A Witch's Quest

by Leigh Ann Edwards

  “I’ll sit by the window awhile so I don’t keep you awake, my love,” she whispered as she went to him and affectionately touched his hand.

  He nodded, “Don’t tarry long, Lainna,” he whispered but was asleep once more before she placed the shawl around her unclothed body and walked to the window seat. She adored the large arched window in their chamber and the comfortable window seat Killian had fashioned for her when he learned of her habit of sitting staring out the window when she could not find slumber. Initially she’d been displeased when he had placed three bars across the lower portion of the window. She remembered the conversation they’d had regarding that topic when she had entered the chambers unaware of his intentions and reason for doing so.

  “Bars on the window; do you wish for me to think myself a prisoner in our own chambers?” she’d only half-jested.

  “If I thought to make you my prisoner I’d suggest the bars would cover the window entirely.” He had grinned as he said it, but something in his eyes had caused Alainn to believe there was more he wasn’t telling her.

  “The purpose of the bars is simply to ensure you don’t find yourself on the ground below should you nod off to sleep while you’re gazing out at the stars. Sometimes when I watch you so entirely deep in thought, you appear so far away that you might actually be capable of touching the stars.”

  Although she didn’t respond he continued with his sensible explanation.

  “It would be a long drop to the bottom, Alainn. I doubt even your magic would save you from a certain death.”

  The strained tone in his voice left her thinking there was still much more to this. When she questioned him with her eyes, he turned his head.

  “What is it you keep from me, Killian? You are not oft given to secretiveness.”

  “It’s not somethin’ many know of or at the very least not something many speak of. My grandmother, my mother’s mother, Brendolyn O’Donnel fell to her death from that very window. She was surely not much older than you, Alainn for my mother was only a wee babe at the time. The entire occurrence was apparently kept very quiet. It was believed she’d suffered from a melancholy ailment of the mind that is sometimes known to present itself after a child is born.”

  “Aye, I am much aware of the condition. It’s a disconcerting affliction and very difficult for all that experience it. I have seen mothers take their own lives and sometimes end their child’s life, as well. It is as though they are consumed in darkness and aren’t able to see that there will eventually be light somewhere down the path.”

  Killian shook his head and it was clear he feared for her regarding the subject, for at the time she had then carried Cian.

  “I know much of herbal remedies and I am astutely aware of the condition so if I should suffer the affliction I will not be so helpless to the effects as so many,” she assured him and he appeared visibly relieved.

  “Aye, well it is not entirely certain that is the fate that actually befell my grandmother. There were also allegedly rumors that indicated she might have been pushed to her death.”

  “Either prospect is most disturbing, Killian! How is it you know of any of this if your own mother was so young when the tragedy occurred?”

  “Bronagh, one of the old housekeepers who lived here when I was a boy had been a young girl when the tragedy occurred. In truth, she was the one who found my grandmother. Apparently she’d been out picking wildflowers beyond the castle’s gate. It must have frightened her severely for she had a great fear of being anywhere near a window or a ledge even though decades had passed since she’d discovered the body. I suppose the memory of happening upon the body of the chieftain’s wife, and surely in a gruesomely bloody state, would forever leave anyone scarred, most especially a child. Bronagh used to be ever-cautionary with my siblings and me, warning us often that we might end up with our head backwards and split wide open with every one of our bones twisted and bloody and broken. It was thought she was perhaps not entirely stable for she would sometimes rant about seeing the ghost of my grandmother.”

  Alainn had brightened at that, and considered it.

  “I have never sensed a spirit of your grandmother nearby. Mind you I don’t see so very many spirits as I might for I have once again attempted to calm that ability. I find it unsettling to sense and see so many spirits around me so consistently.”

  “Aye, well I can only imagine that would not be easily accepted.”

  “I thank you for explaining the reasoning for the bars, Killian. However, now I shall be most curious to discover the truth regarding your grandmother’s untimely demise at a young age.”

