mastick watching us, a smirk on his face. Even from this distance, I could tell something wasn’t right about his eyes. He brought a hand up and patted the necklace around his neck and then he moved away, into one of the trailers. An unexplained rage boiled inside me at Mastick’s smirk. As if we didn’t matter or pose any kind of a threat to him. He was just leaving us to his tribe to take care of.

  More shots fired behind us as I hit the line of cannibals in front of me with the flamethrower when they started diving at me with knives. I felt something pinch and burn at my side. Either one of the knives had landed or I’d been hit. I fired the sawed-off again and a few more of the cannibals fell. I moved forward.

  “Bane!” Vince was screaming behind me. “Get back here!”

  “We have to get them!” I screamed back at him.

  “There’s too many,” Mick shouted. “Sonofabitch.” I saw Mick fall out of the corner of my eye and I turned. He was bleeding from his shoulders and he was holding his side. The cannibals smelled blood in the water and the ones around him crowded in. I fired into them and knocked a few of them back, but others were still coming, knives drawn, bearing down on Mick. I hit them with the flamethrower and a few more fell. I pumped the sawed-off and fired again. Vince had joined me and he emptied his rifle into the last crazed one who was hacking at Mick’s arm with what looked like a rusty steak knife. Vince and I grabbed one of Mick’s hands each while keeping our flamethrowers aimed at any of the others who were bearing down on us. Vince moved in front of us and I helped Mick get back to his feet. When he was standing, I tried to let go of his hand, but Mick held on tight.

  “No Bane, there’s too many of them.”

  “I can’t leave them!” I screamed, trying to jerk my hand away. Noah, the only one who’d been willing to come with me. And this is what it had gotten him? I started making deals with whatever higher power was listening. If they’d just help me get Noah out of this mess, I’d personally take him home to his mom. Joel and Hilda didn’t have to step in this shithole either. They didn’t deserve this. Mick’s hand stayed on my wrist, pulling me backward and I kept firing at every cannibal I could see until my sawed-off was empty. I holstered it and drew the .45 again. Vince had stopped firing and I realized we were back at the road, the hoard of cannibals bearing down on us. “Let me go!” I shouted at Mick.

  “I’m sorry about this,” Mick said. I saw his fist too late. I felt something like a sledgehammer hit me between the eyes and I blacked out.

  22

  I woke up and I couldn’t open my eyes. There was something cold and heavy pressing against my skin. I could move my arms and with some effort, I was able to knock the thing off my face. It hit the floor and I realized we were back at Hilda’s. I looked down and saw that it had been a bag of frozen peas.

  “Fuck,” Vince swore. I looked around the room and I couldn’t see him. I stumbled to my feet and almost wet my pants. There was a stinging pain in my back and raw burning on the front of my thighs, crotch, and abdomen. What was left of my a-shirt, was blood-soaked. I looked back at Hilda’s couch and grimaced. It was black velour but I could see a smear of blood on the gold-painted wood that framed the cushions. Then I remembered. Hilda, Noah, and Joel had been captured.

  I fell sideways into the wall next to the couch and collapsed. I stared stupidly across the room. I’d lost everyone. Either through my stupidity or my selfishness. They’d all told me this was a stupid idea; Rosetta, Stacks, Tags, and Gabe. Gabe had gone to check out the other disturbance anyway because I’d asked him to. Tags had lost his brother, because of me. Stacks had lost his home. Rosetta had taken me in so many times. Stitched me up, fed me, put a roof over my head. That last hurt, angry look she’d given me … They’d been right. All of them. At least I’d never have to hear them say they told me so. I gasped for air. As hard as that would be to hear, the thought that they’d never get the chance to tell me that, ripped something out of me.

  I looked down at myself. This Empty House wouldn’t last through another attack like the one we’d just had. I’d be back downstairs, waiting, before dinner time. But it wouldn’t matter. There wouldn’t be time for another Empty House. I had failed. The kids and the ordinary people who were just trying to make a life in Ashley were going to be taken down to the lowest levels of hell. They were going to spend eternity being tortured until they became demons like the ones we hunted. I’d be there with them soon enough. I leaned my head against the wall and tried to clear my vision. On the table by the couch, the light was glinting off of my machete. Next to it was my cell phone. I pushed against the wall to get my feet under me.

  “Fuck!” Vince swore again.

  “Quit being such a baby,” Mick said. “It’s only a couple of inches deep. What did they stab you with? A grapefruit spoon?”

  “I don’t know, one was stabbing you with a rusty steak knife,” Vince said. “You’ve probably got tetanus.”

  “Hooray,” Mick said. “Hold still.”

  I moved slowly across the room and sat back down on the couch, reaching for my cell phone. I closed my eyes and listened to Vince and Mick bicker at each other while Mick stitched Vince up. They were alive. I remembered Mick punching me in the face to get me out of there. They should have just let me go. Logically, I knew there was a good chance I would have been torn limb from limb if they had left me, but at least then, I wouldn’t have slowed them down. I closed my eyes and a plan started forming in my head. Vince and Mick would be pissed, but I had to do something. I looked down at the cell phone in my hand. There was something I had to do first, though.

  I flipped the phone open and dialed Rosetta’s number. Nothing. Her voicemail kicked in and at the beep, I took a shaky breath. “Thank you for everything, Rosetta. You’ve been…” I paused, the stinging starting in the corners of my eyes. I pushed it away. “You’ve been the closest thing to a mother I’ve ever had. I’m sorry it all ended with a fight. I’ve always...liked that about you. You don’t back down when you know you’re right. And you were right. This was a stupid plan. This was a trap. Noah, Joel, and an old gal named Hilda that wanted to help us were captured. I’m going back to get them, but there’s a good chance I won’t make it out of
this one, so I just wanted you to know…that I…” I blew out a sigh. “I’m grateful.” I pulled the phone away and ended the recording.

  The wall inside me was teetering again, threatening to fall. I took a deep breath and willed it to hold together because I didn’t have time to fall apart. I punched in Tags’ number and waited for his voicemail. “Tags, you were right. I know being with Rosetta, you’re probably not going to hear that too often so you might want to save this message to listen to when you need to hear it.” I swallowed hard. “Thank you for taking me into your family. You and Gary...it was like having two brothers. I’ve never had anything like that. Then, with you and Rosetta together, it’s been hell. It’s like having parents who are always in your business,” I smiled. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” I paused, forcing the lump in my throat back down. “I’m so sorry for everything I’ve caused you to lose. Maybe now you can get some peace. Look after yourself and Rosetta, for me.”