A Hole in My Heart

by E. L. Todd

  “Like his father, he loves tattoos and ink. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no dishonor in the position. He may not be a CEO of a huge company but that doesn’t make his accomplishments any less important. Slade doesn’t go in the same direction of society for a very special reason—he’s so much smarter than the rest of us. He’s different because he’s complex. He’s unusual because he analyzes situations differently than you and I. There’s not a doubt in my mind he’s one of the brightest people I’ve ever known. Skye is undoubtedly intelligent, but Slade is gifted. He only applies it when the task interests him. That’s the difference between them.

  “And Slade treats Trinity with love and respect. Every time I see them together, he’s always putting her first. Sometimes he has an abrasive personality, but it’s only because he’s honest. He speaks his mind without caring what people think. It’s a quality that more people should possess. It’s a breath of fresh air in the world of politics.

  “I say these things because I love Slade like my own, and I think very highly of him. You need to look past the fact he doesn’t come in a pretty package and accept him for who he is. Trinity is a smart girl, and she obviously sees a side of him that he doesn’t let anyone else even glimpse. Trust your daughter and her instincts. She’s not a little girl anymore. You can’t make these decisions for her.”

  He fidgeted with his watch then put his hands in his pockets.

  “Just give him your permission,” I said. “The fact he’s working so hard to get it is a beacon of his love and devotion to Trinity. You’ve strangled him twice and you treat him without respect. The only reason why he hasn’t given up is because he loves your daughter in a way no other man ever will. Do the right thing, Mike.”

  He sighed then looked at me. “I can’t watch her get hurt again…it breaks my heart.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “A child’s heartbreak is devastating to the parents. I understand, Mike.”

  “I can’t die not knowing she will be taken care of.”

  “Mike, you’ve got another lifetime before that day comes. Slade will convince you he can take care of her. And you can die in peace.”

  He rubbed the bridge of his nose then stared at the ground.

  “Just think about what I said, Mike.” I rose to my feet then hugged him for a long moment.

  “Yeah…”

  I gave him a forced smile before I walked out. As soon as I shut the door and turned, Sean was coming out of his office and heading right for me, desire and longing on his face.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Slade

  I left work early then headed to PIXEL. I grabbed a box of donuts then walked onto the floor. It was quiet, and the distant sound of the assistants typing was audible to my ears. I walked inside then looked around. Sean was in his office, and Skye was probably in hers.

  When I approached Mike’s office, his assistant eyed me. Judging by the irritation on his face, Mike told him to watch out for me. Without speaking, I headed to the door.

  “Mr. Preston is busy,” he said. “Please take a seat.”

  I ignored him then walked inside.

  Mike was on the phone, and judging by his tone, he was speaking to his wife. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.” His eyes turned to me, and the hatred glowed like a light bulb. “I have to go, baby. I’ll talk to you later.” He kept staring at me while he listened to Cassandra. “Love you too.” Then he hung up. His voice completely changed when he spoke to me. “Get out of my office.”

  “I brought donuts.” I held up the box and smiled at him. Our last conversation was pretty serious. Okay…it was borderline World War III. And now I wanted to take a different approach. I opened the lid then tilted the box, letting him look inside. “You know you want some…” I winked at him.

  He gave me the same blank expression as before. His anger wasn’t as severe as last time, but he still wasn’t thrilled to see my face. “You think I’m a hundred and ninety pounds of muscle from eating donuts?”

  “Well, it wouldn’t kill you to live a little…” I sat down in the chair facing his desk then grabbed a donut. I took a big bite. “Damn, that’s good.”

  He didn’t look amused. “Slade, get out.”

  “You like sprinkles?” I grabbed the one with pink and yellow sprinkles and placed it on his desk with a napkin. “You look like the kind of guy who likes sprinkles.”

  Mike didn’t touch the donut but kept staring at me. “I have more important things to do than stuff my face with donuts.”

  “They’re really good,” I said with my mouth full.

  “Get out. I mean it.”

  I continued eating. “Dude, did you see that game last night? Yankees killed it.”

  “Don’t call me dude,” he snapped.

  “Fine. Mike, did you catch the game last night?”

  He gave me the same angered look. “Take your shit and get out of my office.”

  My anger didn’t rise and meet his. “What are you doing later today?”

  “Golfing with Reid,” he said plainly.

  “I’m a pretty good golfer. I should come along.”

  “No.” He picked up his phone and hit a button. “I’m calling security, just to let you know.”

  I spotted the wire on the ground leading to his desk. I yanked it hard and pulled it out of the socket. “No, you aren’t.” I gave him a satisfied grin.

  He slammed the phone down. “I’ll never let you have my daughter. Save my time and yours and get out.”

  “So…should I bring my own clubs?” I asked, ignoring his statement.

  He stood up and looked like he wanted to kill me.

  I didn’t move, staring at him without any fear. “You could break my neck and leave me paralyzed but it won’t change anything. I’ll still pester you to give me Trinity.”

  “Like she would want you in that state.”

  “Actually, she would,” I said seriously.

  He didn’t touch me. “Slade, leave. I will throw you out if I have to.”

