Grim Lost: A reaper's tale (Reaper Files Book 3)

by Nicky Graves

  “You’ve met Lucifer before?” I asked.

  “Yes, and I don’t think this has anything to do with him. He would have led me into a trap already if it was. But I was being pushed away.”

  I glanced warily at the path.

  “It’ll be hard,” he said, “but I know you can do it. The forest will try to dissuade you from continuing by using your own doubts. Just think positive thoughts.”

  Positive thoughts? I was a long way from those.

  With one last glance at Lawson, I followed the path into the woods. And just like Lawson had said, my thoughts turned dark. My mind filled with doubts about my abilities. Doubts about whether the guardians were actually on this realm. Doubts about surviving.

  It was just the enchantment, I reminded myself.

  I pushed forward, wishing Wiltone and Treble were here to help me. But I had to do this without them. I could not fail them again.

  Stopping for a moment, I closed my eyes and took a breath as my thoughts turned to Azrael. Pain at having a father who would rather kill me than get to know me tore at my heart.

  After a few moments of struggling through the hurt, I finally allowed myself to open my eyes. And when I did, I saw a tiny patch of fog in front of me. There weren’t any clouds in the sky, nor other patches of fog in the woods.

  “What are you?” I asked, reaching forward to touch it.

  It skittered away from my hand and then returned moments later.

  “Are you a guardian?” I asked.

  I waited for a moment to see what it would do. But it just hovered. When I began walking again, it trailed after me.

  I wasn’t sure what it was doing or why it was following me, but I ignored it as I continued.

  The nagging doubts returned, stronger than before. I didn’t get very far before I had to stop and clear my mind.

  Closing my eyes again, I breathed until the doubts and pain subsided. When I opened my eyes, I saw two patches of fog.

  “You’re freaking me out,” I said, wondering if they could understand me.

  As I continued to walk, more and more clusters of fog surrounded me to the point I could no longer see where I was going.

  I glanced down at the path and was able to see a few inches beyond my shoes. Trudging forward in short steps, I hoped I’d get to wherever the guardians were without slamming face-first into a tree.

  The path narrowed into a thin line that was overgrown with moss and flowers.

  And then the line disappeared.

  I kept walking since I didn’t know what else to do. It was hard enough drowning out the voice in my head telling me to go home, telling me that I shouldn’t be here, telling me I’d never make it.

  Stopping, I closed my eyes again. That gave me slight relief from trying to focus on anything through the fog. At this point, my eyes were useless to me anyway.

  So, with that in mind, I began walking with my eyes closed, trying to use my other senses instead. I took small, slow steps and kept my arms stretched out in front of me so I could feel for possible barriers in my way.

  A few minutes later, I ran into something cold and hard. I opened my eyes to find a stone wall in front of me. The fog had lifted away to reveal a building of some sort. The only thing I could compare it to was perhaps a castle. But with its rounded roof and high circular windows, I knew it wasn’t a castle found on Earth.

  Stepping back to look at it more, I wondered where the door was located. But as I trailed along the edge, I realized there were no doors to be found. And the windows were only useful if I had a ladder or a giant.

  I pressed my hand against the stones, hoping it was like the dead-zone pods and the touch would grant me entrance.

  No such luck.

  “Hello?” I called.

  Did this building belong to the guardians?

  “Anyone here? If you can hear me, please answer.”

  Not getting a response, I sat on the ground for a quick break. Perhaps somebody would eventually appear.

  But as I waited, I wondered if this was a test.

  “If this is a test, will you give me a hint?” I asked out loud.

  When I was in the woods, it had helped when I closed my eyes and cleared my mind. Maybe I needed to do that again.

  Sitting as still as possible, I closed my eyes and tried to open my mind to the guardians.

  I’d never been patient enough to sit for long periods of time unless there was a TV involved. So I remained still for as long as I could stand, which didn’t seem sufficient if this was a test. However, when I opened my eyes, I saw that the castle was gone. In its place was another path.

  A man stood in the middle of the pathway. A golden robe flowed loosely on him, revealing matching boots. His tunic and pants were white, which was nearly the same shade as his pale blond hair. He looked a little like a fairy-tale prince. Which meant he was probably an illusion as well.

  I stood and walked toward him, figuring he would either disappear or follow me like the fog had. But neither of those happened.

  “Stop!” he ordered.

  “I know you’re just a figment of my imagination,” I said. “If you could just step aside so I can get through, I’d appreciate it.”

  Looking at me as if I was the strange one, he said, “I’m not a figment of your imagination.”

  “That’s exactly what a figment of my imagination would say,” I said. “Which fairy tale are you from?”

  “What?” he asked. A blond brow arched.

  “What fairy tale are you from?” I asked again. “It’s not Snow White. I think that prince had dark hair. Possibly Sleeping Beauty, but I can’t remember. Which one is it?”

  “I am not a figment of your imagination. Nor am I from a fairy tale. I am a guardian. And you are trespassing.”

  A guardian? It seemed too good to be true. Knowing my luck, it was Lucifer in another disguise.

  “Can you shape shift?” I asked.