  “Maybe some things are best left unknown,” Killian hesitantly suggested.

  “You don’t care to discover the truth of it?” Alainn arched her eyebrow in trying to decipher his wariness.

  “Well if it wasn’t intentional, if she didn’t leap from the window to her death, then it opens so many undesired avenues. If she didn’t take her own life, who would have pushed her? A lover? My grandfather? There were many rumors running amuck to that regard as well, I am told. If that is truth, it would also be true my own mother was raised by a murderer! There’s no one else who remains alive that would benefit from the truth, and I am not eager to discover it, so if you don’t mind, Lainna...I’d prefer to leave the matter be, which might be a stretch with your natural curiosity and the need to discover past truths.”

  “If you do not wish for me to delve further into the matter, I will not,” she had said in complete seriousness.

  “Thank you, Lainna.”

  “But should you change your mind, you need only say the word and I will do what I can to learn the truth, perhaps conjure your grandmother’s spirit...” She had been unable to conceal the excitement.

  “Not now, Alainn. I feel it is best left in the past.”

  She’d nodded her head and embraced him tightly.

  “If that is your wish, I will abide it.”

  He’d kissed her firmly, smiled at her, but she remembered as he’d glanced back toward the window he had shuddered openly.

  At first it had taken much restraint on her part not to find out the truth regarding young Brendolyn O’Donnel, her husband Cashel, and their wee baby girl Eilish, Killian’s mother. But she had resisted and now, although every time she sat down on the window seat her mind went to the young woman who’d met such an untimely fate, she simply attempted to keep her curiosity at bay.

  Now as she glanced at the bars covering the lower portion of the immense arched window, she knew Killian had clearly observed her falling asleep by the window on more than a few occasions. She’d decided he was surely being sensible and protective, and with the warnings ever-ringing in his ears from an old woman who had suffered a terrifyingly traumatic event as a child in finding the body of a young woman, she believed Killian would always be somewhat fearful and wary of that window. Besides, the bars didn’t obscure the view so very much.

  Alainn sat on that very window seat now and by the light of the full moon she could easily see far down to the ground below. It would be impossible to survive that drop. No one would live should they fall from that height. She had been pleased for the distraction of her memories no matter how macabre, for it momentarily kept her mind from her present predicament. She involuntarily placed her hands to her belly and her heart squeezed and her mind reeled knowing the child within her was not pure and innocent, that he was growing steadily more evil because of the cursed dagger she had suffered. Although her belly remained flat and it was not yet evident she was with child, she knew soon enough she would not be capable of concealing it. Her mind was filled with many woes and her heart with despair, she thought sleep may never come this night.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  Alainn awoke from the terrifying dream to find her nightdress damp, her heart beating unusually fast, and her mind racing. She looked over at Killian’s handsome peaceful face as he slept, and her heart squeezed painfully. She moved closer to him t
hankful for his warmth and comfort. She reached out and touched his wavy hair, caressed the stubble on his strong jaw, and he moaned lowly. Even in his sleep, his lips grazed her hand and she saw a contended smile cross his lips. She quietly moved from the bed and found her slippers and her warm woolen cloak. A walk in the cool night air would surely rid her of the memory of the hellish nightmare. She procured a lantern and then began the walk to the beloved seashore.

  Once there, she looked out across the bay and noted one lone ship easily distinguished by the light of the full moon. She wondered where it was destined to journey and who was aboard, all in hope of forgetting the disturbing dream. She fleetingly considered finding a way to get to the ship, or using her magic to see herself onboard. She envisioned herself sailing away, far away from her much unenviable present predicament. But she knew well enough wherever she went, this would go with her. Wherever she was, those around her would be in danger.