  I put the box of donuts on his desk. “They’re hot and fresh. I suggest you eat them before they get stale.”

  He put his hands in his pockets and watched me.

  “I’ll be back for golf.”

  “You aren’t invited to golf,” he snapped.

  “Well, I’m coming anyway.” I walked out and shut the door behind me. When I looked over my shoulder at him, he vehemently glared at me. I wasn’t sure if I made the situation better or worse.

  Skye texted me and told me when Mike left the office so I knew when he would head to the country club. I was already there when I saw Mike’s car pull up. Mike and Reid got out then carried their clubs inside.

  Mike stopped when he spotted me. “Go away.”

  “Like my clubs?” I showed them the bag. “Brand new.”

  Reid looked at me but didn’t react in any noticeable way. But his eyes dilated in irritation, like he couldn’t stand to even look at me.

  The feeling was mutual. I knew he was after my girl, and he was kissing Mike’s ass to make it happen. Well, I wouldn’t go down without a fight.

  Mike sighed in annoyance. “Reid, let’s go.”

  I walked with them. “So, you liked those donuts?”

  Mike ignored me.

  Reid wore slacks and a buttoned shirt with a tie. He looked like a total douchebag.

  We checked in and I walked with them like I was a part of their group. Reid didn’t speak to me, and tried to pretend I didn’t exist.

  Mike hit the ball first then made a good shot.

  “Nice swing,” I said.

  “Stop kissing my ass,” Mike growled.

  I let the comment go.

  He walked after the ball and made the rest of his shots.

  Reid and I stood there, looking at anything but each other.

  “Trinity is mine,” I blurted. “I know what you’re doing. It’s not going to work.”

  “What am I doing?” he ask
ed calmly.

  “You’re trying to take Trinity away from me.”

  “How can I take her away from you if she was never yours to begin with?”

  “But she was mine.”

  “When she came to the bank, she made it pretty clear she was single.” Reid gripped the handle of the club and stared across the green. “I’m doing nothing wrong.”

  “Trinity says you’re just friends.”

  “She’s right. She didn’t lie about that fact.”

  “So she has no idea of your ulterior motive?”

  “I’ll tell her when she gets over you,” he said simply. “It’s only a matter of time.”

  “Trinity and I are supposed to be together. You’re wasting your time being chummy with Mike.”

  “He invited me,” he said coldly. “Has he ever invited you?”

  I glared at him but didn’t answer the question. “I’m going to get Mike’s approval. Then I’m going to propose. You’re wasting your time.”

  “Mike made it pretty clear that he’ll never let you have her.” He picked up his clubs then walked away.

  I stared at him, forcing myself not to kill him right on the golf course.

  ***

  When we finished the game, we walked back to the entrance.

  “You have a nice swing,” Mike said to Reid.

  “Thank you, sir,” he said politely.

  “Want to come over for dinner on Friday?” he asked. “You and Trinity, of course.”

  What a fucking dick.

  “I’d love to,” Reid answered.

  Like I didn’t exist, they walked to Mike’s car.

  I was really sick of Mike’s bullshit. I walked after him then gripped him by the arm.

  He looked into my face, like he was about to spit on me.

  “Any ounce of respect I had for you is officially gone. I’m your family, no matter what happens with Trinity, and the fact you’re treating me this way is absolutely wrong. You’re telling me I’m not good enough for your daughter. The truth is, you’re the one not good enough for her.” I gave him a final stare before I backed away.

  Reid watched me with observant eyes but he didn’t say anything.

  I walked to my car, not looking back. I felt Mike stare at me the entire time but I didn’t dare check.

  ***

  “That’s the most fucked up thing I’ve ever heard,” Cayson said. “Seriously, what the hell is wrong with him?”

  “It’s a slap in the face,” Skye said.

  “I know…” I felt miserable and hopeless. I was never going to get his permission. It just wasn’t possible.

  “I know you hurt Trinity, and of course she didn’t deserve it,” Cayson said. “But this is just…spiteful.”

  “My mom spoke to him but I guess it didn’t help matters,” Skye said quietly.

  “Have you been on Trinity this week?” I asked.

  “Cayson and I are the biggest cock blocks on the planet,” Skye said. “And I really dislike Reid. I told him he needed to back off and he said he didn’t care. You lost Trinity, so now she’s his.”

  “Honestly, I don’t blame him,” I said quietly.

  “What?” Cayson demanded.

  “I’d fight for Trinity with tooth and nail too. I’d even play dirty. I was the one who lost her. I should have committed to her in the beginning. I’m the reason all of this is happening. I wish I just proposed when we went on our trip…” It was my biggest regret.

  “But Reid knows Trinity loves you, not him,” Skye said. “That’s why it’s wrong.”

  “I’d settle for just a piece of her heart too,” I said sadly.

  “Don’t give up, man,” Cayson said.

  “I’ve already given up.” I stared at the table.

  “Don’t say that,” Skye said.

  “I mean, I’m not going to wait for Mike’s permission. He hasn’t left me any choice.”