  “We do not shape shift,” he said. “The guardians were given this form by Life. This is the only form we have.”

  It made me wonder if Life was a woman. Because this guy was downright handsome.

  “If you are a guardian, then I need help,” I said. I still wasn’t convinced that he was a true guardian.

  “We don’t help anyone anymore,” he said.

  “Why?” I asked.

  “That’s our business. And you are trespassing.”

  “I’m here because of Azrael. I need the guardians’ help.”

  “As I told you before, we don’t help anyone. And when it comes to Azrael, we want nothing to do with him. Leave now, or I’ll have to use force.”

  “Are you afraid of him?” I asked. “The supreme beings made by Life are afraid of Azrael?”

  I wasn’t exactly sure what happened after that. I went from being in front of the guardian to being shoved through the forest and back to Lawson. When the momentum propelling me stopped, I lost my balance and fell to the ground in an unflattering heap at Lawson’s feet.

  Ow.

  I rolled over onto the ground with a groan and looked up at Lawson. “I found a guardian.”

  17

  Lawson stooped to help me up off the ground. “What happened?”

  “I found a guardian,” I said, brushing off my clothes as I stood. “He said he won’t help, and he threw me back out here.”

  I rubbed my sore shoulder. The guardian didn’t need to use so much force.

  “Did the guardian say anything else?” Lawson asked.

  “Just that they don’t help anyone.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “Like a blond Prince Charming,” I said.

  “Prince Charming?” Lawson questioned.

  I nodded. “He looked like he was out of a fairy tale. White tunic, white pants, golden boots and robe, and the prettiest blond hair I’ve ever seen.”

  “And you’re sure it was a guardian?” he asked.

  “He said he was. But I don’t know. It
could’ve been Lucifer. Why are you smiling?” I asked.

  “It can’t be Lucifer. He wouldn’t bring you all this way just to toss you out. You found the guardians,” he said.

  “It doesn’t matter if I found them. They won’t work with us.”

  “Not yet. But maybe if we find another life stone they’ll take you more seriously. It was Life that created them, after all. They wouldn’t be able to turn their backs on a life stone.”

  He might be right. However, after meeting the guardian, he didn’t seem likely to be swayed by a stone. But there was no harm in trying. If I could save the remaining two from Azrael, then it would be worth it.

  “So now we just find another life stone,” I said. “Simple.”

  Lawson picked up on my sarcastic tone and gave me a narrow glance. “You already found some of them,” he said. “That’s more than could be said of Azrael, who had a lifetime to find them and didn’t.”

  “I don’t think he was looking too hard until I came on the scene.”

  “Maybe you’re right. But what matters now is finding another stone and seeing if you can sway the guardians.”

  Like I said before, simple.

  “Only nineteen more places to go,” Lawson said as we reached his pod.

  We had been following up on the lead that Wiltone and I had discovered in the library days before. There were twenty-nine old references to objects that were rumored to heal people. Lawson and I had returned to the library after the guardian failure to see if we could narrow the search down. But, like always, the librarian wasn’t much help.

  After hiking and running into obstacles, we were exhausted.

  “Let’s try one more today,” he said. “Then we’ll rest.”

  “Is today even today anymore?” I asked, having lost all sense of time. One of the problems with jumping to different realms was that I was constantly switching time zones. I had no idea how much time had passed while we were searching nor how many nights of sleep we’d missed. But it had to have been at least one. We both had dark circles under our eyes, and caffeine was no longer effective.

  “Have you heard anything from Ranger or Vance?” I asked.

  “Ranger has been working with the demon he captured. But it sounds like the demon is being even more stubborn, if that’s possible.”

  I leaned against the table and glanced at his list. “Where are we going next?”

  “Well, we could either go to another realm or to New York.”

  “Let’s go to New York,” I said. “I need normalcy. I’m tapped out on other realms.”

  Lawson laughed. “I have never seen anyone run as fast as you did when you saw that Bellwing.”

  “It was on fire. And charging at me. What else was I supposed to do?”

  He laughed again. “A Bellwing is one of the gentlest creatures around.”

  “You didn’t tell me that,” I said. “All I saw was a giant flaming pigeon coming at me. Stop laughing. You’ve had five hundred years to figure some of this stuff out. I’m still a rookie. In reaper years, I’m an infant.”

  He looked at me, the laughter still in his eyes and his lips still twitching. I swatted at him, but he dodged, throwing me off balance. And while I was in no danger of falling, he must have thought I was, because he caught me in his arms.

  Suddenly, the laughter was no longer in his eyes. In its place was something else.

  There had been a couple of times in the past when I had seen Lawson gaze at me with a hint of longing, but this time there was more to it.

  Maybe it was the weariness of our travels. Or maybe we were growing closer. But something tugged at me, telling me to test him. I leaned into him slightly, giving him the option to kiss me or back away.

  His soft gaze lingered on my lips.

  Instead of kissing me, he frowned and nearly pushed me over as he backed away.

  “Sorry,” he said quickly, widening the distance between us.