  Her mind returned to the horror of the dream; she clearly remembered every disturbing detail. She pondered if it was a vision of what one day would come to pass, or if it was simply a fear that plagued her mind so readily and so often, she had somehow caused the happenings to be present even in her dreams. She recalled the many bodies that lay scattered about the area surrounding the round tower. All those dear to her had fallen that day, including her Killian. Those who sided with evil had reigned victorious. Although she had never seen Odhran before, she knew without question it was him in her horrid dream. She had seen Odhran in his despicable glory, and so many, many of his demons standing together with smug satisfaction on their faces. And standing with them, nay...leading them, was the unborn son she now carried, but in the dream he had grown to be a man. He might have passed for Killian’s son, for he bore the same dark hair and strong build, but with her uncommon and unmistakable pale blue eyes. But those eyes contained pure evil, malicious malevolence and unhidden cruelty. And he had nodded and smiled at her, his lips curled back in a satisfied grin, a knowingness that she had not been able to prevent it, or perhaps she had even aided him in this unspeakable tragedy.

  Alainn inhaled deeply and hurriedly began the ascent up the stone steps that led to the cliffs. It could not come to pass. She couldn’t allow it to one day become truth.

  She and Killian had vowed to share everything, to no longer keep secrets from one another, to face all adversity together. Her heart ached in knowing, yet again, she concealed much from him. But how could she possibly tell him of this, that she carried another man’s child, a child who would one day grow to be evil, and threaten everyone she cared for? If the betrayal of learning she’d given herself to another man in hope of saving Lily and in freeing them, didn’t tear them apart, surely knowing he could do nothing to prevent tragedy befalling them other than taking her life, surely would. No, regretfully she would need to contend with this misery on her own, and straightaway.

  She stood at the top of the high cliffs overlooking the sea far below. She listened to the waves crashing loudly against the stone walls as she dared to draw closer to the edge. She pulled her cloak tighter to her for the late autumn wind from the sea was cold and unforgiving. She lifted her lantern higher so that she could make out the images of the jagged rocks directly below now shadowed by the wall. It would be quick, she determined. There might be some pain involved, but if her head struck the rocks it would be unlikely she would be aware of anything else. If she didn’t die from the fall, she would surely be rendered unconscious and drowned soon after.

  She felt a sob rising in her throat and couldn’t believe this was something she was actually considering. She had always cherished life and fought for life. She felt the tears cold on her cheeks, as she further dwelled upon it.

  Wouldn’t this be a far less cruel fate than to bear a child that would become so inherently evil he may cause the end of many in the battle of good and evil...the end of everyone she cared for? She remembered seeing Killian’s blood-soaked body, Danhoul’s, and so very many others, human and god alike.

  If this child was allowed to be born, she would surely love him. If her eyes rested upon him no matter what malevolence filled his soul, he would be hers and she would love him. If she was allowed to hold him in her arms, hold him to her breast her maternal instincts would overcome her and she would protect him no matter what, of that she was nearly certain. That was surely what Odhran, the darkest of demons, and all his legions hoped for, what they counted on. They wanted her to use her magical powers to protect the child until he grew to be a man, and then perhaps even she would be unable to control him or match his powers.

  The herbal remedies she had taken with intent to end her time carrying this child had proven ineffective, thus far. She’d been taking so many and so often they had begun to leave her constantly nauseated and her mind had begun to feel clouded and incapable of clear thought. Tomorrow they were to set off on their journey to Scotland. Yet every day the child grew within her she sensed he grew stronger. Perhaps if they were successful in locating her father, he would be capable in offering some assistance, some solution that might end the uncertainty. But if they didn’t find him, if the gods refused to assist her, with each day she carried the child, she felt she would soon be filled with dread at the possibility of her dream proven true.

  She wondered if she actually had the courage to leap to her death from these cliffs, and if she was able to carry through with it would the gods assist her and save her life, or would the demon somehow prevent it from happening in order to protect the evil unborn child that grew within her. Would her own powers simply take over and disallow her to do harm to herself?