  Cayson and Skye shared a look. Then Cayson looked at me. “I understand. I wouldn’t blame you if you went that route. But if you go through with it, Trinity will probably lose her dad forever.”

  “I know Trinity,” Skye said. “If she knew he treated you like this and interfered…she’d never speak to him again.”

  “That’s his problem,” I said bitterly.

  “No,” Cayson said. “If you really love Trinity, you’ll do this so she can keep you both. I have a suggestion.”

  “I’m all ears,” I said quietly.

  “Go to Mike and tell him you’re going to propose without his consent. And tell him what the consequences will be when she says yes.”

  “So, you want me to threaten him?” I asked.

  “Basically,” Cayson said. “He’s the reason this is an issue at all. He loves Trinity, so he’ll probably fold. He’ll do anything to keep his daughter.”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I said.

  “That’s your only option,” Skye said.

  “You’re right.” I didn’t want it to come to this, but it had. Reid was determined to take Trinity away from me. I didn’t blame him. He’d lost her once to me and he didn’t want to lose her again. Now I had to play dirty.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Trinity

  I took the pans off the stove then shoveled the food onto the plate. Then I set the table. “How was golfing with my father?”

  He pondered the question for a long time, taking longer to respond than usual. “It was good. He and I had a great time.”

  I sat across from him then put the napkin in my lap. “That’s good. My dad is a pretty good golfer.”

  “He is,” Reid said. “He has a good swing.” He picked up his fork and took a bite. “This is delicious, by the way.”

  “Thanks,” I said with a smile. It was nice to hang out with Reid without Skye and Cayson hovering over us. They were determined to stop anything from happening between us even though it was clear we were just friends.

  “Where did you learn to cook?” he asked.

  “My mom.”

  He nodded. “She knows a thing or two.”

  “Being a housewife has taught her a few things.”

  He ate quietly then sipped his wine.

  “Any more dates?” I asked.

  He set his glass down then picked up his fork again. “I went out with a woman last weekend. But nothing happened.”

  “You aren’t going to see her again?”

  He shook his head. “She wasn’t right.”

  “Wow, you really are picky,” I said with a light laugh.

  “I just don’t want to waste their time or mine.”

  “I guess I understand.”

  He took a few bites before he looked into my eyes. “How about you? Ready to get back into the dating game?” He studied my face as he waited for a response.

  “No.” I released a depressed laugh. “No, not for a long time. Despite everything Slade did to me and…the last thing he said to me…I won’t be over him for a long time.” I felt the depression sink in when I thought about it. I missed having dinner with him and snuggling on the couch. I missed sleeping with him every night. The thought was enough to make me die inside.

  “I’m sorry I made you upset,” he said quietly.

  I hadn’t realized how wet my eyes were until he spoke. I quickly dabbed the moisture away with a napkin. “Sorry…it’s just hard sometimes.”

  “No need to apologize,” he said quietly. “I understand.”

  “I miss him…and I feel so stupid for missing him.”

  “It’s natural,” he said. “You were together for a long time. It’s difficult to be close to someone and then have them disappear from your life so suddenly.”

  “It’s not just that…it’s like half of my soul disappeared. It’s like the sun has left my life permanently. It’s like….he took the other half of my heart and now I can hardly function without it.” I released a heavy sigh. “It’s more than just losing a best friend. It’s like losing myself…”

  His eyes were
glued to my face and he studied me for a long time. Sadness throbbed in his eyes, and then he suddenly looked down, avoiding my gaze.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…get so emotional.”

  “No.” He cleared his throat. “It’s okay. I just hate seeing you so sad…even two months later.”

  “Two months is like two minutes for me—when it comes to Slade.”

  He picked at his food but didn’t eat much more.

  I swirled my pasta around, missing the way Slade would inhale my food because he loved it so much. His favorite was fettuccini, and he would share a piece with me until we reached the middle. Then he would kiss me like Lady and the Tramp. Little things like that made me realize just how great we were together. Why did it have to end?

  After dinner, I put the plates and pots in the sink and let them soak. I was too depressed to do the dishes. Since I had papers stacked all over my apartment, I had to move everything from the kitchen table to the coffee table.

  Reid sat down then noticed the pictures on top. Then he grabbed them and looked through them.

  I sat beside him and felt my heart fall when he found the pictures of Slade and I. “I tried throwing them away a few times but I couldn’t do it.”

  He continued to look through them. He stopped when he looked at a picture of us kissing in front of a Christmas tree. He stared at it for a long time before he kept going.

  “I tried to hide them from myself but I keep finding them.”

  When he was done looking through the pictures, he returned them to where he found them. “Sometimes you want to forget, but sometimes you never want to forget.”

  “Yeah…” I released a sigh. “I still sleep in one of his t-shirts. So pathetic…”

  “That’s not pathetic,” he said quietly.

  “It doesn’t smell like him anymore. But it still reminds me of him. I want to let him go but it’s physically impossible.”

  He moved the pictures over, and when the pages parted, the bracelet Slade gave to me on our trip was visible. I never wore it after we broke up. It was too hard. The meaning behind the gift was beautiful, but that’s why I put it away.