  I was sorry too. Because through all of this struggle, the one person I knew I could rely on was Lawson. He was the one person I felt closest to. And yet he would always push me away.

  I mentally shook off his lingering effects and looked at the list again, pretending he hadn’t just crushed me.

  “I don’t see how the stone is in New York,” I said. “I’ve never heard of miraculous healing there.”

  He gave a shrug. “It’s better to look and not find anything than to not look and miss something important.”

  “I suppose. Ready when you are,” I said.

  “Meet me at the main entrance of the Friedman Museum,” he said. And then he was gone.

  Normally he took my hand and we shifted together so we would land in the same spot.

  Maybe he didn’t want to touch me again. That thought didn’t settle well, but there was nothing I could do about it. So, I shoved down my disappointment and shifted to the Friedman. The only problem was I had never been to the Friedman. And if my memory was correct, the museum had multiple buildings. Which was the main one?

  When I arrived, I knew I had done something wrong. I was pretty sure the Friedman didn’t reside in a subway terminal. I glanced around me, hoping for signs that would point me to the right direction.

  Judging from the crowd of people crushed together, I must have hit prime commute time.

  Squeezing my way through, I found an exit and hurried up the stairs to the sidewalk, which was nearly as crowded as the platform below.

  I scanned the area to get my bearings. But in a city, things tended to look alike. Tall buildings, lots of concrete, and noise.

  So, I walked down the sidewalk, hoping to run into a police officer or someone who looked helpful.

  After five minutes of walking, with no sign of Lawson to rescue me, I stopped the next person walking toward me.

  “Hey,” I said to a woman. “Which way is the Friedman?”

  She looked at me as though I was daft. “Honey, this is Queens. You’re a long way from the Friedman.” She gave me a once-over as if wondering what planet I was from and how long I would survive on this one. She then brushed past me.

  At this point, I’d probably need a taxi to get me to the Friedman. The problem with that was I had no money.

  Instead of wandering around Queens, I decided to shift to Lawson’s studio in New York. Since I had been there before, I knew I could find it again. Maybe his apartment was closer to the Friedman. But when I shifted to his studio, I wasn’t expecting him to be there as well. He didn’t acknowledge my presence. Instead, he stared out the window as if his thoughts were a thousand miles away.

  “Lawson?” I asked.

  He glanced back at me. “You’re supposed to be at the Friedman.”

  “So are you.” I didn’t want to tell him that I couldn’t find it. “What are you doing here?”

  He didn’t say anything for a moment, but then he looked at me again. I could see him trying to shake whatever thoughts had occupied his mind.

  “Let’s go,” he said.

  “No, you need to tell me what’s going on.”

  “Nothing’s going on,” he said quickly. “Let’s just find the next stone.”

  “Lawson, I’m not going anywhere until you’re honest with me. Tell me what’s going on. Why are you here?”

  He shook his head, and I thought that would be the end of our conversation. I even thought he might try to shift back to the dead zone and make me find the life stone by myself. But instead, he gave a small shrug. “You already know about Elizabeth,” he said.

  I gave a nod. Tragic love story. Warring brothers. I remembered.

  “I thought I could have a regular life after becoming a reaper. That I could start over and do better than I did with Elizabeth. That I could somehow fix the past.” He looked out the window again. “But reapers can never have normal. It doesn’t exist for us.”

  “What happened?”

  He gave another small shrug as if it didn’t matter, but I knew it did. While his body gestures sa
id one thing, his eyes and voice said something completely different. He was affected by his past. Both by Elizabeth and whomever he tried to start over with.

  The thought that he had two past loves that affected him so much made me queasy. I couldn’t compete against memories.

  “What was her name?” I asked.

  “Ann.”

  “Is this the home you shared together?” I assumed, looking at the old studio in a new light.

  When he nodded, I tried not to let the jealousy flair inside of me, but it was still there.

  “What happened with Ann?” I asked.

  “She died.”

  “Did you have children with her?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “She was taken away too soon.”

  “How soon?” I asked.

  “She was only twenty-three. Someone attacked her in that park.”

  I walked over to stand next to him and looked out the window at a small section of space, barely a park at all; more like a tiny spot of green between buildings.

  “Did you have to transition her?” I asked.

  He gave a nod.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not,” he said. “It gave me the chance to say goodbye and also to find out who killed her.”

  Something about his tone changed. Instead of sadness, there was anger tinted with regret.

  “And you found the killer?” I asked, not knowing if I wanted to know what happened.

  “Yes, and then I transitioned him before his time. And not to door three.”

  I wasn’t sure what to say. Lawson was obviously still hurting.

  What would it be like to be so in love that it affected my past, present, and future?

  He turned to me, his fingers reaching up to caress my cheek. “I took a life before it was time. I’m no better than a blank reaper. And I know that you would’ve allowed me to kiss you earlier. But you need to know nothing can happen between us. I will never be the man to deserve you. Or anyone else.”

  “What about Raven?” I asked, thinking about the succubus at Charlie’s who would do anything for Lawson, including drugging me and handcuffing me to Vance.

  “Raven is a friend. Nothing more.”

  I doubted she thought of their relationship as nothing.