  Her mind went to Killian and the pain he would feel should he discover her body at dawn’s light. Perhaps it would be best done elsewhere, but should she simply disappear never to be found, if he never learned her fate, she felt that would be an even crueler punishment for the man she loved more than her own life. Yet considerably less cruel than bringing a child into this world who might be so evil he may cause the destruction of all they loved...the end to life as they knew it.

  She brought to mind the image of Killian and Roisin recently standing together. The woman cared for him even after all these years, that was certain and plain, and she thought Killian could grow to care for her again as well. She had aptly sensed Roisin was a gentle soul. They could have a normal life together. The kind, caring young woman would surely be capable of seeing his broken heart healed one day. Alainn swallowed hard, and felt her hair being whipped painfully against her cheeks. She moved one step closer to the edge and she felt the wind pulling her. And then she briefly considered, what if the demon had caused her to see the dream or if the gods had presented her with the dream as another one of their ludicrous tests? Then surely they would save her if she stepped off those cliffs, or would her own magic be capable of preventing her death? She seemed certain of nothing and questioning her every thought.

  She was startled to see a spirit appear before her. It was a young woman and though she had never seen her before, Alainn, through her intuitive abilities, knew this was the spirit of Killian’s grandmother, Brendolyn O’Donnel. She thought it entirely peculiar she would appear to her now when she had never come to her before in all the months she had lived at the castle. The spirit wore an undeniably morose expression and she heaved a heavy sigh as she stared at Alainn. She said not a word, but she floated, hovering over the edge of the cliffs and stared down as Alainn had only just done herself. They remained there in silence, listening to the waves crash against the rocks, and the sound of the heightening wind.

  “There is no pain, for you are correct, it happens with great haste.” She finally said in an eerily hollow voice.

  Alainn felt her stomach grow queasy at the spirit’s words. She wasn’t certain if the specter was attempting to comfort her or encourage her.

  “But I must warn you, there is fear, unbelievable, incomparable fear. Even in the brief time it takes to fall there is time to be sorely afraid in
the knowledge that your life will truly be done. That is worse than any physical pain imaginable.”

  The spectral woman stared at Alainn with a hauntingly solemn expression.

  “You must find another way!” she whispered as she faded away into the mist.

  Since she’d spent time in the realm of hopelessness and endured the damnable tests issued by the gods, Alainn was hesitant to believe anything and question everything. Again, she wondered if this could be another test, but with her mind so muddled with the amount of herbal remedy she’d ingested, and her memory still reeling from her horrific dream, she wasn’t entirely certain about anything anymore. She had little time to consider the spirit’s telling words when she sensed someone behind her. She turned, expecting to see Danhoul there to aid and protect her, although she had hoped she had capably blocked her thoughts from him as she had been able to do on occasion. She even wondered if Lugh might come to her for as one of her guardians, he sometimes sensed when he was needed. Again she pondered if Lugh or Aine or the other Celtic gods might attempt to prevent her from leaping from the cliffs should she actually decide to go through with it, or whether they would simply allow it to happen. But she was startled to see it was Conner standing behind her.

  “Lady Alainn, are you well? You’re verra close to the edge; you’d best step back for if a gale should come from beyond the cliffs it’ll be certain to toss you over the edge. Or is that maybe your full intention then?”

  Alainn turned from his accusing eyes to look down at the swirling frothy water far below.

  “I don’t presume to know what pain is in your heart that you might dare to consider such a grim fate, but I tell ye plain, Lady Alainn, you canna do this to your husband. I ken he loves you well and if he should be the one to find you...well, he will never be the same man again. I can attest to that. The day I found my wife swinging from the rafters knowing she’d chosen death over life and that I had driven her to do it, it changed me in ways I canna begin to explain to you. Your Killian is a good man. I consider him to be my friend, and he loves you well. He does not deserve to be forced to endure this tragedy. Whatever is broken between you or within your heart, surely it can be mended as long as you meet the darkness together. Don’t do this, there has to be another way!”